Friday, July 07, 2006

Number 100!!!

That's right, folks. This is the 100th post.

Since this is such a big thing for me, I thought long and hard about how to mark the occasion.

Should I kill a hundred gil sellers?

Fun, but damn that would be a lot of work. I don't like work.

Maybe I could take Jormy for a walk through Jeuno.

Nah. Last time we did that things got... messy.

Do you know how hard it is to get squashed Taru off your shoes?

Oh! I could help an LS kill Absolute Virtue.

Wait... that's a bad idea. I'd have to kill the first moron who said Wall of Justice.

I'd have to feed him to the Dragon of ShutTheHellUp.

Maybe I should just go with something simple...

In order to celebrate, I decided to reward a random player with 100,000 gil.

Just imagine how happy some player will be to suddenly receive 100,000 gil out of the blue.

Everyone loves free money.

I'm a saint, really.

So, I spin The Wheel of Servers...

Click clack click clack click clack

I'm kidding.

I've been giving a lot of shit to Lakhshmi lately, so I decided to show my love by picking them.

Plus, it'll be easier to decide who to give the gil to because there are only three guys on the server.

And one of them is a mule.

So, I log into Lakhsmhi and do a quick server check.

Then I /random'ed to figure out which player to choose.

[GM]Dave rolls 139!

And the 139th name on the list is...

[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> Apparently, you're having a lucky day.
Player>> What?
Player>> I didn't do anything wrong.
[GM]Dave>> Calm down.
[GM]Dave>> This is good news.
Player>> Why are you talking to me?
Player>> Am I getting banned?
[GM]Dave>> What the hell is wrong with you?
Player>> I read your blog.
Player>> You're going to feed me to a dragon.

Apparently, my reputation precedes me.

[GM]Dave>> No, no. Nothing like that.
[GM]Dave>> You're not in trouble.
Player>> I don't believe you.
Player>> You're going to call me retarded and ban me.
[GM]Dave>> If you don't shut up, I just might.
[GM]Dave>> Listen carefully.
[GM]Dave>> I AM NOT BANNING YOU!
Player>> Really?
[GM]Dave>> Gotcha.
[GM]Dave>> Get him Jormy!
Player>> AAAUUGGHHHHHH!!!
[GM]Dave>> That was a joke.
[GM]Dave>> Damn, you're jumpy.
Player>> So, you're not going to ban me?
Player>> Honestly?
[GM]Dave>> Sigh.
[GM]Dave>> No. I'm here to give you something.
Player>> Give me something?
Player>> Why?
[GM]Dave>> I'm doing something nice for a random player.
Player>> And you picked me?
[GM]Dave>> Wow!
[GM]Dave>> Aren't you sharp?
Player>> That's so cool.
[GM]Dave>> I thought you'd like it.
Player>> So what do I get?
Player>> A Scorpion Harness?
Player>> A Maat's Cap?
[GM]Dave>> You get 100,000 gil!
Player>> ...
Player>> That's it?
[GM]Dave>> Yes, that's it.
[GM]Dave>> It's free money.
Player>> Yeah, but that's not very much.
Player>> I can farm that in an hour or two.
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> Are you freakin' kidding me?
Player>> No.
Player>> It's nice and all, but...
[GM]Dave>> But?
[GM]Dave>> BUT?!
[GM]Dave>> What the hell is wrong with you?!
Player>> oh damn
[GM]Dave>> I offer you free gil...
[GM]Dave>> And you say "THAT'S IT"?!
Player>> Wait... Hold on...
Player>> I'll take the gil.
[GM]Dave>> Oh thank you, kind sir.
[GM]Dave>> You'll TAKE the free money now.
Player>> Or not.
Player>> Whatever works for you.
Player>> I'll just be going.

*warp*

Player>> Oh... crap.
[GM]Dave>> Congratulations!
[GM]Dave>> You won another contest!
Player>> I'm afraid to ask.
[GM]Dave>> That would be wise.
Player>> Would it help if I said I was sorry?
[GM]Dave>> I don't know.
[GM]Dave>> Maybe.
[GM]Dave>> Let's see.
Player>> ... I'm sorry?

Jormungand hits Player for 20,758 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> He says you didn't sound sincere.
[GM]Dave>> Let's try again, shall we?

[GM]Dave casts Raise on Player.

[GM]Dave>> Say it.
Player>> Listen, man...
[GM]Dave>> SAY IT!!!
Player>> I'm sorry.
Player>> I really am.

Jormungand hits Player for 18,993 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> That was just for being an idiot.
[GM]Dave>> Oh shit.
[GM]Dave>> I forgot to call you retarded first.
[GM]Dave>> Let's do that again.

He actually stayed there for five more Raises.

Must be a slow learner.

Finally, he must have gotten sick of trying and yanked the plug.

That's when I gave him the rest of his "prize", a nice, shiny Deluxe Package.

I'm a saint.

53 Comments:

At 8:44 AM, Blogger Shamax said...

I hate it when people act like greedy bastards. Good for you [GM]Dave.

 
At 8:44 AM, Blogger Shamax said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 8:48 AM, Blogger Ristle said...

Couldnt resist, could you? ;)

I remember when 300k was expensive O_o

 
At 8:52 AM, Blogger Pragma said...

Congrats on your 100th post, Dave. ^.^

 
At 9:23 AM, Blogger Kimley said...

Oh jeez. What a retard!

 
At 9:25 AM, Blogger Kimley said...

Oh yeah, congratulations on your 100th post!

 
At 10:15 AM, Blogger Galkizzle said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 10:17 AM, Blogger creature124 said...

I remember when 300k was expensive O_o

what are you tslking bout!?! 300k IS expensive :P

classic. gotta love the classics ^_^

 
At 10:38 AM, Blogger Myloko said...

What a greedy little SOB! Good for you showing him some dragon justice Dave! :D

 
At 10:46 AM, Blogger Jeff said...

Kimley said...
Oh jeez. What a retard!

...the guy "[GM]Dave" made up to be greedy and stupid was retarded????? HOLY COW!

 
At 10:52 AM, Blogger Razmo said...

Hey, you banned one of the only people to exp with on Lakshmi....you are a bad bad man....guess i have to lvl bst.


-Raz

 
At 10:55 AM, Blogger kitty monk said...

"I remember when 300k was expensive O_o"

"what are you tslking bout!?! 300k IS expensive :P

classic. gotta love the classics ^_^"

Not really. o.O Only when you have less than 1 mil.

 
At 10:57 AM, Blogger Lyndiskyria said...

Note to self: greed kills...

 
At 11:00 AM, Blogger amiantos said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 11:02 AM, Blogger amiantos said...

I don't bother to really read it anymore since the posts are the same old shit just in a different costume. Also GM Dave isn't real it's sad that some of you believe he is real.

 
At 11:08 AM, Blogger Shamax said...

Amiantos...if you don't like the stuff [GM]Dave writes then stop posting and reading his stuff. Its all just in good fun.

 
At 11:16 AM, Blogger Arwenne said...

((Congratulations)) on your 100th post! That was a hilarious way to mark such a momentous occasion.

Thanks for making me laugh at least a hundred times. ^_^

 
At 12:05 PM, Blogger Oni-Yawgmoth said...

LMAO that guy was below retardation...I mean, cmon; free money is free money, it doesn't matter if it's 1 gil.

Good going [GM]Dave! ^^b

 
At 12:05 PM, Blogger Texgnome1 said...

The worst part of the whole thing is I saw it coming the minute he stated what the prize was.

To those who say [GM]Dave isn't real, who the hell cares? He's funny to some and that's all that matters. Go post comments on Rosie O'Donnell's blog or something. Congrats on 100 Dave!

 
At 2:27 PM, Blogger Ayreon said...

+
@amiantos

does it matter if he's real or not?
some people write fanfics, some make webcomics and this is dave's entertainment to the reader.
so if you like it , good and if you dont, why are you still here?

 
At 2:49 PM, Blogger paduse said...

It's true Dave, people just will not allow you to be nice. At least you know your reputation is solid :) Exceptional 100th!

 
At 4:09 PM, Blogger currentlypresent said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 4:18 PM, Blogger Keilyn said...

Free money+take=Thank you How hard is this?
I swear.

*Cheers* Here's to 100 more!

 
At 4:21 PM, Blogger Keilyn said...

Also, this is for entertainment. Doesn't matter if it's real or not. Regardless these situations do happen and people that act in these manners do exist so it's nice to discuss them.

 
At 4:55 PM, Blogger Artos said...

Congratulations on your hundredth blog.

 
At 5:54 PM, Blogger IfritsNuts said...

Hahaha. Greedy bastard got what he deserved. Congrats on you 100th post!

 
At 7:16 PM, Blogger Chronofantasy said...

If you happened to find a newbie and all those new beggar people that are going around asking for gil these days, they'd love you for life if you gave them 100k.

 
At 7:29 PM, Blogger Indaego said...

You crack me up, thanks for 100 posts that make me smile, chuckle, or even nearly wet my pants laughing.

 
At 8:01 PM, Blogger Alerith said...

/sigh

Now the mule is probably the strongest player on Lakhsami.

Level 1 WHM

OMFGPWNZOR!

 
At 10:52 PM, Blogger Julia said...

Hell, I would take 100k, I mean it all adds up eventually, right?

Damned ingrates. Next time, you should just offer the gil to me. ^.^

 
At 11:12 PM, Blogger stormx said...

Player>> You're going to feed me to a dragon.

Apparently, my reputation precedes me.

[GM]Dave>> No, no. Nothing like that.
[GM]Dave>> You're not in trouble.
Player>> I don't believe you.
Player>> You're going to call me retarded and ban me.
[GM]Dave>> If you don't shut up, I just might.
[GM]Dave>> Listen carefully.
[GM]Dave>> I AM NOT BANNING YOU!
Player>> Really?
[GM]Dave>> Gotcha.
[GM]Dave>> Get him Jormy!
Player>> AAAUUGGHHHHHH!!!
[GM]Dave>> That was a joke.


RLMAO

That was awesome!! :D

 
At 12:48 AM, Blogger Petrograd said...

amiantos said...
I don't bother to really read it anymore since the posts are the same old shit just in a different costume. Also GM Dave isn't real it's sad that some of you believe he is real.

I don't know if he's real. I don't care if he's real. I don't even play the game. I feel sorry for you though.

 
At 1:14 AM, Blogger DeaconBlue said...

Gratz.

 
At 2:01 AM, Blogger Reeree said...

A special prize for Dave for injecting "MAAT'S CAP" into natural conversation.

 
At 4:21 AM, Blogger Citizen Bleys said...

Should have sent it via the delivery box and then have the player report you--to you--for being suspected of RMT.

The fact that believing someone to be RMT for getting cash in the inbox from a stranger would mean the player had bought gil at some point just makes it better.

 
At 8:57 AM, Blogger Rogue said...

Nice 100 posts congrats boss man. Keep them laughing

 
At 9:12 AM, Blogger Malakia11101 said...

The reason no one is on Lakshmi is cause its the gil selling capital of the world. So everyone left, and with no market the gil sellers left. Might actually be a nice server now.

 
At 10:25 AM, Blogger Aeriel said...

O.O Yay! [GM]Dave anti-greed god!

 
At 11:40 AM, Blogger [GM]Dave said...

Thanks to everyone for reading.

I realize it's not always funny, but it makes me laugh and it's nice to know some of you enjoy it.

 
At 1:29 PM, Blogger Galkizzle said...

Dave, did you get the pictures?

 
At 4:31 PM, Blogger InuDuelist said...

Ungrateful bastard.

 
At 4:43 PM, Blogger Obitusx said...

Just had to post in and say {{config}}ulations!

 
At 6:30 PM, Blogger Havok said...

haha jeez some people free money is free money- once again i am ashamed of the intellingence of my fellow people on lakshmi lol

 
At 8:22 PM, Blogger ColdhartedRagnarok said...

Dave your bogs are very funny, and if you stopped writing I would have nothing to do @ work. I love your posts, please dont let the 1 out of 10 guys who doesnt like you, ruin you.

You have got talent

;)

 
At 9:41 PM, Blogger Magda said...

That was amusing. I have to agree with the person who stated he knew where this was going when he what the Prize Amount was... But its still hysterical cuz you know there are people out there that are like that... I personally don't like to be below 1 mil gil in case I run into a jam and get in a crafting mood, but no way would I expect free money therefor wouldn't be greedy enough to insuate that I want more. Earn your own money and take what you can get for free along the way and never complain about it. Tonight , my friends and I did 3 Wings of Fury and no drop, it was fun regardless of the lack of drop. My SMN friend died and everyone loves seeing Taru die... *Plop*

Anyways congrats on 100th Post. Keep on amusing us. ^^

 
At 10:50 PM, Blogger Avrial said...

That guy needs a lesson in courtesy in life, the universe, and everything.

Whenever someone offers you money, even if it's 1 gil, you accept it, bow to the person who offered it, and thank them for their generousity. Or be a dick like that guy and pay the price.

Great blog, [GM]Dave. Thanks to you, my family of people who don't play videogames finally understand how ultra-mega-Gundam-retarded people even exist.

Please, do another 100!

/kneel
/em prays to [GM]Dave that all gil-sellers, buyers, botters, illiterate newbies, and those who play the race, sex, or preference cards be smitten by His awesome ability to feed stupid people to dragons.

I don't think that can all fit, but who cares?

 
At 5:27 AM, Blogger Sakurafire said...

Wow... Can't believe it's been 100 already!

Congrats Dave! Let's stay for 100 more, shall we?

 
At 8:31 AM, Blogger paduse said...

Dave, who the hell gave you the weekend off? 100 posts does not, under any circumstances, warrant a vaction. I know there is no shortage of stupid... so get back to work, you slacker.

 
At 12:00 PM, Blogger Nikeplektrum said...

[GM]Dave is making me wnt to go to the store an buy FFXI... but that requires me to take the bus to town and that takes time. Im sure [GM]Dave understands.

 
At 1:29 PM, Blogger Goblin Butcher said...

Congratulations on the 100th post.

I would personally kill for 100k. All I get is a measly Silver Beastcoin, and they usually get stolen.

For the people whining about the blogs; nobody's holding a knife to your throaght and telling you to read it. Just don't post.

 
At 6:54 PM, Blogger Woman of the Aether said...

Congratulations on a hundred posts educating all of us on the finer points of customer service (finding vague justification for feeding someone to a dragon, then doing so). It always makes me smile, when it doesn't make me laugh out loud.

 
At 9:33 AM, Blogger Niclamus said...

Yeah... I cant belive I didnt just take the gil. God I'm stupid. Atleast I made it in a post though!

Now to go buy the game again, change ISPs, and grind 75 levels.

 
At 1:54 AM, Blogger Akamar said...

The safest course of action seems to be to simply nod your head, mutter a thank you and hope you can quicklymove on with your life.

 

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