Number 100!!!
That's right, folks. This is the 100th post.Since this is such a big thing for me, I thought long and hard about how to mark the occasion.
Should I kill a hundred gil sellers?
Fun, but damn that would be a lot of work. I don't like work.
Maybe I could take Jormy for a walk through Jeuno.
Nah. Last time we did that things got... messy.
Do you know how hard it is to get squashed Taru off your shoes?
Oh! I could help an LS kill Absolute Virtue.
Wait... that's a bad idea. I'd have to kill the first moron who said Wall of Justice.
I'd have to feed him to the Dragon of ShutTheHellUp.
Maybe I should just go with something simple...
In order to celebrate, I decided to reward a random player with 100,000 gil.
Just imagine how happy some player will be to suddenly receive 100,000 gil out of the blue.
Everyone loves free money.
I'm a saint, really.
So, I spin The Wheel of Servers...
Click clack click clack click clack
I'm kidding.
I've been giving a lot of shit to Lakhshmi lately, so I decided to show my love by picking them.
Plus, it'll be easier to decide who to give the gil to because there are only three guys on the server.
And one of them is a mule.
So, I log into Lakhsmhi and do a quick server check.
Then I /random'ed to figure out which player to choose.
[GM]Dave rolls 139!
And the 139th name on the list is...
[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> Apparently, you're having a lucky day.
Player>> What?
Player>> I didn't do anything wrong.
[GM]Dave>> Calm down.
[GM]Dave>> This is good news.
Player>> Why are you talking to me?
Player>> Am I getting banned?
[GM]Dave>> What the hell is wrong with you?
Player>> I read your blog.
Player>> You're going to feed me to a dragon.
Apparently, my reputation precedes me.
[GM]Dave>> No, no. Nothing like that.
[GM]Dave>> You're not in trouble.
Player>> I don't believe you.
Player>> You're going to call me retarded and ban me.
[GM]Dave>> If you don't shut up, I just might.
[GM]Dave>> Listen carefully.
[GM]Dave>> I AM NOT BANNING YOU!
Player>> Really?
[GM]Dave>> Gotcha.
[GM]Dave>> Get him Jormy!
Player>> AAAUUGGHHHHHH!!!
[GM]Dave>> That was a joke.
[GM]Dave>> Damn, you're jumpy.
Player>> So, you're not going to ban me?
Player>> Honestly?
[GM]Dave>> Sigh.
[GM]Dave>> No. I'm here to give you something.
Player>> Give me something?
Player>> Why?
[GM]Dave>> I'm doing something nice for a random player.
Player>> And you picked me?
[GM]Dave>> Wow!
[GM]Dave>> Aren't you sharp?
Player>> That's so cool.
[GM]Dave>> I thought you'd like it.
Player>> So what do I get?
Player>> A Scorpion Harness?
Player>> A Maat's Cap?
[GM]Dave>> You get 100,000 gil!
Player>> ...
Player>> That's it?
[GM]Dave>> Yes, that's it.
[GM]Dave>> It's free money.
Player>> Yeah, but that's not very much.
Player>> I can farm that in an hour or two.
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> Are you freakin' kidding me?
Player>> No.
Player>> It's nice and all, but...
[GM]Dave>> But?
[GM]Dave>> BUT?!
[GM]Dave>> What the hell is wrong with you?!
Player>> oh damn
[GM]Dave>> I offer you free gil...
[GM]Dave>> And you say "THAT'S IT"?!
Player>> Wait... Hold on...
Player>> I'll take the gil.
[GM]Dave>> Oh thank you, kind sir.
[GM]Dave>> You'll TAKE the free money now.
Player>> Or not.
Player>> Whatever works for you.
Player>> I'll just be going.
*warp*
Player>> Oh... crap.
[GM]Dave>> Congratulations!
[GM]Dave>> You won another contest!
Player>> I'm afraid to ask.
[GM]Dave>> That would be wise.
Player>> Would it help if I said I was sorry?
[GM]Dave>> I don't know.
[GM]Dave>> Maybe.
[GM]Dave>> Let's see.
Player>> ... I'm sorry?
Jormungand hits Player for 20,758 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.
[GM]Dave>> He says you didn't sound sincere.
[GM]Dave>> Let's try again, shall we?
[GM]Dave casts Raise on Player.
[GM]Dave>> Say it.
Player>> Listen, man...
[GM]Dave>> SAY IT!!!
Player>> I'm sorry.
Player>> I really am.
Jormungand hits Player for 18,993 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.
[GM]Dave>> That was just for being an idiot.
[GM]Dave>> Oh shit.
[GM]Dave>> I forgot to call you retarded first.
[GM]Dave>> Let's do that again.
He actually stayed there for five more Raises.
Must be a slow learner.
Finally, he must have gotten sick of trying and yanked the plug.
That's when I gave him the rest of his "prize", a nice, shiny Deluxe Package.
I'm a saint.
posted by Goblin Smithy @ 7:35 AM
7 Comments:
I remember when 300k was expensive O_o
what are you tslking bout!?! 300k IS expensive :P
classic. gotta love the classics ^_^
What a greedy little SOB! Good for you showing him some dragon justice Dave! :D
((Congratulations)) on your 100th post! That was a hilarious way to mark such a momentous occasion.
Thanks for making me laugh at least a hundred times. ^_^
The worst part of the whole thing is I saw it coming the minute he stated what the prize was.
To those who say [GM]Dave isn't real, who the hell cares? He's funny to some and that's all that matters. Go post comments on Rosie O'Donnell's blog or something. Congrats on 100 Dave!
A special prize for Dave for injecting "MAAT'S CAP" into natural conversation.
Thanks to everyone for reading.
I realize it's not always funny, but it makes me laugh and it's nice to know some of you enjoy it.
Wow... Can't believe it's been 100 already!
Congrats Dave! Let's stay for 100 more, shall we?
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