Fan Club Week!
It is that time again, my people. Time for me to show my appreciation for you readers.It is you people and you people alone that keep me from going on an insane killing spree during which I would lay waste to the useless husks that pervade our society.
Also, if people stopped reading, I'd be talking to myself.
That'd be kind of sad.
I especially appreciate the people who go out of their way to support this blog just because they like it.
So to thank all of the readers who donated five dollars or more this month, I'll be sending out a fresh new giftpack filled with goodies. It'll include some exclusive stories, some fun pictures, detailed plans on my conquest for world domination, a fan club membership card, and some other cool items.
Wait...
Did I mention the world domination thing?
You should probably ignore that.
Also, as always, the person who donates the most in any given month will be given the opportunity to take part in the blog. Meet [GM]Dave, impress your friends, get eaten by a dragon.
Note: if this actually impresses your friends, that's really sad. You may want to take the time to make new friends.
Anyway, this week I thought it would be fun to take a look back at my first few days in the game.
Before they gave me my god-like powers.
Can you imagine that I actually had to go through Valkurm without a dragon to kill people?
How do you people do it?
My first day was... odd.
I was playing on PC, so I went out and picked up a controller to make it a little easier.
Unfortunately, I had spent most (read: nearly all) of my money on alcohol and had to settle for a "budget" controller.
It had no analog sticks. Only a D-pad.
This, I would learn, was bad.
While setting up the controller, I had to set a certain axis to certain movements like moving my character or moving the camera.
My controller only had one axis.
Me, being an idiot, set my character movement, camera movement, and menu control all to the same axis.
Hilarity did not ensue.
Every movement caused my character to move and the camera to spin.
Imagine my excitement (read: nausea) at running through Port San d'Oria with the camera angle constantly spinning in every direction.
Yeah...
Fun.
Once I figured out how to calibrate the controller properly (read: yanked that bitch out of my USB port and then introduced it to my good friend, Mr. Hammer), I set out to hone my skills as a noble warrior.
I quickly dashed out of the city to join the battle against the hordes of evil monsters.
What evil would I face outside the city walls? Orcs? Dragons?
Bunnies.
Yes, bunnies.
I had to spend my first day killing bunnies.
When I find the Dev with the Monty Python sense of humor, I'm going to slap him to death.
This is how my very first conversation went.
Dave: Does anyone know what I do now?
Player>> You kill monsters to gain experience points.
Dave>> And where might I find these monsters?
Player>> Well, you're level 1...
Player>> So you should fight bunnies.
Dave>> ...
Dave>> Are you freakin' kidding?
Player>> No.
Player>> You level off of bunnies to start.
Dave>> And this is normal?
Dave>> Are bunnies a threat?
Player>> Well... no.
Dave>> Do they at least have rabies?
Dave>> Rabid bunnies might make sense.
Player>> Not really.
Player>> They can be kind of nasty.
Dave>> ... Wow.
Dave>> Bunnies with a bad disposition.
Dave>> I shake in terror.
Player>> Look... just make with the bunny killing.
Dave>> Right away.
Dave>> This fluffy scourge must be dealt with.
Dave>> Seriously. Are there any other monsters around here?
Player>> There are worms.
Dave>> Worms?
Player>> And beetles.
Player>> Oh! And sheep.
Dave>> Yay.
Dave>> I'm attacking a petting zoo.
Dave>> I suppose my first mission is to kill a box of kittens.
Player>> Everyone does it.
Dave>> ...
Dave>> That is so sad.
I felt very stupid attacking bunnies.
Very stupid.
And then I got my ass kicked by a bunny.
Very, very stupid.
I realize a new player has to start slow, but can we maybe come up with something better than bunnies and worms?
Like anything.
It's like they actively tried to find the two least dangerous animals on our planet and make them our first fighting experience.
It's really hard to feel proud about kicking some bunny ass.
It's even harder to feel proud about getting murdered by one.
Stupid rabbits.
posted by Goblin Smithy @ 7:17 PM
28 Comments:
I was killing mutant bunnies and crazy walking onions. Can't forget a killer bee or two!
isn't that how most of the game goes rabits lv 1-76 (Wild Rabbit-Tropical Rarab) and worms lv 1-73 (Tunnel Worm-Mountain Worm [NM])
for me it was more the I'm killing a bird .. and oh now it's night.. bat.. ya bats...
oh well.. I have proven drinking improves dynamis drop rate.. how did you cap your drinking skill?
later time to raise my skill lv befor dynamis tomorrow just 3 more bottles to go.
Knightxl said...
well maby u should play WoW its soo much better than FFXI aculy FFXI sux but i like wah u do to ppl i give ya props for that oo and i got a question for u can u go to any server cuz if so i would like it if u fed my little borther to your pet dragon i think that would be funny as hell but ya dude u got some bitchen way with ppl i would almost aculy start playin FFXI jsut to mess with u and get u to feed me to a dragon lol well ya
o an dif my spelling pises u off i have dislexia so im screwed in that department
Yeah, blame your dumb ass spelling on some bullshit disease that they just use to make it look like "it's not your fault"... well maybe if you stopped playing WoW, where nearly everyone seems to have this "Dislexia" problem( which btw you managed to spell perfectly for the biggest word in your post) you wouldn't be such a dumbass and might know how to spell correctly...
And btw, I completly sympathize... I could magic the hell out of Bunnies as a BLM but they managed to kick my ass.
Bastok has better low level monsters. We may still have worms, and the giant bees might not be much at first, but at least they become MANEATING bees later.
Also, I'm still waiting on someone to tell me what the hell a quadav is... I assume it means giant, mutated, ugly turtle.
I like fighting bunnies! I go out and Grrr! Wow! and then they kick me and I stab them until they play nice!
Reeree says she is surprised that you can play World of Warcraft over AOL, only the way she said it I don't think she's really surprised.
Okay BYE!
No, wait, my boss didn't fight bunnies when she was little. She was in Windurst, like Reeree, and she had to stab Bumblebees and Mandragora! Mandragora are SO cute, they go "Ugh!" when you poke them with a knife, and the spin around and do funny moves. I just want to squeeze them but they make me super sleepy.
Okay, bye.
P.S. The Elvaan are nicer to you if you start here in San d'Oria. Otherwise they call you foreigner and spit at you when they say it.
Okay, bye for real!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
HAHA Killer bunniesssss!!!! Poor noobie [GM]Dave. Little did you know you would be taking over the world. Or um.... yeah.. >.>
imagine for a moment what would have happened if dave had simply given up on FFXI after being killed by a bunny...he never would have got his job as a GM and we wouldnt have this blog to read.
it pains me to even think about it
I remember my first day too... I was killed by a worm in the ronfaure XD I didn't even stand a chance ._. Kinda didn't help that I was a black mage using a dagger though (/.\)
I feel so neglected no one looks at my blog or my ffxi uncovered pic of the day. /cry.. oh well I'll just have to find better stuff to post :D
when in doubt do a b or c
a drink
b light fire
c .. my blog gives a clue for C
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