Bannable Offenses

It's The End Of The World...

Sorry to interrupt Theme Week, folks, but last night was a kind of big night.

Just in case you've been living under a very large rock (or staying in a hotel with no internet access), I'll give you a little hint.


That's right. Our lovely little world of Vana'diel just turned 1000 years old.

Given the magnitude of this event, we considered a variety of events to celebrate this momentous occasion.

Here are some of the ideas that other GMs suggested:


Idea 1: Free items for every player

We considered handing out special Millenium items to every player, but then realized that half of you would have gone retarded and started quoting Yu-Gi-Oh.

We could not let that happen.


Idea 2: Special announcement

This idea didn't really get off the ground. This was due mostly to the fact that no one reads the messages we put up anyway.

Seriously. The only time people pay any attention to the messages we put up is when one of the guys in programming makes a typo.

And then we hear about it a hundred times over.


Idea 3: Have GMs appear in all major cities

And interrupt my crafting?

OH HELL NO!


Idea 4: Special event NMs

Yeah, that would be loads of fun. Maybe another Blitz Buffalo to knock your ass back to year 1.

Hey! Maybe we could give away more useless sashes! YAY!

Uhh... no.


And here are the ideas I suggested:


[GM]Dave's Idea 1: The Fake Blackout

Log into all of our main characters, scream "OH SHIT! THE SERVERS ARE CRASHING!", and then start flipping switches on the servers.

Wake up next morning and read news story about 25,000 gamers dying of heart attacks.

Laugh uncontrollably.


[GM]Dave's Idea 2: The Real Blackout.

See above, but replace "start flipping switches" with "urinate".


[GM]Dave's Idea 3: Hunting Season

Declare year 1000 the official "Year of the Gil Seller Hunt". Make all known gil sellers characters fully attackable.

Also make them drop fireworks.

Everybody loves fireworks.


[GM]Dave's Idea 4: Reset the AH

Totally wipe the Auction House clean. All items, all item histories, everything.

Just gone.

Wake up next morning and read news story about 250,000 gamers dying of heart attacks.

Laugh uncontrollably.


[GM]Dave's Idea 5: Light Lakshmi on Fire

Just light the Lakshmi server on fire. Possibly roast marshmallows.

Oh come on. It's not like there's anyone on Lakshmi anyway.

Hell, I think we've been using it as a dedicated Halo server.


[GM]Dave's Idea 6: "Special" Fireworks

Two words: Flaming Moogles.

Think about it.


In the end, though, we decided to celebrate in a way befitting our years of customer service and our dedication to you, the player.

We got damned drunk.

Hell. I got Drunk +1.

It was awesome.

Everytime someone made a GM call, we responded in Spanish. If they spoke Spanish, we said "No habla Espanol" and started speaking Chinese.

If they spoke chinese, we yelled "AUUGGGHHH!!! GILSELLER!!!" and just banned them.

When that got old, we started telling people that our GM service got outsourced to Blizzard and tried to explain how to get an Epic mount.

Man, it was a crazy night.

I think we actually did light Lakshmi on fire.

No one really noticed.

Well... one guy called us and said he got booted from Bloodgulch.

posted by Goblin Smithy @ 7:21 AM