[GM]Dave Offline - Vol. 4Hey, guys. This is Susan.
Dave thought some of you guys might like to hear about him from my perspective.
Unfortunately, he told me not to swear too much.
I'm just kidding. Believe it or not, Dave is actually a big teddy bear.
Wow. This blogging is a lot harder than I thought it was. I really have no idea what to write.
How about how I met Dave?
We actually met in game. It was kind of funny at first because he thought I was a guy. Because every girl on the internet is actually a guy.
That's so stupid.
There's at least three real girls out there. Maybe four.
And he wasn't exactly subtle about it either. Here's a few of the questions he asked me at first.
[GM]Dave>> Why did you choose a female character?
Subtle. It's a normal enough question, but still hints at his suspicions.
[GM]Dave>> Do you have a penis?
Slightly less subtle.
I kind of understand where he's coming from, though. I've heard some nasty stories of people meeting online.
Kind of like Brokeback Match.com.
Right away, I became very aware that I would have to coddle him a little and prove that I was indeed a woman.
Shortly after that, I decided it would be much funnier to play with his fragile male mind.
I'm like that.
So, in every conversation we had, I would start throwing random, ambiguous sexual references at him.
You have no idea how much fun I had.
[GM]Dave>> So what's going on?
Susan>> Not much.
Susan>> Watching the OC.
[GM]Dave>> That is such a chick show.
He makes a comment suggesting I must be a woman.
I, in turn, had to respond as if I were a man.
Susan>> Yeah, but damn that Mischa Barton is hot.
[GM]Dave>> ... uh... yeah.
Now, he's thinking I'm a guy.
Time to swing the other way.
Susan>> I was thinking of getting my hair done like hers.
Susan>> That'd be hot.
You'll notice he won't commit to me being hot. Heaven forbid he say another guy might be good looking.
Better safe than look gay, I guess.
He's still worried about me being a guy, though, so I have to play it up a bit.
Susan>> I would look so yummy with her hair.
[GM]Dave>> I bet you would.
I'm trying to be subtle here. He knows no man would use the word yummy.
He's starting to feel more comfortable, so I, of course, must mess with him.
Susan>> I think my girlfriend would love it.
[GM]Dave>> Your girlfriend?
Score. Right then, he's wondering if I mean girlfriend like best friend or girlfriend like girl that I'm dating.
Did he just say a guy would look yummy?
Oh, but I'm not done yet.
Susan>> She is totally hot.
Now, he's really lost.
I am either:
a) a girl with a hot female friend
b) a guy with a hot girlfriend
c) a girl with a hot girlfriend.
See, now 'A' is his best possible option. 'B' would be completely out of the question.
But what about 'C'?
There's potential in 'C'.
And how would a man handle that?
[GM]Dave>> So... are you and your girlfriend close?
Now, there's a loaded question. Cuts right to the matter at hand.
If I answer yes, he might think I was a guy.
If I answer no, he might think I was a girl.
Susan>> As close as we can be.
Now, he's completely lost. I could be an aardvark for all he knows.
Damn, it's fun playing with men.
[GM]Dave>> Okay. That's enough.
Susan>> Enough what?
[GM]Dave>> Do you now or did you ever have a penis?
Susan>> Why do you ask?
[GM]Dave>> It's kind of important.
Susan>> I don't think so.
[GM]Dave>> It is if I want to ask you out.
Susan>> Do you like me?
[GM]Dave>> That depends.
[GM]Dave>> You'd have to answer my question first.
Susan>> But if I don't have a penis, you'd ask me out?
[GM]Dave>> I didn't say that.
He's starting to get defensive.
I should ease up a bit.
Susan>> Dude, you're totally gay.
Man, I made his life hell.
Don't worry. I told him the truth.
After a few days.
And since then, we've been a couple. We even met and started going out.
He made me send him like twenty pictures first, but given what I did to him, I'm not surprised.
Actually, the first picture I sent was of a guy.
I'm starting to think I may be evil.
But it all worked out in the end. He got me and I got a boyfriend who can ban people I don't like.