Tuesday, June 27, 2006

[GM]Dave Offline - Vol. 4

Hey, guys. This is Susan.

Dave thought some of you guys might like to hear about him from my perspective.

Unfortunately, he told me not to swear too much.

I'm just kidding. Believe it or not, Dave is actually a big teddy bear.

Wow. This blogging is a lot harder than I thought it was. I really have no idea what to write.

How about how I met Dave?

We actually met in game. It was kind of funny at first because he thought I was a guy. Because every girl on the internet is actually a guy.

That's so stupid.

There's at least three real girls out there. Maybe four.

And he wasn't exactly subtle about it either. Here's a few of the questions he asked me at first.

[GM]Dave>> Why did you choose a female character?

Subtle. It's a normal enough question, but still hints at his suspicions.

[GM]Dave>> Do you have a penis?

Slightly less subtle.

I kind of understand where he's coming from, though. I've heard some nasty stories of people meeting online.

Kind of like Brokeback Match.com.

Right away, I became very aware that I would have to coddle him a little and prove that I was indeed a woman.

Shortly after that, I decided it would be much funnier to play with his fragile male mind.

I'm like that.

So, in every conversation we had, I would start throwing random, ambiguous sexual references at him.

You have no idea how much fun I had.

[GM]Dave>> So what's going on?
Susan>> Not much.
Susan>> Watching the OC.
[GM]Dave>> That is such a chick show.

He makes a comment suggesting I must be a woman.

I, in turn, had to respond as if I were a man.

Susan>> Yeah, but damn that Mischa Barton is hot.
[GM]Dave>> ... uh... yeah.

Now, he's thinking I'm a guy.

Time to swing the other way.

Susan>> I was thinking of getting my hair done like hers.
Susan>> That'd be hot.
[GM]Dave>> Probably.

You'll notice he won't commit to me being hot. Heaven forbid he say another guy might be good looking.

Better safe than look gay, I guess.


He's still worried about me being a guy, though, so I have to play it up a bit.

Susan>> I would look so yummy with her hair.
[GM]Dave>> I bet you would.

I'm trying to be subtle here. He knows no man would use the word yummy.

He's starting to feel more comfortable, so I, of course, must mess with him.

Susan>> I think my girlfriend would love it.
[GM]Dave>> Your girlfriend?

Score. Right then, he's wondering if I mean girlfriend like best friend or girlfriend like girl that I'm dating.

Did he just say a guy would look yummy?


Oh, but I'm not done yet.

Susan>> Yeah.
Susan>> She is totally hot.
[GM]Dave>> ...

Now, he's really lost.

I am either:

a) a girl with a hot female friend

b) a guy with a hot girlfriend

c) a girl with a hot girlfriend.

See, now 'A' is his best possible option. 'B' would be completely out of the question.

But what about 'C'?

There's potential in 'C'.

And how would a man handle that?

[GM]Dave>> So... are you and your girlfriend close?

Now, there's a loaded question. Cuts right to the matter at hand.

If I answer yes, he might think I was a guy.

If I answer no, he might think I was a girl.

Susan>> As close as we can be.

Now, he's completely lost. I could be an aardvark for all he knows.

Damn, it's fun playing with men.

[GM]Dave>> Okay. That's enough.
Susan>> Enough what?
[GM]Dave>> Do you now or did you ever have a penis?
Susan>> Why do you ask?
[GM]Dave>> It's kind of important.
Susan>> I don't think so.
[GM]Dave>> It is if I want to ask you out.
Susan>> Do you like me?
[GM]Dave>> That depends.
[GM]Dave>> You'd have to answer my question first.
Susan>> But if I don't have a penis, you'd ask me out?
[GM]Dave>> I didn't say that.

He's starting to get defensive.

I should ease up a bit.

Susan>> Dude, you're totally gay.

Man, I made his life hell.

Don't worry. I told him the truth.

After a few days.

And since then, we've been a couple. We even met and started going out.

He made me send him like twenty pictures first, but given what I did to him, I'm not surprised.

Actually, the first picture I sent was of a guy.

I'm starting to think I may be evil.

But it all worked out in the end. He got me and I got a boyfriend who can ban people I don't like.

Win win.


At 8:24 PM, Blogger TigerWolf said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 8:25 PM, Blogger TigerWolf said...

Sending him a pic of a man first was priceless. ^^

At 8:40 PM, Blogger WaterWitch said...

Priceless. Absolutely priceless.

The "I have a girlfriend" always confuses them.

At 8:41 PM, Blogger sanjula said...

Susan, I use to worship dave. I replaced my altar's name with yours. GG

At 8:54 PM, Blogger Sex Money Monkey said...

Haha, nice, I was hoping you would do this.

Dave is more upfront than I am, I have my ways

a "hehe" every sentence and it's a dude.

At 9:00 PM, Blogger Siegtaru said...

Down with [GM]Dave!

All hail [SGM]Susan!


At 9:06 PM, Blogger Keilyn said...

lol Fantastic! I love the games.

At 9:25 PM, Blogger Plight said...

Sounds like Susan and [GM]Dave make a perfect couple... or at least deserve each other.

At 9:41 PM, Blogger Galkizzle said...

Susan, you should start a blog.

At 9:45 PM, Blogger nano said...

Masterpiece fiction. Higly reccomended, a five star effort from this observer.

Indeed, the continued outpourings of this unbridled master are second to none. Not just genius at work, but a pure, shining genius of a magnitude incomprehensible to mere mortals.

At 10:02 PM, Blogger Deria said...

Wonderful posting! I am now a fully converted Sunanite. May your days be fun and full of wonderful evil teasing.

At 11:08 PM, Blogger DeaconBlue said...

Comedy Gold,

Dont like it? Then you fail at life.

At 11:17 PM, Blogger FFXIGamer said...

Just wanted to say I enjoy reading the daily [GM]Dave blog, and I hope that your fans will read my new FFXI blog. The site is ffxigamer.blogspot.com for those of you who are interested.

At 11:46 PM, Blogger Mint said...

Yeah, to hell with Dave...I want to have SUSAN'S babies!

At 12:09 AM, Blogger Hutea said...

Actually, the first picture I sent was of a guy.

I'm starting to think I may be evil.

*LAUGH* Oh that was good... XD

Evil..evil woman.. I LIKE IT!!!

At 12:22 AM, Blogger Lokkin said...

Nice one Susan :P playing with the male psychie. As all women do, intentionally or unintentionally.

What would've happened if Dave was gay though, and thought you were a guy, and started hitting on you?

Oh, the possibilities!

At 12:24 AM, Blogger Pascal said...

the man who can ban everyone owned by a woman... priceless!

At 1:01 AM, Blogger High Hopes said...

Deria, how dare you and the others convert to Susanism!? Susan only provides [GM]Dave with genital satisfaction, nothing more!

At 4:40 AM, Blogger Aeriel said...

You cruel, heartless, ruthless, evil, manical, twisted, manipulative, pitiless, malicious, spiteful, vindictive, cold-blooded, perverse, merciless GENIUS!
{/bow} {/kneel}
Master! teach me the art of the mind fuck!

Sent him a picture of a guy! LOL!

At 4:42 AM, Blogger Jeff said...

Great writing Dave, "Susan" was pretty funny

At 4:52 AM, Blogger CaesarsGhost said...

Susan... you should've asked Dave if he had a Penis.

At 6:34 AM, Blogger Texgnome1 said...

As always, nicely done. Reminds me of my wife. Run away Dave! Kidding - you two deserve each other.

At 6:55 AM, Blogger Thistle said...

I love you, Susan! Leave Dave and marry me~?

At 7:02 AM, Blogger Bellemithra said...

omg Susan lol! I thought [GM]Dave was evil, but you're up there on that list! Way to go girl!

At 8:23 AM, Blogger Mute said...

it's like a match made in hell... :p

At 9:42 AM, Blogger paduse said...

Women should be seen, not heard... just post some nude photos of yourself and leave the torturing to Dave.

At 9:50 AM, Blogger Yo Alejandro said...


Gotten in trouble at work more than once reading you're blog
But worth it!!

At 11:25 AM, Blogger Lyndiskyria said...

Inspiring...may your cruelty and maliciousness know no bounds.

At 11:40 AM, Blogger podink said...

Ah, females messing with the other 99% of the internet. Good times. To us, it's like putting a hotdog skin over a dog turd, placing it right back into the package, then telling us about it.

We know it's there. We know we should throw the package away. But maybe, just maybe, we won't get into the shit.

At 1:32 PM, Blogger tia said...

bwhahaha, i'm going to do something like this someday.i had to create this account just to post a freakin' comment! consider it a compliment

At 4:47 AM, Blogger Rogue said...

Bwahahahahaha thats classic!! Dave you just got pwned...

At 5:48 AM, Blogger puinacup said...

ok that was funny
as a female that plays online(one of the four) i understand the fun of umm the misleading answer.
well done susan

At 12:53 PM, Blogger Manabu said...

[SGM]Susan > [GM]Dave

All hail Susan!

I love your evilness and awesomeness.

At 2:56 PM, Blogger Airista said...

Very nice Susan, thank you for making such a funny post, I always wonder what you were like I mean we only got veiw from Dave.

I haven't been reading Dave Blog long but its very fun to read as well.

I hope that we get to see more posts from ya ^^

XD I agree Hail [SGM]Susan

>>;; most likely get feed to some dragon for that ^^;;;;

At 8:40 AM, Blogger Zanbatou said...

[GM] Dave didn't deserve this. -.-

At 6:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This was such an awesome post. I read the blog backwards from current today and this is my favourite post.

At 6:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This was such an awesome post. I read the blog backwards from current today and this is my favourite post.

At 7:48 AM, Blogger Hotcoffee said...

Hahaha you guys type the same.

What did u make him write this. Sounds fishy but its obviously something a guy would never write unless he was gay.

And this is to funny to be that weird.


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