Sunday, June 25, 2006

[GM]Dave Offline - Vol. 2

After our lovely night staying in Chez Dave, Susan was noticeably tired.

Well... she wasn't talking to me which I can only assume means she is tired.

Okay, so she was a little mad that I hated her little vacation plan. And by "a little mad", I mean "ready to choke me to death with an ethernet cable".

Given the fact that Susan was that angry with me, I decided that there were two courses of action I could follow:

1) sit down and have a nice long talk in which I apologize for my actions and reinforce a strong bond between us by opening a serious dialogue where we can each express our feelings

2) go to GameStop.

So, I'm in my car.

As usual, the freeway is a sea of anarchy.

I'm serious. One car had a pentagram painted on the hood and was randomly smashing into other vehicles.

Damned women drivers.

Didn't even use a turn signal when she was ramming people. That's just rude.

I manage to survive the ordeal and make it to the local GameStop.

Note: if you're not a gamer, you should probably stop reading right now.

You won't understand this part.

As I walk in, I'm hit with that rush. That surge of untapped potential as I gaze upon racks of unplayed games.

Daddy's home, babies.

There's something so primal about walking into a video game store. Like you just want to throw all of the games in the floor and roll around naked...

What?

You don't do that?

...

Neither do I.

Well... not since that time in court.

So, I walk over to the PS2 section and slap a game out of a young child's hands.

[GM]Dave>> You shouldn't be playing that.
[GM]Dave>> Don't you know how the rating system works?
Child>> I can count to five.
[GM]Dave>> Wow. That's great.
[GM]Dave>> Shut the hell up.
Child>> Why shouldn't I get this game?
[GM]Dave>> Well... it's a Naruto game.
[GM]Dave>> That means it's only for retarded kids.
Child>> I like Naruto.
[GM]Dave>> I'm sorry.
[GM]Dave>> I must have missed the short bus on my way in.
Child>> I don't ride the short bus.
[GM]Dave>> Yeah, yeah, Billy. Whatever.
[GM]Dave>> Do you have a handler or a trainer or something?

Why do people let their kids loose in a video game store?

I don't go to Bed, Bath, and Beyond and let a pack of wild dogs free, now do I?

Well... not since that time in court.

Can't you people just lock your kids up or something?

I hear some people use leashes. Most people agree they are quite effective on children.

Or pets.

One or the other. I really don't care.

Anyway, I grab a nice RPG off the shelf.

I know. I picked up and RPG.

Shocker.

I walk up to the counter and immediately remember why I don't like going outside.

Other people.

Behind the counter is what I can only describe as a horrible experiment gone awry.

It's like someone found a beached manatee, slapped a name tag on him, and told him to start taking preorders on the PS3.

Gathering my patience, I walk to the counter and drop my game in front of him.

I think it was a him.

Dear God, I hope it was a him.

Now, anyone who understands the retail process can figure out what is supposed to happen here.

I lay game down, he scan game, I pay.

Simple.

But counter help seem to be the only ones who do not understand the retail process.

Clerk>> Can I help you?
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> Yeah, I'm waiting for a bus.
[GM]Dave>> Does the route 5 come by here?
Clerk>> I don't understand.
[GM]Dave>> I'm shocked. Really.
[GM]Dave>> I'd like to buy this game.
Clerk>> Would you like to place a preorder on a PS3?
[GM]Dave>> Are you even listening to the conversation?
Clerk>> Yes, sir, I am.
Clerk>> The PS3 is going to be the hot item this year.
[GM]Dave>> Does anyone else work here?
[GM]Dave>> Can I speak to someone non-retarded?
Clerk>> If you order now, you get a free t-shirt.
[GM]Dave>> Let me get this straight.
[GM]Dave>> I order a $600 game system...
[GM]Dave>> And you give me a shirt.
Clerk>> Yeah.
[GM]Dave>> A shirt?
Clerk>> It says "Play Beyond" on the front.
[GM]Dave>> REALLY?!
[GM]Dave>> SIGN ME UP!
Clerk>> Great. Let me just type this up.
[GM]Dave>> As you apparently do not understand sarcasm...
[GM]Dave>> I DON'T WANT A DAMNED PREORDER!
Clerk>> Why not?
[GM]Dave>> I already have a great gaming system that cost that much.
[GM]Dave>> It's called A COM-PU-TAR!
[GM]Dave>> Retard.
Clerk>> I heard they're making a new Naruto game for PS3.
[GM]Dave>> Do you want to hear the strange part?
[GM]Dave>> If I shot you, I'd be the criminal.

By the end, I was so damned sick of people that I just left the game on the counter.

What is wrong with stores today?

I walk in there with the express intent of giving them some of my money. They, in return, ask for even more of my money.

Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to talk to a customer service representative that treats people poorly?

I hate people.

32 Comments:

At 8:32 PM, Blogger Hiroaki said...

I know this great little pet shop that sells dragons, or atleast large lizards. I bet you could teach them to eat people on command.

 
At 8:36 PM, Blogger Bastionus said...

dave im sorry dont blame us at gamestop.. were forced to do it. they have lil dragons in the back that count how often we dont do it and eat us if we dont abide by policy!! lol but jesus what a retard.. id never let the words "theres a new naruto game..." unless staring in the face of a fanboy :)

 
At 9:07 PM, Blogger Avrial said...

I feel sorry for you, [GM]Dave. I really do. The workers at GameStop out here in Arizona seem to have a few more brain cells than those in your encounter did.

Naruto's a bag o' lies. Ninjas don't act like kids.

 
At 9:10 PM, Blogger Inia said...

Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to talk to a customer service representative that treats people poorly?

HAHAHAHAHAHA

 
At 9:11 PM, Blogger Shinkada said...

Real Ultimate Power; nuff said.

You just rose about a hundred ranks in my Most Awesome People catalogue (it'll exist someday) due to your bagging of Naruto. [GMDave crafted a Pristine Enamelled Respect. Har har, my EQ2 puns beat your XI ones.]

 
At 9:48 PM, Blogger AKosygin of FFXIOnline.com said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 9:49 PM, Blogger AKosygin of FFXIOnline.com said...

GM]Dave>> Well... it's a Naruto game.
[GM]Dave>> That means it's only for retarded kids.


And we call these kids: Narutards as they are Narutarded.

 
At 10:40 PM, Blogger BenoSmash said...

I love how it ends in irony!

 
At 12:02 AM, Blogger Keilyn said...

I don't mind one question of would you like to reserve a ps3 or purchase a product like at walgreens(drugstore). I do mind when the retarded person hears you say no and goes on and on. I hate people too. >< *there there [GM]Dave*

 
At 12:20 AM, Blogger Artos said...

"Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to talk to a customer service representative that treats people poorly?"



Brilliant.

 
At 12:33 AM, Blogger Hutea said...

Gathering my patience

You have patience? I thought it was just supressed rage...

 
At 12:34 AM, Blogger WindexHamster said...

{Playstation 3} {Yes, please.}

End of discussion.

 
At 1:06 AM, Blogger CaesarsGhost said...

Kinda like walking into a RadioShack to buy a transister or capacitor or some other mundane 30 cent item and getting nailed with "Would you like a cell phone?"

 
At 1:20 AM, Blogger Sex Money Monkey said...

If you preorder a PS3 then I have one thing to say to you!

Rich bastard, give me your money.

Great blog man

 
At 2:21 AM, Blogger Aeriel said...

"[GM]Dave>> Do you want to hear the strange part?
[GM]Dave>> If I shot you, I'd be the criminal."

O.o Yes a criminal, but i mean come on! Who could ever prosecute you with that kind of retard defence!

 
At 4:23 AM, Blogger Lucifer said...

You are awesome [GM]Dave. I plan to donate. Keep up the good work.

 
At 4:53 AM, Blogger zerombr said...

I wonder what RPG you were going to buy?

 
At 4:53 AM, Blogger AJ said...

Haha this is so funny. I love the way you've broadened the ways GM Dave can go out and win conversationally.

 
At 5:17 AM, Blogger Cruven said...

at my EB boutuiqe place at the mall you have to be 18 or older to trade in games there now because the city of Mesa consiters it a PWAN SHOP. What the hell i didn't know they sold guns there...>.>

Anyway yes i hate the people that go into game stores and start talking about a game..i question them on it (even though ive most likely never played the game) and i learn that they've never played the game and i somehow have aquired knowledge on the game...(i don't waste my time on gaming magazines anymore...if i wanted bad gamining reviews and such id just play a game in front of my mother and make sure she isn't paying attention).


Thayts why i love only going to the mall about once every two months or more.

Besides...they took down the nicely organized computer game section and replaced it with nintendo DS games....

waste of space i tell you.

that whole Naruto thing..i agree with you.

 
At 7:45 AM, Blogger Natch said...

[GM]Dave>> Do you want to hear the strange part?
[GM]Dave>> If I shot you, I'd be the criminal.


You win the internet.

 
At 8:20 AM, Blogger Music-chan said...

I know what you mean about the potential of a game store. I get that feeling every time I walk into one. ^.^ So many games, so little time.

 
At 9:18 AM, Blogger IronRaven said...

I think it was a him.

Dear God, I hope it was a him.

Thats when I got to the point where I couldnt stop laughing. Awesome post, Dave

 
At 9:24 AM, Blogger ColdhartedRagnarok said...

"Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to talk to a customer service representative that treats people poorly?"

Amazing Dave. Nice work.

 
At 9:35 AM, Blogger BuzZ said...

"There's something so primal about walking into a video game store. Like you just want to throw all of the games in the floor and roll around naked..."

Phew...thought I was the only one :D

 
At 11:08 AM, Blogger LittleDramaBoy said...

I have a friend who's just like that. He walks drags me into Gamestop and has long conversations of practically.. umm.. nothing with the associates there.

"Blah blah blah, PS3, Blah blah blah, Xbox 360, Blah blah blah, Wii. Can't wait."

And I'm over in a corner trying to figure out the hand movements for the arcane spell of Flare IV.

Why do they sell used movies at these places? I don't care to see "Fried Green Tomatoes" and "What's Eating Gilbert Grape" next to my Elder Scrolls Oblivion and Chains of Promathia game boxes.

Why don't I escape? Because he dragged me there... and there are no nice clothing stores nearby where I can shop for a nice skirt or dress. >_>

 
At 11:39 AM, Blogger Julia said...

Given the fact that Susan was that angry with me, I decided that there were two courses of action I could follow:

1) sit down and have a nice long talk in which I apologize for my actions and reinforce a strong bond between us by opening a serious dialogue where we can each express our feelings

2) go to GameStop.

So, I'm in my car.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This was a pretty damned good post, but that part was purely golden, one of your best yet.

 
At 4:36 PM, Blogger InuDuelist said...

It makes you wonder. What game was it that [GM]Dave wanted? It was probably Final Fantasy XII. Oh... wait. That isn't out yet. Well then what the hell is everyone already talking about Final Fantasy XIII for?!

 
At 4:37 PM, Blogger InuDuelist said...

Oh, I forgot to add the word "Classic" to my post. Sorry.

 
At 6:19 PM, Blogger Feba said...

babycage.net


That's all I have to say.

 
At 11:53 PM, Blogger Pascal said...

"Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to talk to a customer service representative that treats people poorly?"

That's why i love your blog! :)

 
At 9:59 PM, Blogger Alizee said...

Just as a note:
1.) I'm a Game Stop employee
2.) We can't take pre-orders on the PS3. Can't. As in, the SKU does not exist.

If a Game Stop (or EB, since Game Stop bought them) employee offers you a pre-order/reservation on the PS3, kindly beat them with the nearest shelving unit. It's not in our computers. We cannot do it.

Funny blog, but way less funny since I know there's no way it happened.

FYI: PS3's won't be available for pre-order from Game Stop or EB until probably October. Or Sony tells us how many units the company is getting.

Right on about Naruto though... *twitch*

 
At 12:14 AM, Blogger KaitouNala said...

hmm wonder if this is pointless or not, recently became a reader of this blog (which is by the way freaking awesome) couldn't help but notice alot of ill will twards naruto.

reason i mention, been a fan of the series since long before the american release (which ive got to say blows but meh) wondering if most of your impressions of the series stem from the dubbed version? in anycase i've never had the "pleasure" of having to deal with a narutard before so i guess its hard for me to understand your sentiments on the matter.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home