[GM]Dave Offline - Vol. 2After our lovely night staying in Chez Dave, Susan was noticeably tired.
Well... she wasn't talking to me which I can only assume means she is tired.
Okay, so she was a little mad that I hated her little vacation plan. And by "a little mad", I mean "ready to choke me to death with an ethernet cable".
Given the fact that Susan was that angry with me, I decided that there were two courses of action I could follow:
1) sit down and have a nice long talk in which I apologize for my actions and reinforce a strong bond between us by opening a serious dialogue where we can each express our feelings
2) go to GameStop.
So, I'm in my car.
As usual, the freeway is a sea of anarchy.
I'm serious. One car had a pentagram painted on the hood and was randomly smashing into other vehicles.
Damned women drivers.
Didn't even use a turn signal when she was ramming people. That's just rude.
I manage to survive the ordeal and make it to the local GameStop.
Note: if you're not a gamer, you should probably stop reading right now.
You won't understand this part.
As I walk in, I'm hit with that rush. That surge of untapped potential as I gaze upon racks of unplayed games.
Daddy's home, babies.
There's something so primal about walking into a video game store. Like you just want to throw all of the games in the floor and roll around naked...
You don't do that?
Neither do I.
Well... not since that time in court.
So, I walk over to the PS2 section and slap a game out of a young child's hands.
[GM]Dave>> You shouldn't be playing that.
[GM]Dave>> Don't you know how the rating system works?
Child>> I can count to five.
[GM]Dave>> Wow. That's great.
[GM]Dave>> Shut the hell up.
Child>> Why shouldn't I get this game?
[GM]Dave>> Well... it's a Naruto game.
[GM]Dave>> That means it's only for retarded kids.
Child>> I like Naruto.
[GM]Dave>> I'm sorry.
[GM]Dave>> I must have missed the short bus on my way in.
Child>> I don't ride the short bus.
[GM]Dave>> Yeah, yeah, Billy. Whatever.
[GM]Dave>> Do you have a handler or a trainer or something?
Why do people let their kids loose in a video game store?
I don't go to Bed, Bath, and Beyond and let a pack of wild dogs free, now do I?
Well... not since that time in court.
Can't you people just lock your kids up or something?
I hear some people use leashes. Most people agree they are quite effective on children.
One or the other. I really don't care.
Anyway, I grab a nice RPG off the shelf.
I know. I picked up and RPG.
I walk up to the counter and immediately remember why I don't like going outside.
Behind the counter is what I can only describe as a horrible experiment gone awry.
It's like someone found a beached manatee, slapped a name tag on him, and told him to start taking preorders on the PS3.
Gathering my patience, I walk to the counter and drop my game in front of him.
I think it was a him.
Dear God, I hope it was a him.
Now, anyone who understands the retail process can figure out what is supposed to happen here.
I lay game down, he scan game, I pay.
But counter help seem to be the only ones who do not understand the retail process.
Clerk>> Can I help you?
[GM]Dave>> Yeah, I'm waiting for a bus.
[GM]Dave>> Does the route 5 come by here?
Clerk>> I don't understand.
[GM]Dave>> I'm shocked. Really.
[GM]Dave>> I'd like to buy this game.
Clerk>> Would you like to place a preorder on a PS3?
[GM]Dave>> Are you even listening to the conversation?
Clerk>> Yes, sir, I am.
Clerk>> The PS3 is going to be the hot item this year.
[GM]Dave>> Does anyone else work here?
[GM]Dave>> Can I speak to someone non-retarded?
Clerk>> If you order now, you get a free t-shirt.
[GM]Dave>> Let me get this straight.
[GM]Dave>> I order a $600 game system...
[GM]Dave>> And you give me a shirt.
[GM]Dave>> A shirt?
Clerk>> It says "Play Beyond" on the front.
[GM]Dave>> SIGN ME UP!
Clerk>> Great. Let me just type this up.
[GM]Dave>> As you apparently do not understand sarcasm...
[GM]Dave>> I DON'T WANT A DAMNED PREORDER!
Clerk>> Why not?
[GM]Dave>> I already have a great gaming system that cost that much.
[GM]Dave>> It's called A COM-PU-TAR!
Clerk>> I heard they're making a new Naruto game for PS3.
[GM]Dave>> Do you want to hear the strange part?
[GM]Dave>> If I shot you, I'd be the criminal.
By the end, I was so damned sick of people that I just left the game on the counter.
What is wrong with stores today?
I walk in there with the express intent of giving them some of my money. They, in return, ask for even more of my money.
Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to talk to a customer service representative that treats people poorly?
I hate people.