Wednesday, June 28, 2006

[GM]Dave Offline - Vol. 5

Great. Just great.

Now, you've gone and done it.

Thanks to all of your lovely little comments, there's no living with her now.

You've managed to convince her that she's funny.

What'd I ever do to you bastards?

See, a girlfriend is hard enough to live with as it is.

Then you guys go and tell her how awesome her blog entry was and that was it. Ever since, she's been holding it over my head.

Thank you so goddamned much.

Just to shut her the hell up, I'm "pleased" to announce that Susan will be writing another blog story for the monthly giftpack. All of you readers who donated this month will get an exclusive story written by my "true love".

I use quotation marks there because right now, I could throw her down some stairs.

I won't though.

Probably won't.

Honestly, I can't promise anything. If she starts making more "suggestions", there's a good chance that I'll snap.

If you watch the news tomorrow and see a story about a guy who kills his girlfriend and is dragged off screaming "Bitch was defeated by Jormungand!", then that was most likely me.

In case you haven't noticed, I have anger management issues.

Just FYI.

But who the hell could blame me?

Here's how breakfast went this morning.

Susan>> Morning, Sunshine.
Susan>> Sleep well?
[GM]Dave>> *unintelligible grumbling*
Susan>> Cheery as always, I see.
[GM]Dave>> What are you so happy about?
Susan>> Oh... nothing.

Every man who has ever had a significant other knows that sound. They know the sound of something about to drop.

They know that sound and they fear it.

[GM]Dave>> Okay. Just tell me.
Susan>> Tell you what?
[GM]Dave>> Whatever the bad news is.
[GM]Dave>> Did someone die?
[GM]Dave>> Did Bastok take Ronfaure?!
Susan>> Oh, it was nothing like that.
[GM]Dave>> Then what is it?
Susan>> Did you check the blog this morning?
Susan>> Did you read the comments?

Oh damn. She messed up the blog. She went on there and started getting femo about her period or retaining water and everyone stopped reading the internet.

My girlfriend destroyed the intarweb.

(Editor's note: Femo is a term used to describe women being emo about being women)

[GM]Dave>> Dammit.
[GM]Dave>> I knew I shouldn't have let you write an update.
Susan>> So you haven't read them yet?
[GM]Dave>> I had a nice little blog going there, too.
[GM]Dave>> Now, you went and assed it all up.
Susan>> I thought it was nice.
[GM]Dave>> Nice.
[GM]Dave>> Well, yay for you then.
[GM]Dave>> Civilization is coming to an end, but it was nice.

So, I rush to the computer, pull up the comments section, and start to read.

[GM]Dave>> They liked it.
Susan>> Yup.
[GM]Dave>> They liked it?
Susan>> Yup.
[GM]Dave>> Wait a second...
[GM]Dave>> They actually like it?!
Susan>> Yup.
[GM]Dave>> But you're a woman.

That seemed like a smart thing to say at the time.

When I woke up a few minutes later, I reevaluated and decided that perhaps I could have phrased that better.

[GM]Dave>> How could they like it?
Susan>> Well... I am awesome.
[GM]Dave>> Yeah, but they can't see your ass.
[GM]Dave>> So, I don't get why they like you.

That seemed like a smart thing to say at the time...

[GM]Dave>> Okay, that's getting old.
Susan>> Stop saying stupid things.
[GM]Dave>> I can't believe they liked it.
Susan>> Oh yeah, baby.
[GM]Dave>> You're never going to let me forget this, are you?
Susan>> Hmm... uhh... umm...
Susan>> How about no?
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> And that's when I killed her, your honor.
Susan>> What did you say?
[GM]Dave>> Oh... nothing.
[GM]Dave>> Just practicing.

Now, I'm at work and every damned two minutes she's e-mailing me with more comments people are posting.

This is the first time I've ever actually hoped for a GM call.

Why oh why did you have to like her?


At 5:23 PM, Blogger WindexHamster said...

Two points.

1) First post.
2) I thought Susan's blog was one of the weakest entries in the entire blog's history.

At 5:25 PM, Blogger Sol-rak said...


But Susan > [GM] Dave.


Its the only person that can actually pawn you... :)

At 5:41 PM, Blogger Cruven said...

Don't Worry GM Dave Susan could never feed people to a dragon like you can. Besides your the GM you could mess with her character if you so wished.

Pay back is always a btich

At 5:43 PM, Blogger Meshuggah said...

My first comment as well. First off, excellent blog, every one has had me in stitches. Susan's blog was humorous, granted, but i much prefer yours. I like reading the conversations between you and the Gil Sellers and Bots. Keep up the great work :D

At 5:52 PM, Blogger freezinglimbo said...

If you watch the news tomorrow and see a story about a guy who kills his girlfriend and is dragged off screaming "Bitch was defeated by Jormungand!", then that was most likely me.

That alone made the entire night worth it. I could even see it happening.

At 6:25 PM, Blogger zerombr said...

I only see one problem with Susan's post...she talked to GM Dave and lived, how inconsistant is this with the rest of his blog? Especially since she played with his head, it's not that he knew Susan was hot or anything. I'm surprised Jormungand didn't raise his scaly head on her

At 6:26 PM, Blogger Zychion said...

Also another two points.

1) I completely agree with Windexhamster. If it was all women reading this then they may have found it amusing. But her explaining to us how a male would react...doesn't quite work with you major audience.
2)In case you haven't noticed, I have anger management issues.

Just FYI.

FYI is fine by you, but lol your willing to kill someone over. Man I do hope I meet you in game or something. (I enjoy pointing at hypocrits)

At 6:42 PM, Blogger Knyte said...

Susan>> How about no?
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> And that's when I killed her, your honor.
Susan>> What did you say?
[GM]Dave>> Oh... nothing.
[GM]Dave>> Just practicing

/dies laughing

At 6:54 PM, Blogger CaesarsGhost said...

report her credit card as stolen, problem solved

At 7:31 PM, Blogger Myloko said...

This blog just keeps getting better and better! ^^v

At 7:51 PM, Blogger High Hopes said...

Alright, Dave. I was the ONLY one that stuck with you, man! The only one! Remember that! You have at least one loyal subject!

At 8:18 PM, Blogger Slaneyder said...

Needs more cowbell.

At 9:18 PM, Blogger Chronofantasy said...

I'm sure if you can ban your own mother from the game, it wouldn't be a big deal to ban your "True Love"

The reason why most people like her more is simply because she's female... and you know guy's attraction to females...

So she's basically like you, only a female version.

At 9:20 PM, Blogger Elisen said...

Perhaps people said they liked her in hopes of getting some hot ass too? ^.-


At 9:21 PM, Blogger Morwen said...

Susan's blog was funny but you are funnier. Not many people can torture their mother as much as you have. For the record, zychion, I am female myself yet I still side with [GM]Dave.

At 9:22 PM, Blogger Morwen said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 10:19 PM, Blogger J0eCool said...

1: Why oh why did you have to like her?
You do, don't you? Why can't we? Don't you have impossibly high standards of excellence?

2: The GMvP story was the greatest MMO tale I've ever read. Bar none.

At 12:26 AM, Blogger Lokkin said...

Heh, yeah, Susan's was funny, but GMDave, ever the perfectionist, yours are definitely better.

Susan is cool cause she is about the only person that you probably wont ban.



You banned your own mother, but you didn't ban Susan, despite screaming questionable statements while in the throws.

I guess it all comes down to the list.

At 12:48 AM, Blogger Aeriel said...

"And thats when i killed her your honour!"
"This is the first time I've ever actually hoped for a GM call."

Hahhaa Classic!

To Lokkin: The reason he doesn't pwn or ban Susan and did pwn and ban his mom is that he gets "favours" from Susan of the {/poke}y kind :)

At 2:00 AM, Blogger Sex Money Monkey said...

Haha, I like Dave better but, Susan was a nice break from the norm.

I mean, she's great, but, you, sir, are goldy!

At 3:39 AM, Blogger Lucifer said...

I enjoyed reading Susan's blog. It;s almost scary that you two are so much alike...Oo; can there possible be TWO people as incredible as [GM]Dave?...No. There is only one [GM]Dave, and even the woman who owns his genitails can over power his supreme awesomeness ^_^

At 4:13 AM, Blogger o.O said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 6:09 AM, Blogger Kirip-san said...

I loved the part when you said you were practicing.


At 6:31 AM, Blogger Texgnome1 said...

For those of you questioning why Susan hasn't suffered a similar fate as [GM]Dave's mom, reread the list. Now read it again. What's no.1?

Good entry again Dave - keep them coming!

At 6:47 AM, Blogger currentlypresent said...

[GM]Dave... Did you steal some of my ego? I've noticed it missing lately, and would like it back.

Honestly, I thought Susan's entry was pretty funny, but I think that you really have the advantage of having a dragon. I mean, dragon > people, most of the time.

At 7:09 AM, Blogger Tanta said...

GM Dave, I have been watching your posts and I cannot beleve the crap in this blog.

WOW I am sitting here at work and everyone stares at me wondering what the hell I am laughing at. I also forward this to my fiencee on the USS Abraham Lincoln.

She always says "I hope you don't say anything like that or I will kick your ass."

At 7:56 AM, Blogger Lyndiskyria said...

Change is good ^^, and humour is humour ^^

At 7:57 AM, Blogger WHM of Death said...

[GM]Dave Rules. Susan's Blog was a nice change...but [GM]Dave reigns Supreme! my favorite is when you "help" tbe buttheads that ruin the parties for everyone..."I know your job better than you"

as always your devoted servant

At 9:10 AM, Blogger Yo Alejandro said...

One thing this guys don't get is that us men have needs, ugly disgusting needs, and women have the power to satisfy, if you put in the balance GETTING ASS vs. BANNING FOR LESS STUPIDITY, I would go with getting ass all the way, it's not like more stupidity isn't coming you're way every day anyway to let out reppresed feelings of random destruction (a.k.a. FUN).

I got a girl [GM]Dave and as much anger management problems as you, but when the needs arise she can do with me whatever she likes as long as she delivers.


At 10:11 AM, Blogger paduse said...

Can you imagine what [GM]Dave will do to Susan's character/account when they break up? I get all warm and fuzzy inside just thinking about it.

At 10:30 AM, Blogger Dyamalos said...

hey, think of it this way... At least your genitals will be well taken care of.

At 10:38 AM, Blogger Arwenne said...

[GM]Dave > everyone

At 10:44 AM, Blogger shingui of cerberus said...

GM]Dave>> Whatever the bad news is.
[GM]Dave>> Did someone die?
[GM]Dave>> Did Bastok take Ronfaure?!

lol hilarious>< and susanites doesnt give such a good ring s davits

At 10:47 AM, Blogger Oni-Yawgmoth said...

Susan's entry was good, but [GM]Dave is still one of my all time heroes; because he pwns people and doesn't give a damn, lol.

Also, lmfao @ "Femo".

At 2:52 PM, Blogger creature124 said...

First time ive actually bother to comment...

Susans blog was a breath of fresh air, and funny, but nothing close to the amazing laughs produced by the original model.

Dave>Susan hands down.

At 4:24 PM, Blogger Tycooner said...

Well here's something else for those of you who think women have no place.

A man works form sun to sun but woman's work is never done.

Women Rule and Men Drool. Dave has done his fair share of drooling over Susan as well.

Remember it was a WOMAN who brought you into this world through pain you men would never endure and without a good woman behind him a man is nothing.

Susan your entry was good and I enjoyed it but Dave has a special touch with his brand of humor and I'm partial to men anyway.

And being a mom I have to say Dave if you were my son I would be proud of what you have accomplished with this blog and the laughs it brings to all of us.

I'm sure we all have our own troubles to deal with and visits to this blog help to make us forget those troubles if just for a few minutes.

I have read the other 4 but saved my comments for this entry.

Keep the laughs comming great week so far.

At 5:24 PM, Blogger Ihmrat said...

Women Rule and Men Drool. Dave has done his fair share of drooling over Susan as well. Et cetera blah blah"

Tycooner I think you've said more than enough. What right do you think you to claim "genderal supremacy" when you do the same bloody thing you accuse dave of doing?

Men can't endure pain? Men are nothing without a woman behind them? Pah!

About Susans entry though, I must say that I found it quite enjoyable, but only because it was "different" from your avarage entry. An entry now and then would be nice, but in the end all our base are belong to Dave

At 7:32 PM, Blogger Cruven said...

Sorry Dave.

Im trying to rejoin FFXI but i lost my ID i need and i can'[t find it and there's nothing i can seem to do. I can't reuse my activation numbers either...

I would have emailed you with this most likely would have deleted it anyway.

Ack...and i wanted to play again too

At 6:20 AM, Blogger Tycooner said...

Tobias Rhén

When you have been marriwed for 27 years like I have and not only be best friend, confident, & wife but also have to be his mother by picking up his clothes because he forgot what his mother taught him about the laundry basket. Putting a bandaid on because he forgot how and a whole slew of other things I could fill Daves blof with.

And the fact that most pretty well all men when they finally find that right women loose most of their intellegence and are always honey how do you do this or where do I put this.

Man may have been created first but when women were made they were made to deal with men and a lot of mistakeas were corrected so we are the refined and improved version.

So that makes us SUPREME to all men.

At 6:27 AM, Blogger Tycooner said...

Oh and to add to that yes I think Susan is Supreme over Dave in the male female sense of my above comments but will admit men can do some things better then women but not may.

When you have been married for 27 years you'll see what I mean. I have yet to meet any man who has been married the same lenght of time that hasn't said on many occasions he couldn't have got through a lot of lifes ups and downs without the help of his wife.

therefore the comment made prior "A man is nothing without a good woman behind him" has already been proven countless times in the past and will continue to be proven in the future.

At 4:08 PM, Blogger stormx said...

Here's a thought, Susan as a GM for a day. :P

At 7:47 AM, Blogger Cruven said...

stormx said...
Here's a thought, Susan as a GM for a day. :P

Oh god....i don't think anything would be left of the world....first go the people she doesn't like...then any other random people she decieds on the spot she doesn't will continue until every server is dead and lifeless :P But thats why we have he can slowly do that and make i look like he had to.


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