[GM]Dave Offline - Vol. 5Great. Just great.
Now, you've gone and done it.
Thanks to all of your lovely little comments, there's no living with her now.
You've managed to convince her that she's funny.
What'd I ever do to you bastards?
See, a girlfriend is hard enough to live with as it is.
Then you guys go and tell her how awesome her blog entry was and that was it. Ever since, she's been holding it over my head.
Thank you so goddamned much.
Just to shut her the hell up, I'm "pleased" to announce that Susan will be writing another blog story for the monthly giftpack. All of you readers who donated this month will get an exclusive story written by my "true love".
I use quotation marks there because right now, I could throw her down some stairs.
I won't though.
Honestly, I can't promise anything. If she starts making more "suggestions", there's a good chance that I'll snap.
If you watch the news tomorrow and see a story about a guy who kills his girlfriend and is dragged off screaming "Bitch was defeated by Jormungand!", then that was most likely me.
In case you haven't noticed, I have anger management issues.
But who the hell could blame me?
Here's how breakfast went this morning.
Susan>> Morning, Sunshine.
Susan>> Sleep well?
[GM]Dave>> *unintelligible grumbling*
Susan>> Cheery as always, I see.
[GM]Dave>> What are you so happy about?
Susan>> Oh... nothing.
Every man who has ever had a significant other knows that sound. They know the sound of something about to drop.
They know that sound and they fear it.
[GM]Dave>> Okay. Just tell me.
Susan>> Tell you what?
[GM]Dave>> Whatever the bad news is.
[GM]Dave>> Did someone die?
[GM]Dave>> Did Bastok take Ronfaure?!
Susan>> Oh, it was nothing like that.
[GM]Dave>> Then what is it?
Susan>> Did you check the blog this morning?
Susan>> Did you read the comments?
Oh damn. She messed up the blog. She went on there and started getting femo about her period or retaining water and everyone stopped reading the internet.
My girlfriend destroyed the intarweb.
(Editor's note: Femo is a term used to describe women being emo about being women)
[GM]Dave>> I knew I shouldn't have let you write an update.
Susan>> So you haven't read them yet?
[GM]Dave>> I had a nice little blog going there, too.
[GM]Dave>> Now, you went and assed it all up.
Susan>> I thought it was nice.
[GM]Dave>> Well, yay for you then.
[GM]Dave>> Civilization is coming to an end, but it was nice.
So, I rush to the computer, pull up the comments section, and start to read.
[GM]Dave>> They liked it.
[GM]Dave>> They liked it?
[GM]Dave>> Wait a second...
[GM]Dave>> They actually like it?!
[GM]Dave>> But you're a woman.
That seemed like a smart thing to say at the time.
When I woke up a few minutes later, I reevaluated and decided that perhaps I could have phrased that better.
[GM]Dave>> How could they like it?
Susan>> Well... I am awesome.
[GM]Dave>> Yeah, but they can't see your ass.
[GM]Dave>> So, I don't get why they like you.
That seemed like a smart thing to say at the time...
[GM]Dave>> Okay, that's getting old.
Susan>> Stop saying stupid things.
[GM]Dave>> I can't believe they liked it.
Susan>> Oh yeah, baby.
[GM]Dave>> You're never going to let me forget this, are you?
Susan>> Hmm... uhh... umm...
Susan>> How about no?
[GM]Dave>> And that's when I killed her, your honor.
Susan>> What did you say?
[GM]Dave>> Oh... nothing.
[GM]Dave>> Just practicing.
Now, I'm at work and every damned two minutes she's e-mailing me with more comments people are posting.
This is the first time I've ever actually hoped for a GM call.
Why oh why did you have to like her?