Monday, June 26, 2006

[GM]Dave Offline - Vol. 3

I want you to understand how much I love being a GM.

Yeah, yeah. I know I say I hate the job sometimes, but that's only because of the players.

Customer service would be an awesome job if it wasn't for the customers.

The sheer, unadulterated power I wield is amazing. It is really quite intoxicating.

Well... the Jack Daniels helps.

There are few things I value as much as I value my position as a GM.

Here's the list in order:

1) my genitals
2) oxygen
3) being a GM
4) my computer
5) my PS2
6) Susan, probably.

So, you can imagine how I would feel about sharing that power.

Unfortunately, Susan asked me to let her "try it out".

I'm serious. That's exactly what she said.

Tomorrow, I'm going to ask her if I can borrow her ass and just "try it out".

Let's see how that goes, shall we?

Anyway, she posed the question and then I had to decide if I wanted to let her use my account.

Now, some of you are reading the list and saying "That's easy. Susan is lower on the list than being a GM. Therefore, she loses."

You silly, silly bastards.

If you check that list again, you'll notice that number 1 on that list is my genitals.

I am a man, afterall.

And since Susan is the current manager of the genital department, her happiness has a direct impact on number 1.

Thus, a simple request became a complicated system of interactions.

Plus, I totally wanted to get some, so there really was no choice involved.

Below, you will find the exact transcript of the conversation we had while she was using my account.

I'm telling you right now, that bitch better do something freaky for this or I'm going to be pissed.

[GM]Dave>> Okay, now log into Asura.
Susan>> Why Asura?
[GM]Dave>> Well... that's where the call came from.
[GM]Dave>> Otherwise, we're just loitering.
Susan>> I don't want to go to Asura.
Susan>> I want to go to Ragnarok.
[GM]Dave>> But we have to go to Asura.
Susan>> Do you always do what you're supposed to?
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> So type R-A-G-N...
Susan>> Wait...
Susan>> Maybe Bismarck.
[GM]Dave>> Or I could just ban your account.
Susan>> R-A-G-N...
[GM]Dave>> Okay, now select your GM character.
Susan>> They're all men.
[GM]Dave>> And?
Susan>> Why aren't there any women?
[GM]Dave>> I don't understand the question.
Susan>> Why aren't there any female GM characters?
[GM]Dave>> Too many bannings every 28 days?
Susan>> Wow.
Susan>> That was almost funny.
[GM]Dave>> I try.
Susan>> Now what?
[GM]Dave>> We find someone to "help".
Susan>> Did you just use air quotes?
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> Yes.
Susan>> I've never wanted you more.
Susan>> Wait... I mean "wanted".
[GM]Dave>> Note to self: ban sarcastic Mithra bitches.
Susan>> Okay. Looking for someone to "help".
[GM]Dave>> Find someone who deserves it.
[GM]Dave>> You know. A gil seller or a botter or...
Susan>> That guy.
Susan>> He spelled Windurst with an H.
[GM]Dave>> Eh... good enough.
Susan>> What can I do with him?
[GM]Dave>> The question is what can't you do?
Susan>> Can I have 6 Galkas gang rape him?
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> That was a little scary.
Susan>> I'm very serious about my spelling.
[GM]Dave>> I assumed.
[GM]Dave>> No, you can't do that.
Susan>> Dammit.
Susan>> Can I just stab him in the face with my sword?
Susan>> It's all glowy.
[GM]Dave>> Sure. Why not?
Susan>> Yay!

So she runs up and, with absolutely zero warning, smashes the idiot with my greatsword.

Susan>> That was AWESOME!
[GM]Dave>> We usually like to tell them first.
[GM]Dave>> You know, give them a chance to explain.
Susan>> Do you just kill them anyway?
[GM]Dave>> Yeah, but it gives them a little hope.
[GM]Dave>> I give you points for surprise, though.
Susan>> Hehe.
[GM]Dave>> Dear...
[GM]Dave>> I'm going to have to ask you to stop tea bagging his corpse.

She seemed to really enjoy the experience.

As a matter of fact, it got her quite excited.

I might have enjoyed the ensuing sex, had she not started screaming "BANNED, BITCH! BANNED!"

I really should have started drinking earlier.

28 Comments:

At 8:18 PM, Blogger BenoSmash said...

That was funny.

the tea-bagging brings me back to my days on Halo 2... that and the trash-talking: "Banned, Bitch! Banned!"

 
At 8:20 PM, Blogger Make Me Scene said...

Susan>> Why aren't there any female GM characters?
[GM]Dave>> Too many bannings every 28 days?

So true.

 
At 8:22 PM, Blogger sngirl said...

[GM]Dave>> Dear...
[GM]Dave>> I'm going to have to ask you to stop tea bagging his corpse.



Hahhahahah!! XD That and the banning every 28 days... so wrong, but so true. u.u;

 
At 8:30 PM, Blogger Idalia said...

hah. that's a good'n.

 
At 8:40 PM, Blogger Siegtaru said...

Omg Sussan is a laughgasm and a half. <3!

[GM]Dave you rox. xD

Next time let her have the Galka gangrape the fucker who mispelled my Nation. Please? \(Q.Q;)

 
At 8:46 PM, Blogger Knyte said...

so much to comment on, so i will just say

LMAO

although i think the "banned, bitch! banned!" would have been better as "ban me, bitch! ban me!"

but then again....

 
At 9:04 PM, Blogger Ojofer said...

Oh SHIT SON! the part where she just ran up and smashed the loser in the face was what had me rollin' Good job. Windurst FTW!

 
At 9:28 PM, Blogger Feba said...

Susan gets high on power, eh?

 
At 9:31 PM, Blogger Zychion said...

There are few things I value as much as I value my position as a GM.

Here's the list in order:

1) my genitals
2) oxygen
3) being a GM
4) my computer
5) my PS2
6) Susan, probably.


??

When I read that...didn't you write that you liked all those things as much or more than you liked being a GM. I don't know, I just think the wording is all wrong.

 
At 9:37 PM, Blogger Galkizzle said...

Crazy mithras.

 
At 10:15 PM, Blogger DeaconBlue said...

Here's the list in order:

1) my genitals
2) oxygen
3) being a GM
4) my computer
5) my PS2
6) Susan, probably.

does being a GM entail your reports as well?

 
At 11:42 PM, Blogger Hawklord2112 said...

i thought Galkas were asexual?

oh. their *tails*.

ouch.

 
At 11:57 PM, Blogger Avrial said...

[GM]Dave>> Dear...
[GM]Dave>> I'm going to have to ask you to stop tea bagging his corpse.


. . . You're serious, right? She SERIOUSLY did that? I once punched someone right in the face during a otherwise boring round of Ninjanaut on Halo 2 for over-tea bagging.

 
At 12:21 AM, Blogger Soul said...

"Banned, Bitch! Banned!"
it's almost too funny

 
At 1:05 AM, Blogger Skyline_Evo8 said...

Damn it, my payment doesn't clear until July 6th. You think you can send me the gift pack before it clears? It would be greatly appreciated.

From skyline_evo8@hotmail.com.

Aka Stevetran of Fairy.

Yes, I know this has nothing to do with today's entry.

 
At 4:01 AM, Blogger Aeriel said...

O.O OH MY GOD!
This was without a doubt the hardest i've laughed this month! Its like the joyous feeling of being a noob all over again! But with GM v P action, the joy of doing new things,... like smashing taru in the face with a shiney GM Great Swords! And Tea Bagging! LMAO! HALO 2 {Bio}ch!

 
At 4:03 AM, Blogger Sex Money Monkey said...

Haha, I love you Dave, it's because of you I've tried my hands at blogging.

I'd actualy like to see an entry by Susan, now that would be something to see :P

 
At 4:04 AM, Blogger Nayathril said...

Hey Dave. I love the offline stuff. But as I was farming Up some Tree Cuttings in The Sanctuary on carbuncle I was having a diffcult time. Seems those rotten Gil Sellers are Putting up a Monopoly On Goobbues! Hahah But Being as amazing as I am. I am still getting some of there claims right before them. Even with flash XD. But the thing that really gets me. Is that they're partying. Yoyoo (THF75/WAR05) Is patrolling the main area in The Santuary, the one right before the lvl 50-55 party zone into the Boyhada tree. Then Cocoo(Nin/War), Mirace(MNK/WAR), and Popomama(WHM73/BLM36) Patroll the back part, and the other zone into the boyhada. Makes it real hard to get claims. >.< Hopefully they'll be gone in the morning But I doubt it. only been here 10 hours... only...

 
At 4:52 AM, Blogger zerombr said...

Nayathril- Don't draw attention to yourself! God knows he has said before he doesn't like people trying to 'help', you might wanna duck and cover

 
At 6:15 AM, Blogger shake said...

Wow didn’t expect all that banning.
What’s next? A threesome with (former) [GM]Takana’s wife.

Keep up the funny.

 
At 6:41 AM, Blogger Texgnome1 said...

Susan>> Do you always do what you're supposed to?

Man, has she figured you out. I'd be afraid if I were you Dave. Thanks for the laughs as usual.

 
At 6:51 AM, Blogger Thistle said...

Susan>> That guy.
Susan>> He spelled Windurst with an H.
[GM]Dave>> Eh... good enough.
Susan>> What can I do with him?
[GM]Dave>> The question is what can't you do?
Susan>> Can I have 6 Galkas gang rape him?


Wow. If you ever leave Susan, may I marry her?

 
At 9:33 AM, Blogger Jeff said...

oh come on, there's no WAY this is true.

Dave would never get laid.

The rest was funny though.

 
At 9:53 AM, Blogger Kirip-san said...

The question jeff...is...WHO CARES?

Awesome entry as always, Dave.

~nyo

 
At 10:44 AM, Blogger Yo Alejandro said...

Could it be??

Susan a better GM than [GM]Dave??

lmao :D

Her "to the point" attitude rocks

She could have been letting repressed anger out on the guy because of a bad vacation experience...

great entry [GM]Dave

 
At 11:42 AM, Blogger Deria said...

I may become a Susanite after this post.

Excellent post. I laughed, I cried, it was great. Susan seems like an awesome gal, and you probably couldn't find a better "manager" for yourself. haha

Thank you again.

 
At 12:26 PM, Blogger Cruven said...

would have laughed harder if i hadn't suddenly gotten sick on saturday...damn sore throat thing.

My blog fails in comparison to yours. (i try to be funny sometimes)

 
At 6:40 PM, Blogger Dyamalos said...

*Shink*
"Wha... Why did I just hear a sword unsheathing in the center of tow---" *>WHAM<*



BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

on a side note, I originally had the Wham in closed, but I was tolled the WHAM tag cannot be use as it is HTML... Right...

 

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