Sunday, June 18, 2006

[GM]Dave Does Not Do Parties

Would you call 911 because you thought it would be cool to meet a police officer?

Would you rush into the emergency room just to meet a doctor?

Sane people would answer no to these questions.

So why is it I keep getting requests to "come hang out with us"?

The GM Call system is for EMERGENCIES ONLY.

ONLY.


Do you understand?

I'm not here to come to your events.

I'm not here to "party with you".

I'm here to feed people to dragons.

Now, if you should choose to request my presense at some form of social event, you're asking for trouble.

You're practically asking me to bring a giant Wyrm to your house and have it ingest you.

Personally, I would prefer to NOT be eaten by a dragon.

Maybe that's just me.

And yet, people who seem perfectly rational continue to send GM calls asking for me to come and meet them.

Lesson of the Day: Be careful what you wish for.

So, yesterday afternoon, I was working on a set of TPS reports and cover sheets (read: working on my smithing skill and a bottle of whisky) when I received a GM call from a player name Myria.

GM Call Description: I apparently do not value my life or character. Murder me via dragon, please.

Wait... that's not quite right...

I'm paraphrasing again.

GM Call Description: Having an event. Want [GM]Dave to come.

Now, it's not that I don't like getting invited.

I really do.

But honestly, guys, I have stuff to do.

These bottles don't just empty themselves, you know.

Still... there may be a perfectly logical reason why they'd want a GM there.

At least, they better hope there's a good reason.

[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand there's a problem with the roof.
Myria>> What?
[GM]Dave>> The roof...
[GM]Dave>> It's on (( Fire )).
Myria>> lol
Myria>> We don't need no (( Water )).
[GM]Dave>> Did you just say lol?
[GM]Dave>> Seriously?
Myria>> I was laughing.
[GM]Dave>> So just type Ha ha.
Myria>> Oh... kay.
[GM]Dave>> And if you type 'w', I swear to God...
Myria>> No lol's, no w's.
Myria>> Gotcha.
[GM]Dave>> Good. That's good.
[GM]Dave>> Now, I understand you're having a party.
Myria>> Kind of.
Myria>> It's my brother's birthday.
[GM]Dave>> That's nice.
[GM]Dave>> And you needed a GM because...
Myria>> I thought it would be nice to invite you.
[GM]Dave>> Despite my fondness for killing people?
Myria>> Oh you can kill him.
Myria>> I don't mind.
[GM]Dave>> Who said anything about him?
Myria>> Would it help if I apologized?
[GM]Dave>> It might make me giggle.
Myria>> Please.
Myria>> Could you just say Happy Birthday to him?
[GM]Dave>> Fine.
[GM]Dave>> Where is he?
Myria>> His name's Malaign and he's probably in Sky.
Myria>> Actually, he's probably getting killed by a Pot.
[GM]Dave>> How do you know?
Myria>> It happens a lot.

So, I run a quick check for his brother.

Name's Malaign. He's in Sky. Getting killed by a Pot so he's probably a...

[GM]Dave>> He's a Monk.
Myria>> That's him.
[GM]Dave>> How exactly does a Monk aggro a Pot?
Myria>> I don't actually know.
Myria>> He's talented.
[GM]Dave>> Or borderline retarded.
Myria>> That too.
[GM]Dave>> Because the suffering of mortals amuses me...
[GM]Dave>> Let's go see your brother.

I warp us both directly to Sky and it's honestly true.

There was Malaign. A Monk. Getting beaten down by a Pot.

Words fail me.

[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I'm here to council you on suicide.
Malaign>> Help me!
[GM]Dave>> And why would I do that?
Malaign>> It's my birthday.
[GM]Dave>> Let me get the confetti.
Malaign>> Could you at least Cure me?
[GM]Dave>> Well... I could do that.
[GM]Dave>> But then you wouldn't learn anything.
Malaign>> Come on.
Malaign>> It's my birthday for God's sake.
[GM]Dave>> Fine.
[GM]Dave>> I'll Raise you when you die.
Malaign>> Ohpleaseohpleaseohplease
[GM]Dave>> Sigh.

Since it was his birthday afterall, I decided to spare his life.

I'm a softy.

I pull out my Great Sword and one shot the Pot.

[GM]Dave>> There. You're safe.
[GM]Dave>> But you're not getting a present.
Malaign>> Thank you.
[GM]Dave>> Eh, don't worry about it.
[GM]Dave>> Wait...
[GM]Dave>> Are you wearing a subligar?
Malaign>> Yeah.
Malaign>> I think they're cool.

*warpaga*

Malaign>> What's going on?!
[GM]Dave>> You have been found guilty.
Malaign>> Of what?
[GM]Dave>> Crimes against eyesight.
[GM]Dave>> How do you plead?
Malaign>> You already found me guilty.
[GM]Dave>> Justice is efficient.
[GM]Dave>> What can I say?
Malaign>> But it's my birthday!
[GM]Dave>> Wow.
[GM]Dave>> That and 20 gil will buy you some copper ore.
Malaign>> This is unfair.
[GM]Dave>> If you can't do the time...
[GM]Dave>> Don't wear the panties.
Malaign>> Can't we work something out?
[GM]Dave>> Sure we can.

Jormungand hits Malaign for 13,854 points of damage.
Malaign was defeated by Jormungand.
Malaign falls to level 74.

[GM]Dave>> Happy Birthday, by the way.
Myria>> lol

Jormungand hits Myria for 14,669 points of damage.
Myria was defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> I warned you.

I like parties. I really, really do.

But you probably shouldn't invite me to your party unless there's an emergency.

Or you really like dragons.

24 Comments:

At 8:51 AM, Blogger Dantaro said...

TPS reports, hehe, well played [GM]Dave. All around good post, much fun to read

 
At 8:51 AM, Blogger Aeris said...

But it's my birthday!

What an excuse!

You've struck comic gold again.

 
At 8:59 AM, Blogger freezinglimbo said...

[GM]Dave>> Happy Birthday, by the way.

And to that I also add, Happy Father's Day.

That made my morning.

 
At 9:23 AM, Blogger currentlypresent said...

I loved "Why not just say Ha... ha...", that annoys me too. Why say "lol" when you can just say an 'actual' laugh?

 
At 9:38 AM, Blogger Kirip-san said...

Jormungand hits Myria for 14,669 points of damage.
Malaign was defeated by Jormungand.

^Might wanna fix that.

Otherwise, another good entry.

~nyo

 
At 9:58 AM, Blogger Myloko said...

You know... you could make some extra money by appearing at parties and killing people :o

 
At 10:33 AM, Blogger Tycooner said...

Today's entry is classic. I missed not being able to read yesterday's but even you need a break now and then.

If it applies Happy Father's Day Dave.

Look forward to tomorrow's exploits.

 
At 11:35 AM, Blogger Music-chan said...

I admit, I use LOL because it's an abreviation of saying 'laugh out loud'. I suppose I could be a real dork and just type out the whole word but....yeah.

Anyway, trying to 'say' anything involving a sound is pretty silly to begin with, if you think about it.

 
At 11:59 AM, Blogger Dyamalos said...

Myria? I think she's on Odin, I could have sworn I've seen her somewhere.....

 
At 1:56 PM, Blogger that-rob-guy said...

I don't know how my brother got you to do that, but that makes my day.
But seriously guy, you need happy pills =P

Myria and I (Malaign) are on Fenrir server, and yes I'm a mnk and yes I agrod a pot casting cure (/whm) on a ls mate. And yes I died.

 
At 3:50 PM, Blogger Cyrex said...

I don't know how my brother got you to do that, but that makes my day.
But seriously guy, you need happy pills =P

Myria and I (Malaign) are on Fenrir server, and yes I'm a mnk and yes I agrod a pot casting cure (/whm) on a ls mate. And yes I died.

happens to me atleast 2-3 times every time im in sky on rdm or brd... >.>;

 
At 12:53 AM, Blogger Reeree said...

Mnk/whm... If he hadn't already killed you for the subligar...

 
At 1:16 AM, Blogger Aeriel said...

LMAO Comedy gold dave, bloody classic.

Long live [GM]Dave! Alpha and Omega of the servers!

 
At 1:23 AM, Blogger Pyrolol said...

Reeree said...
Mnk/whm... If he hadn't already killed you for the subligar...



That's actually a very powerful sub for monsters like Kirin, which are horribly susceptible to Chi Blast. The extra MND helps alot.

 
At 7:07 AM, Blogger Inia said...

Mnk/whm... If he hadn't already killed you for the subligar...

MNK/WHM decked out in MND gear with a Goblin Mushpot for food means really good Chi Blast damage on gods.

They enjoy the other perks of subbing WHM, too. These include Erase, Sneak/Invis, and magic aggro.

 
At 7:53 AM, Blogger faker said...

"Mnk/whm... If he hadn't already killed you for the subligar..."

You're obviously an idiot, or never been in sky. Also, one of the many posts that is something of new material, though you still fed people to the dragon at the end.
Tool.

 
At 8:29 AM, Blogger Zonka said...

I make this my morning reading.
What a way to start off the day.
Thanks!

Found this other blog, had a GM Dave reference in it. Not as good as GM Dave, but still a little funny.

http://nooby-odyssey.blogspot.com/

 
At 8:29 AM, Blogger The_Phone_Guy said...

Dear Faker.

Life...failure..etc.

Thanks Dave, got a good laugh.

 
At 11:39 AM, Blogger faker said...

Dear the_phone_guy,
You do not end a Dear with a period fool. Go back and graduate before commenting on the internet again.

Sincerely,
Jesus Christ

 
At 12:45 PM, Blogger Lenwe said...

Hello, [GM]Dave What's happening? Uh… we have sort of a problem here.
Yeah. You apparently didn't put one of the new coversheets on your TPS

MMMM..Yea. You See, We're putting the coversheets on all TPS reports now before they go out. Did you see the memo about this?

Yeah. If you could just go ahead and make sure you do that from now on,
that will be great. And Uh, I'll go ahead and make sure you get another
copy of that memo Mmmm, Ok?

 
At 7:15 PM, Blogger Raven said...

At 11:39 AM, faker said...

Dear the_phone_guy,
You do not end a Dear with a period fool. Go back and graduate before commenting on the internet again.

Sincerely,
Jesus Christ

Firstly, once more, you fail at life.

He made a period instead of a comma, oh my god, the world is ending. Shut the hell up.

Secondly, don't ever refer to yourself as Jesus Christ again. Not only does it offend a large amount of people, you look even more retarded than you sound by saying it.

Dave, great post as usual, keep up the good work. May the whiskey flow for you always.

Screenname - Maura
Server - Fairy

 
At 9:54 AM, Blogger LittleDramaBoy said...

faker said:
"Dear the_phone_guy,
You do not end a Dear with a period[,] fool. Go back and graduate before commenting on the internet again."

By the way, you forgot a comma. Looks like you need to go back and graduate, Jesus.

 
At 12:33 PM, Blogger The_Phone_Guy said...

Dear Faker,

This time, my comment is being constructed as a formal letter. It makes it necessary to have a "," after your pathetic name.

In my previous post, I had not constructed it as a formal letter, and therefore the first two words were actually a statement. To let you know, the sentence after said statement was implied for you. A period may not have been necessary, but neither was a comma.

In conclusion: you, once again, fail at life.

Hugs and Kisses,
The_Phone_Guy

 
At 5:58 AM, Blogger The Answer said...

oh the drama... sometimes i wonder why i read comments on gmdave's blog posts

well dave, i was wrong about you, i guess you really are real. damn. Awesome lance, by the way. Yes, i am yet again going backwards in reading posts, and leaving comments.

I don't understand the people that flame eachother in your comments, GM dave, it's almost sad to watch, how one tries to defend you, and ends up looking retarded in the end. i mean, come on. I see no purpose in flaming back at faker. I mean, if he's so disgruntled about what dave's doing, then let him say what he wants, and leave it at that, and for the love of god, no more of this "you fail at life" bullshit, or whatever reiterations there are.

 

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