[GM]Dave Does Not Do Parties
Would you call 911 because you thought it would be cool to meet a police officer?Would you rush into the emergency room just to meet a doctor?
Sane people would answer no to these questions.
So why is it I keep getting requests to "come hang out with us"?
The GM Call system is for EMERGENCIES ONLY.
ONLY.
Do you understand?
I'm not here to come to your events.
I'm not here to "party with you".
I'm here to feed people to dragons.
Now, if you should choose to request my presense at some form of social event, you're asking for trouble.
You're practically asking me to bring a giant Wyrm to your house and have it ingest you.
Personally, I would prefer to NOT be eaten by a dragon.
Maybe that's just me.
And yet, people who seem perfectly rational continue to send GM calls asking for me to come and meet them.
Lesson of the Day: Be careful what you wish for.
So, yesterday afternoon, I was working on a set of TPS reports and cover sheets (read: working on my smithing skill and a bottle of whisky) when I received a GM call from a player name Myria.
GM Call Description: I apparently do not value my life or character. Murder me via dragon, please.
Wait... that's not quite right...
I'm paraphrasing again.
GM Call Description: Having an event. Want [GM]Dave to come.
Now, it's not that I don't like getting invited.
I really do.
But honestly, guys, I have stuff to do.
These bottles don't just empty themselves, you know.
Still... there may be a perfectly logical reason why they'd want a GM there.
At least, they better hope there's a good reason.
[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand there's a problem with the roof.
Myria>> What?
[GM]Dave>> The roof...
[GM]Dave>> It's on (( Fire )).
Myria>> lol
Myria>> We don't need no (( Water )).
[GM]Dave>> Did you just say lol?
[GM]Dave>> Seriously?
Myria>> I was laughing.
[GM]Dave>> So just type Ha ha.
Myria>> Oh... kay.
[GM]Dave>> And if you type 'w', I swear to God...
Myria>> No lol's, no w's.
Myria>> Gotcha.
[GM]Dave>> Good. That's good.
[GM]Dave>> Now, I understand you're having a party.
Myria>> Kind of.
Myria>> It's my brother's birthday.
[GM]Dave>> That's nice.
[GM]Dave>> And you needed a GM because...
Myria>> I thought it would be nice to invite you.
[GM]Dave>> Despite my fondness for killing people?
Myria>> Oh you can kill him.
Myria>> I don't mind.
[GM]Dave>> Who said anything about him?
Myria>> Would it help if I apologized?
[GM]Dave>> It might make me giggle.
Myria>> Please.
Myria>> Could you just say Happy Birthday to him?
[GM]Dave>> Fine.
[GM]Dave>> Where is he?
Myria>> His name's Malaign and he's probably in Sky.
Myria>> Actually, he's probably getting killed by a Pot.
[GM]Dave>> How do you know?
Myria>> It happens a lot.
So, I run a quick check for his brother.
Name's Malaign. He's in Sky. Getting killed by a Pot so he's probably a...
[GM]Dave>> He's a Monk.
Myria>> That's him.
[GM]Dave>> How exactly does a Monk aggro a Pot?
Myria>> I don't actually know.
Myria>> He's talented.
[GM]Dave>> Or borderline retarded.
Myria>> That too.
[GM]Dave>> Because the suffering of mortals amuses me...
[GM]Dave>> Let's go see your brother.
I warp us both directly to Sky and it's honestly true.
There was Malaign. A Monk. Getting beaten down by a Pot.
Words fail me.
[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I'm here to council you on suicide.
Malaign>> Help me!
[GM]Dave>> And why would I do that?
Malaign>> It's my birthday.
[GM]Dave>> Let me get the confetti.
Malaign>> Could you at least Cure me?
[GM]Dave>> Well... I could do that.
[GM]Dave>> But then you wouldn't learn anything.
Malaign>> Come on.
Malaign>> It's my birthday for God's sake.
[GM]Dave>> Fine.
[GM]Dave>> I'll Raise you when you die.
Malaign>> Ohpleaseohpleaseohplease
[GM]Dave>> Sigh.
Since it was his birthday afterall, I decided to spare his life.
I'm a softy.
I pull out my Great Sword and one shot the Pot.
[GM]Dave>> There. You're safe.
[GM]Dave>> But you're not getting a present.
Malaign>> Thank you.
[GM]Dave>> Eh, don't worry about it.
[GM]Dave>> Wait...
[GM]Dave>> Are you wearing a subligar?
Malaign>> Yeah.
Malaign>> I think they're cool.
*warpaga*
Malaign>> What's going on?!
[GM]Dave>> You have been found guilty.
Malaign>> Of what?
[GM]Dave>> Crimes against eyesight.
[GM]Dave>> How do you plead?
Malaign>> You already found me guilty.
[GM]Dave>> Justice is efficient.
[GM]Dave>> What can I say?
Malaign>> But it's my birthday!
[GM]Dave>> Wow.
[GM]Dave>> That and 20 gil will buy you some copper ore.
Malaign>> This is unfair.
[GM]Dave>> If you can't do the time...
[GM]Dave>> Don't wear the panties.
Malaign>> Can't we work something out?
[GM]Dave>> Sure we can.
Jormungand hits Malaign for 13,854 points of damage.
Malaign was defeated by Jormungand.
Malaign falls to level 74.
[GM]Dave>> Happy Birthday, by the way.
Myria>> lol
Jormungand hits Myria for 14,669 points of damage.
Myria was defeated by Jormungand.
[GM]Dave>> I warned you.
I like parties. I really, really do.
But you probably shouldn't invite me to your party unless there's an emergency.
Or you really like dragons.
posted by Goblin Smithy @ 6:47 AM
6 Comments:
You know... you could make some extra money by appearing at parties and killing people :o
I admit, I use LOL because it's an abreviation of saying 'laugh out loud'. I suppose I could be a real dork and just type out the whole word but....yeah.
Anyway, trying to 'say' anything involving a sound is pretty silly to begin with, if you think about it.
Myria? I think she's on Odin, I could have sworn I've seen her somewhere.....
Mnk/whm... If he hadn't already killed you for the subligar...
I make this my morning reading.
What a way to start off the day.
Thanks!
Found this other blog, had a GM Dave reference in it. Not as good as GM Dave, but still a little funny.
http://nooby-odyssey.blogspot.com/
faker said:
"Dear the_phone_guy,
You do not end a Dear with a period[,] fool. Go back and graduate before commenting on the internet again."
By the way, you forgot a comma. Looks like you need to go back and graduate, Jesus.
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