Friday, June 16, 2006


Why do people have to screw up a good system?

I know it's hard for some of you to actually think of others, but it would make life mucher easier for everyone.

Believe it or not, there are other people who live on YOUR planet.

Now, if there's anything I hate, it's drama.

I mean damn, you emo bitches. Can't you just write that shit in your journal, listen to your Papa Roach CDs, and leave the rest of us the hell alone?

And there is no drama worse than End Game drama. It's as if being level 75 somehow elevates the importance of your problems.

So, End Game linkshells on several servers have organized systems to reduce the amount of pathetic drama going on.

End Game linkshells on some servers even run an agreed upon event schedule so that everyone can know what's going on, so that this kind of bullshit doesn't happen.

My main server, for example, has an schedule website where linkshells can block out certain time periods for certain events, so that there is no crossover.

Smart, huh?

Instead of people bitching and moaning about "Oh, it's our turn to do Dynamis" or "Wah, we wanted to run that event now", these people got their shit together and worked out a scheduling system.

No more bitching. No more drama. No more emo forum threads about how this linkshell stole your cat or whatever the hell you people argue about.


Unfortunately, the scheduling system has one minor flaw. It requires that people NOT BE COMPLETELY FREAKING RETARDED!

What good is a scheduling system if you're just going to ignore it when it suits your needs?

If someone dared to interfere with your scheuleded event, you'd be the first person calling a GM.

You know you would.

But, for some reason, you think the same rules don't apply to you.

Rules are fun when they're working for you, aren't they?

The other night, I was on my main character and my LS was setting up for Dynamis. We had scheduled a Dynamis-Windurst run and we were just starting to organize when another LS JUMPS AHEAD OF US AND ENTERS DYNAMIS.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Man, did those guys ever have bad timing.

Seems I have to educate them on the finer points of End Game etiquette.

I didn't want to draw any attention to myself, so I left my main character logged in and slid my chair over to Susan's computer.

Not like she was doing anything important anyway. Who the hell needs a Thief's Knife?

I quickly log into my GM account and warp myself to Dynamis.

Some bitches is gonna die.

Let's review my choices:

a) explain the nature of the scheduling system, reprimand them, and tell them to be more careful in future

b) issue them all warnings and then remove them from the area

c) ban them

d) deluxe package

e) annoy and torture them until they either quit or kill themselves

Well, c through e all sound good, but damn if e doesn't win.

A couple of quick clicks and...

DynamisLord>> Hail, Adventurers.
DynamisLord>> Apparently, you were raised by wolves.
Player1>> HOLY SHIT!
Player2>> Dynamis Lord!!!
Player3>> He's not supposed to be here!
Player2>> Why the hell is he talking like that?!
DynamisLord>> Today, we're going to learn about sharing.
DynamisLord>> Sharing is very important.
Player4>> When did Dynamis Lord turn into a muppet?
DynamisLord>> How about we try sharing, boys and girls?
Player3>> This is ridiculous.
Player3>> I thought he was supposed to be all scary.
DynamisLord>> Let's share some new friends.
Player1>> WTF?!!

Right in front of them, I spawned a wave of Avatar Idols.

For those of you who are unfamiliar, Avatar Idols are special Dynamis monsters that look like statues of birds.

DynamisLord>> Avatar Idols are also good at sharing.
DynamisLord>> See, Avatar Idols like to share their friends.

That's when each of the idols spawned a number of monsters to help them. Assassins and Chanters and Sentinels.

Suddenly, there was an army of Yagudo ready to educate this entire linkshell.

And by "educate", I mean "mercilessly destroy".

Player1>> BLACK MAGES!

Seems Player1, their leader, didn't see me walk up behind him.

At least, I don't think he saw me.

He sure did look surprised when I "shared" my axe with his torso.

DynamisLord>> Isn't sharing fun?

I think that LS really learned something that day.

Most of them also learned to breathe through a sliced trachea, but the most important lesson was the sharing.

Seriously, people. Don't be total dicks. Have some courtesy for your fellow player.

Otherwise, you may find yourself with a torso full of giant axe.

Good lesson there.


At 9:52 AM, Blogger TheMerciless said...

You are simply a Beautiful, beautiful man. Thank you for teaching those bitch-tards the true value of sharing.

With an axe.

At 10:05 AM, Blogger Shayde said...

Is it just me, or does [GM]Dave appear to be possessed by Goblin Smithy?

Come to think of it, I've never seen them together...

Of course, I don't particularly care who's channeling whom. As long as e-tards get properly schooled, I'm a happy little camper.

At 10:05 AM, Blogger E. Swartz said...

w00t! blog linkage imminent. Your DMV post is the best yet, IMO. Look for a bookmark at:

At 10:16 AM, Blogger Seidell said...

lol I wish a [GM] would regulate on my server. then MAYBE people might enjoy end game again. Thanx dave!! /bow

At 11:28 AM, Blogger Texgnome1 said...

Ah, another wonderful entry. Consider yourself linked as well from both my blog and the fan forum I run. Now if you could just do something about all the e-tard mail spammers. Keep up the good work!

At 12:13 PM, Blogger Aoishi said...

This has been a good one.

At 12:27 PM, Blogger faker said...

Amazing too see, in every blog, maybe 3 of the players talk. Just another faulty move to back up your ignorance. Maybe next time you log on, /shutdown and pull the plug.

At 12:48 PM, Blogger freezinglimbo said...

you do realize that should he type out everything that everyone was saying, not only would you lose the point of the story, but the comedic value would not be near as great. So shut your hole and fucking deal with it. I could have sworn we were past people trying to validate the legitimacy of Dave being a GM. Just read the blog and laugh. It's not a debate, it's comic relief.

At 1:28 PM, Blogger Kenshinn said...

I am not a Davite or a member of the fan club but I do enjoy his posts.
So it never fails to amaze e the level of stupidity of some people. I mean seriously if you don’t like the blog then don’t read it. It’s a simple concept. Yet day in and day out you can read some of the same names coming in here just to post mindless, useless insults about a comedic blog.
Again If you don’t like it don’t read it. Instead you take the time to come here, read the blog, then post a meaningless insult. Isn’t this a tremendous waste of your time? Couldn’t you be being something else possibly productive? If I come across something on the web I don’t like I just click the little X in the corner and move on to something else. It doesn’t matter weather or not Dave is a real GM or not. He might actually be a GM with another name who does his job and does it well, and the things he posts here are the things he would just really like to do or say to some people. Or he just writes this blog off the hip, either way most of what he writes is truly funny. No one is forcing you to read this blog every day, its not like someone is standing behind you with a gun to your head says “Read this now or Die”. You choose to come here and read it thereby wasting your own time of you don’t like it. So just grow up, find something else to read and leave the blog alone.
Dave doesn’t care if you don’t like his blog, he is not writing it for you. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing the same way over and over again and expecting different results. For those of you who keep coming here and posting mindless insults which will have no affect on the blog other then proving you have no life and need to waste your own time posting insults you are proving this fact.

At 2:45 PM, Blogger Dantaro said...

Oooook, after the last 2 posts I suppose I don't have anything left to say about those subjects, and neither should anyone else.

So yeah, funny stuff [GM]Dave, and I agree, Susan doesn't REALLY need a thiefs knife.

At 3:12 PM, Blogger Thistle said...

I have a feeling that Susan is going to eventually become friends with your mother, Dave. Better start treating her right now if you want to prevent that!

At 3:34 PM, Blogger Tycooner said...

"Kenshinn" - Very well said.


Another good conquest on the retards. I enjoyed the laugh and like others my monitor almost....that's almost wore my morning tea. I even read it a second time later on in the afternoon but this time without the tea so I could relly enjoy the laugh without worrying about shorting out the monitor and keyboard.

At 4:43 PM, Blogger Myloko said...

Way to open the can of GM Dave whoopass justice! :D

At 5:07 PM, Blogger Galkizzle said...

I love you, Dave.

You inspired me to continue writing in my blog. And the fact that 3 people told me to keep doing it.


At 7:25 PM, Blogger Shidwa said...

My main server, for example, has an schedule website where linkshells can block out certain time periods for certain events, so that there is no crossover.

Might want to fix that.

At 10:09 PM, Blogger Breese said...

You, sir, are in fact god. I have began constructing a shrine to Davism. Perhaps the next Mecca? Seriously, I love your blog. You are exactly what I would be if I were a GM! ;)

At 10:45 PM, Blogger Sybylloura said...

[GM}Dave, first off, you are awesome. I've recently been turned to you blog through a LS forum post, and I've been laughing my ass off. I even read them to my roommate while he's playing, and he has to tell the LS he's AFK because he's laughing too hard. Keep up the awesome work, man!

Secondly, two things: Kenshinn, while I agree with you, keep in mind the posters' name (Faker). The stupidity, ignorance, and audacity of the poster could be from the fact it's a dummy acc't just to rile people up and cause the accursed "D" word from [GM]Dave's blog. Coincedence? Yeah, maybe. Conspiracy? Yeah, maybe. It IS Dave we're talking about here! ;-)

Seriously, I'm gonna have to agree with [GM]Dave from a blog a little while back about emo forum people during maint'c. Even if you don't like it, you don't have to respond. Most people see a thread about the typical BS and they skip it. Granted, this isn't a forum, but the same rules apply. You get an asshat that likes to stir the pot. So you ignore them instead of playing into the trap. Simple as that. ^^

I only get to play a day a week now, so this is my new gaming experience, so keep feeding Jormy and keep the Ban Stick in working order Dave! I look forward to the next one.


At 7:51 AM, Blogger Cowardly said...

Is GM Dave a REAL GM in FFXI or does he make up stories just for entertainment? Either way I enjoy his board very much. ^^

At 8:42 AM, Blogger loque said...

If you're talking about Nerfed ... BAN THEM ALL!

Or teach them a lesson. I swear the LS was created to intentioanlly screw up other HNMLs' ._.

At 8:42 AM, Blogger loque said...

sorry .. just venting :P

At 12:08 PM, Blogger Nightflower said...

You are a wonderful human being.
I would say this, but I assume you would get mad at me and feed me to a dragon. It would be an honor, but I enjoy my body to be more...alive than dead.
Keep up the tortureous work of destroying the egos of those rude, stupid, crazy people.


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