[GM]Dave Goes Outside
Alternate Title: "There are no spawn points in RL."Today was my day off.
Did I get to spend the day partying? Crafting? Questing?
No.
I had to go to the damned DMV.
For those of you who play 23 hours a day, those rectangular things in the walls around you are doors.
They lead to the outside world. A world full of fresh air and natural sunlight.
Just saying it makes me ill.
But, alas, I was forced into the "real" world and actually had to interact with other human beings.
This is never a good thing.
If you think I have a low tolerance for stupidity in game, you cannot even comprehend the infinitesimal amount of patience I have for the meat puppets in the real world.
Anyone know where I can pick up a dragon?
So, I head out and immediately, I'm assaulted by a flying newspaper.
This is strange as I do not actually subscribe to a newspaper. I mean who in the hell still reads hardcopy?
I decided to correct the paperboy by waving my hand and talking to him.
Except replace "waving my hand" with "throwing a rock".
And replace "talking to him" with "knocking him unconscious".
Dave 1, World 0.
I will admit, he looked confused as he awoke to a strange man screaming "STONE III, PUNK!"
A second rock took care of that.
Having survived my first ordeal, I get in my car and hit the freeway. During the ten minute drive, I am almost killed 6 times by other "drivers".
I use quotation marks because what they were doing can only be considered driving in the most liberal sense of the word.
I made a mental note to ban them later.
Old habits die hard.
Still avoiding the hapless idiots who somehow managed to start their cars, I see my exit coming up.
Haha, bitches. I survived.
Dave 2, World 0.
I arrive at the DMV to find all of the parking spots are heavily camped. As soon as one appears, it's instantly claimed.
Damned car botters.
Dave 2, World 1.
With a sigh, I step into the building.
And into a giant line up.
Yay.
Dave 2, World 2.
Someone tries to cut the line and claim the ??? before his turn.
A quick clothesline to the trachea reaffirms his understanding of the line system.
Dave 3, World 2.
I finally get to the head of the line.
The counter NPC finally opens up and I rush up to her.
[GM]Dave>> Hail, DMV maiden.
DMVLady>> Excuse me?
[GM]Dave>> Force of habit.
[GM]Dave>> I need to renew my Ballista license.
DMVLady>> Your what?
[GM]Dave>> DAMMIT.
[GM]Dave>> Driver's License.
DMVLady>> Okay, sir.
DMVLady>> I need your 34-A form.
[GM]Dave>> Form?
DMVLady>> The form you were supposed to get.
DMVLady>> Before you got in line.
[GM]Dave>> Ah.
[GM]Dave>> And suppose I don't have this form.
DMVLady>> Suppose I told you to jump up your own ass.
[GM]Dave>> How graphic.
[GM]Dave>> I'll just go get that form then.
Apparently, I seem to have forgotten a key item.
Dave 3, World 3.
I go and get the infinitely important 34-A form. Worlds obviously hang in the balance.
Quickly filling it out, I head back to the counter.
And aggro an Orcish Fatlady.
OrcishFatlady>> Wait your turn!
[GM]Dave>> I've already been here.
OrcishFatlady>> I don't give a rat's ass!
[GM]Dave>> Well, thank god.
[GM]Dave>> Who would honestly give a rat's ass?
This momentarily stunned her. Luckily, it lasted long enough for me to push past her and get back to the counter.
[GM]Dave>> Here's your form.
[GM]Dave>> Make with the license.
DMVLady>> I'm sorry.
DMVLady>> This is form 34-B.
[GM]Dave>> Wow. Great story.
[GM]Dave>> I wonder who'll play me in the movie.
[GM]Dave>> License. Now.
DMVLady>> I can't renew a license without form 34-A.
Dave 3, World 4.
DMVLady>> Didn't you notice you had the wrong one?
[GM]Dave>> I will admit...
[GM]Dave>> I didn't get the pregnancy questions.
DMVLady>> And that didn't tip you off?
[GM]Dave>> I don't know your primitive rituals.
[GM]Dave>> I thought you were just being thorough.
DMVLady>> I'm sorry, sir.
DMVLady>> No form, no license.
[GM]Dave>> I swear...
[GM]Dave>> If I had a dragon right now.
DMVLady>> Can I direct you to our complaints manager?
[GM]Dave>> Why does this seem familiar?
It was at that point that a large burly man grabbed me by the back of the neck and carried me outside.
Physically carried me.
Dave 3, World 5.
Defeated, I drove home, stepped over the still unconscious paperboy, and went back into my house.
My nice, safe house.
I then proceeded to ban every player that sent a GM call that entire night.
Every single player.
One guy got permabanned for getting stuck behind a table at a tavern in San d'Oria.
[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
Player>> Hi, there.
Player>> I'm stuck behind a table.
[GM]Dave>> Do you have form 34-A?
posted by Goblin Smithy @ 3:50 AM
15 Comments:
bureaucracy = nuissance :x
it's needed, but cant they make it simpler?
btw, great blog :)
you're quite a writer
A shame there are laws against drenching a building in lighter fluid and gasoline and then chucking in a Molotov Cocktail, but then again if you yell out “Fire 3!” loud enough you might be able to pull off the insanity plea.
I'm still using my intermediate restricted license even though I'm 18 and have been for about 5 months because I don't want to go to the DMV...
lol, yea going to the dmv sucks.
Must be in CA. I've been to the DMV here and can't believe I survived. (Thought I was special)
Dear Dickkead,
You "don't" have to "use" quotation "marks" for "every" other "word."
Have a "good" day,
-[GM]Dave
Atleast I'm not the only person to deal with the mindless n00bs at the DMV.......
Or the Highway n00bs....I need a tank...
...keep up the good work
I don't think i've ever had to fill out a form at the DMV... but maybe that's cause I live in Canada and most DMV places are dead at any time of the day ^^v
Lol, excellent Dave, I lolled.
"[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
Player>> Hi, there.
Player>> I'm stuck behind a table.
[GM]Dave>> Do you have form 34-A?"
Gotta love it.
LOL great blog, a very good choice in words!
DMVLady>> Can I direct you to our complaints manager?
[GM]Dave>> Why does this seem familiar?
All my 5 are b'long to you. *****
hehehe
This was definately one of your better blogs. I got coffee on my moniter too. =)
That's karma, Dave.
I have to agree with dick. Anyone that doesnt see the irony in this is stupid and really fails at life.
I mean first off, the DMV has a web site (kinda like a wiki.DMVclopedia.org) where even a trained monkey could just click-click and get the step-by-step on how to renew a license. On top of that, they even send a brochure with your renewal notification (kinda like how they include manuals for games) its sort of like a how to guide for dummys on licenses. I bet there is even signs at the DMV that say Warning: must pick up forms before getting in line. Yet oblivious to all this Mr Dave ( i use Mr because so not worthy of the term GM) gets in line
and then has the nerve to get witty (read: retarded) with the clerk. AND even after being directed to get a 34-A, you somehow manage to come back with the wrong form...I mean how stupid can you be? so after being rude to the orc and the counter lady, and cutting in line (i mean if a GM tell you to go jump up your own ass and you place another call, will you be placed at the top of the priority list. I doubt it) you still manage to be a dumbass and get directed to the complaints manager ...
anyway, im just glad you got what you deserved for being RL functionaly retarded... you got fed to jormy ...only replace fed by physically carried and jormy by large burly man.
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