Friday, June 09, 2006

Quartermasterbaters

Okay, I get the desire people have for good gear.

I mean, you spend so much time farming and NM camping just to have the best of the best.

It sucks.

You want to ensure that your gear is the best it can be.

That, however, is not an excuse to be an absolute dick.

The quartermaster function was designed so that the group could assign one member to obtain all items for later sale.

It was not designed so you could screw over an entire group because you're retarded.

Believe it or not, you're not the center of the damned universe and maybe, just maybe, you don't deserve every item that drops when you're in a group.

Yes, yes. You can stop your sad, pathetic, grammarless ranting.

I don't care.

I know you want the items. I know you want the gil.

But there's a fine line between being your average n00b and being a total asshat.

That line is the quartermaster.

Do you have any idea how many calls I get about idiots who set quartermaster mid-battle to steal items?

Or worse yet, the bastards who use it to obtain an item they can't even freakin' use?

There are few things I hate more than these pricks.

And I hate a lot of stuff.

This morning I was on a sweet crafting run, when I got a GM call.

Now, I'm not going to blame the GM call, but my synth crit failed and I lost some high end items.

I was unhappy.

I was just about to deluxe package the caller as a lesson when I glanced at the description.

GM Call Description: Player used QM to steal Assault Jerkin.

Perhaps I'd find a new target for my unhappiness (read: unbridled rage).

[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> Now, who got fed to a dragon?
Player>> ... uhh...
Player>> What?
[GM]Dave>> Your call said you got GMed.
[GM]Dave>> It's what we do.
Player>> No, no.
Player>> He used QM.
Player>> Quartermaster.
[GM]Dave>> Oh...
[GM]Dave>> Quartermaster is a normal game blah blah blah...
[GM]Dave>> What's the prick's name?
Player>> He's over right there.
Player>> The Galka.
[GM]Dave>> You mean the Black Mage?
Player>> Yeah.
Player>> You can see why I'm pissed.
[GM]Dave>> Thank you for your call. I'll look into this.
[GM]Dave>> And by look into, I mean I'll mess that bitch up.

Now, I don't mind if someone wins a lot fair and square (no pun intended). If they're in the group that kills the NM, then sure they have the right to lot.

People who aren't total dicks might choose to let someone who needs the Jerkin have it instead of lotting themselves.

That's a judgement call, though.

Using QM to STEAL the item is also a judgement call.

You judge yourself to be somehow more important than the other people in the group.

You also judge yourself to be a gigantic retard.

And we all know how I feel about the retards.

[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> Congratulations on your new Jerkin.
BlackMage>> ... umm... thanks.
[GM]Dave>> Funny thing, though.
[GM]Dave>> You didn't have the highest lot.
BlackMage>> The group gave it to me.
[GM]Dave>> That was awfully nice of them.
[GM]Dave>> I mean giving an Assault Jerkin to a BLM.
BlackMage>> Yeah... they're friends of mine.
[GM]Dave>> Can I ask you something?
BlackMage>> Sure.
[GM]Dave>> Why did you want the Assault Jerkin?
[GM]Dave>> Your only job this level is your Black Mage.
BlackMage>> I'm planning on leveling Dark Knight.
BlackMage>> Maybe.
[GM]Dave>> So your group of "friends" let you have the Jerkin.
BlackMage>> Yeah.
[GM]Dave>> A group of "friends" including Thiefs and Dragoons.
[GM]Dave>> Cause you might play Dark Knight.
[GM]Dave>> Maybe.
BlackMage>> That's right.
[GM]Dave>> Can I ask you another question?
BlackMage>> Sure.
[GM]Dave>> Were you dropped as a child?
[GM]Dave>> On your head maybe?
BlackMage>> HEY!!!
[GM]Dave>> I mean that might explain the stupidity.
BlackMage>> WTF!?!
[GM]Dave>> Or did your Mom smoke crack during pregnancy?
[GM]Dave>> Was she blazin' the rock?
BlackMage>> YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!!!
[GM]Dave>> A BLM steals an Assault Jerkin...
[GM]Dave>> And I'm the asshole.
[GM]Dave>> Hold on a second... I'm getting another GM call.
[GM]Dave>> It's from the pot. He says you're black.
BlackMage>> I DIDN'T STEAL IT!
[GM]Dave>> I know, I know.
[GM]Dave>> They "gave" it to you.
BlackMage>> YOU CAN'T PROVE THEY DIDN'T!

Why do the biggest idiots always assume we need "proof" in order to ban them?

This isn't Law and Order, you morons.

We can ban you for any reason at any time. And you even signed a contract saying it was okay.

You did read that contract first, didn't you?

This is our game. We own the ball.

Piss us off and we'll take our ball and go home.

[GM]Dave>> You're right. I don't have proof.
[GM]Dave>> So we're going to let you keep the Jerkin.
BlackMage>> DAMN RIGHT!

*warp*

BlackMage>> Oh shit.
BlackMage>> Where are we?
[GM]Dave>> Welcome to Quartermasters Anonymous.
[GM]Dave>> Everyone, this is BlackMage.
[GM]Dave>> He's a Quartermaster.
[GM]Dave>> And also retarded.
BlackMage>> There's no one else here.

Jormungand hits BlackMage for 16,890 points of damage.
BlackMage was defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> I think we made some good progress today.
[GM]Dave>> Same time next week?

Sadly, Mr. BlackMage didn't show up for the next meeting.

He was probably busy or something.

Except replace "something" with "banned so damned hard he'll be the only person with a WoW character in a wheelchair."

All of you Quartermastards, do us a big favor would you?

Take a nice deep breath....

Now, exhale...

Permanently.

28 Comments:

At 9:10 PM, Blogger Jory said...

Dave class man yet again you make me laugh and smile.

Keep up the good work.

 
At 9:14 PM, Blogger Jhes said...

Wow, i know how this goes..i was helping a pld friend obtain jelly ring from the jelly nm in boasteunix obluitte (sp) another "friend" of his offered to help..who also happened to be a pld..for some reason my friend gave the other pld leader..after 4 1/2 hrs of camping, the nm finally pops, we kill and get the drop..my friend lots and the other pld lots and my friend gets winning lot..now we were wondering why he lotted when we remembered the slept links that we had got during the battle, we were fighting them when i happen to see the QM dot pop up on the other pld and the ring drop to him..needless to say we were very p'd off.


I really wish you could come to our server sometime and dispense some [GM]Dave brand justice.

 
At 10:21 PM, Blogger Julia said...

[GM]Dave>> Were you dropped as a child?
[GM]Dave>> On your head maybe?
BlackMage>> HEY!!!
[GM]Dave>> I mean that might explain the stupidity.
BlackMage>> WTF!?!
[GM]Dave>> Or did your Mom smoke crack during pregnancy?
[GM]Dave>> Was she blazin' the rock?
BlackMage>> YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!!!
[GM]Dave>> A BLM steals an Assault Jerkin...
[GM]Dave>> And I'm the asshole.


Once again, you have made me laugh to the point where I've awakened my sleeping child. I need to read these things when the kids are awake.

Well done, well done. I hate quartermastering asshats myself.

 
At 10:23 PM, Blogger Para said...

Did you give the gear to the person who should have gotten it in the group? :x

Either way, nice.

 
At 10:32 PM, Blogger DeaconBlue said...

Justice served again, thank you [GM]Dave, comedy gold as always.

 
At 10:40 PM, Blogger Baelwulf said...

Just a point of interest(something any GM should know): Assault Jerkin is rare/ex, it can't be stolen through the quartermaster function, rare/ex items are left up to be lotted by the entire party.

 
At 12:44 AM, Blogger Nytorio said...

Except replace "something" with "banned so damned hard he'll be the only person with a WoW character in a wheelchair."


LMAO

 
At 1:31 AM, Blogger Reeree said...

just a point of interest: nobody cares if you can flick a peanut into your mouth from the tip of your Cave Worm.

 
At 2:08 AM, Blogger Val said...

[GM]Dave>> Why did you want the Assault Jerkin?
[GM]Dave>> Your only job this level is your Black Mage.
BlackMage>> I'm planning on leveling Dark Knight.
BlackMage>> Maybe.
[GM]Dave>> So your group of "friends" let you have the Jerkin.
BlackMage>> Yeah.
[GM]Dave>> A group of "friends" including Thiefs and Dragoons.


Anyone else noticed how he began referring to "friends" as soon as the Blackmage told he was going to be a Dark Knight? Classic.

 
At 2:30 AM, Blogger Aoishi said...

Galka black mage. Hahaha Int-3

 
At 2:50 AM, Blogger STFU said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 2:54 AM, Blogger STFU said...

These people here are prime candidates for a soaked rawhide blanket wrap and left out in the desert for a day. (Hint: raw hide shrinks when dried)

http://digg.com/gaming/A_Day_in_the_Life_of_a_Game_Master

+ that weinersock Baelwulf

 
At 4:16 AM, Blogger shingui of cerberus said...

Didnt jourgamond take a break?

 
At 6:11 AM, Blogger Lokkin said...

Hehehe, nice, liked the WoW Character in a wheel chair.

Once again, thank you for another amusing blog, and getting rid of another retarded asshole.

 
At 9:37 AM, Blogger Natch said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 9:39 AM, Blogger Natch said...

[GM]Dave>> Hold on a second... I'm getting another GM call.
[GM]Dave>> It's from the pot. He says you're black.



I've been reading your blog for about a month now(I read some entires then went back to the 1st one and read from there), and I've finally found the time(read: motivation) to sign up and post.

Anyways, keep up the good work and make sure that you don't go crazy from all of the idiots.

9:37 AM

 
At 12:59 PM, Blogger ColdhartedRagnarok said...

assault jerkin cant be stolen by quartermaster because it is rare/ex, if anyone still thinks dave is real.. There's your proof right there. This story is still funny as hell, just like the rest of them. But I dont think Dave really wants you to belive he is real, so stop sending GM calls and pestiring the real gms.

 
At 1:22 PM, Blogger Music-chan said...

ahahaha! WoW character in a wheelchair.

I laughed until I stopped!

 
At 4:59 PM, Blogger shadow_wolf said...

coldhearted..

Congratulations, you won the Captain Obvious award. Your prize is to get eaten by a dragon. Have a nice day. =p

 
At 6:49 PM, Blogger Balfor said...

assault jerkin cant be stolen by quartermaster because it is rare/ex, if anyone still thinks dave is real.. There's your proof right there. This story is still funny as hell, just like the rest of them. But I dont think Dave really wants you to belive he is real, so stop sending GM calls and pestiring the real gms.

some people actually think he's a real GM after all this time?

 
At 11:13 AM, Blogger ColdhartedRagnarok said...

i've seen people say it balfor

 
At 3:46 PM, Blogger Taeryunn said...

Coldhearted: That's not a diamond, it's just a rock.

 
At 4:50 PM, Blogger ColdhartedRagnarok said...

dont follow

 
At 5:49 PM, Blogger Taeryunn said...

Cold: People find beauty in a diamond. But in reality a diamond is just a rock. It only has value because we give it value.

[GM]Dave brings us humor. He lightens game frustrations and brings us ways to enjoy even the most annoying of situations and/or people. Whether [GM]Dave is a real GM or not isn't in question. We have value in his stories.

It's sad that some people feel the need to bring doubt or criticism to something that makes so many people smile.

 
At 6:17 PM, Blogger ColdhartedRagnarok said...

ummm ok, but a diamond is special because it is extremely rare and pleasing to the eyes.

The real problem here is the 50 gm calls a day that regard GM Dave. You wonder why there 81 calls before yours on your server? Some of them are for this.

Indeed, yes, many stories are extremely funny, but Dave is NOT a real gm. He is NOT. Stop sending GM calls!!! My real life friend is a GM and he tells me he deals with this crap every single day at least 10 times. That is ridiculous, and needs to stop.

 
At 7:28 AM, Blogger thats_what_she said...

pfft.

 
At 2:25 AM, Blogger Morpheus_Levi said...

Except replace "something" with "banned so damned hard he'll be the only person with a WoW character in a wheelchair."

ohh my F*ckin god im laughing so hard. you have no idea thats like the greatest shit ive ever heard. its better then the your moms so fat it takes 3 blms to warp her joke. lmfao great one Dave you da shit!

 
At 7:04 PM, Blogger Voeop said...

[GM]Dave, You Are My Hero!!!!







FYI: Diamonds Are Not Rare.......

 

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