It's Good to be King
Alternate Title: "Dave-ine Intervention"I have started to get the feeling that some people are starting to have a bad view of me.
I'm not a bad guy.
Yes, I do ban people who break the rules. Or bend the rules.
Or just piss me off.
But that doesn't make me bad.
I just have a very low tolerance for stupidity. That doesn't mean I hate everybody.
It means I hate everybody thats retarded.
Now, chances are this does not mean you.
Seriously. There's no way the majority of society can be that idiotic. Probability alone suggests that those of you reading this are probably not retarded.
This blog is written as education for the retarded and as entertainment for the non-retarded.
It's a public service, is what it is.
Unfortunately, some of you feel I have it out for all players. That couldn't be further from the truth.
As long as you're not mega-gundam-retarded, we're cool.
But to foster a stronger bond between myself and the community, today I decided to try and help out some players.
The fact that several RMT were killed in the process was merely coincidence.
I did a quick check of a random server (the wheel of
And right next to them, your average linkshell group.
Tsk, tsk, tsk. This just won't do.
Why should a good, normal group have to compete with people too damned stupid to get a real job?
I decided, in my Davely goodness, to intervene.
King Arthro's was going to spawn soon, so I had to be quick. A few button presses later and the trap was set.
When King Arthro popped, the RMT group descended on him like a pack of wolves.
It was both terrible and beautiful, the way they all swarmed around me.
Wait...
Did I say me?
Oh, that's right.
I was controlling King Arthro.
Isn't that the darnedest thing?
RMT1>> (( Provoke )) target King Arthro! HP: 100%
KingArthro>> OH DAMN!
KingArthro>> AGGRO!
RMT2>> WTF?!
RMT1>> What's it doing?
KingArthro>> LINK! LINK!
KingArthro>> ZONE!
And I zoomed off into the distance.
You haven't seen funny until you've seen a group of gil sellers trying to chase down a crab with Flee.
Gotta love the Speed Belt.
If they want to fight me, those bastards have to catch me first.
RMT2>> What's going on?!
RMT3>> It's gone crazy!
KingArthro>> I resent that.
KingArthro>> It's bad enough you're trying to hurt me.
KingArthro>> Do you have to hurt my self-esteem as well?
RMT1>> Something's wrong here.
KingArthro>> That hurts on the inside.
KingArthro>> Where the bruises don't heal.
RMT4>> Sleep it. Sleep it.
KingArthro>> Perhaps, we can settle this another way...
KingArthro>> Rock-Paper-Scissors?
RMT3>> Would one of you tards Provoke already?
RMT1>> It's not working.
KingArthro>> I beg to differ.
KingArthro>> I'm starting to have mixed feelings toward you.
RMT1>> (( Provoke )) target King Arthro! HP: 87%
KingArthro>> That one worked... I think.
KingArthro>> It's supposed to tingle, right?
RMT2>> JUST DIE, BASTARD!!!
KingArthro>> Name calling? Really?
KingArthro>> I thought we were above that.
I'll give these guys credit. They must have chased me halfway across Jugner.
If they weren't RMT, I might even have pitied them.
KingArthro>> OH SHIT!
KingArthro>> RUN, PERCIVAL!
KingArthro>> SAVE YOURSELF!
RMT4>> We've almost got him.
RMT2>> Keep going.
KingArthro>> TRAIN TO ZONE!
KingArthro>> TARD TRAIN TO ZONE!
I zoned through into Batallia Downs and was quickly followed by the gil sellers.
Unfortunately for them, there's an unpleasant surprise waiting on the other side of that loading screen.
Downloading Data...
Downloading Data...
Area: Mordion Gaol
RMT1>> OH Damn!
RMT3>> We didn't do anything.
KingArthro>> This is my town now, bitches.
RMT3>> We can take him, guys.
RMT2>> Stay on him.
KingArthro>> Go ahead.
KingArthro>> But since this was an unfair fight...
KingArthro>> I brought some friends.
Now, a clipper isn't that scary.
Or a snipper.
But 800 of them?
That shit is terrifying.
Their useless, brainless bodies were caught up in the flood of crabs that appeared around them. Each muffled scream was met with dozens upon dozens of strikes.
KingArthro>> You know, they make shampoo for that.
Their members quickly fell until the last was finally struck down. His name went gray and his body, limp.
KingArthro>> And what have we learned today?
KingArthro>> That's right, Billy.
KingArthro>> R-M-T is R-E-Tarded.
KingArthro>> Good job, Billy.
I ended up banning the lot of them with a side order of Deluxe Package. Hopefully, this will be a learning experience.
Or hopefully, a few of those guys will die.
You know, whatever.
And to show that I am indeed a humanitarian, I repopped King Arthro so the other group could take their shot.
I probably should have let it drop a Speed Belt.
Oh come on. I'm going for nice guy, not sainthood.
posted by Goblin Smithy @ 7:39 PM
10 Comments:
KingArthro>> OH SHIT!
KingArthro>> RUN, PERCIVAL!
KingArthro>> SAVE YOURSELF!
Comedy Gold.
"Nice Guy, not Sainthood"...
LMFAO.
and galkizzle, didnt you know that Dave and Jormy have an "open" relationship?
Jormy "opens" his mouth. Dave drops in the tards.
The best laugh I've had from this blog in a while.
I hope to see more like it...
Thanks! :D
I was there today on Caitsith when King Arthro popped and didnt see any of this ; ;
KingArthro>> OH SHIT!
KingArthro>> RUN, PERCIVAL!
KingArthro>> SAVE YOURSELF!
My sides...my sides! The pain!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
I forget (didn't know from the beginning... What a n00b I am). What does RMT mean, besides what [GM]Dave said?
You'd think the RMts would notice that something's wrong when a crab starts talking XD
hmm... maybe no one saw this and got screenshots because... /shocked!!! GM Dave is a phony! :O imagine that?!
Wow, Poptart. Imagine that. Satire on the internet. Next thing you know, you're gonna tell me that The Onion isn't a real news publication.
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