Sunday, May 28, 2006


And by "parents", I mean "mother".


As many of you may remember, I was forced to ban my own mother from FFXI.

Well... not so much forced as I thought it would be funny as hell.

And it was.

Unfortunately, my mother did not take it so well.

Except replace the words "did not take it so well" with "vowed to have vengeance upon me in this life or the next".

I'm really hoping it's the next.

But, rather than simply be defeated, my mother decided that she would try to negotiate.

Now, negotiating is not one of my mom's usual tactics.

Negotiating suggests you actually care about the other person's perspective.

Mom always preferred a more "I'll hit you until you forget what your point was" kind of lady.

So, you can imagine my amazement when my mother went out and bought a new account just to send me a GM call.

GM Call Description: Need to speak with [GM]Dave.

When I answered the call, I figured it was someone who read my blog and had sent the call to either:

a) offer to have my babies
b) offer to kill me.

I really don't get any other responses. Babies or death threats, really.

But, as I do so love my fans, I logged in and headed over to Fairy server.

[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand you wish to convert to Davism.
[GM]Dave>> You should know, Davism is not an easy path...
Mom>> I can't believe you banned me.
[GM]Dave>> You're going to have to be more specific.
[GM]Dave>> I ban lots of people.
Mom>> I'm your mother.
[GM]Dave>> Hmmm... Mother... Mother...
[GM]Dave>> Nope, not ringing any bells.
Mom>> How could you ban your own mother?
Mom>> I brought you into this world.
[GM]Dave>> I know, Mom.
[GM]Dave>> We watched the video on my first date.
Mom>> Are you still whining about that?
Mom>> She was okay after she stopped crying.
[GM]Dave>> What can I do for you, oh mother dearest?
Mom>> Well... for starters...
[GM]Dave>> There's an unban now?
[GM]Dave>> When did they put that in?
Mom>> Davey, I really didn't want to do this.
[GM]Dave>> Do what?
Mom>> Remember that comic book collection you left here...
Mom>> All of those sealed boxes...
[GM]Dave>> Sigh. Black mail.
[GM]Dave>> And the mother of the year award goes to...
Mom>> You really brought this upon yourself.
[GM]Dave>> So what are your terms?
Mom>> I want my character completed restored
Mom>> With a Scorpion Harness +1.
[GM]Dave>> And a helicopter to the airport?
Mom>> If it's not done in five minutes, I start lighting boxes.
[GM]Dave>> Are you sure you want to do this, Mom?
[GM]Dave>> I'm warning you.
Mom>> You're warning ME?!
Mom>> Maybe I did hit you too hard.
[GM]Dave>> That's what social services said that time.
Mom>> You just don't get over stuff, do you?
Mom>> I did say I was sorry.
[GM]Dave>> No.
[GM]Dave>> You said you were sorry that I made you do that.
Mom>> Semantics.
Mom>> Let's not argue about who abused who.
[GM]Dave>> I suppose I have no choice.

*restores character*

[GM]Dave>> There. It's done.
[GM]Dave>> you can log in on your old character.
Mom>> It's nice to be back!
[GM]Dave>> There is one small thing though.
Mom>> And what might that be, Davey?


Jormungand hits Mom for 13,734 points of damage.
Mom was defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> I don't take kindly to threats.
[GM]Dave>> I'm sorry that you made me do that.
[GM]Dave>> You wouldn't really do that, Mom.
Mom>> There goes the first box.
Mom>> Man, they burn fast.
[GM]Dave>> Wow.
[GM]Dave>> I guess you really got me, didn't you?
[GM]Dave>> Yup. I just got owned.
[GM]Dave>> BURN.
[GM]Dave>> If only...
Mom>> ...
Mom>> If only what?
[GM]Dave>> If only I had been smart enough...
[GM]Dave>> To replace my comics with your wedding photos.
Mom>> ...
Mom>> You didn't.
[GM]Dave>> I did try to warn you.
Mom>> I really hate you.
[GM]Dave>> Love you , too, Mom.
[GM]Dave>> By the way, I just banned your new account, too.
[GM]Dave>> Any last words?

Your tell could not be received. The recipient has either logged off or was just banned from the game by her only child and is now using Google to try and purchase a gun.

[GM]Dave>> Guess not.

Now, psychologists would argue that having such a "strained" relationship with my mother would have serious impacts on my personal behavior, particularly how I deal with people I have authority over.

I really don't see it.


At 6:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

HURRAY!!!!!! BRAVO!!!!!!!

Thats the way to get her DAVE!!!

At 6:51 PM, Blogger Sebb said...

Oh Dave, what adventures are you and your mum going to get up to next. I think a crime fighting duo.

At 6:57 PM, Blogger ylimaf said...

lol yeah it was funny as hell..but her wedding photos? meh..maybe im just too soft or sumtin >_>

At 6:58 PM, Blogger ColdhartedRagnarok said...

ok that was a good one :p

At 6:59 PM, Blogger IronRaven said...

Dave, you are a true God.

I mean, banning your own Mother! Hilarious

Love the blog, man

lil side note, i never got the fan pack thing when i donated to you..meh

At 7:07 PM, Blogger Tim said...

What was the initial reason for banning your mom, anyway?

At 7:27 PM, Blogger Siegtaru said...

You made Nestea© go out nose. D:

...Good job. xD

At 7:30 PM, Blogger Galkizzle said...

Didn't you get that "Davism" thing from when I told you to start a religion?

At 7:37 PM, Blogger Reeree said...

Branch Davidians

At 7:53 PM, Blogger Alerith said...

Your so terrible...I LOVE IT. Funny stuff.

At 8:11 PM, Blogger Chronofantasy said...

Ha Ha, I can definitely see the love you have towards your mother. She's such a cool mom too to love FFXI so much to threaten you.

So does this mean there's already an evil entity for your new religion?

In a way, you may save yourself later... just in case she finds herself marrying a stranger in the game. I'm sure you don't want a new father that may turn out to be retarded.

Unless your parents are still together that is...

At 9:08 PM, Blogger Dantaro said...

Lmao, oh lord, Freud would HATE you. But me? Davism all the way for me

At 9:29 PM, Blogger HTL2001 said...


At 9:53 PM, Blogger Bellemithra said...


At 10:00 PM, Blogger Shinkada said...

Bwhahah, "Freud would HATE you." Nice call, Dan.

Some people just don't understand the way the world works, until you passively make them light their fondest memories on fire. Beautiful, beautiful fire.

If I wasn't already a part of Shinkianity, Tucker Maxism and The Holy Church of Maddox, [GM]Daveism would be close on my list. Well done.

At 10:04 PM, Blogger Julia said...


Seriously, that must be your very best one yet. :)

At 10:21 PM, Blogger Mute said...

I'm just waiting for the movie! :O

At 11:06 PM, Blogger Aoishi said...

Great addition to the other mother comic, bravo Dave, bravo.

At 11:06 PM, Blogger Aoishi said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 1:30 AM, Blogger Ziggurat said...

I want to be converted to Davism.

At 4:02 AM, Blogger Stocky said...

All hail Dave!

At 4:38 AM, Blogger Feba said...

Wedding Photos? Meh....

Should've replaced them with her most loved clothes...she doesn't seem to love people too much.

At 5:01 AM, Blogger Kittypenguin said...

Why couldn't she just come over to your place and bother you IRL :o?

At 5:42 AM, Blogger [GM]Dave said...

Bitch'd have to find me first.

At 7:10 AM, Blogger WhiteInferno said...

I figured you wouldn't be dumb enough to leave anything of yours over there.

At 10:31 AM, Blogger Elinea said...

Dave, I love your Mom-----
now I see where your sense of humor comes from. Maybe she should be a GM??

At 3:06 PM, Blogger Akujin said...

Dude your blogs are Hillarious, they are just so funny. I really hope I dun run into you on that game. I've only just got it so I shouldn't attract your attention just yet.................before you ask I am a retard

At 6:00 PM, Blogger Tachi said...

I would do Dave's mom tbh.

At 1:59 AM, Blogger Aeriel said...

LMAO I love your stories wth your mom in them they seem to be:

Story + Mom(Added Venom) = Hilarity

[GM]Dave + Tard = Dragon Kibble

All hail dave saviour of those without seriously challenged intellect!

At 5:00 AM, Blogger argmonkey said...

How would somone confuse wedding photos with comics? That's pushing suspension of belief a bit far.

At 6:35 AM, Blogger Taeryunn said...

"Mom>> Remember that comic book collection you left here...

Mom>> All of those sealed boxes..."

"argmonkey>> How would somone confuse wedding photos with comics? That's pushing suspension of belief a bit far. "

It never said she opened the sealed boxes and looked inside to confirm the comics were in there..

At 2:32 AM, Blogger Morpheus_Levi said...

i wanna ban my mom lol good job Dave!

At 9:45 PM, Blogger anonymous said...


At 10:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you all sick enough to support him?


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