STUPIDSTUPIDSTUPID PARENTSAnd by "parents", I mean "mother".
As many of you may remember, I was forced to ban my own mother from FFXI.
Well... not so much forced as I thought it would be funny as hell.
And it was.
Unfortunately, my mother did not take it so well.
Except replace the words "did not take it so well" with "vowed to have vengeance upon me in this life or the next".
I'm really hoping it's the next.
But, rather than simply be defeated, my mother decided that she would try to negotiate.
Now, negotiating is not one of my mom's usual tactics.
Negotiating suggests you actually care about the other person's perspective.
Mom always preferred a more "I'll hit you until you forget what your point was" kind of lady.
So, you can imagine my amazement when my mother went out and bought a new account just to send me a GM call.
GM Call Description: Need to speak with [GM]Dave.
When I answered the call, I figured it was someone who read my blog and had sent the call to either:
a) offer to have my babies
b) offer to kill me.
I really don't get any other responses. Babies or death threats, really.
But, as I do so love my fans, I logged in and headed over to Fairy server.
[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand you wish to convert to Davism.
[GM]Dave>> You should know, Davism is not an easy path...
Mom>> I can't believe you banned me.
[GM]Dave>> You're going to have to be more specific.
[GM]Dave>> I ban lots of people.
Mom>> I'm your mother.
[GM]Dave>> Hmmm... Mother... Mother...
[GM]Dave>> Nope, not ringing any bells.
Mom>> How could you ban your own mother?
Mom>> I brought you into this world.
[GM]Dave>> I know, Mom.
[GM]Dave>> We watched the video on my first date.
Mom>> Are you still whining about that?
Mom>> She was okay after she stopped crying.
[GM]Dave>> What can I do for you, oh mother dearest?
Mom>> Well... for starters...
Mom>> YOU CAN UNBAN MY ACCOUNT!!!
[GM]Dave>> There's an unban now?
[GM]Dave>> When did they put that in?
Mom>> Davey, I really didn't want to do this.
[GM]Dave>> Do what?
Mom>> Remember that comic book collection you left here...
Mom>> All of those sealed boxes...
[GM]Dave>> Sigh. Black mail.
[GM]Dave>> And the mother of the year award goes to...
Mom>> You really brought this upon yourself.
[GM]Dave>> So what are your terms?
Mom>> I want my character completed restored
Mom>> With a Scorpion Harness +1.
[GM]Dave>> And a helicopter to the airport?
Mom>> If it's not done in five minutes, I start lighting boxes.
[GM]Dave>> Are you sure you want to do this, Mom?
[GM]Dave>> I'm warning you.
Mom>> You're warning ME?!
Mom>> Maybe I did hit you too hard.
[GM]Dave>> That's what social services said that time.
Mom>> You just don't get over stuff, do you?
Mom>> I did say I was sorry.
[GM]Dave>> You said you were sorry that I made you do that.
Mom>> Let's not argue about who abused who.
Mom>> NOW, FIX MY CHARACTER.
[GM]Dave>> I suppose I have no choice.
[GM]Dave>> There. It's done.
[GM]Dave>> you can log in on your old character.
Mom>> OH YEAH, BABY!
Mom>> It's nice to be back!
[GM]Dave>> There is one small thing though.
Mom>> And what might that be, Davey?
Jormungand hits Mom for 13,734 points of damage.
Mom was defeated by Jormungand.
[GM]Dave>> I don't take kindly to threats.
Mom>> YOU BASTARD!!!
[GM]Dave>> I'm sorry that you made me do that.
Mom>> SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR COMICS!!!
[GM]Dave>> You wouldn't really do that, Mom.
Mom>> There goes the first box.
Mom>> Man, they burn fast.
[GM]Dave>> I guess you really got me, didn't you?
Mom>> YOU DESERVED IT!
[GM]Dave>> Yup. I just got owned.
[GM]Dave>> If only...
Mom>> If only what?
[GM]Dave>> If only I had been smart enough...
[GM]Dave>> To replace my comics with your wedding photos.
Mom>> You didn't.
[GM]Dave>> I did try to warn you.
Mom>> I really hate you.
[GM]Dave>> Love you , too, Mom.
[GM]Dave>> By the way, I just banned your new account, too.
[GM]Dave>> Any last words?
Your tell could not be received. The recipient has either logged off or was just banned from the game by her only child and is now using Google to try and purchase a gun.
[GM]Dave>> Guess not.
Now, psychologists would argue that having such a "strained" relationship with my mother would have serious impacts on my personal behavior, particularly how I deal with people I have authority over.
I really don't see it.