Law and Order: SVUmustbejokingDo you remember when you were installing the game?
Do you remember accepting the Terms of Service (ToS)?
Now, in case you're grossly retarded, when you agreed to those terms, you agreed that we had certain rights to close your account.
No shoes, no brain, no service.
If you act in anyway that we (read: I) deem inappropriate, I have every right to burn your character to the ground.
It doesn't matter who you are or where you're from. I have supreme power over the future (or lack thereof) of your character.
Imagine me as Fate, only with a short temper and whisky breath.
You can't argue it. You agreed to this contract and dictates exactly what you can and cannot do, and what I can do in the event of violation.
So, why is it almost everytime I catch a cheater and remind them of those Terms of Service that they suddenly pull a law degree out of their ass?
I have some disturbing news for you. You may want to sit down.
YOU'RE NOT A LAWYER!
YOU'RE NOT A LAWYER!
Do you understand?
NOT A LAWYER!
Damn these freakin' retards who think that they somehow have a better understanding of the rules than a GAMEMASTER. Damn them and their pseudo-intellectual rambling.
You can blather on and on all you want. Oh, you're a pre-law student studying fair business practice.
equip "Boots" Feet
/ja "Shake" <>
I don't care how much you think you know. I don't care that your mommy is a lawyer.
I DON'T CARE!
Do you want to know what a trial would go like? I can shorthand it for you.
You>> They broke the law.
Judge>> Do you have any proof?
Me>> And he signed a contract.
Me>> That he broke.
You>> But I didn't read it.
Judge>> You're retarded.
Seriously. Everytime you say stupid shit like that, you make yourself look even dumber than usual.
And that's a feat in and of itself.
It's not my fault you were too busy (read: stupid) to read those terms. You actively accepted a document without even bothering to peruse it.
That document outlines all sorts of fun rules that I can use (read: abuse) to make your life a living hell.
So, when you signed it, you basically threw away any sort of liability against us for destroying your account.
But no. Every other day, I have to deal with some absolute moron that has somehow convinced himself that he's a legal expert.
You can't string together a single legible sentence, but you have a law degree.
Just yesterday, I was minding my own business. You know, finding people who have reported me for improper GM behavior and then reporting their credit cards as stolen.
When, all of a sudden, I hear that damned chime that signals a GM call.
This job would be much more enjoyable without the players.
GM Call Description: RMT in Jeuno.
But, as I had not yet smote any gilsellers that day, I decided to have some fun.
So, I logged in and warped straight to Jeuno.
[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand you want to report a pending suicide.
Player>> Actually, I want to report an RMT.
[GM]Dave>> That's what I said.
Player>> I just got a mistell asking if I wanted to buy 2,000,000 gil.
[GM]Dave>> I assume you hadn't.
Player>> Of course not.
Player>> Buying gil is retarded.
[GM]Dave>> Good answer.
I ran a quick check of the logs and immediately found out this player was telling the truth.
And found the name of my next victim (read: victim).
[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> My name is Dave and I'll be your banner today.
[GM]Dave>> Our special today is a permanent ban.
[GM]Dave>> With a side order of dragon.
RMTard>> I think you have the wrong person.
[GM]Dave>> I don't think so.
[GM]Dave>> I doubt two people could be that retarded.
RMTard>> You can't ban me.
RMTard>> I haven't done anything wrong.
[GM]Dave>> Well, gee. I guess that means you must be innocent.
[GM]Dave>> Sorry for bothering you.
RMTard>> No problem.
[GM]Dave>> Apparently, you don't understand sarcasm.
[GM]Dave>> Let me be more clear.
[GM]Dave>> YOU RETARDED. RETARD GET BANNED.
RMTard>> How dare you?!
RMTard>> I am not retarded!
[GM]Dave>> I just call em like I see em.
RMTard>> STOP THAT!
[GM]Dave>> It makes the banning so much funnier.
RMTard>> You can't ban me.
[GM]Dave>> Oh, silly, silly fool.
[GM]Dave>> I'm quite sure I can.
RMTard>> I'll sue you!
[GM]Dave>> What did you say?
RMTard>> You heard me.
RMTard>> I'll sue you and your damned company!
[GM]Dave>> That's funny. That's what I thought you said.
[GM]Dave>> I just didn't think someone would be dumb enough to.
[GM]Dave>> I've underestimated your stupidity.
RMTard>> I'm a law student.
RMTard>> I know my rights.
[GM]Dave>> Do you?
[GM]Dave>> Do you really?
RMTard>> Yes, I do.
[GM]Dave>> Has your class covered contract law yet?
[GM]Dave>> Way to think on your feet, Matlock.
[GM]Dave>> Let me spell it out for you.
[GM]Dave>> YOU SIGNED A CONTRACT, YOU MORON!
[GM]Dave>> You're going to be an awesome lawyer.
RMTard>> I paid for this account.
RMTard>> You can't ban me or I'll report you.
[GM]Dave>> Who are you going to report me to?
RMTard>> You know... them.
[GM]Dave>> Them being who exactly?
RMTard>> Uhh... the Better Business Bureau.
RMTard>> Or the cops.
[GM]Dave>> I would love to see that.
[GM]Dave>> "Yes, Officer. He broke a contract."
[GM]Dave>> "Yes, Officer. Feel free to shoot him."
RMTard>> YOU CAN'T BAN ME!
RMTard>> I'LL SUE!!!
[GM]Dave>> Well... that would be a civil case.
[GM]Dave>> How about we make it a criminal case while we're at it?
RMTard>> what do you mean?
Area: Mordion Gaol
[GM]Dave>> How does Murder One sound?
Jormungand hits RMTard for 15,984 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.
[GM]Dave>> Excuse me, Mr. Lawyer.
[GM]Dave>> Is he a weapon or an accomplice now?
You need to listen and listen carefully.
I AM THE LAW.
You can't threaten me. You can't scare me.
You're my bitch.