Tuesday, May 23, 2006

[GM]Dave Goes Undercover

*cues up the Miami Vice theme song*

One of the most annoying thing about dealing with gilsellers is that you basically have to catch the little bastards in the act.

Now, if I had my way, even suspected gilsellers would be banned from the game and then a special company SWAT team would be dispatched to their house to "remind them of the ToS".

Remind them with several bullets to the head and torso.

I'm sure some of you are saying "[GM]Dave, you are all powerful and omnipotent. You could simply ban them without proof."

You are right, but that opens up a whole legal issue that is not worth my trouble.

It's easy to ban cheaters. I mean, it's not exactly hard to spot a botter or someone using illegal third party software.

It's not like White Mages get Flee, afterall.

So, we'll often catch gilsellers and RMT in the act of acquiring the gil.

Then they will experience my special brand of dragon-related justice.

But that is only one part of the gilseller operation. The players who supply these companies with the gil are little fish compared to the gilsellers themselves.

Now, that's not to say I don't love killing me some little fish.

I love watching those buggers flop around.

The real fun, though, comes from taking out the people distributing the illgotten funds.

Today, I decided to catch a big fish.

I headed over to one of the larger gilselling company websites and placed a small order.

I don't want to name the website, but I will tell you that those Idiotic Game-ruining E-tards deserve whatever justice (read: torture) I decide to heap upon them.

And then some.

So, I created a character named Mgaton on Fairy server and logged into Jeuno.

Not ten minutes later (apparently, stupidity is quite efficient), I got a tell.

Gilseller>> Did you place an order for gil?
Mgaton>> I think I did.
Mgaton>> It's hard to remember things.
Gilseller>> I have an order slip here for 1,000,000 gil.
Mgaton>> 1,000,000 GIL?!
Mgaton>> I'M RICH!
Gilseller>> Did you order or not?
Mgaton>> Yeah, that was me.
Gilseller>> Okay.

Gilseller offers to trade with you.
Trade was cancelled.

Gilseller>> What are you doing?
Mgaton>> Sorry.
Mgaton>> Hit the wrong button.

Gilseller offers to trade with you.
Trade was cancelled.

Gilseller>> What now?
Mgaton>> Sorry.
Mgaton>> Inventory was full.
Gilseller>> Gil doesn't go in your inventory!
Mgaton>> ...
Mgaton>> Oh.

Gilseller offers to trade with you.
Trade was cancelled.

Gilseller>> DAMMIT!
Mgaton>> How do I know you're not a cop?
Gilseller>> WHAT?!
Mgaton>> You're acting like a cop.
Gilseller>> I'm not a cop!
Mgaton>> That's exactly what a cop would say.
Mgaton>> I smell bacon, piggy.
Gilseller>> I'M NOT A COP!
Gilseller>> Just take the damned gil!

Gilseller offers to trade with you.
Trade was cancelled.

Gilseller>> ...
Gilseller>> What happened this time?
Mgaton>> Did you hear that?
Gilseller>> What?
Mgaton>> I think this line is tapped.
Gilseller>> You're retarded.
Mgaton>> Ssshhhhhhhh
Mgaton>> They're listening.
Gilseller>> I'm leaving.
Mgaton>> Wait one second.

*quick change*

[GM]Dave>> Hello, adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand you have a reading problem.
Gilseller>> Uhh...
Gilseller>> No. I can read fine.
[GM]Dave>> That's funny.
[GM]Dave>> I assumed you must not understand the ToS.
Gilseller>> What do you mean?
[GM]Dave>> Well...
[GM]Dave>> Let's use you selling gil as an example.
Gilseller>> I didn't sell any gil.
[GM]Dave>> Our new GilTracker 5000 program says different.
[GM]Dave>> I've got a long report on your account.
Gilseller>> No, you don't.
[GM]Dave>> It's got graphs and everything.
[GM]Dave>> And a plastic cover.
Gilseller>> I don't sell gil.
[GM]Dave>> Oh well then.
[GM]Dave>> I can't ban you without a confession.
Gilseller>> You can't?
[GM]Dave>> Of course I can.
[GM]Dave>> What are you? Retarded?
Gilseller>> But I didn't do anything!
[GM]Dave>> Then I'm sure I'll feel bad about this in the morning.
Gilseller>> About what?

And that's when I hit him with my Greatsword.

He dropped like a prom date.

Then, just to be thorough, I decided to give him the deluxe package.

I started with a character deletion, then I banned his account.

Then, I banned his IP.

For good measure, I banned his whole IP range.

Then, I reported his credit card as stolen.

Then, I placed a charge back on my credit card for the gil I didn't receive.

Then, I filed a customer complaint with his company for poor customer service.

Now, to organize that SWAT team.


At 8:20 PM, Blogger lithpiperpilot said...

Gotta love it. Keep up the good work!

At 8:27 PM, Blogger Hutea said...

Then they will experience my special brand of dragon-related justice.

And we love that dragon related justice too.

At 8:32 PM, Blogger Siegtaru said...

Wow that's just awesome.

Please, continue being uber-gundam-awesome [GM]Dave. x)

At 8:46 PM, Blogger DeaconBlue said...

[GM]Dave>> And a plastic cover.

Then, I filed a customer complaint with his company for poor customer service.

Justice has been served once again by [GM] Dave

At 9:03 PM, Blogger Rich said...

I can only hope that the "SE Rep buys gil, bans delivery boy" part was true and not fiction!

At 9:11 PM, Blogger HTL2001 said...

Deluxe package, nice. Thats why I love online CC payments, chargeback (I had to pull this when a company wouldn't replace a DOA external HDD)


how about using all of those credit cards you've reported stolen to buy gil? or use them right before buying it, and see if the CC companies will continue to service that site :p

At 9:18 PM, Blogger Shinkada said...

Hello all!

I know this question is completely and utterly irrelevant, and I know a forum would be more appropriate for these style of questions, but GM Dave is the only Legendary-quality guy I know who plays FFXI, so I thought I'd attempt to get some info from the dragon's mouth. So in case it wasn't obvious, I'm considering picking up FFXI, and want some questions answered before I final the decision.

-What's the best server for an RPer? I know all servers, of all games, anywhere, suffer from that beautiful (ly horrible) disease of 'stupid', but what would you reccomend?

-Is it the kind of game where people always rant on about the previous games, in this case FF? I hate all the other games in the series, and can't be bothered arguing with everyone I see.

-Is there an incredible abundance of any particular class or race? A hume abundance would probably be expected although I don't hear about them all that often.

At 10:57 PM, Blogger Hawklord2112 said...

Shinkada, uinlike some games theres no RP-servers and PVP -servers. it all depends on the Linkshell that you join. my old LS was RP only, my current one is a chat and help channel.

And Gilbuying?
theres simply no need to in FFXI. there's only 2 instances that you could conceivably need it, when you start and for uber gear. get yourself a good LS to worldpass you, thery're more than likely to give you a stack of gil for joining up, and even more so likely to help you quest for whatever items you're after later in the game.

unlike certain other MMORPGs (read: Lineage][) which is nothing but grinding to level and grinding to gain adena. even then, apparently, its impossible to remain equipped with even reasonable gear for your level...

At 11:06 PM, Blogger BenoSmash said...

Jiral: I completely agree.

Shinkada: I am still new to the game myself... However, I would ahve to say that from my experience... I would believe that the races are about equal... for their own reasons. And Job(class) is potentially evenly disbursed.. there are some you have to quest for, but like hawklord said... if you get into a good LS, they will help you quest.

Now, about server. I have only played on Carbuncle, and I find that a good number of the players on there are decent people.

At 11:30 PM, Blogger Pascal said...

YEAH!!!! they deserve this!! i would all the GMs that work on a RMT-ruined mmorpg act like you!

At 12:15 AM, Blogger Keilyn said...

/curtsey to [GM]Dave.

At 1:21 AM, Blogger Aeriel said...

Dave the uber-spy!!!

"Now to organise the SWAT Team"..

LOL... can i get in on that, wouldn't mind busting down a RMT's door with an MP5 in my hand!
LOL would love to watch the color :drain from their faces when that happened lol

::all hail dave:::

At 1:49 AM, Blogger Orien said...

nice one
ever considered posting ur email?
or maybe a private comment function

have a suggestion for a blog

At 2:31 AM, Blogger A. said...

[GM]Dave, you're officially my God. I am now a follower of [GM]Davism :)

At 3:07 AM, Blogger Fairyite said...


I hate gilsellers, this is true. I also hate gilbuyers (As with any business, if there is no buyers, there is no sellers), but if the product is there, the 'customers' (retarded folk that is) will buy.

I'm from Fairy, and there simply is soo many damned gilbuyers/sellers on my server. The christmas hike was bad - prices soaring unbelievably. He's an idea though for those Idiotic Game-ruining E-tards; send 'em a virus to crash the site. They crash the economy, we crash thier's. It's a fair deal IMO.

At 4:19 AM, Blogger Bellemithra said...

Awesome! Your ideas get better and better!

At 4:46 AM, Blogger MrGoodGuy21 said...

All Hail [GM]Dave "Raises glas in salute".
This block is the bedst on yet and to put it ind single word´s you sir is just as good no better then the all mighty BOFH.

Keep up the good work

At 5:12 AM, Blogger ClamS said...


At 5:23 AM, Blogger lolbbqsauce said...

Just came across this blog today and I have to say its pretty damn funny. Way to take out those RMT and self confessed retards, the game that I love is a much better place without them (hint hint visit Seraph - plenty of both running around unchecked there).

One further comment to add however, while I don't doubt the authenticity of your [GM]ness, I think it would be nice to see some screens to help illustrate these acts of God

At 5:29 AM, Blogger BuzZ said...

^ I second that


At 6:29 AM, Blogger Dantaro said...

Mgaton>> How do I know you're not a cop?
Gilseller>> WHAT?!
Mgaton>> You're acting like a cop.
Gilseller>> I'm not a cop!
Mgaton>> That's exactly what a cop would say.
Mgaton>> I smell bacon, piggy.
Gilseller>> I'M NOT A COP!
Gilseller>> Just take the damned gil!


At 8:03 AM, Blogger Myloko said...

And I thought cops smelled like donuts ._. Keep up the good work Dave! Maybe take out a few tards here in Titan ;)

At 8:51 AM, Blogger Nimrod said...

All i have to say is, owned.

At 9:23 AM, Blogger Kage said...

I'll lead the SWAT team on one condition: replaces bullets with fire. Lots of fire.

I like fire. Fire good.

At 9:29 AM, Blogger Alerith said...

lol, did anyone even catch what the name meant? Mgaton = Not-a-GM backwards.

LMFAO, keeup up all the great work. This is teh highlight of my day.

At 9:30 AM, Blogger Alerith said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 9:37 AM, Blogger Master Dingo said...

Just out of curiosity... why do you care if there are gilsellers in the game, or if companies are profiting from selling gil? You break your own contract all the time and, if your stories are true, then you're also commiting fraud every time that you report someone's credit card as stolen. That's a real crime in the real world, not just a corporate ToS rule breaking for a fantasy world. I think that a lot of your writing is very funny, but I don't get this particular bit of hypocrisy from you.

At 9:42 AM, Blogger Lankist said...

Mgaton, brilliant.

Gets better and better with each entry.

At 10:17 AM, Blogger Team YaYa said...

You are my hero ;)

Loved the BHC plug =) Or at least, it reminded me of it ;p

At 10:38 AM, Blogger Nytorio said...

on the Remora server forums on Allakhazam,there is some retardess who is trying to justify Gil buying...

...this might be a case for the [GM]Dave S.W.A.T. team!!!!

At 11:50 AM, Blogger Aoishi said...

This is probably the best one, next to the Mother's day blog.

At 11:56 AM, Blogger [GM]Dave said...

Alerith, I was starting to wonder if anyone had figured that out.

At 11:59 AM, Blogger Reeree said...

Why is gilselling a problem?

There are lots of reasons:

1) Aspects of the game that are supposed to be fun and rewarding are denied to the average player.

Once the gilsellers learn that so-and-so drops such-and-such rare item, don't expect that you'll be able to ever get one yourself.

He'll be camped by people who are employed to camp him, probably using cheating software on top of that.

Gilseller synthesized a Fun -15.

2) Average items become insanely expensive.

If the only people who can get the item are gilsellers, then they can control the market price. Stuff that isn't even all that great gets crazy expensive - to the point where the casual player starts to feel that he needs to buy gil in order to not completely suck.

3) People buying gil get an advantage over those who actually follow the terms of service, making playing the game a little bit less fun when you are surrounded by ordinary items that cost unrealistic amounts of money.

4) Gilsellers also sell experience points and accounts - which leads to high level characters controlled by complete idiots who don't know how to play the game. If you have taken the time to level your character and learn the nuances, you don't want to get stuck in a party with a gimptard who has no idea what his character is supposed to be doing. That's anti-fun.

So.... what was the part about this you saw as good, in a social gaming environment?

Oh, and about the companies that are profiting from selling gil. Lots of those companies are based in China, where the people employed to play the game to earn all the gil are paid very tiny amounts of money for their efforts. Imagine the Walmart low-standards of treating employees dropped even lower with the Chinese cultural attitude of "if the sun shines on its back, we''ll eat it."

These aren't respectable companies with 401Ks and health benefits, they're not far removed from indentured servitude.

Do you have any other, less retarded questions, I can help you with today?

At 4:54 PM, Blogger Master Dingo said...

Reeree, was that long ass post directed at me? If so, that wasn't the point of my post. I was asking why [GM]Dave cared since he is (if this is real) breaking real laws, not made up, game company, laws by reporting Credit Cards stolen that are not stolen among the other contract that he's breaking while being payed by a company that keeps him hired under the assumption that he's doing his job within their guidelines. I know how gilsellers can mess up a game, but my question was why he (considering his precarious ethical position in this) cares about it.

At 6:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It was my understanding of the ToS that SE reserves the right to suspend/ban anyone for any or no reason at all and without warning (if they so wished). The ToS also states that what we are paying for is the right to use the game and everything that is in it. This prevents from the lawsuits of people sueing for getting banned and loosing all the stuff they had (since it is SE's property and not any single individuals). It is because of this that I don't know why SE would fear a lawsuit or whatever. I think they should be doing these sting operations that you described in this post.

I dunno.

At 6:11 PM, Blogger Obitusx said...

What the... " This blog does not allow anonymous comments."
I posted that comment... Don't know why it is saying anonymous... T_T

At 3:48 AM, Blogger Nu-Hir said...

Master Dingo, I don't know if you've caught on or not, but [GM]Dave is probably exaggerating a bit. I'm sure he knows the consequences of reporting someone else's credit card as stolen. Like the rest of his blog, reporting them stolen is funny.

As to the post, I commend you! I wish Sqenix would take an active stance like that to catch the gil sellers. Start buying gil, ban the people who give you the money. Chalk up any costs associated with the gil buying to Research and Development, or just issue chargebacks. :)

At 5:00 AM, Blogger ylimaf said...

meh..no dragons :S

At 1:04 PM, Blogger WhiteInferno said...

Guys, don't ask for screens. He has already said he doesn't use that name ingame, so why the heck would he post screens that HAS his name on it. Unless he edited it out. THEN he has to post screenies.

At 4:40 PM, Blogger klvino said...

It could've been a double sting operations. GM-Dave goes undercover as a gilbuyer, busts the person selling the gil, bans him and takes over his character and account to pull a sting and bust gilbuyers.

At 9:57 AM, Blogger jesi k said...

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