It's a Nice Day For a White Wedding
Dammit. Now that song is stuck in my head.Damn you, Billy Idol. DAMN YOU!
Anyway, as you may already have guessed, I recently got to take part in an in-game wedding.
No, no. I was not the groom.
/equip "Ball and Chain" Legs
(( Thanks for the offer, but I'll have to pass. ))
It honestly got me thinking about the process of in-game weddings.
The whole system is kind of strange.
Now, if you already know the other person, then an in-game wedding is cool. I mean, you're in a committed relationship and want to express it via your characters.
It's sweet, really.
But, if you don't know them, the whole thing becomes just a wee bit scary.
And no, chatting with them online does not count as "knowing them."
Let's not even start about internet romances.
You want insight into an internet relationship? I can explain it very clearly.
You're both men.
One or both of you is pretending to be a woman.
One or both of you lives in your parents' basement.
One or both of you looks nothing like you say you do.
One or both of you is going to suggest getting together.
One or both of you is going to be very, very, very disappointed.
And that's an internet relationship in a nutshell.
Psssssttt. She's (read: he's) not really a model, either.
Well... maybe a "before" model.
And by "before," I mean "before the operation."
And by "before the operation," I mean "she has a penis."
Unless you're a fan of swordfighting, you might want to get the hell out now.
Meeting someone over the internet is like going to a restaurant you've never been to and picking something randomly off the menu.
You don't know what you're getting, you're probably not going to like it, and you won't know until it's already in your mouth.
Okay... that analogy sounded less graphic in my head.
My point is that anyone you meet over the internet is a stranger. Even after those hours and hours and hours you spent talking, they are still a stranger.
So, I find the whole idea of in-game weddings just plain hilarious.
My favorite are the stories that go "I met her, I fell in love, we got married, she had a penis, she took all of my stuff."
These are not isolated incidents. This happens quite often.
You realllllllllllly take your life into your own hands when you get hooked up with someone in-game.
Unfortunately for one cute little couple (of guys), I decided to officiate their wedding.
Lucky them.
Yesterday evening, just before 7 pm, the "bride" and groom, along with their invited guests started to arrive at the Chapel in San d'Oria.
Seeing the Temple Knight NPC preparing to deliver the service, I made a few quick changes and removed him from the area.
And took his place.
[GM]Dave>> Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...
Groom>> Wait...
Groom>> Isn't an NPC supposed to perform the ceremony?
[GM]Dave>> Usually, yes.
[GM]Dave>> But since you two read my blog, I made a change.
Groom>> We don't read your blog.
[GM]Dave>> Seriously?
[GM]Dave>> Not even once?
Groom>> Nope.
Bride>> I'm sure it's nice though.
[GM]Dave>> Oh...
Bride>> You can still do the service.
[GM]Dave>> Well, goody goody gum drops.
[GM]Dave>> Thank you, quote unquote miss.
Bride>> What do you mean by...
[GM]Dave>> Please stop interrupting.
[GM]Dave>> Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...
[GM]Dave>> To join this man and this man...
Groom>> Woman.
[GM]Dave>> What?
Groom>> She's a woman.
[GM]Dave>> ... Yeah. Sure she is.
[GM]Dave>> Can I continue?
Groom>> I guess, yeah.
[GM]Dave>> We are gathered here today to join this man...
[GM]Dave>> And this man pretending to be a woman.
Bride>> HEY!!!
Groom>> Knock that off!
Groom>> She's a woman.
[GM]Dave>> Listen, man. It's cool with me.
[GM]Dave>> There's nothing wrong with it.
Groom>> SHE'S A WOMAN!
[GM]Dave>> Okay, okay.
[GM]Dave>> ... To join this man and this woman. Wink, wink.
Bride>> You Bastard!
[GM]Dave>> What now?
[GM]Dave>> Damn, you people whine.
Groom>> You called her a man again.
[GM]Dave>> I did not.
Groom>> You winked.
[GM]Dave>> You can't prove that.
Groom>> YOU SAID WINK, WINK!
[GM]Dave>> Okay, that...
[GM]Dave>> That you can prove.
Bride>> You're a terrible, terrible man.
[GM]Dave>> So are you.
Groom>> SHUT UP!!!
[GM]Dave>> Okay. I'll do it right.
[GM]Dave>> ... To join this man and this woman.
Groom>> DIE, YOU BASTARD!!!
[GM]Dave>> Dear God, what now?
Groom>> You're doing air quotes!
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> And...?
Bride>> I'M A WOMAN, DAMMIT!!!!!
[GM]Dave>> Calm down, buddy.
Bride>> GAHHHHHHHHH!!!!
[GM]Dave>> Maybe we can work out a compromise.
[GM]Dave>> What if I say "Shim"?
Groom>> I HATE YOU!!!
[GM]Dave>> I know, I know!
[GM]Dave>> WoMAN.
[GM]Dave>> You can barely tell, right?
Groom>> I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!
[GM]Dave>> Uh oh.
[GM]Dave>> I'm sorry, but we have to cut the ceremony short.
Groom>> YOU ALREADY RUINED IT!
[GM]Dave>> Threatening a GM with physical violence is a crime.
[GM]Dave>> A serious crime.
Groom>> But you RUINED MY WEDDING!
[GM]Dave>> Oh, you'll have a wedding.
[GM]Dave>> In Mordion Gaol.
Groom>> ...
[GM]Dave>> And you'll probably be the bride.
Groom>> YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!!
[GM]Dave>> Let's find out.
*WARP*
[GM]Dave>> Okay, he's in Mordion Gaol.
[GM]Dave>> Do you have any questions?
Bride>> What happens now? *sob*
[GM]Dave>> Well, I just cleaned out his inventory and gil.
[GM]Dave>> You get half.
Bride>> ...
Bride>> I do?
[GM]Dave>> Well...
[GM]Dave>> You are the "woman".
Bride>> Cool.
Bride>> I was getting sick of pretending anyway.
[GM]Dave>> I had a feeling.
Bride>> Thanks, man.
Bride>> I'm going to go mail this stuff to my main.
[GM]Dave>> How "far" did you go to get his stuff?
Bride>> Have you seen the price of Sniper Rings lately?
As I understand it, Jormungand and the Groom had a very lovely ceremony.
They're registered at the Goldsmithing Guild if you want to pick something up for them.
posted by Goblin Smithy @ 2:03 PM
9 Comments:
lol. I was laughing so hard my Wife* was wondering what was going on.
* Yes I'm *really* sure she doesn't have a penis. Trust me on this.
"And by "before the operation," I mean "she has a penis.""
Genius. Pure and simple.
I'm glad I never had an in-game wedding...lol.
"Meeting someone over the internet is like going to a restaurant you've never been to and picking something randomly off the menu.
You don't know what you're getting, you're probably not going to like it, and you won't know until it's already in your mouth."
OMFG.... WOW... I... there are no words.... *claps*
Wow, [GM]Dave... That was hilaruious! Especially when you found out the wife was a man. Pure gold. I'm sure he'll be happier with the dragon anyways... You know. Since it is bigger! Haha!
Seriously, though. Why choose to marry your characters, spend time with this person, when you don't know who you are? I've known several couples in my time playing, and most stay together because even thought their characters are married, they live with each other or are in a relationship. It works, sometimes it doesn't.
Or it could be like when an aquaintance of mine got married to this guy, not realizing that this aquaintance was fourty years old and mentally challenged. Man. That kid took that little bit of truth hard. Was funny though. I'm sure he'll get over it one day, after years of therapy.
This is by far the best post ever! I was laughing so hard I spit my coffee out. Thank you for making my day wonderful - what an awesome way to start Memorial Day Weekend!!!!!!
Have some beer for me!
Lol that's horrible XD
Only you could make something like that funny :p
That is just classic ---- too true!! My gosh I'm glad to be married in RL and not have to stoop to this foolishness. Thanks for stating what I've always thought.
The person my female character is engaged to is a woman in real life, even though her character is a boy . . . both her husband and my fiancé think we're the biggest dorks in the universe because we wanted to marry off our Tarutaru >_>; (I just wanted cheap wedding armor.)
Unfortunately, this still doesn't stop every male tarutaru of my aquaintance from hitting on my character.
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