Bannable Offenses

SHUT THE HELL UP!

Right now. All of you. Shut the hell up.

Shut it.

I've been getting a lot of calls since the update. A lot of calls about Besieged.

Here's a message for every player (read: idiot) that sent one of these stupid calls.

If you do not understand the premise of an event, JUST DON'T FREAKIN' PLAY!

We designed Besieged very, very carefully. We took time crafting a great battle event that made you defend your city versus mobs.

It was beautiful.

And to up the difficulty and challenge of the event, we decided that the attacking forces could take NPCs as prisoners.

Cool, right?

I mean, you can actually see consequences for not stopping the invading force soon enough. And then you can go get them back.

But why does every damned moron that somehow managed to find their way to Whitegate have to freakin' call me and tell me the NPCs are gone?

I've got news for you.

Are you listening?

I DON'T FREAKIN' CARE!!!

I don't care if they took the warp taru.

I don't care if they took the AH NPC.

I DON'T CARE!!!

It's a damned game, you jumped up retards. Suck it up and go get them back your damned selves.

It's not a glitch.

It's not a bug.

It's not "teh hax0rz".

It's you being too freakin' stupid to understand what's going on.

They are gone as a consequence of battle. It happens.

If you don't like it, TOO DAMNED BAD!

I realize the warp taru is important. And the AH NPC is very helpful.

But if they're not there, just go to another damned town!

This is not rocket surgery.

Today, I just lost it. I mean, I went batshit insane on one of these crybaby tards.

GM Call Description: Bug in Whitegate. Warp taru gone.

I just freakin' snapped.

This was probably the hundredth call like this I've gotten and I'm just sick of babysitting the drooling masses of Vana'diel.

It's ass kicking time.

[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand your intelligence is very low.
Player>> Uhh... no, my stats are fine.
[GM]Dave>> Who said anything about a stat?
Player>> I called because the warp taru in Whitegate is gone.
[GM]Dave>> HE'S GONE?!
[GM]Dave>> OH SHIT!
Player>> What's wrong?
[GM]Dave>> OHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT
Player>> What's wrong?
[GM]Dave>> That means the server is corrupted.
[GM]Dave>> Your whole server is getting deleted!
[GM]Dave>> One NPC at a time!
Player>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?!
[GM]Dave>> I don't know what to do.
[GM]Dave>> We need to contact the programmers.
Player>> How do we do that?
[GM]Dave>> A player needs to run the command.
[GM]Dave>> Type "/contact Prgmr ./script error"
Player>> Okay.
[GM]Dave>> ...
Player>> It didn't do anything.
[GM]Dave>> Oh DAMMIT!
[GM]Dave>> It's in the command root structure.
[GM]Dave>> We could have a server cascade!
Player>> What does that mean?
[GM]Dave>> Every server is getting wiped as we speak.
[GM]Dave>> VANA'DIEL IS DOOMED!
Player>> There has to be something we can do.
Player>> A back up copy or something.
[GM]Dave>> There's no time.
[GM]Dave>> The kernel is crashing.
[GM]Dave>> The RAID is toasted.
[GM]Dave>> WE'VE GOT A CORE BREACH!
Player>> DO SOMETHING!
[GM]Dave>> I DON'T HAVE THE POWER!
Player>> Could you turn the servers off?
Player>> Maybe a reboot will help.
[GM]Dave>> Wait...
[GM]Dave>> That just might work!
Player>> YAY!
[GM]Dave>> If it doesn't work though, the server will die.
Player>> We don't really have a choice.
[GM]Dave>> You're right.
[GM]Dave>> I'm glad you were here with me.
[GM]Dave>> At the end.
Player>> This is going to work.
[GM]Dave>> I'm shutting them down.
[GM]Dave>> If you can't log back in, it means we failed.
Player>> Good luck.
[GM]Dave>> Cross your fingers.

*Boot player*

*Delete character*

*Cancel Content ID*

*Ban IP*

*Report credit card stolen*

*Mail incendiary device to billing address*

Why do I always get stuck with the absolute retards?

If you're going to take part in any in game event, take the time to find out everything you should expect.

You know, just in case something unexpected might happen.

Like, oh I don't know, something everyone on every FFXI forum on the planet already knows.

I'm instituting a new law: it is now illegal to teach anyone with an IQ below 100 how to use the internet.

Don't teach them how to access games.

Don't even teach them how to hook it up.

If you can't think like the rest of us, stay off our damned internet.

Morons.

posted by Goblin Smithy @ 4:11 PM