Tuesday, May 23, 2006

[GM]Dave Fan Week

As many of you already know, I started a [GM]Dave fanclub last month for all of the readers who donated $5 or more.

Because those people were cool enough to help me out, I sent them a special giftpack that included some wallpapers, two exclusive blog stories, and a few little addendums.

This month, I've decided to throw in a few more things.

This month's giftpack will also include some amazing fan art sent in by readers, a few pages from the "GM Manual", a short biography of yours truly, and whatever else I can figure to put in.

Maybe a pamphlet about our religion: [GM]Davism.

So, anyone who donated $5 or more this month will automatically become a member of the fan club and be sent this free giftpack.

WARNING: please make sure the e-mail address you include is a valid one. A few members did not receive their package last month because they kept getting bounced back as undeliverable.

Also, because I really feel like I owe you guys for all your support, this week will be [GM]Dave Fan Week.

Hold your applause until the end please.

I will be updating the blog as often as possible this week to maximize the humor and hopefully make your days a little brighter.

Also, there will be an abundance of Jormungand related fatalities.

I will also be accepting ideas for blog updates. I've dealt with pretty much every type of stupidity on our planet, so I no doubt have a story to go along with anything you might suggest.

If you want to have a question answered or suggest an idea, please post it in the comments section of this post.

I will also be accepting fan art for possible posting or inclusion in the fan club gift pack.

(Possible is the key word there. I'll consider anything you guys post or send, but I'm not putting up an MSPaint picture of me riding a unicorn or something)

And, as usual, the highest donator of the month will receive a special honor of appearing in the blog.

This may involve you getting killed by a large dragon. I'm not sure.

Thank you all for reading and all of the fan club members for supporting me. Your loyalty will be rewarded when the revolution comes.


Sorry. Hard to hold back sometimes.

Note: before anyone asks, no this is not the update for the day. I'm working on something that happened yesterday, but wanted to get a post up early so people have something to read at work.


At 5:32 AM, Blogger SilverLink said...

Gah! I can't remember if i included my email when i donated :(

-SilverLink //Phoenix

At 5:33 AM, Blogger BuzZ said...

Kickass :D

I get to the company 30 minz early, so it's good to start the day reading about retards getting what they deserve.

I only wish you played FPS games too ;)

At 5:36 AM, Blogger [GM]Dave said...

Writing about retards in FPS games.

How much time do you think I have?

At 5:56 AM, Blogger gigantor said...

While I love the tactical use of dragons that you espouse in your blog, I would think that alternate kill creatures would make for more ironic endings to the tards you deal with day in and day out. Dying at the hands (actually claws) of Jorgy or one of the other of the named dragonkin is not that big a stretch(it is a dragon after all). I may be wrong, but dying to a low level rabbit or worm adds a bit of insult to injury.
As a suggestion, perhaps once the offender is determined to be on the awaiting execution list, you could give them alternatives that give the illusion that they may get out alive or with their account intact. I.E. the player has to run from one end of a zone to the other while avoiding aggro from killer bunnies, sheep, ducks, or what have you. Of course, running away from bunnies as an uber 75 in valkurm dunes may seem like a cake walk, but when that bunny breaks out a 12000 pt foot stomp…that just strikes me as funny.

Please forgive my impertinence in making such a suggestion, but you did ask for ideas.

At 6:03 AM, Blogger Bellemithra said...

It's so nice to enjoy reading [GM]Dave's blog and drink my coffee in the morning. =) Always adds a smile to my day.

At 6:43 AM, Blogger Orien said...

now, if one would post an idea for a blog here.. everyone would have read it before you publish it.. you should have a email account just for Bannable Offenses

At 6:44 AM, Blogger Thistle said...

I'd donate a second time this month to see a picture of you on a unicorn, bottle in one hand and banstick in the other...

At 6:58 AM, Blogger Lankist said...

Fan Art'd!


At 7:16 AM, Blogger Onionsoilder said...

"Fan Art'd!

http://star.walagata.com/w/shogen/GMDAVE.JPG "

I can't tell what he's holding in the other hand. Is that a booze bottle?

Hmmm... I might make some fan art myself... but I sadly don't have the money to spare ; ; Tight wallet this month, though I'll be free next month...


If I make some good fan art can I at least see the rest what is going out in the packages? eye for an eye kinda thing? but the other way around...

At 7:43 AM, Blogger Lankist said...

Ineed, it is a booze bottle. I probably should have put up the high-res version. Here it is.


At 7:48 AM, Blogger mistmonster said...

Gm's have got to get these calls, Player is so drunk that they think that something is wrong with something that is normal. Like can't find their moogle, in the Air Ship Travel Agency.

No, I'm not speaking from experience /slap I have never made a gm call before, that nice moogle by the Leviathan gate confirmed that.

At 8:48 AM, Blogger Avarice said...

Viva la Dave!

At 9:20 AM, Blogger Green Armadillo said...

Heh. Love the blog. Pity anyone who signs up for an in-game wedding and draws you as the officiating GM. You'd probably spawn a Goblin Smith on the wedding party or something.

/crossover hint ;)

At 9:22 AM, Blogger Thistle said...

I can't tell what he's holding in the other hand. Is that a booze bottle?

Actually, I think that's the state of Texas!

You rock, Lankist. :D

At 10:04 AM, Blogger Myloko said...

You should round up a RMT or someone of equal stupidity and burn him at the stake infront of everyone :o Or feed him infront of everyone...or both :o Jormy would appretiate his food well done over an open flame ;)

At 10:08 AM, Blogger Bam said...

As a player of an MMO I LOVE the stories you tell Dave. I can't possibly imagine that they are real though. It seems all the person would have to do is take some screen shots of the conversation and you'd be screwed.

But I don't care because its an AMAZING work of fiction. I may not think the end result of the stories are real however I have no problem believing that people in MMO's are indeed this stupid. You run into them all the time. I only wish they could be disposed of as easily as you do so.

At 10:16 AM, Blogger Lankist said...

Actually, Bam, screenshots do not count as proof, seeing as they are so easily modified. Same for every MMO

At 10:26 AM, Blogger HTL2001 said...

Lankist, some MMO's have their own screenshot thing built into the client that watermarks it, so those can be used. But since FFXI doesn't your completely right in this case...

At 11:45 AM, Blogger Kazuki said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 11:47 AM, Blogger Kazuki said...

Fan art?


These comment boxes won't show all the text if it's too ong for the box. >_<

At 1:34 PM, Blogger Kew doh sigh said...

go dave!

At 6:49 PM, Blogger Rae said...

I wonder if the [Gm]s have Mentors to call on for help when they first start out... "How do I respond to this kind of call?" "What kind of punishment should this person recieve?"
If they don't, they should! [GM]Dave would make a very good mentor to a new [GM].. or at least he'd make an interesting one XD

At 7:25 PM, Blogger Illuen said...

Well, today, in the Dunes, there was a party member that called a GM on me. They told the group that unless she got all the Beastmen's seals from the mobs, her PLer and her would leave. I got pissed at the whole bullcrap, so I outlotted her. She told a GM I scammed her.

At 9:40 PM, Blogger Codyy said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 9:43 PM, Blogger Codyy said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 9:48 PM, Blogger nano said...

Please tell us your statistics from the [GM] Appreciation Campaign. Like, number of users killed, banned, fed to dragons..

Also, let us know what [GM]s do when they are bored.. oh wait, you do.. I mean apart from purging the servers of stupidity. Do you play ballista? Go fishing? It can't just be non-stop noobslaying.. well ok, it could be, but I'm sure you get up to other things.

At 3:10 AM, Blogger sevenpointflaw said...

There are these guys... that follow you around (especially if you are BST) and do nothing but kill all the mobs that you XP party off of. They don't need them. They aren't for clearing links or agro while fighting HNMs. They only reason why anyone cares about these mobs is because you (or your party) happen to be fighting them.

But as we all know "a yellow mob is fair game." Even so, short of these !@#$-tards making a mastke along the lines of "Hahaha, I stolz ur mobs newbz!" (harassment), there isn't anything a GM can do...

Unless of course you happen to be [GM]Dave... Just how WOULD [GM]Dave handle these Terms of Service non-violatores who are clearly harassing us?

At 11:02 AM, Blogger Uschi said...


Unicorn Dave!

At 1:01 AM, Blogger notkesirahonest said...

There are many ways to torment players, for amusment and punishment. One of the greatest sources of laughs I can recall was to send commands to NPC's and use them to torment the player. Of course, this was completely anonymous, which just added to the fun. Nothing like sending a particularly stupid players running all around town fetching you items thinking they were doing a great quest. Of course, when the entire team is in on it too, Gods thats a laugh. OMG! The NPC'S have developed AI!

So, what wicked things wuld GM Dave get up to with an NPC, oh, and does GM Dave have colleagues to share in his evilness?

Keep up the good work. Makes work so much easier. Not that I do sod all anyway.

At 6:17 AM, Blogger Tränen auf Papier said...

Hey there.

Don't babbling about your precious work too much now but I wanted to post a possible idea for another entry. Something I had fun with like a week ago.

On one side we have the great party... on the other side a RDM73 also known as the Account Buyer.

We wanted to party up in Sky got the ppl together and then there was the RDM "I don't know the way"... "What?" "I'm new" "What do you mean by new? New as in new player?" "..."

Leader already was searching a replace, we went on... entering Ro'Maeve. Suddendly you see the HP of the RDM drop.. and drop.. death. *glee* Ok raised him and went on.

Found a camp later. RDM was refreshing himself all the time... nothing more.

NIN: Hey Mr. Refresh, can you please buff me?
RDM: Sure what do you need?
NIN: ... Haste would be good...
RDM: Okies

One hast and 10 self-refreshs later... Weapon Link. RDM HP drop drop death... *raise* *kicked from party*.

So he was sitting there all alone, resting his weakness. I was ashamed and telled him.

Me: Sorry, but buying account sucks.
RDM: Does that mean I'm in again?
Me: Go to hell... oh and you should warp just as a hint.

Well he didn't. He was sitting there... for like 10 minutes (read: Weapon Repop).


There he goes again! What a FIGHT!


RDM falls to the ground. HPed
We all laughed a good bunch nearly got killed not concentrating.

Hope this gives you some new ideas.Maybe you could make a funny story of account buyers that don't know a shit about this game or account buyers who like to let whole Jeuno know what they did.


At 8:00 AM, Blogger Chappy said...

i don't know maybe this is just a dumb noob thing, but as i was leveling my BLM through the dunes a long time ago, somehow i got assigned to be party leader and started looking for a tank. no ninja's not in party, no paladins not in party, well, it IS the dunes after all, why not try a Warrior. (found it) WAR14/ oh boy, no subjob means that he's prolly a noob so the conversation goes like this

me >> sup dude
him >> (hello!)

i think to myself, well he's figured out the auto-translator so it can't be THAT bad right?

me >> hey man, we're in need of a tank, do you think you can do it?
him >> sure, dude, i've tanked lots of parties all the way up to here

ok, MAYBE he's not had that many parties, or maybe he's one of those that leave the party 30 minutes after he gets there, eithe r way it's of no big consequence because i have a friend coming to tank that wants to level NIN as a subjob, so, i invite him.

First fight goes by, he doesn't Provoke, and we nearly die.

so i say to him hey man, Provoke every 30 seconds man, it keeps hate going in one direction and we won't have the mob running all over the place. He agrees.

Second fight, he does it, and beautifully, he vokes, 30 seconds later he vokes again, and i'm beginning to think this might not turn out so bad. Well, he gets down to about 50 hp, as the white mage in the party is doing his job but with, as little mp as he has and as fast as he's getting hit, it's kind of a problem. end of the fight we're all resting and out of the war's mouth comes, and i quote:

"Ok guys, i'll tank, but there's NO WAY i'm provoking any more, cuz everytime i provoke i get hit!"

almost fell outta my chair i was laughing so hard.

At 5:14 AM, Blogger Ziggurat said...

I.O.U $5 dollars and a copy of my seed.

At 2:56 PM, Blogger holydust said...

Are you kidding me?

People give you money? Actual money?

Where do I start with the irony?

Nice racket.

At 7:10 AM, Blogger xwmstormx said...

Mr. [GM] Dave,

My only thought spawns from two previous posts of yours that go-

"You know that one mob that just seemed much harder than usual, the one that ate your whole party. Yeah, that was me."


“Mom always preferred a more "I'll hit you until you forget what your point was" kind of lady.”

Now, if I was a GM that is what I would do.


Usually I’ve found that once a person dies in game they usually forget any other idiocy because they are pissed at the person that let them die. So, in turn that would save me time to just wipe them out with a mob, watch them die, have a laugh take a few screenshots and move on to the next victim or return to jeuno to randomly change people’s gender right after they zone.

Just a thought, great blog Dave.


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