GM Tactics Advance
Honestly, as often as we get GM calls, this job can get kind of boring at times.I mean, we ignore about 99% of them so we have a lot of time on our hands. A normal shift can drag out quite a bit.
Most of us just farm or craft on our main characters in between GM calls (or the ones we bother to respond to), but even that gets old after a while.
Today, rather than doing that, I pulled out my GBA and fired up FF Tactics Advance to burn away a few hours.
A few hours turned into most of my shift.
Damn, that game is addictive.
But, honestly, what the hell is up with the judges?
For those of you who don't know, every battle in FFTA involves a Judge who enforces specific rules for the battle. Each day the law changes and if you break the law, you get a card that results in some form of punishment. Yellow is a mild punishment, red is automatic jail time.
The problem is that the rules are so damned random. No swords today. No Black Magic.
I half expect to see "NO PANTS TODAY!"
I mean, where do those Judges get off making up rules like that and then taking it out on players?
Yes, yes. I get the irony.
Shut up.
Just as I was about to start a major battle though, I heard the harsh chime that signals an incoming GM call.
*BING*
GM Call Description: MPK Attempt in Boyahda Tree.
Yeah.
I have better stuff to do right now.
(( I'm sorry. )) (( I'm playing solo right now. ))
Now, where was I?
*BING*
GM Call Description: MPK Attempt in Boyahda Tree.
Apparently, someone can't take a hint.
Note to self: ban moron later.
And back to beating that Totema. Stupid damned dragons eating my characters.
The irony abounds.
*BING*
GM Call Description: MPK Attempt in Boyahda Tree.
Son of a...
One of the most annoying things for a GM is the idiots who spam the GM call system. You need to wait an appropriate amount of time for a response.
If you don't get a response, it's because your problem is stupid.
Is this a hard system to understand?
We're not going to hurry because you sent two GM calls. Or three. Or eight.
You're like those idiots that press the elevator button five times, instead of just once. As if the elevator is going to go "Oh damn! I had better hurry because a whole bunch of people need a ride!"
And having other people in your party send the same call doesn't help your cause.
Well, if they can't wait, I'll be sure to log right in and take care of them.
I wouldn't want to keep them waiting.
So, I set my GBA down and log in. Then I grab a Chocobo and warp us both over to Boyahda Tree.
There they were. A group of adventurers trying to take down Aquarius.
[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> Are you familiar with today's Laws?
Player>> Uh...
Player>> Laws?
[GM]Dave>> Today, you're not allowed to use items in battle.
Player>> Okay, I guess.
Player>> Are you here about the MPK attempt?
[GM]Dave>> Are you alive?
Player>> Yeah.
[GM]Dave>> Problem solved.
[GM]Dave>> You're welcome.
Player>> Damned useless GMs.
[GM]Dave>> YELLOW CARD!
[GM]Dave>> You are being fined 50,000 gil.
Player>> What?!
[GM]Dave>> Insulting a Judge... I mean GM... is a serious offense.
Player>> That's BULLSHIT!
[GM]Dave>> YELLOW CARD!
[GM]Dave>> You are being fined one Brigandine.
Player>> You can't do this.
[GM]Dave>> I'm pretty sure I can.
[GM]Dave>> You being half naked seems like strong evidence.
Player>> I mean that it's not right.
[GM]Dave>> The law is always right.
I'll admit that this player learned pretty quickly. He got real quiet real fast.
He borrowed some armor from a party member and they continued their fight.
And I watched.
Player>> Umm...
Player>> Why are you still here?
[GM]Dave>> YELLOW CARD!
Player>> WHAT?!
[GM]Dave>> Just kidding.
[GM]Dave>> A judge has to be present for any battle.
Player>> ...
Player>> You're not going away are you?
[GM]Dave>> I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you.
I know it's not actually possible, but I could practically see his shoulders slump as the grim realization of what was happening finally struck this fool.
[GM]Dave>> RULE CHANGE!
Player>> Oh shit.
[GM]Dave>> You're not allowed to use Ninjitsu today.
Player>> But...
Player>> Our tank is a Ninja.
[GM]Dave>> I don't make the rules.
Player>> Yes, you do.
[GM]Dave>> I don't get your point.
I'll give them credit. They wouldn't give up even in the face of an unbeatable force. A quick set up change and they were back in action.
Maybe he wasn't as fast a learner as I thought.
I wait a few minutes and...
[GM]Dave>> RULE CHANGE!
Player>> Well, at least we get Ninjitsu back.
Player>> That's good news.
[GM]Dave>> Today you're not allowed to use magic.
Player>> ...
Player>> What kind of magic?
[GM]Dave>> Magic magic.
[GM]Dave>> Good luck with that.
Player>> How are we supposed to survive?
[GM]Dave>> I'm sorry.
[GM]Dave>> GMs can't give gameplay information or advice.
Player>> But how do we fight?
[GM]Dave>> Carefully?
Player>> This sucks.
[GM]Dave>> Did you just say "Can I have a Yellow Card?"
Player>> No.
[GM]Dave>> Are you sure?
[GM]Dave>> That's what it sounded like.
Player>> No, I didn't say that.
[GM]Dave>> That's good.
Lucky for them (and my entertainment value), they were high enough in level that they could actually survive using items for a while.
[GM]Dave>> RULE CHANGE!
Player>> What now?
[GM]Dave>> You're not allowed to do damage in battle.
Player>> ...
Player>> Is that a joke?
[GM]Dave>> What up to this point suggests I'm kidding?
Player>> We can't fight without doing damage.
[GM]Dave>> You could demoralize him with propaganda.
[GM]Dave>> Or harsh criticism.
Player>> This is impossible.
[GM]Dave>> Maybe you could undermine his belief system.
Player>> This is totally unfair.
Player>> These rules are completely random.
[GM]Dave>> That is not true.
[GM]Dave>> RULE CHANGE!
[GM]Dave>> No tarus allowed in battle.
Player>> What?!
[GM]Dave>> RULE CHANGE!
[GM]Dave>> No names that begin with M.
Player>> YOU'RE INSANE!
[GM]Dave>> RED CARD!!!
*warpaga*
[GM]Dave>> Do you know why you're all here?
Player>> I have no idea.
[GM]Dave>> I'm not sure of the technical terminology.
[GM]Dave>> It's either "Abuse of the GM petition system."
[GM]Dave>> Or being "Ultra-mega-gundam-retarded."
Player>> This is ridiculous.
[GM]Dave>> I'd say it's more ludicrous, but whatever.
Player>> When do we get out of here?
[GM]Dave>> I think you wait three turns or roll doubles.
Player>> What?
[GM]Dave>> Dammit. That's Monopoly.
[GM]Dave>> Where's that stupid manual?
Player>> You're a &*$%ing idiot.
[GM]Dave>> BLACK CARD!
Player>> What the hell is a Black Card?
Jormungand hits Player for 5,820 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.
[GM]Dave>> Anyone else need to ask a stupid question?
I really think those guys learned their lesson.
At least, I hope so.
I probably should let them out of Mordion Gaol sometime and find out.
Anyway... back to those Totema.
Stupid damned dragons.
posted by Goblin Smithy @ 12:41 PM
18 Comments:
Good once again but this time i need to play FFT:A so i can get a grasp on what your saying
Reading the comments I see that I'm obviously missing something... And I have a guess that it's something to do with the Judge (IE: YELLOW CARD! and RULE CHANGE!) stuff.
Even though I don't know anything about tactics, I found this to be funny.
Thanks for the laugh!
To Garafano: It is a reference to soccer, or football if you live anywhere else in the world other than America.
To [GM] Dave: I found your blog last week and have read every hilarious story since. Playing WoW, I am saddened that the system in that game is not set up in such a way that a GM could blatantly abuse the system for his own malevolent self gratification. Many idiots need a dire Dragon Eating in that game.
To The Tricky God: Okay... not having played Tactics, I didn't know that they didn't have this card system in the game.
But I do know of the card system in Soccer/football, and it does make sense. I was assuming that he was in the mindset for tactics took something from the game and applied it to that instance... Thanks for trying to clarify.
And onto something totally different:
I could easily be considered a N00B in the world of FFXI, only having Monk and Warrior at 13 and 14, respectively. However, I know to never give anything to anyone, unless I'm feeling generous. And there's not many people I can be generous to.
However, I was just on, checking the notorious AH monster for any money it had given me, and putting things back onto it to see if I couldn't get monies back... and someone asked for help. I comply and teach them how to get an empress band. They are having problems getting one, and decide to trade to me. I'm a nice guy, so I take the item and hold on to it for them. After a while, they get the Empress band... However, I still have their ring of +2 mind.
I had checked it out, and deemed that I didn't need it just yet, but I am still too nice of a person to just keep the ring. So I traded it back, berating the person about never trading items to others. and to never drop things, unless they mean to.
Not to mention that i was feeling generous, and gave the person 10k beforehand... 25% of my total Gill, not including moghouse and worn EQ. After berating them about not handing things over, they got bold and told me that I would have paid for it anyway... So I accepted their friend request.
I'd make a horrible GM. :(
I'm just too nice.
well... at least they were not banned. :)
The story has been slightly edited for those of you who have not played FFTA.
Next time this happens, you get the dragon.
[GM]Dave>> BLACK CARD!
Player>> What the hell is a Black Card?
Jormungand hits Player for 5,820 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.
Didn't see that one coming. Kudos.
... In my personal opinion... FFTA was
a shame to FFT :/
Wouldn't normally post, but
I half expect to see "NO PANTS TODAY!"
reminded me of this, and I thought you might appreciate it if you hadn't already seen it.
~Tinuvael
Man, your rules rock ;) Lol you shoulda made them fight without armor, they woulda gone down REALLY fast XD
That vgcats comic is actually where I got the "NO PANTS" idea from.
You need to wait an appropriate amount of time for a response.
If you don't get a response, it's because your problem is stupid.
Is this a hard system to understand?
classic.
As sure as I am that you don't read these (basically cause I wouldn't) I had to say something.
A LS mate sent me a link to here with an attached note: "Heres someone who hates people about as much as you. Do you have a twin whose a GM?"
Can we get a GM center in New England? that could really help out my days, or irrate me a little more but im not sure thats possible.
Tune in Next Time when [Judge]Dave finds out what happens to adventurers in JagD Ballista.
Rotflol u'r like a real life spider jerusalem. love the blog (and as long as i'm not a victim enjoy feeding jormungand)
Wow... Adrammelech gave you problems? Man you ust have sucked back then O_O
You [GM] Dave, I'm gonna find out if you work with my company and get you fired because I'm the one behind the money that gives you work. You are just making people angry and sad, just beacause you like too make people sad. Maybe you are a sad person with no women in his life or happiness; thats the need of you to make other people feel the same way you do.What a shame Dave, you have fail at life.
Where is the velvet card ? xD
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