Sunday, May 14, 2006

[GM]Dave: Not Hellspawn

Alternate Title: "One tough mother..."

I'm sure you know what today is.

Just in case you forgot, you may want to walk upstairs and tell your mom Happy Mother's Day.

Now, I learned a loooooooong time ago not to forget Mother's Day.

The time I did and Mom "forgot" to pick me up from school for 7 hours helps.

She called it tough love. I called it neglect and child abuse.

Good times.

Anyway, this morning, I decided to send my mom a great present and wish her a great day.

So, I logged into her server...

Yes.

You read that right.

My mom is a Mithra. You have no idea how much mental trauma that has caused me.

I logged into her server and located her in the Boyahda Tree. She was exping on her THF.

What could I get a THF at level 58?

[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand a person fell out of you.
Mom>> Hello, Honey.
[GM]Dave>> Hey, Mom.
[GM]Dave>> Happy Mother's Day.
Mom>> Thank you, Davey.
[GM]Dave>> Don't call me that.
[GM]Dave>> I killed the last guy who did that.
Mom>> Now, Davey...
[GM]Dave>> I'm serious. I literally killed him.
Mom>> Always the kidder.
[GM]Dave>> He's buried under your garage.
[GM]Dave>> What are you up to?
Mom>> I have no idea. This tank sucks.
Mom>> He goes down faster than I did on Prom night.
[GM]Dave>> That's not funny.
Mom>> Yes, it is.
[GM]Dave>> No.
[GM]Dave>> That's an aneurysm waiting to happen.
Mom>> You're too serious.
Mom>> What did you get me?
[GM]Dave>> What do you mean?
[GM]Dave>> Who said I got you anything?
Mom>> Let's hope you don't need to be picked up any time soon.
[GM]Dave>> Mom, the lawyer said you had to stop joking about that.
Mom>> Lawyers tell me a lot of things.
Mom>> I can't keep track of all of them.
[GM]Dave>> That's my mom, ladies and gentlemen.
Mom>> What'd you get me?
[GM]Dave>> I didn't get you anything.
[GM]Dave>> What was I supposed to get you?
Mom>> Well, good sons at least cook dinner for their moms.
[GM]Dave>> Oh.
[GM]Dave>> I can do that.

[GM]Dave wishes to trade with you.
Trade completed.

Mom>> Sushi?
[GM]Dave>> Hope you like it.
Mom>> You're a GM and you give me sushi?
[GM]Dave>> I can make meat dishes, as well.
[GM]Dave>> But with the way you miss...
Mom>> Don't make Mommy hit you.
[GM]Dave>> The sushi might help you hit me.
Mom>> I didn't miss when you were five.
Mom>> I won't miss now.
[GM]Dave>> I don't remember that.
Mom>> Concussions will do that.
[GM]Dave>> That's sweet, Mom.
Mom>> I like to think so.
Mom>> Now, where's my real present?
[GM]Dave>> Okay, okay.
[GM]Dave>> I got you something.
Mom>> I knew you would.
Mom>> You're such a good boy, Davey.
[GM]Dave>> Under your garage, Mom.
[GM]Dave>> Seriously.
Mom>> What is it?
[GM]Dave>> It's a dead body, Mom.
[GM]Dave>> He's been under there a while.
Mom>> I mean my present.
[GM]Dave>> Well, I was going to give you a restraining order.
[GM]Dave>> But the first three didn't work.
Mom>> Davey...
Mom>> Have you always been this emo?
[GM]Dave>> Nice.
Mom>> Just give me my present.
[GM]Dave>> Okay, okay.

[GM]Dave wishes to trade with you.
Trade completed.

Mom>> A Scorpion Harness?
[GM]Dave>> Yeah. I hope you like it.
Mom>> Not even a +1?
[GM]Dave>> ...
Mom>> Seriously. WTF?
Mom>> You're a damned GM.
[GM]Dave>> It's a SCORPION HARNESS!
Mom>> You could have made a +1.
Mom>> Hell, you could have made a +7.
[GM]Dave>> We're not allowed to do that.
Mom>> Do you always follow the rules?
Mom>> Mama's boy.
[GM]Dave>> Mom synthesized an Emotional Scar +1.
Mom>> This is bullshit.
[GM]Dave>> Oopsy.
[GM]Dave>> Mother dearest?
Mom>> What?
[GM]Dave>> You just used a naughty word.
[GM]Dave>> Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Mom>> Oooooooo I iz getting a warning.
[GM]Dave>> No.
Mom>> I'm not getting a warning?
[GM]Dave>> No.
[GM]Dave>> Not exactly.
Mom>> Then what?
[GM]Dave>> Well...
[GM]Dave>> Remember how you wanted more time to knit?
Mom>> Yeah.
[GM]Dave>> Now, you have lots of spare time.
[GM]Dave>> I'd like a sweater, please.
Mom>> What do you mean?

*WARP*

Area: Mordion Gaol

Mom>> Oh damn.
Mom>> How could you do this to your own mother?
[GM]Dave>> The concussions help.
Mom>> So, I can't play for 72 hours.
Mom>> This is ridiculous.
[GM]Dave>> Who said 72 hours?
Mom>> ...
[GM]Dave>> I mean a lot of spare time.
[GM]Dave>> A whole lot.
Mom>> You wouldn't dare.
[GM]Dave>> Love you, too, Mommy.
Mom>> DAVEY!!!

It's funny. You'd think I'd feel bad about banning my own mother.

You'd be wrong.

I still giggle a little when I think about it.

45 Comments:

At 7:08 PM, Blogger Artos said...

Mom>> Sushi?
[GM]Dave>> Hope you like it.
Mom>> You're a GM and you give me sushi?
[GM]Dave>> I can make meat dishes, as well.
[GM]Dave>> But with the way you miss...
Mom>> Don't make Mommy hit you.
[GM]Dave>> The sushi might help you hit me.
Mom>> I didn't miss when you were five.
Mom>> I won't miss now.
[GM]Dave>> I don't remember that.
Mom>> Concussions will do that.
[GM]Dave>> That's sweet, Mom.
Mom>> I like to think so.





I couldn't stop laughing.

 
At 7:13 PM, Blogger leonoxx said...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!

When does it stop T_T


that was sooooooo funny

Just remember, that if she gets lonely, theres always a nice dragon there to give her company ^_^

 
At 7:19 PM, Blogger Kibbs said...

Banned your own mother.... Priceless, keep up the good work Q_Qb

 
At 7:48 PM, Blogger Dantaro said...

lmao, who could blame you? Good stuff

 
At 8:34 PM, Blogger the illiterate said...

I was waiting for you to offer to give her a new pet.

Jormy has defeated mom.

What, don't you like him?

 
At 8:56 PM, Blogger Blogger#B-2874 said...

This explains so much...

 
At 9:03 PM, Blogger Bellemithra said...

OMG!!!!! I can't believe you banned your own mother!!!!! But, agreeing with Blogger#B-2874, it does explain so much.... =)

 
At 10:09 PM, Blogger JobottDMB said...

O...M...G... I started reading your blogs yesterday and found them extremely funny, but this one takes the cake. That is pretty much the funniest story I have ever heard. Keep them coming because I'm going to be reading this every day from now on.

 
At 10:53 PM, Blogger Dramanue of Fenrir said...

Ok, I decided to look up Mordion Gaol since I've never seen it before (and hope not to). The only good pics I've found so far are found here:
http://www.finalfantasy7110.com/etc
/wedding/03lev/index.htm
around the halfway point of the page (it's cut into two lines). From what it looks like, two people are getting married and they both get tele'd to Mordion Gaol for some reason or another. I'm guessing it's so that the bride can receive her dress from the GM's and they can go over the required scripting before the wedding actually starts. If anyone else has better pics, post them here... or Dave... show us some pics of Mordion; you don't even need to be in them. ^_^
{Btw, Gaol seems to be British for Jail... fitting}

 
At 12:52 AM, Blogger Petrograd said...

Hahahahaha, that was great. She TOTALLY deserved it.

So now we know the story behind Player>> You son of a bitch!
[GM]Dave>> Oh.
[GM]Dave>> You know my mom, then.

If she seriously did leave you at school, for even just a few hours, I'm glad you finally could get her the payback she deserved.

 
At 1:27 AM, Blogger AKosygin of FFXIOnline.com said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 1:29 AM, Blogger AKosygin of FFXIOnline.com said...

I hope that on Father's Day we don't find out that your father is a Galka...... and a drunken shoe maker.

 
At 1:33 AM, Blogger Aeriel said...

Oh My God!
That was fu*king awesome, no wait that was by far and away the greatest post you have made in your blog.
Although as with everything nothing is perfect (besides Dave)
I think you should have done messy things to the tank for putting your mom in a fouler mood than she obviously would have been anyways.

 
At 4:11 AM, Blogger Inia said...

My mom is a Mithra. You have no idea how much mental trauma that has caused me.

Ah, poor thing. My son is learning early that there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a Mithra for a mother.

Well, maybe.... he wants to play a Galka.

Banning your own mother.... lmao.

 
At 4:12 AM, Blogger annapalooza said...

Listen. I'm just going to throw this out there.

I want to have your babies.

And then maybe afterwards you can feed me to your dragon.

 
At 6:11 AM, Blogger Kage said...

*yawns*

Sorry. This one really didn't seem that funny to me. Good try, though.

 
At 6:28 AM, Blogger Ristle said...

[GM]Dave>> What are you up to?
Mom>> I have no idea. This tank sucks.
Mom>> He goes down faster than I did on Prom night.
[GM]Dave>> That's not funny.
Mom>> Yes, it is.
[GM]Dave>> No.
[GM]Dave>> That's an aneurysm waiting to happen.

[GM]Dave>> Mom synthesized an Emotional Scar +1.

Comedic genius.

 
At 6:36 AM, Blogger Larkwynn said...

lmao...

your best one yet.


[GM]Dave>> Well, I was going to give you a restraining order.
[GM]Dave>> But the first three didn't work.
Mom>> Davey...
Mom>> Have you always been this emo?
[GM]Dave>> Nice.


rofl

 
At 6:50 AM, Blogger Thistle said...

[GM]Dave>> I understand a person fell out of you.

*snickersnort*

[GM]Dave>> Mom, the lawyer said you had to stop joking about that.
Mom>> Lawyers tell me a lot of things.
Mom>> I can't keep track of all of them.


I love your mom. Unban her, please?

 
At 6:57 AM, Blogger Nawrot said...

Dear [GM]Dave you are my idol! I have a question, my friend recently got job at CCP as Game Master in EVE online. His biggest problem is that he cannot find a dragon. What he should do?

 
At 6:57 AM, Blogger Nawrot said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 7:18 AM, Blogger WHM of Death said...

Dave ..i don't want to be around the next time you see Mom!....Not even your shimmering armor will protect you. She will sic Jormy on you!

 
At 7:54 AM, Blogger Arwenne said...

I agree... best one yet. ^^

 
At 7:59 AM, Blogger Elinea said...

Your mom sounds wonderful ----
shame on you!! But I love you anyway; keep up the good work.
I don't know may change from the other game === EQ. But it's still very good. Goes beyond the need to know everything--just plain funny.

 
At 8:08 AM, Blogger Tobaba said...

<3 [GM]Dave

 
At 9:27 AM, Blogger Fircefairy said...

LOl Shame on you *Davey*! I am a Mom too and play FFXI a LOT...still manage to clean the house buy groceries and cook dinners.Kids made me a steak dinner for Mothers Day ^^ Out of town kids called to wish me well ,I called my Mom and Mother-in-law to wish them both a happy day.BTW I am a Mithra >.< my son is an Elvaan and I level his charecter for him. He often has no time so I help him out.(and buy his armor and weapons)...but anyway I had a good day over all and I hope all Mothers out there did as well ^^

 
At 10:35 AM, Blogger Myloko said...

Wow, such a nice thing to do on Mother's Day ^^v But watch out Dave, her and Jormy might become good friends ;)

 
At 11:02 AM, Blogger Bitneko said...

Say... could you unban her and put her on Caitsith? She would be happy to know that there aren't as many idoit tanks there as the others, even though I saw a WHM tanking once... *gags and dies*

Nice blog by the way, keep it up.^^

 
At 11:10 AM, Blogger Haggai said...

[GM]Dave rules!! I made a foshata in your honor!

http://foshata.com/?fsh=YW9

 
At 2:36 PM, Blogger Tsukihana said...

Typical woman- Never satisfied. I guess one day we all get what deserve. When will we learn it's the thought that counts? <3

You have a new fan [GM]Dave. May your wonderment spread across the lands and rid us of morons for ages to come.

 
At 6:32 PM, Blogger Caelasma said...

Mothers + Mithra = no no. All you mothers of players out there, beware. Dave is out to get you. Trust me when my mom joins she'll be an elvaan woman. atleast our characters will be of the same race, and it will possibly be more believable. Anyway off track there. ADD sucks, especially when camping. Sleeping sucks too, but that usually kicks in in parties. Off track again. Anyway, sushi is nice. Concussions aren't too nice. was the concussion a birthday present? she should like that jail, she'll learn to like it alot. I think I'll join Cerberus server just to come visit your main character or something. Or I'll keep my pathetic lvl 50 BLM on Ramuh until world immigration happens again. As soon as it comes around again, there will probably be a massive flood onto cerberus to try to find out who's really behind the mask of [GM]Dave. Anyway, Jormungand will be happy that you didn't feed her to him, less indigestion. go play final fantasy tactics advance, get eaten by dragons, and suffer from laws where you can't attack monsters. In a monster clan battle. Don't you love that game? Nice of you to do that to players too, I've always wanted to do that. Well have fun. Your next blog should be one of extraordinary magnitude, or just make it private and piss off half of the population of the world. It would be a nice thing to see a mass suicide, consisting mostly of idiots.

 
At 6:46 PM, Blogger ColdhartedRagnarok said...

I have read all your stories on this and the Goblin SMithy ones. I can honestly say this is your best work yet. Amazing. Funny from Start-FInish.

 
At 6:46 PM, Blogger ColdhartedRagnarok said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 7:04 PM, Blogger Blix said...

Hey nice one today, too. You've picked up on your ability to make your characters sound like different people. They didn't seem like you just having a conversation with yourself.

~Blix

 
At 7:05 PM, Blogger Aoishi said...

You're a great guy Dave, I offer my sexual freedom to you ^__________^ Stop by on Remora sometime, actually, don't. That'd be a bad idea, because 99% of the PC population uses windower, and 1% lies about it.

 
At 11:11 PM, Blogger Veggiex said...

Lol... Ruthless..


Keep at it ^_~

 
At 11:32 PM, Blogger Pascal said...

"The time I did and Mom "forgot" to pick me up from school for 7 hours helps."

This helps to understand from who u got such a bastard attitude! :D

 
At 7:46 PM, Blogger Para said...

A mother can keep you from getting laid, even if you haven't seen her in years.

She knows when you're sleeping. She knows when you're on the phone. She knows your habits, what you eat, what you wear, even what political party you support.

Run.

 
At 1:56 AM, Blogger Mute said...

I figured you would have fed her to the dragon 1st then banned her :p but nice either way! good stuff. :D

 
At 12:15 AM, Blogger Shayde said...

"My mom is a Mithra. You have no idea how much mental trauma that has caused me."

I would think having a Mithran father would be more traumatic than having a Mithran mother. Of course, having a Galka as a mother would be even worse. My daughter has a Hume for a mother and an Elvaan for a father. She seems partial to Tarus. Go figure.

 
At 6:19 PM, Blogger Vic said...

This was one of the best jokes i heard today. But the fact that mothers, and people over 40 years old play an MMO still upsets me. It just scares me where the world is goin with this, i cant even see my mom playing FFXI, WITH ME! Maybe its just you americans :P Wierdo's :D

 
At 8:44 PM, Blogger Christophe said...

After knowing mothers (note, post 35,) getting down and dirty online with younger guys in my ls's... this post makes me feel better.... LOL

 
At 9:19 AM, Blogger svitek3 said...

You guys do relize that this is all made up right? There is no way a GM would get away with talking like that to anyone and not get fired. Also if you notice his mom has the same personality as GM DAVE becuase he is making it all up. IS his mom 30 years old tops, how the hell does she know what EMO is it hasnt been around that long im 26 and I remember when it first came out.

 
At 1:22 PM, Blogger Cecento said...

lol

 
At 8:58 AM, Blogger Lokkin said...

T'is a shame that people find it necessary for something to be real to have a laugh about it.

Because, obviously, Goblin Smithy is a real live Goblin Smithy posting from his gobby house and stealing pathfinders bandwidth to pay for it.

Tchyeah.

Been reading for quite a while, keep it up man!

 

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