There's no "U" in Team
Do you know who I hate?Saying everyone does not count as an answer.
When did you become so cynical?
No, I don't hate everyone.
Well... not everyone.
I mean, there's my best friend, Jeff.
Okay. He's not so much my best friend as the guy who runs the liquor store, but I think we have a special bond.
We're brothers from different mothers.
The fact that one of us dispenses sweet, beautiful alcohol is just a coincidence.
And what about... that guy... who... does stuff...
Yeah. I hate a lot of people.
Most people.
Damn near everyone.
Let me rephrase the question: do you know who I hate the most?
No, not gilsellers.
You keep going for the easy answer.
On a side note, why are you answering these questions? They're rhetorical. The story will progress just fine if you don't mumble the answer to yourself.
Anyway, yes, I hate gilsellers, but not enough to call them the most.
Of course, they're evil and ruin the game for everyone, but at least the gilsellers know which side of the line they're on.
I'm over here on the good side and they're over there on the bad side.
Lots of dragons on the bad side, by the way.
No, the people I hate the most are the people who think that they're "helping" us by making countless, pointless GM calls.
You are not a GM.
Read that again.
Now keep reading it until it is ingrained in your brain.
SO STOP TRYING TO HELP WITH YOUR STUPID REPORTS!
I don't care what you see or who did what to who now. If you don't have solid evidence that an actual infraction of the ToS (read: my rules) has occurred, then you shouldn't be calling me.
No, screenshots do not count.
No, your bestest pal acting as a witness does not count.
No, I don't want you to hand the keyboard to your mom.
From now on, you are not to make a single GM call where you think you are helping us.
You're not.
Have you ever heard the expression "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem"?
Well, if you don't have [GM] next to your name, you're not part of the solution.
Now, let's see... if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. You're not part of the solution.
Do you really need me to put this puzzle together for you?
But no. I keep getting these calls from the GM wannabe do-gooders.
Oooo oooo, Mr. GM, that guys fishes a lot.
Oooo oooo, Mr. GM, that guy camps the guilds all the time.
You know what?
Shut the hell up.
Just this evening, I got another of these stupid, stupid calls.
Did I mention stupid?
Seriously. If I had a nickel for every call like this people made, I'd have enough to sponsor their next special olympics.
GM Call Description: I don't actually have any authority, so I'm going to make GM calls all day about things I don't like and act like a hero.
Okay... maybe that's not word for word.
GM Call Description: Player with obscene comment.
Sigh.
Why do I always get these calls?
[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand you're being held at gunpoint.
Player>> Uhh...
Player>> No.
[GM]Dave>> Is the gunman watching what you're typing?
[GM]Dave>> Say "aggro" if you can't talk.
Player>> No, that's not the problem.
[GM]Dave>> Oh.
[GM]Dave>> Could you explain something to me then?
Player>> I guess.
[GM]Dave>> Who's forcing you to look at the damned comment?
Player>> Noone is forcing me.
Player>> I'm reporting offensive material.
[GM]Dave>> Why?
Player>> To help you guys out.
[GM]Dave>> Well, thanks.
[GM]Dave>> I'm not sure how pointless GM calls help...
[GM]Dave>> But good job, champ.
Player>> HEY!
[GM]Dave>> Okay, okay.
[GM]Dave>> What did the bad old comment say?
Player>> It said "No JP"
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> And?
Player>> JP is racist.
[GM]Dave>> How is JP racist?
[GM]Dave>> It's stands for Japanese.
Player>> It's a racial slur.
[GM]Dave>> You're a racial slur.
Player>> What?
[GM]Dave>> It made as much sense as yours.
Player>> Listen. JP is a racial slur and he should be banned.
Player>> They might get offended.
[GM]Dave>> Wait...
[GM]Dave>> They?
Player>> Yeah. Japanese people.
[GM]Dave>> YOU'RE NOT EVEN JAPANESE?!
Player>> No, but I do study the asian culture extensively.
[GM]Dave>> Anime and an ample Hentai collection isn't studying.
Player>> HOW DARE YOU?!
[GM]Dave>> It's funny that you knew what Hentai was.
Player>> ...
[GM]Dave>> Yeah. Thought so.
[GM]Dave>> Listen, Suzie... do you mind if I call you Suzie?
Player>> Yes, I mind.
[GM]Dave>> Suzie, JP is an accepted abbreviation for JP.
[GM]Dave>> The only people who find it rude are fanboys.
Player>> I find it rude.
[GM]Dave>> I really don't need help winning this argument.
[GM]Dave>> The problem is, Suzie, that you're retarded.
Player>> I find that term offensive.
[GM]Dave>> Shocker.
Player>> I want to file a complaint.
[GM]Dave>> I can transfer you to our complaints manager.
*GLEE*
Player>> Yes, please.
I love it when they say please.
[GM]Dave>> No problem.
*warp*
Player>> Where am I?
[GM]Dave>> You're in jail.
[GM]Dave>> I find your stupidity offensive.
Jormungand hits Player for 10,487 points of damage.
Player wad defeated by Jormungand.
[GM]Dave>> so does he.
Seriously. You're not a GM.
Get over it.
Stop making these senseless calls and just suck it up.
Damn.
posted by Goblin Smithy @ 8:07 PM
12 Comments:
Sometimes I wonder if people caould actually be this stupid. Then I remind myself of my relatives in Oklahoma.
... and why I live 2000 mi. away from them.
"Yes please"
priceless! :D
I love Hentai!
Wait, what's Hentai? Is it something you can drink?
[GM]Dave: This is sort of off topic, but I was wondering if GMs try to get each other fired (maybe on personal vendettas or something?)... Like making another account and making GM Calls to catch a GM in the act of... Whatever it is that gets you guys fired.
Other than that, This installment was pretty cool.
Yes, No JP is very offensive to the Japanese, especially the ones with JP ONLY in their search comments.
LOL, another great post! keep up the great work [GM] Dave!
Did someone mention that your Live Bookmarks feed isn't loading properly? Or is it just me?
I didn't know JP was a racial slur o_O But I do find "JP ONRY" quite hillarious ;p
I nominate Squirt to educate the ignorant masses on the location of dragon-kind
Dragons don't go on the bad side for being bad, silly-willy head!
Dragons go on the bad side cause bad people stay crunchy-wunchy in milk!
Yummy!
Okay, bye!
love,
Squirt
P.S. btw, Reeree says you're super-retarded, but I don't believe her! I think you're nice!
Player>> No, but I do study the asian culture extensively.
[GM]Dave>> Anime and an ample Hentai collection isn't studying.
Player>> HOW DARE YOU?!
[GM]Dave>> It's funny that you knew what Hentai was.
Oh dear ...
Player>> No, but I do study the asian culture extensively.
[GM]Dave>> Anime and an ample Hentai collection isn't studying.
Player>> HOW DARE YOU?!
[GM]Dave>> It's funny that you knew what Hentai was.
But then so do you Dave...:)
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