Monday, May 15, 2006

There's no "U" in Team

Do you know who I hate?

Saying everyone does not count as an answer.

When did you become so cynical?

No, I don't hate everyone.

Well... not everyone.

I mean, there's my best friend, Jeff.

Okay. He's not so much my best friend as the guy who runs the liquor store, but I think we have a special bond.

We're brothers from different mothers.

The fact that one of us dispenses sweet, beautiful alcohol is just a coincidence.

And what about... that guy... who... does stuff...

Yeah. I hate a lot of people.

Most people.

Damn near everyone.

Let me rephrase the question: do you know who I hate the most?

No, not gilsellers.

You keep going for the easy answer.

On a side note, why are you answering these questions? They're rhetorical. The story will progress just fine if you don't mumble the answer to yourself.

Anyway, yes, I hate gilsellers, but not enough to call them the most.

Of course, they're evil and ruin the game for everyone, but at least the gilsellers know which side of the line they're on.

I'm over here on the good side and they're over there on the bad side.

Lots of dragons on the bad side, by the way.

No, the people I hate the most are the people who think that they're "helping" us by making countless, pointless GM calls.

You are not a GM.

Read that again.

Now keep reading it until it is ingrained in your brain.

SO STOP TRYING TO HELP WITH YOUR STUPID REPORTS!

I don't care what you see or who did what to who now. If you don't have solid evidence that an actual infraction of the ToS (read: my rules) has occurred, then you shouldn't be calling me.

No, screenshots do not count.

No, your bestest pal acting as a witness does not count.

No, I don't want you to hand the keyboard to your mom.

From now on, you are not to make a single GM call where you think you are helping us.

You're not.

Have you ever heard the expression "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem"?

Well, if you don't have [GM] next to your name, you're not part of the solution.

Now, let's see... if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. You're not part of the solution.

Do you really need me to put this puzzle together for you?

But no. I keep getting these calls from the GM wannabe do-gooders.

Oooo oooo, Mr. GM, that guys fishes a lot.

Oooo oooo, Mr. GM, that guy camps the guilds all the time.

You know what?

Shut the hell up.

Just this evening, I got another of these stupid, stupid calls.

Did I mention stupid?

Seriously. If I had a nickel for every call like this people made, I'd have enough to sponsor their next special olympics.

GM Call Description: I don't actually have any authority, so I'm going to make GM calls all day about things I don't like and act like a hero.

Okay... maybe that's not word for word.

GM Call Description: Player with obscene comment.

Sigh.

Why do I always get these calls?

[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand you're being held at gunpoint.
Player>> Uhh...
Player>> No.
[GM]Dave>> Is the gunman watching what you're typing?
[GM]Dave>> Say "aggro" if you can't talk.
Player>> No, that's not the problem.
[GM]Dave>> Oh.
[GM]Dave>> Could you explain something to me then?
Player>> I guess.
[GM]Dave>> Who's forcing you to look at the damned comment?
Player>> Noone is forcing me.
Player>> I'm reporting offensive material.
[GM]Dave>> Why?
Player>> To help you guys out.
[GM]Dave>> Well, thanks.
[GM]Dave>> I'm not sure how pointless GM calls help...
[GM]Dave>> But good job, champ.
Player>> HEY!
[GM]Dave>> Okay, okay.
[GM]Dave>> What did the bad old comment say?
Player>> It said "No JP"
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> And?
Player>> JP is racist.
[GM]Dave>> How is JP racist?
[GM]Dave>> It's stands for Japanese.
Player>> It's a racial slur.
[GM]Dave>> You're a racial slur.
Player>> What?
[GM]Dave>> It made as much sense as yours.
Player>> Listen. JP is a racial slur and he should be banned.
Player>> They might get offended.
[GM]Dave>> Wait...
[GM]Dave>> They?
Player>> Yeah. Japanese people.
[GM]Dave>> YOU'RE NOT EVEN JAPANESE?!
Player>> No, but I do study the asian culture extensively.
[GM]Dave>> Anime and an ample Hentai collection isn't studying.
Player>> HOW DARE YOU?!
[GM]Dave>> It's funny that you knew what Hentai was.
Player>> ...
[GM]Dave>> Yeah. Thought so.
[GM]Dave>> Listen, Suzie... do you mind if I call you Suzie?
Player>> Yes, I mind.
[GM]Dave>> Suzie, JP is an accepted abbreviation for JP.
[GM]Dave>> The only people who find it rude are fanboys.
Player>> I find it rude.
[GM]Dave>> I really don't need help winning this argument.
[GM]Dave>> The problem is, Suzie, that you're retarded.
Player>> I find that term offensive.
[GM]Dave>> Shocker.
Player>> I want to file a complaint.
[GM]Dave>> I can transfer you to our complaints manager.

*GLEE*

Player>> Yes, please.

I love it when they say please.

[GM]Dave>> No problem.

*warp*

Player>> Where am I?
[GM]Dave>> You're in jail.
[GM]Dave>> I find your stupidity offensive.

Jormungand hits Player for 10,487 points of damage.
Player wad defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> so does he.

Seriously. You're not a GM.

Get over it.

Stop making these senseless calls and just suck it up.

Damn.

35 Comments:

At 9:25 PM, Blogger Blogger#B-2874 said...

Player>> No, but I do study the asian culture extensively.
[GM]Dave>> Anime and an ample Hentai collection isn't studying.
Player>> HOW DARE YOU?!
[GM]Dave>> It's funny that you knew what Hentai was.
Player>> ...
[GM]Dave>> Yeah. Thought so.


Classic.

 
At 9:26 PM, Blogger Tim said...

Sometimes I wonder if people caould actually be this stupid. Then I remind myself of my relatives in Oklahoma.

... and why I live 2000 mi. away from them.

 
At 9:33 PM, Blogger nano said...

Indeed another classic. Keep up the good work ^^ Human stupidity is truly infinite.. unless [GM]Dave steps in, that is!

 
At 11:26 PM, Blogger Pascal said...

"Yes please"

priceless! :D

 
At 11:32 PM, Blogger WindexHamster said...

Roflcopter.

 
At 11:53 PM, Blogger Squirt said...

I love Hentai!

Wait, what's Hentai? Is it something you can drink?

 
At 11:56 PM, Blogger Elarath said...

Very nice, [GM]Dave.

"Player" should go play that old CokeStudios game that Coca-Cola used to (still does?) do for advertising. He'd be much more comfortable among others of his kind (read: uptight, hypersensitive idiots). You wouldn't believe the sort of things they filter there.

For instance, "Japan" is turned into "blahan", as "jap" in any sense of the syllable is obviously a racial slur.

...Not that I would know about CokeStudios from personal experience.

 
At 12:37 AM, Blogger Stocky said...

Owned.

 
At 2:52 AM, Blogger Aeriel said...

"Lots of dragons on the bad side, by the way."

Er dave i know you are foreced into a purpetually bad mod by noobs and RMT and liqour shortages.. but please.. Dragons bad ?

Since when are our saviours of justice (read: revenge) and peace (read: allowing [GM]Dave to lapse into drunken slumber) bad?

Surely they are on your side ?

 
At 4:15 AM, Blogger BenoSmash said...

[GM]Dave: This is sort of off topic, but I was wondering if GMs try to get each other fired (maybe on personal vendettas or something?)... Like making another account and making GM Calls to catch a GM in the act of... Whatever it is that gets you guys fired.

Other than that, This installment was pretty cool.

 
At 7:06 AM, Blogger Blaize said...

It's nothing new nor fresh on the scene.

This is why I laughed when I read it :)

Simple, Warp -> Meal-> Laugh

Thanks, Dave :)

 
At 7:20 AM, Blogger MikeDee said...

Player>> It said "No JP"
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> And?

I wish more GM's would be like this.

 
At 7:30 AM, Blogger Nu-Hir said...

Yes, No JP is very offensive to the Japanese, especially the ones with JP ONLY in their search comments.

 
At 8:19 AM, Blogger cards said...

"[GM]Dave>> How is JP racist?
[GM]Dave>> It's stands for Japanese.
Player>> It's a racial slur.
[GM]Dave>> You're a racial slur.
Player>> What?
[GM]Dave>> It made as much sense as yours."

*rofl*

 
At 8:51 AM, Blogger weary samurai said...

[GM]Dave>> YOU'RE NOT EVEN JAPANESE?!
Player>> No, but I do study the asian culture extensively.
[GM]Dave>> Anime and an ample Hentai collection isn't studying.
Player>> HOW DARE YOU?!
[GM]Dave>> It's funny that you knew what Hentai was.
Player>> ...
[GM]Dave>> Yeah. Thought so.

and calling him suzie, man that was awesome.

dave you are like a refreshing glass of water when im out in the desert.

nice.

 
At 9:07 AM, Blogger Nylune said...

Aeriel, he wasn't saying that the dragons are themselves "bad", just that those players on the bad side will have an unfortunate tendency to encounter them frequently.

 
At 9:59 AM, Blogger Dantaro said...

Hehe, classic, good entry indeed

 
At 10:20 AM, Blogger Miang said...

[GM]Dave, you are special.
... say, would you like to buy a monkey?!

 
At 12:29 PM, Blogger Para said...

Hey, I'm an ex-FFXI player, and a current WoW player.

Parakirby, Asura server.

55 RDM/45 WHM/27 BRD when I quit. I simply didn't have enough money to maintain my equipment, and I realized that flat out grinding wasn't fun any more. However, I did feel bad leaving my Linkshell, but w/e. Anyway. Good job, and it's fairly obvious you're paraphrasing.

What with the lack of typos and the abundance of punctuation.

Anyway. One thing I hated about FFXI was the economy. Glad to see you're taking a, heh, active view as far as getting rid of gilsellers go.

 
At 12:56 PM, Blogger Jennifer said...

LOL, another great post! keep up the great work [GM] Dave!

 
At 4:12 PM, Blogger Kittypenguin said...

lol nu-hir

 
At 4:29 PM, Blogger Retsuken said...

There's no 'U' in team but there's a 'U' in stupid.

Priceless, I have no idea where you find these idiots but I hope they never disappear.

And Gilsellers:

YOU FAIL.

 
At 6:29 PM, Blogger Meroduin said...

Did someone mention that your Live Bookmarks feed isn't loading properly? Or is it just me?

 
At 6:44 PM, Blogger Myloko said...

I didn't know JP was a racial slur o_O But I do find "JP ONRY" quite hillarious ;p

 
At 9:45 PM, Blogger Tobaba said...

[GM]Dave I admire not only your wit, your talent with dragons and your obviously ample charisma but the fact that you can make me almost wish I was back in the FFXI world just to witness such goings on is utterly priceless.

Keep up the good work and try not to dwell on the fact that while the intelligence level of the world may be stagnant, the population is rising!

 
At 10:49 PM, Blogger Reeree said...

I nominate Squirt to educate the ignorant masses on the location of dragon-kind

 
At 10:52 PM, Blogger Squirt said...

Dragons don't go on the bad side for being bad, silly-willy head!

Dragons go on the bad side cause bad people stay crunchy-wunchy in milk!

Yummy!

Okay, bye!
love,
Squirt

P.S. btw, Reeree says you're super-retarded, but I don't believe her! I think you're nice!

 
At 5:38 AM, Blogger Sebb said...

:) This just made my day ^^

I just dont think idiots have learnt the major lesson of ffxi, DONT use GM calls...you will only die.

[GM]Dave will be my new husband, even if I am a guy.

See you later....perhaps (wont happen)

Sebb

 
At 8:34 AM, Blogger SlayerOfBigFoot said...

"Nu-Hir said...
Yes, No JP is very offensive to the Japanese, especially the ones with JP ONLY in their search comments. "

Yea, it can be offense. Just like I would be offended if a JP player said "Americans are stupid" But JP is NOT a racial slur. Im going to go out on a limb to use the word "Jap" as a racial slur, starting in WWii (if I do recall).
People seem to get those confused, but JP is a term used often on the POL site and in game, so I think its safe to say that its not.

 
At 9:13 AM, Blogger Wickerbasket said...

Is Jap an insult? Surely Japanese to Jap is as Briton to Brits? I don't consider it an insult myself, but then again it was kinda 50/50 when someone too offensive to it in my Linkshell.

 
At 4:04 PM, Blogger contingent said...

someone who can also be hated.
--"I vote with my wallet."--

 
At 4:54 AM, Blogger Tsuki said...

Player>> No, but I do study the asian culture extensively.
[GM]Dave>> Anime and an ample Hentai collection isn't studying.
Player>> HOW DARE YOU?!
[GM]Dave>> It's funny that you knew what Hentai was.

Oh dear ...

 
At 12:06 PM, Blogger timetodia said...

I don't know about u but i hate thos people that start complayning about how demonistic the game is... If they dont like the game... DONT PLAY! Get of so we insane players can play in peace! Phhhhhh!!! X+P

 
At 12:08 PM, Blogger timetodia said...

AND will u stop the repeets pleas? we know wut he sead.

 
At 10:41 AM, Blogger Perplexed said...

Player>> No, but I do study the asian culture extensively.
[GM]Dave>> Anime and an ample Hentai collection isn't studying.
Player>> HOW DARE YOU?!
[GM]Dave>> It's funny that you knew what Hentai was.

But then so do you Dave...:)

 

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