Bannable Offenses

Conspiracy Theory

Oh lord, the ego on some people.

Listen very, very carefully.

Copernicus was an early astronomer who studied the movement of celestial bodies (such as stars and panets) and was the first scientist to theorize that our planet was not the center of the universe and, instead, was in motion around our sun. This theory dramatically changed our understanding of our universe.

Later scientists went on to discovery that our sun is also a moving body that circles within our galaxy. And others then noted that our galaxy also circles around a central point in the universe.

To review, our planet is but one rock orbitting the center of the universe.

To clarify, you are living on our planet.

To conclude, YOU ARE NOT THE CENTER OF THE FREAKING UNIVERSE!

Good Jack Daniels, what convinces people that they are so how important enough to justify their misguided understanding of the world?

So often, I get honestly frightening GM calls where people claim that entire groups and even servers are out to get them.

I hate to tell you this, but noone in the game would put that much time nor effort into torturing you.

The closest you might get would be me and, even then, I'd just feed you to the nearest dragon.

See?

You're not even worth going to a distant dragon. I'd just warp you and Jormy to Mordion Gaol, let you have a little Oz moment, and then ban you.

Noone is out to get you.

We may all hate you, but we're not out to get you.

All acts of hatred and violence are merely random acts and are not part of a larger network of malice.

Just this morning, I got yet another one of these inane (read: stupid) GM calls.

GM Call Description: Entire LS harassing me. Please help.

Well, yippee skippy.

Usually, I would just ignore this call and make a note to randomly DC him during serious events, but I had just gotten to the end of a report (read: bottle) that I was working on and decided to discuss the matter with him.

[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand there is a conspiracy against you.
Player>> Yeah, an entire LS is out to get me.
Player>> It's a conspiracy.
[GM]Dave>> I'm sure they are.
[GM]Dave>> On an unrelated note...
[GM]Dave>> Are you taking any medication at this time?
Player>> What do you mean?
[GM]Dave>> You know, normal medications.
[GM]Dave>> Like Thorazine.
Player>> No, I don't take any drugs.
[GM]Dave>> Maybe you should start.
Player>> Whatever.
Player>> Can you stop these guys? This is serious.
[GM]Dave>> First, why don't you explain it to me.
Player>> Well, I got this one player mad at me.
[GM]Dave>> Mmm hmm.
[GM]Dave>> And why was he mad at you?
Player>> I borrowed his Kirin's Osode.
[GM]Dave>> Do you mean you stole it?
Player>> Kind of.
Player>> He owed me a lot of money though.
[GM]Dave>> How much?
Player>> 200,000 gil.
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> So you stole a Kirin's Osode?
Player>> Yeah.
[GM]Dave>> For 200,000 gil.
Player>> Yeah.
[GM]Dave>> Seriously. Thorazine.
[GM]Dave>> Look into it.
Player>> Since then he's had his LS following me.
[GM]Dave>> Following you?
Player>> Everytime I'm in Jeuno, I see them.
Player>> They've even been in my parties a few times.
[GM]Dave>> Spooky.
[GM]Dave>> So, let me get this straight.
[GM]Dave>> You filed a GM call about harassment.
Player>> Yeah.
[GM]Dave>> Because you stole a Kirin's Osode.
Player>> That's right.
[GM]Dave>> And now, you feel harassed.
[GM]Dave>> Because you see other players.
Player>> Exactly.
Player>> Are you going to suspend them?
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> Do you not understand how crazy you are?
[GM]Dave>> Or is this a "how bad can I get banned" game?
Player>> I'm being harassed.
Player>> Every day.
[GM]Dave>> Have they sent you any tells?
Player>> Well, the first guy did.
[GM]Dave>> About what?
Player>> He wanted his Osode back.
[GM]Dave>> The nerve of that guy.
[GM]Dave>> Wanting his own gear back. What a jerk.
[GM]Dave>> Who else sent you tells?
Player>> Nobody.
Player>> But one of his LS mates told me I'm a bad Ranger.
[GM]Dave>> When?
Player>> When we were partying and I mispulled.
[GM]Dave>> Can you not see the things you are typing?
Player>> Listen, man. I want them banned.
[GM]Dave>> I'm afraid I can't do that.
Player>> Why not?
[GM]Dave>> This goes higher than you thought.
[GM]Dave>> The GMs are out to get you, too.
Player>> Really?!
[GM]Dave>> Totally.
[GM]Dave>> The SGM may be monitoring us right now.

*warp*

Area: Mordion Gaol

[GM]Dave>> OH DAMN!
[GM]Dave>> They heard us!
Player>> Oh my god!
Player>> What do we do?
[GM]Dave>> QUICK!
[GM]Dave>> DC RIGHT NOW!!!
[GM]Dave>> I'll handle this.

*player disconnects*

One simple account deletion later and the conspiracy was ended.

There's no reason to think that there is some major conspiracy against you. If a bunch of people hate you, it probably means that you're just a retarded jerk.

We're not out to get you. Life is.

posted by Goblin Smithy @ 8:17 AM