Friday, May 12, 2006

Conspiracy Theory

Oh lord, the ego on some people.

Listen very, very carefully.

Copernicus was an early astronomer who studied the movement of celestial bodies (such as stars and panets) and was the first scientist to theorize that our planet was not the center of the universe and, instead, was in motion around our sun. This theory dramatically changed our understanding of our universe.

Later scientists went on to discovery that our sun is also a moving body that circles within our galaxy. And others then noted that our galaxy also circles around a central point in the universe.

To review, our planet is but one rock orbitting the center of the universe.

To clarify, you are living on our planet.

To conclude, YOU ARE NOT THE CENTER OF THE FREAKING UNIVERSE!

Good Jack Daniels, what convinces people that they are so how important enough to justify their misguided understanding of the world?

So often, I get honestly frightening GM calls where people claim that entire groups and even servers are out to get them.

I hate to tell you this, but noone in the game would put that much time nor effort into torturing you.

The closest you might get would be me and, even then, I'd just feed you to the nearest dragon.

See?

You're not even worth going to a distant dragon. I'd just warp you and Jormy to Mordion Gaol, let you have a little Oz moment, and then ban you.

Noone is out to get you.

We may all hate you, but we're not out to get you.

All acts of hatred and violence are merely random acts and are not part of a larger network of malice.

Just this morning, I got yet another one of these inane (read: stupid) GM calls.

GM Call Description: Entire LS harassing me. Please help.

Well, yippee skippy.

Usually, I would just ignore this call and make a note to randomly DC him during serious events, but I had just gotten to the end of a report (read: bottle) that I was working on and decided to discuss the matter with him.

[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand there is a conspiracy against you.
Player>> Yeah, an entire LS is out to get me.
Player>> It's a conspiracy.
[GM]Dave>> I'm sure they are.
[GM]Dave>> On an unrelated note...
[GM]Dave>> Are you taking any medication at this time?
Player>> What do you mean?
[GM]Dave>> You know, normal medications.
[GM]Dave>> Like Thorazine.
Player>> No, I don't take any drugs.
[GM]Dave>> Maybe you should start.
Player>> Whatever.
Player>> Can you stop these guys? This is serious.
[GM]Dave>> First, why don't you explain it to me.
Player>> Well, I got this one player mad at me.
[GM]Dave>> Mmm hmm.
[GM]Dave>> And why was he mad at you?
Player>> I borrowed his Kirin's Osode.
[GM]Dave>> Do you mean you stole it?
Player>> Kind of.
Player>> He owed me a lot of money though.
[GM]Dave>> How much?
Player>> 200,000 gil.
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> So you stole a Kirin's Osode?
Player>> Yeah.
[GM]Dave>> For 200,000 gil.
Player>> Yeah.
[GM]Dave>> Seriously. Thorazine.
[GM]Dave>> Look into it.
Player>> Since then he's had his LS following me.
[GM]Dave>> Following you?
Player>> Everytime I'm in Jeuno, I see them.
Player>> They've even been in my parties a few times.
[GM]Dave>> Spooky.
[GM]Dave>> So, let me get this straight.
[GM]Dave>> You filed a GM call about harassment.
Player>> Yeah.
[GM]Dave>> Because you stole a Kirin's Osode.
Player>> That's right.
[GM]Dave>> And now, you feel harassed.
[GM]Dave>> Because you see other players.
Player>> Exactly.
Player>> Are you going to suspend them?
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> Do you not understand how crazy you are?
[GM]Dave>> Or is this a "how bad can I get banned" game?
Player>> I'm being harassed.
Player>> Every day.
[GM]Dave>> Have they sent you any tells?
Player>> Well, the first guy did.
[GM]Dave>> About what?
Player>> He wanted his Osode back.
[GM]Dave>> The nerve of that guy.
[GM]Dave>> Wanting his own gear back. What a jerk.
[GM]Dave>> Who else sent you tells?
Player>> Nobody.
Player>> But one of his LS mates told me I'm a bad Ranger.
[GM]Dave>> When?
Player>> When we were partying and I mispulled.
[GM]Dave>> Can you not see the things you are typing?
Player>> Listen, man. I want them banned.
[GM]Dave>> I'm afraid I can't do that.
Player>> Why not?
[GM]Dave>> This goes higher than you thought.
[GM]Dave>> The GMs are out to get you, too.
Player>> Really?!
[GM]Dave>> Totally.
[GM]Dave>> The SGM may be monitoring us right now.

*warp*

Area: Mordion Gaol

[GM]Dave>> OH DAMN!
[GM]Dave>> They heard us!
Player>> Oh my god!
Player>> What do we do?
[GM]Dave>> QUICK!
[GM]Dave>> DC RIGHT NOW!!!
[GM]Dave>> I'll handle this.

*player disconnects*

One simple account deletion later and the conspiracy was ended.

There's no reason to think that there is some major conspiracy against you. If a bunch of people hate you, it probably means that you're just a retarded jerk.

We're not out to get you. Life is.

22 Comments:

At 10:21 AM, Blogger Bellemithra said...

[GM]Dave>> OH DAMN!
[GM]Dave>> They heard us!
Player>> Oh my god!
Player>> What do we do?
[GM]Dave>> QUICK!
[GM]Dave>> DC RIGHT NOW!!!
[GM]Dave>> I'll handle this.

*player disconnects*

One simple account deletion later and the conspiracy was ended.


Haha that was awesome!

 
At 10:46 AM, Blogger Myloko said...

Wow...that's the STUPIDEST person EVER XD Why didn't they get a stupid award for "stupidest GM call made in the last millenium"? But seriously Dr. [GM]Dave, I think you should write them a perscription for some happy drugs... but then again, he might not take them because he might start saying that the drugs are out to get him too XD

 
At 10:46 AM, Blogger freezinglimbo said...

These wonderful blogs never cease to make my day brighter and more tolerable. Usually i bitch about all the morons i have to deal with on a daily basis. Now i know better. I deal with so few it seems trivial.

 
At 11:28 AM, Blogger Valkyris said...

[GM]Dave>> OH DAMN!
[GM]Dave>> They heard us!
Player>> Oh my god!
Player>> What do we do?
[GM]Dave>> QUICK!
[GM]Dave>> DC RIGHT NOW!!!
[GM]Dave>> I'll handle this

hahaha, thats halarious
Nice posts man. Funny stuff.

 
At 11:40 AM, Blogger Ristle said...

Another sure fire way to remove the retarded :D Well played, [GM]Dave :D

 
At 12:57 PM, Blogger WHM of Death said...

Next thing you know he will be saying Mobs are out to get him....


[GM]Dave you are my Anti-hero

 
At 1:18 PM, Blogger Mute said...

Man I was just given the link to your blog the other day and I must say I've already added you to my favs! Great stuff. Keep up the good work. :D

 
At 1:56 PM, Blogger Trigger said...

[GM]Dave>> Can you not see the things you are typing?

You should just copy this down for the next 20 stupid people you get haha.

 
At 8:40 PM, Blogger jimmy said...

[GM]Dave>> The nerve of that guy.
[GM]Dave>> Wanting his gear back.

That floored me.

 
At 10:29 PM, Blogger lesa said...

"If a bunch of people hate you, it probably means that you're just a retarded jerk."

..............rofl

 
At 11:14 PM, Blogger Fircefairy said...

LMFAO!! That was great!! I am way too generouse with my loans >.<
Lost about 100k loaning to a guy that quit the game>.< But it is the responsibilty of the players for his actions.When you "loan" you face the possibility it may not be returned. This my friends is a choice YOU make....always a chance their computer dies,or Moms credit card expires.
So if you dont want to lose the item,gear or whatever...think about what you are doing! /rant off

 
At 3:50 AM, Blogger Rez said...

Wow, a whole 200,000 Gil at lv 75. His deletion was well earned. Good game.

 
At 9:39 AM, Blogger Thistle said...

let you have a little Oz moment

Oh my god. Only thing that could improve your blog is to bring Oz into it more often. ...or at least the early seasons. Drugs that age you 30 years in one day? {Thanks for the offer, but I'll have to pass.}

 
At 10:41 AM, Blogger llianon said...

he WAS very very stupid...
but idk if that's "the previous report" ;)or you f***ed someone today...but you was kinda very very nice with him...and patient :D
neway he had all he deserved...

 
At 10:08 PM, Blogger Dantaro said...

Lmao, Oh man, that was possible the best one yet. Good stuff.

 
At 12:10 AM, Blogger Hellkitty said...

Wow! What a way to vent and make me laugh at the same time. I happened on this blog address in someone’s signature on alla. I hope this page stays up and going it is really giving me some GM perspective.
/em stays in her moghouse and is a good kitty…dragons scary!

 
At 12:46 AM, Blogger Silver 9 said...

Jeez, that's just funny stuff!

...'course, the only problem is the fact that the guy who loaned out his Kirin's Osode just lost it forever... >_>

But I digress.

 
At 11:46 AM, Blogger Yoly said...

Thank you [GM]Dave, thank you!

 
At 12:49 PM, Blogger Ikion said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 12:52 PM, Blogger Ikion said...

I've been reading your posts for weeks now. Genious. I have to say, you have to be one of the fairest people I've run into when it comes to authority. I've made 4 GM calls in the past almost 4 years, maybe something will P.O. me enough to make another so you can tell me how much of an idiot I am for making the call. Keep up the great work and nice job on Cerberus with Goby.

Ikion- Cerberus

 
At 1:26 AM, Blogger Aeriel said...

:::cry's rivers during laughter:::

Now that was new, very nice, there trully are some people that believe that they are so important that the univer trully should revolve around them, and so in their stupidity take it out on the rest of us because IT DOESN'T!

 
At 9:06 AM, Blogger Brett Buchanan said...

Haha, I love this blog. Quite funny. Mind becoming a [GM] of ROSE online? It'd cause a stir ;P

 

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