Friday, April 14, 2006

You Don't Impress Me.

Why do people insist on trying to impress me with their jobs?

I mean, I hate the absolute n00bs who make stupid GM calls, but at least they can plead ignorance and lack of experience.

What I really hate are the high level players who assume their problem is important simply because they are high level.

Wow! You have a level 75 job! I am so impressed!

That and four dollars will buy you a cup of coffee.

I just imagine these people in real life situations.

"You can't fire me! I'm a level 75 BRD!"

"Hey, baby. You ever see a level 75 BLM in full AFB?"

"It's okay, officer. I'm a level 75 ninja."

Do these people really expect me to just bow down to their awesome level grinding ability. Sure, leveling sucks. And making it to 75 is an accomplishment, but really.

I'm not impressed.

Every now and then, though, I get one of those GM calls where someone pulls out the old "I'm a level 75 something-something", as if that changes things.

Last night, I was just starting a new file (and by file, I mean a bottle of whisky) when I got a GM call.

GM Call Description: Someone stole my Scorpion Harness.

Now, it's not actually possible to steal something like that. At least, not unless the person who owns the item does something terribly stupid.

And I mean terribly stupid.

I was going to ignore the call and really get into that new "file", when a second GM call popped up.

GM Call Description: Someone stole my Scorpion Harness.

Okay. Now, I'm annoyed.

And when I get annoyed, people get eaten by dragons.

Side note: I love my job.

So, I log into Phoenix server and start looking for the player who placed the calls.

[GM]Dave>> Hello, Scionith. Good day to you, Adventurer.
Scionith>> Yeah, yeah. Someone stole my Scorpion Harness.
[GM]Dave>> Hmmm... I did not know job abilities affected other players.
Scionith>> What do you mean?
[GM]Dave>> How did a Thief use "Steal" on you?
Scionith>> What are you an idiot?
Scionith>> I loaned him my Scorpion Harness and he never gave it back.
[GM]Dave>> And how exactly did you loan it to him?
Scionith>> Well, I gave it to him.
Scionith>> And he kept it.
[GM]Dave>> So you gave it to him?
Scionith>> Yeah.
[GM]Dave>> Gave it to him?
Scionith>> Yes.
[GM]Dave>> Huh...
[GM]Dave>> That was pretty stupid, wasn't it?
Scionith>> Just get my harness back.
[GM]Dave>> How about no?
Scionith>> Listen. I'm a level 75 Ninja, Thief, and Black Mage.
[GM]Dave>> Wow! Really! That's awesome!
[GM]Dave>> Would you like a cookie?
Scionith>> Just get my damned harness.
Scionith>> NOW.
[GM]Dave>> Sure. Who did you GIVE it to?
Scionith>> A taru named Rathanel.
Scionith>> Bastard.
[GM]Dave>> Let me go talk to him.

*dramatic pause*

A few minutes later, I appear in front of Scionith in full GM gear.

Well... full GM gear and a Scorpion Harness.

[GM]Dave>> Damn. This is a nice harness.
[GM]Dave>> Rath says hi.
Scionith>> Thanks.
[GM]Dave>> For what?
Scionith>> Uhh... getting my harness back.
[GM]Dave>> You mean my harness?
Scionith>> I want my harness back.
[GM]Dave>> I assume you would.
[GM]Dave>> It's a nice harness.
Scionith>> Can I have it back then?
[GM]Dave>> No.
[GM]Dave>> What kind of moron would give away a scorpion harness?
[GM]Dave>> Besides you, I mean.
Scionith>> You don't want to get on my bad side.
[GM]Dave>> You have a good side?
Scionith>> I'm a level 75 Ninja. I have lots of friends in game.
[GM]Dave>> Hey, look!
[GM]Dave>> Now, I'm a level 75 Ninja!
[GM]Dave>> Now, I'm a level 75 Red Mage!
Scionith>> Shut up, you bastard.
[GM]Dave>> Now, I'm a level 85 White Mage!
[GM]Dave>> Now, I'm some form of duck I think!
Scionith>> I am so going to get you fired.
[GM]Dave>> Would you like me to direct you to our complaints manager?


Scionith>> Damn straight.
Scionith>> Say goodbye to your job.
[GM]Dave>> Question.
[GM]Dave>> How are you at soloing?
Scionith>> Why?
[GM]Dave>> No reason.

Jormungand hits Scionith for 8,942 points of damage.
Scionith was defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> Oh.
[GM]Dave>> Not so good with the soloing.
[GM]Dave>> Can I help you with anything else today?

Moral of the story: a level 75 job can quickly become a level 75 corpse.


At 9:00 AM, Blogger Thistle said...

Thanks so much for the laughs. I love this blog. :)

At 10:00 AM, Blogger freezinglimbo said...

Ah the wonders of people thinking so highly of their jobs. Crap like this bring a tear of joy to my eyes.

At 10:02 AM, Blogger Rathanel said...

This Rath person sounds like a right bastard.

Love the blog (b^^)b

At 11:47 AM, Blogger Artos said...

I want to be eaten by a dragon. D:

At 12:11 PM, Blogger JJ said...

I doubt u like to be eaten artos haha!!!

I ask vergil to send u to die alone ~ remember to bring ur own reraiser =P

At 2:50 PM, Blogger WindexHamster said...

If he'd had his Harness on, maybe the evasion would've allowed him to better solo Jormy...

At 3:50 PM, Blogger Isazsepah said...

I just want to say, that I love you. ^^ This had to be the best part of my day today, besides the liquor.

At 6:02 PM, Blogger Russi said...

Great stuff, man. Keep it coming! I'd love to get [GM]Dave if I ever have to make a GM call.

At 1:49 PM, Blogger dj4mula said...

omg your awsome. I wish more GM's were like you.

At 12:43 AM, Blogger Cruven said...

Dood...I've been reading your blog for a few days now. (I used to play FFXi..but i quickly became bored with the slow level rate and how often i was only able to play..3 months to get to level 15 I quit soon after) I like how you feed ppl to dragons..personally id do the same thing.

So before i start getting even more randon Ill say keep up the good work. Games need balancing GMs like you ;)

At 6:58 PM, Blogger Voidraithe said...

This one had me in tears.

Oh how many times have I been in a lower level PT leveling my SJ when a guy comes in and starts dropping the I have a Level 75 Char. Obey me!

At 2:43 PM, Blogger Quylein said...

OMFG awesome, makes me wanna come back to FFXI. good stuff

At 11:30 AM, Blogger Promyntheus said...

Love the work and another good real life situation would be
You cant fire me! I'll get my level 75 static here and we will skillchain Distortion on your ass!

At 12:02 PM, Blogger Promyntheus said...

Omg yea I was in valk dunes lvling my mule and this person in my pt was like wow rank 2 i'm rank 3 and my highest char is lvl 30 so make me leader, Im like yea one sec /kicks player

At 4:55 PM, Blogger Muerte said...

Dave you own =D Next time I call a GM I'm gonna request Dave and we can go work on finding one of those "files" that someone uh...stole from me

At 3:38 PM, Blogger fallenangel71 said...

If only all the other GMs could be like you...sure FFXI would be a swirling torent of pain and missery but still.

All hail [GM]Dave!

At 7:58 AM, Blogger Cyborg Potato said...

[GM]Dave>> Now I'm some form of duck I think!


At 4:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you play an on line game? If so maybe I could learn about it as I am assured it is the "in thing"!!


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