Saturday, April 08, 2006

Why Did We Even Bother?

Every single copy of Final Fantasy XI came with a manual.

Every single copy.

So how is it that there are countless players who don't have the slightest clue about the most basic commands? How can that many people be that monumentally ignorant?

I blame the drugs.

Seriously. We printed you a whole damn book about how to do things. We didn't just throw some crap together and slap a cover on it.

We're not Brady.

But, no. Every day, I get assaulted (no Treasures of Aht Urhgan pun intended) with countless GM calls that could have been solved with nothing more than a grade 4 reading comprehension.

Look at this, as an example:

GM Call Description: How do I look at a map?

I mean COME ON! You type /map. Or go to the menu and press the big freaking MAP button!

I'm sorry, but if you can't figure out the menu system, you should logout, uninstall the game, and then place your computer in the nearest trash can. You have no business handling a computer.

You could hurt yourself.

[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurer. You placed a GM call?
Player>> ya i cant see my map
[GM]Dave>> Okay, now this is difficult to understand.
[GM]Dave>> I'm going to have to use some technical jargon.
Player>> ok go ahed

Note to self: send copy of "Hooked on Phonics" to player 971585

[GM]Dave>> You should write this down.
Player>> k
[GM]Dave>> l
Player>> what?
[GM]Dave>> Nevermind.
[GM]Dave>> Okay, step 1: open the menu.
Player>> ok. menu open
[GM]Dave>> Click on MAP BUTTON, YOU TARD!
[GM]Dave>> Did you write that down?

Honestly, is it that much to ask that you read a few pages in order to play a game?

This isn't Pong. You need to actually know how things work if you want to get anywhere in this game.

But no. Every day, I get countless GM calls from people who were just too damned busy to read a few tiny pages.

And then they get mad at me.

Player>> u cant say that to me
[GM]Dave>> Ummm... just did.
Player>> but u cant say that
[GM]Dave>> Let me check the logs...
[GM]Dave>> Yup. I'm pretty sure I just did.
Player>> im goin to get u fired
[GM]Dave>> Would you like to file a complaint?


Player>> yes i want to make a complaint.
[GM]Dave>> No problem.


Player>> where am i?
[GM]Dave>> Use your map.

Jormungand hits Player for 9731 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> Can I help you with anything else today?

Go read your manual right now if you haven't. Hell, read it even if you have.

Why you got to make me hit you?


At 5:38 PM, Blogger Mith & Ema ~ said...


At 8:30 PM, Blogger Jack said...

You know he's not even a real GM right? He's just being an attention whore, a GM would be fired so fast for just randomly banning people. You are all so gullible. But I will admit it is a good laugh sometimes, it's just funny to see you all believe he's a GM.

At 8:40 PM, Blogger Ahleyanna said...

whether he is or isnt is not the point dumbass. its stupid people doing stupid shit (like yourself) and i seriously doubt that those of us that read it would be those bannable idiots (yes i think everyone who has a negative IQ should be banned). so it dont matter. enjoy this blog, or gtfo. kthxbai

At 9:25 PM, Blogger Rakirte of Kujata said...

Hilarious, I love this and the Goblin Smithy blogs, keep it up - I'm amazed at how creative you can get, 1-2 posts a day? I dont think I could keep that pace up.

At 11:56 PM, Blogger Miraun of Phoenix said...

Glorious. Keep up the awesome posts.

At 3:10 AM, Blogger [GM]Dave said...

I am Jack's total lack of understanding.

Jack, you fail at life.

At 6:33 AM, Blogger Diablo said...

This is the best blog ever! I nearly pissed my self while reading it. I wish more gms were like this. Stupidity should be banned

At 6:23 AM, Blogger BJ said...

"Player>> where am i?
[GM]Dave>> Use your map."


At 8:12 PM, Blogger Lae said...

The ironic thing is, it actually takes a couple of clicks/button pushes, to get to the GM call screen. God must have came down and helped him with that one. ^^;

At 9:14 AM, Blogger fallenangel71 said...

lae has a point... how did he get to the GM call screen if he couldn't even use the map o_0

At 4:48 AM, Blogger Eldarias said...

Player>> where am i?
[GM]Dave>> Use your map.


At 7:19 AM, Blogger Troll said...

Remembers me to my good old times as administrator. I had print me 4 very huge letters for my door .. R, T, F and a M ^^


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