Sunday, April 09, 2006

I Just Don't Get It

What is so hard to understand about cheating?

It's my job to find people who are cheating and then punish them. This is not difficult to understand.

So why is it every cheater has to whine and complain like they're not guilty?

In order to play FFXI, you had to agree to a specific set of rules. One of those rules states that any sort of cheating, any sort, can lead to suspension or banning.

This is not news.

Yet, everytime I talk to someone who was blatantly caught cheating, they always have some sob story about how their "cheating" is different from everyone else's "cheating".

But in my book (and the GM Manual), cheating is cheating. And cheaters must be punished.

Today, I got a GM call about an alleged cheater.

GM Call Description: Camping Mysticmaker Profblix and another player is blatantly cheating.

Now, I get calls like this all the time. Usually, I just ignore them (except replace the word 'ignore' with the word 'ban'), but there was something about the word 'blatantly' that piqued my curiosity.

So I warped right over to Labyrinth of Onzozo to see what was going on.

Right away, I spot the person who made the GM call. He's just standing around the Profblix spawn area.

And he's alone.

[GM]Dave>> Cry welcome, yon Adventurer, for the evening has found us well met upon the field of battle and amongst the throng of thine enemies.

Note to self: kill self

Player>> What the hell was that?
[GM]Dave>> Sorry. Part of the job.
[GM]Dave>> Now where's this cheater you mentioned?
Player>> Just wait for it.

I was just about to ask what he meant when the player (read: cheater) popped right in front of me. Literally, popped.

Strike one.

Okay, maybe he was invisibled and it just wore. Doubtful, but possible.

Then he sped off faster than a chocobo on crystal meth. Right in front of me.

Strike two.

Okay, maybe he was a Thief and used Flee. It's possible.

Quick search and... he's a Warrior. With a White Mage subjob.

Strike three.

I mean cheating is wrong, but there is no excuse for a Warrior using White Mage as a subjob.

He must be punished.

[GM]Dave>> Good day, Sir. How are things?
Cheater>> Uhh... things are good.
[GM]Dave>> Just doing a random survey.
[GM]Dave>> Is there anything I can help you with?
Cheater>> You could make Lord of Onzozo pop for me. lol
[GM]Dave>> No problem. Want to solo him, too?
[GM]Dave>> I could lower his level a bit.
Cheater>> Are you serious?
[GM]Dave>> Of course I am. I'm a GM.
[GM]Dave>> We don't have a sense of humor.
Cheater>> YEAH! Let's do it.

Fish? Check.
Barrel? Check.
Gun? Check.

Yup, I'm all set.

[GM]Dave>> Are you ready?
Cheater>> I'm ready.
[GM]Dave>> Game on, then.
[GM]Dave>> Good luck.

Now, some of you are thinking I didn't pop him at all. Waste the cheater's time.

Some of you are thinking I popped LoO, but made him impossible to kill.

I'm more creative than that.

I lowered his level and then spawned him right in front of the cheater.

Cheater>> OMG! You did it!
[GM]Dave>> I told you I would.

Why would I do such a thing? Because I'm not mean.

I'm cruel.

After a few minutes, it was obvious the cheater was going to win.

[GM]Dave>> Do you want him to drop a club for you?
[GM]Dave>> Totally.
[GM]Dave>> I can make him drop a club if you want.
[GM]Dave>> Done.

Cheater defeats Lord of Onzozo.
You receive 200 experience points.
You find an Ash Club on the Lord of Onzozo.
You obtain an Ash Club.

[GM]Dave>> Congratulations!
[GM]Dave>> Can I help you with anything else today?

It's funny. He logged out and I never saw him again.



At 2:58 AM, Blogger WindexHamster said...


Just. Fucking. Beautiful.

>.> Your writing + a disturbing amount of Tanqueray gin = LMFAOROFLLOLWTFHAHAHAHAHAHA!

At 6:06 AM, Blogger Wen said...

Hello. Just found your blog. As FFXI player I found it interesting...can't say I believe everything you post since some of them doesn't make sense at all (a NA GM acting against a Japanese player? Maybe in your dreams) but, truth or not, I find your posts very amusing.

See you around.

At 7:04 PM, Blogger John-John said...

Buy high lvl character on IGE - $350

Subsciption to FFXI hack downloads site - $29.99

Brady Guide purchase - $19.99

Being mocked for having WAR/WHM job on GMDave's blog - PRICELESS

Money can't buy you everything. For everything else, there's MasterGM.

At 2:01 PM, Blogger Nick said...

this is nothing short of incredible.

At 7:10 AM, Blogger CHICKEN said...

Sorry, I was reading your blog (some seriously funny stuff, loving it) but I dont play FFXI, so I don't get the joke from your entry on april 9th "I just don't get it".

Maybe that's a hint; I'm not supposed to get it, so what happened? The 'ash club' was either a painfully useless item or it was infact *you* who got both the loot and the experiance for killing the monster.

Or it's something else altogether. So what is it?

At 1:36 AM, Blogger Hr8mph said...

GM]Dave>> Cry welcome, yon Adventurer, for the evening has found us well met upon the field of battle and amongst the throng of thine enemies

That was priceless xD

Man I wish something like that could be done to those #@&!@#$% Wow goldsellers. Freakin $^$$)%%


Post a Comment

<< Home