Sunday, April 09, 2006

Pages from the GM Manual - Vol. 1

Alternate Title - "Zen and the Art of MMORPG Maintenance."

I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've been asked what it takes to be a GM or what the job involves exactly.

It's been at least three times.

Maybe four.

In order to explain the protocol involved with the GM job, I am going to review the GM manual completely without editorial commentary.

Almost completely without editorial commentary.

Thus, I present "Greeting the Player"

See, now this part of the job pisses me off sometimes.

It's 5:00 am and I've been on the graveyard shift. I've just finished about four hundred "OMG dey stole our monstar!!11!" calls and I am out of whisky.

The last thing I want to do is freakin' ROLEPLAY!

Does anyone get anything out of it? Really?

You're in a giant world filled with dragons and monsters and knights and wizards.

That should be enough damned fantasy. Me going "how art thou, good adventurer?" will not add to the realism of the game.

You want roleplay? Fine.

Next time you're fighting a monster, poke a fork in your eye.

There's your damned realism.


At 3:01 AM, Blogger WindexHamster said...

. . . I fucking HATE it when GMs quote bullshit saccharin lines to me out of some obvious text-generator that's onscreen before them while I'm begging for help in dealing with bot-claiming RMT in Castle Oztroja.

This post isn't funny, it's a HUGE needle in the ass of GMs everywhere.

And I thank you for it.

At 6:27 AM, Blogger BJ said...

NOno, what's good is when they answer you with the first line being all prim and proper, then everything else they say is lacking capitalization and punctuation.

"GM >> Hail, adventurer, I understand you're in need of help?
Me >> Yeah, I fell into the bay in Sandy. Little help, please?
GM >> k hld still plz"

At 9:52 PM, Blogger Subaru Harumasa said...

Does it really say "They love that shit?" That's awesome!

At 6:52 PM, Blogger Jutsu said...

Yes, Subaru, it does say that. It also says "Fuck with the n00bs a lot, but fuck with the level 75's waaaay more. They are spoiled brats."

It also says TEEN on the box so you can UNDERSTAND SARCASM because CHILDREN are too frail to understand CRUELTY and all of the joy its perpetrator experiences.

Not to be harsh or anything, Dave brings out the best in me.

At 9:08 PM, Blogger anonymous said...

Where's the role play game dramma over a fake mob?
Oh well. I think it's funny.
It looks like you made that guide yourself O.o lol.


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