Thursday, April 13, 2006

GM Stands For...

Game Master.

Say it with me. GAME MASTER.

Now, anyone with half an IQ point would probably be able to figure out that I am here for gameplay emergencies. I mean, it just makes sense.

Even if it didn't make perfect sense, it's spelled out in the agreement you signed as well as they GM help screen. I'm here for emergencies. Whatever your current problem, I'm 99.9% sure that it isn't an emergency.

There's two people in this world who care about your problem:

a) you
b) not me

Basically, just don't call me.

Ever.

There may be dragon related violence if you do.

You should especially not call me for something so monumentally stupid that I want to drive to your house and beat you with your own keyboard.

But no. Every now and then (read: every third call), is so fundamentally idiotic that I must respond.

GM Call Description: How do I get to Kuftal Tunnel?

Seriously. Good lord. Does this sound like something that can be classified as an emergency?

I could have just banned this poor fool, but decided that that was too good for him.

[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand yu're having trouble finding Kuftal Tunnel.
Player>> Yeah.
[GM]Dave>> What's your highest level job?
Player>> Lvl 50 DRK
[GM]Dave>> Perfect.
Player>> Why?
[GM]Dave>> No reason.

Now anyone can just torture someone. I should know. But nothing is more painful than getting yourself into trouble.

[GM]Dave>> Well, there's one little problem.
Player>> What's that?
[GM]Dave>> I can only send people to their Homepoint.
[GM]Dave>> And your Homepoint is nowhere near Kuftal.

Wait for it.

Player>> Could you reset my hp near Kuftal.

Jackpot.

[GM]Dave>> I suppose I could try.
[GM]Dave>> That's a good idea.
Player>> Thanks, man.

I love irony.

[GM]Dave>> No problem.
[GM]Dave>> Okay, I've set your homepoint near Kuftal.
Player>> Thank you.
[GM]Dave>> Would you like me to warp you?
Player>> Yes, please.

*WARP*

Area: Cape Terrigan

Player>> How do I get to Kuftal from here?
[GM]Dave>> The zoneline is just over there a little ways.
Player>> Umm... everything here checks as incredibly tough.
[GM]Dave>> Well, they would.
[GM]Dave>> They're all way above your level.
Player>> But they'll kill me.
[GM]Dave>> Most likely, yes.
[GM]Dave>> But your hp is right here so you can try again.
[GM]Dave>> And again.
[GM]Dave>> And again.
Player>> Are you serious?
[GM]Dave>> Of course I am.
Player>> How am I supposed to get out of here?
[GM]Dave>> I'm sorry.
[GM]Dave>> GMs cannot answer gameplay related questions.
Player>> But you just did.
[GM]Dave>> I've also removed your ability to send tells.
[GM]Dave>> Good luck with that.
[GM]Dave>> Can I help you with anything else today?

I like helping people.

25 Comments:

At 5:14 AM, Blogger WindexHamster said...

"[GM]Dave>> I've also removed your ability to send tells.
[GM]Dave>> Good luck with that.
[GM]Dave>> Can I help you with anything else today?"

>:D

Fantastic!

 
At 6:45 AM, Blogger tilakai said...

I highly doubt your a gm and if you are you would have been fired long ago if you actually did any of the stuff your posting here. you fail

 
At 7:18 AM, Blogger simmy said...

sorry tilakai, you may win at gameing, but looseing at the bigger game called Real Life (or in more easy to understand jargon: rl |Amature| )

 
At 8:37 AM, Blogger Cyberfox said...

This dude is not a GM.

 
At 8:49 AM, Blogger freezinglimbo said...

It is not a matter of wether of not [GM]Dave is truly a GM. It is mroe that I would so do all this stuff until I was fired.

 
At 9:09 AM, Blogger Wen said...

There's something that, you people, just don't get. Dave can or can not be a GM...the fun resides in the situations he talk about, in the blatant noobish of some people. Noone questions if those n00bs DO exists and THEY are the funny thing of this blog. (Well, Dave is a son of a ***** and that wins too x''D)

 
At 9:15 AM, Blogger Jungle Diva said...

Guys - obviously this blog is meant for humour purposes only. I dunno if it's the real [GM]Dave posting these but I'm sure he doesn't do this stuff, but he probably wishes he could sometimes! And besides why would we really want to hear what GM's do? It's probably boring as hell.

Anyway, real or not it's good stuff!

 
At 11:06 AM, Blogger AKosygin of FFXIOnline.com said...

[GM]Dave didn't say he ACTUALLY did it.

IF this IS a REAL GM, this person can write about what he WISHED he did, and is free to fantasize about what he WISH he COULD HAVE done. He could be posting this as an outlet during his off hours to tell users what he personally thinks.

READ: This doesn't mean he did such a thing and when at work he could be quite professional and helpful.

On the other hand,
IF he was not a real GM, then enjoy the blog and just laugh with the rest of us.

Either way, it is funny and sometimes so true.

 
At 12:45 PM, Blogger Jennifer said...

"[GM]Dave>> I've also removed your ability to send tells.
[GM]Dave>> Good luck with that.
[GM]Dave>> Can I help you with anything else today?"


as if being warped to cape terrigan at 50 wasn't funny enough that was awesome.

 
At 2:29 PM, Blogger OryMcmoryson said...

You guys are so funny. Next you will be arguing whether he is really a goblin in "A Smithy's Life"....

Love the blog, great stuff! :)

 
At 3:09 PM, Blogger sevenpointflaw said...

ok, i'm not going to get into whether he really does this stuff or not... But I did a little digging and found several screenshots of GM Dave from a few sites.

Here's the thing. I'm a criminalist (as in, I work in a crimelab) that specializes in digital media. I tried up down left and right to prove that those screenshots were fake... and I couldn't.

Now, I'm not saying they are real, cause I couldn't say that to a judge. But I can't say they are fake either.

Personaly opinion though? I'd say they were real, which makes GM Dave real. Take it for what you will.

 
At 3:43 PM, Blogger AKosygin of FFXIOnline.com said...

QUOTE:

OryMcmoryson said...

You guys are so funny. Next you will be arguing whether he is really a goblin in "A Smithy's Life"....

============
If he is a GM, then he CAN be one of the goblins, and that would mean he is a professional role player.

============
Sevenpointflaw, I do not mean to dis-respect you, but I know [GM]Dave IS real, the issue isn't the existence of a [GM]Dave, but rather is this the [GM]Dave?

 
At 3:48 PM, Blogger sevenpointflaw said...

no disrespect. :) A few people seemed to think that there was no possibility there being A GM Dave. Was just adding my 2cents in the only way I could.

I'll leave the argument about whether this is -the- GM Dave to those people more interested in speculation.

 
At 3:50 PM, Blogger sevenpointflaw said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 3:52 PM, Blogger Fafnir said...

Wow, now I see where [GM]Dave gets his material. He is obviously not a GM, but posts situations that would be hilarious to hear about, since I am sure all those types of calls do really happen.

But, to the people who think this blog is about real GM calls and outcomes and are insulting him for being a real GM, you are:

1. An Idiot.
2. Better of being shot to remove another moron from society.
3. Most likely posessing an IQ of 30-50, which I think qualifies you to be mentally retarded.

 
At 4:08 PM, Blogger Melanie said...

This is the most awesome blog i've ever read. Say hi to mistressshadow on hades if you get bored! Love your stuff!!

 
At 4:32 PM, Blogger AKosygin of FFXIOnline.com said...

BTW, GM stands for Game MANAGEMENT or Game Manager also. =P

 
At 5:02 PM, Blogger Chausie said...

These are great. . .
Keep the stories coming.
<3 you [GM] Dave.

 
At 5:31 PM, Blogger Littlechaos said...

Dudes insted of trying to figure out if he is a GM or not just enjoy this funny blog... sheesh

 
At 7:23 PM, Blogger thrishand said...

Nuf said Bishes

 
At 8:21 PM, Blogger Taskmage said...

How much is "nuf?"

 
At 8:30 PM, Blogger [GM]Dave said...

To those who would doubt me:

You should not ask if I am A [GM]Dave or THE [GM]Dave, but instead how you can be more like [GM]Dave.

You can't. Now shut up, you damned n00bs.

 
At 8:21 AM, Blogger Artos said...

Best. Blog. Ever.

 
At 8:26 AM, Blogger Artic said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 10:57 PM, Blogger Thorvault said...

I bet that there is some sick twisted GM out there acting out everything that your posting here. keep the stories rollin.

 

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