You Are Not SpecialAlternate Title: "Well... maybe Short Bus special."
Okay. I'm sure in your little world, you're very, very important.
Yes, yes. Your mom thinks you're cool.
But I hate to tell you this, but your problems are not that important.
They're not. At all. Important. Not important. At all.
Do you understand?
Before you can even send a GM call, a warning screen pops up to tell you that GM calls are only to be made for serious emergencies. Serious emergencies.
The petty annoyances of your day ARE NOT EMERGENCIES!
I swear to God if I have to listen to one more vapid, conceited moron complain about not getting parties, or having missed an airship, or whatever other stick they have up their ass, I'm going to set the servers on fire.
And no, I don't mean Fire IV or Firaga. I mean I will douse them in kerosene and light those babies up.
Let's see if getting lost in Eldieme Necropolis is a major emergency when the harddrive your character is on turns into so much melted plastic and charred metal.
I have major things I have to do during the day. I have people with actual problems that I like to help.
Also, I have about 100,000 retards that need to be injested by a dragon.
I like that, too.
So, your piddly little problems are really not worth my time. REALLY.
Accidentally dropping something valuable is not an emergency.
Wondering which day comes after Firesday is not an emergency.
Forgetting the way to Boyahda Tree is not an emergency.
Sorry. I meant (( The Boyahda Tree )).
I was just about to end a very late shift, when I got a GM call.
Well... it wasn't so much a shift as me clocking in and then running through Dynamis on my main character.
Why I checked the GM call queue, I'm not sure.
Apparently, I'm a masochist.
Sadism and masochism. Yeah, I'm happy about where I am in life. Good times.
GM Call Description: I'm being harassed through tells.
Always with the harassment.
If people actually got "harassed" as much as GM calls would make you think, we'd have to add a new restraining order command.
But, alas, I just had to stop and look at this car wreck...
... I mean respond to this call.
[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurer. Yada yada yada.
[GM]Dave>> What do you want?
Player>> Other players are harassing me through tells.
[GM]Dave>> Suuurrrrrrrrre they are.
[GM]Dave>> How many people?
Player>> 7, I think. Or 8.
[GM]Dave>> Okay, that sounds kind of serious.
[GM]Dave>> What kind of tells are they?
Player>> They just keep badgering me over and over.
Player>> And asking the same questions.
[GM]Dave>> That does sound like harassment.
[GM]Dave>> Let me check the logs.
[GM]Dave>> They were asking you to party.
Player>> I know.
Player>> I didn't feel like partying.
[GM]Dave>> They were asking you TO PARTY.
Player>> I know. And they wouldn't stop.
[GM]Dave>> Let me ask you something:
[GM]Dave>> Are you retarded?
Player>> HOW DARE YOU?
[GM]Dave>> It's okay.
[GM]Dave>> I'm totally cool with the Retarded.
Player>> I'm not retarded!
[GM]Dave>> And you guys have your own Olympics.
[GM]Dave>> Sure, there's an asterisk next to your record.
[GM]Dave>> But still.
Player>> I'm not retarded!
[GM]Dave>> Am I talking too fast for you?
[GM]Dave>> Or my words. Are they too big?
Player>> STOP IT!
[GM]Dave>> That's good. That's very, very good.
[GM]Dave>> Use your words.
[GM]Dave>> I'm having trouble understanding you.
[GM]Dave>> Is your Mommy or Daddy there?
Player>> I'M 27!!
[GM]Dave>> Like I said: is your Mommy or Daddy there?
Player>> I HATE YOU, YOU BASTARD!
[GM]Dave>> That's a very big word.
[GM]Dave>> I'm proud of you.
Player>> GET ME ANOTHER GM!
Player>> I'm filing a complaint against you!
[GM]Dave>> Let me guess.
[GM]Dave>> For harassment.
[GM]Dave>> I can transfer you to the complaints manager.
Player>> YES! RIGHT NOW!
[GM]Dave>> No problem.
[GM]Dave>> Given your "special" circumstances...
[GM]Dave>> I've contacted our "Alternate Ability" councillor.
[GM]Dave>> Sorry. Big words again.
[GM]Dave>> I called the "guy in charge of the retards".
Player>> I'M NOT RETARDED!
[GM]Dave>> It's nothing to be ashamed of.
Player>> Would you like to be called retarded?
[GM]Dave>> Oh, HELL NO!
[GM]Dave>> That's not even funny.
Player>> Then why do you think I'm retarded?
[GM]Dave>> Well you did ask to see the complaints manager.
Jormungand hits Player for 10,113 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.
[GM]Dave>> Seems awfully retarded to me.
Honestly, just because something annoying happens to you, it doesn't make it an emergency.
And when you make a GM call about it, your stupid annoyance becomes my stupid annoyance.
And then I'll give you a damned emergency.