You Are Not Special
Alternate Title: "Well... maybe Short Bus special."Okay. I'm sure in your little world, you're very, very important.
Yes, yes. Your mom thinks you're cool.
But I hate to tell you this, but your problems are not that important.
They're not. At all. Important. Not important. At all.
Do you understand?
Before you can even send a GM call, a warning screen pops up to tell you that GM calls are only to be made for serious emergencies. Serious emergencies.
The petty annoyances of your day ARE NOT EMERGENCIES!
I swear to God if I have to listen to one more vapid, conceited moron complain about not getting parties, or having missed an airship, or whatever other stick they have up their ass, I'm going to set the servers on fire.
And no, I don't mean Fire IV or Firaga. I mean I will douse them in kerosene and light those babies up.
Let's see if getting lost in Eldieme Necropolis is a major emergency when the harddrive your character is on turns into so much melted plastic and charred metal.
I have major things I have to do during the day. I have people with actual problems that I like to help.
Also, I have about 100,000 retards that need to be injested by a dragon.
I like that, too.
So, your piddly little problems are really not worth my time. REALLY.
Accidentally dropping something valuable is not an emergency.
Wondering which day comes after Firesday is not an emergency.
Forgetting the way to Boyahda Tree is not an emergency.
Sorry. I meant (( The Boyahda Tree )).
I was just about to end a very late shift, when I got a GM call.
Well... it wasn't so much a shift as me clocking in and then running through Dynamis on my main character.
Why I checked the GM call queue, I'm not sure.
Apparently, I'm a masochist.
Sadism and masochism. Yeah, I'm happy about where I am in life. Good times.
GM Call Description: I'm being harassed through tells.
Always with the harassment.
If people actually got "harassed" as much as GM calls would make you think, we'd have to add a new restraining order command.
But, alas, I just had to stop and look at this car wreck...
... I mean respond to this call.
[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurer. Yada yada yada.
[GM]Dave>> What do you want?
Player>> Other players are harassing me through tells.
[GM]Dave>> Suuurrrrrrrrre they are.
[GM]Dave>> How many people?
Player>> 7, I think. Or 8.
[GM]Dave>> Okay, that sounds kind of serious.
[GM]Dave>> What kind of tells are they?
Player>> They just keep badgering me over and over.
Player>> And asking the same questions.
[GM]Dave>> That does sound like harassment.
[GM]Dave>> Let me check the logs.
*minutes pass*
[GM]Dave>> They were asking you to party.
Player>> I know.
Player>> I didn't feel like partying.
[GM]Dave>> They were asking you TO PARTY.
Player>> I know. And they wouldn't stop.
[GM]Dave>> Let me ask you something:
[GM]Dave>> Are you retarded?
Player>> What?!
Player>> HOW DARE YOU?
[GM]Dave>> It's okay.
[GM]Dave>> I'm totally cool with the Retarded.
Player>> I'm not retarded!
[GM]Dave>> And you guys have your own Olympics.
[GM]Dave>> Sure, there's an asterisk next to your record.
[GM]Dave>> But still.
Player>> I'm not retarded!
[GM]Dave>> Am I talking too fast for you?
[GM]Dave>> Or my words. Are they too big?
Player>> STOP IT!
[GM]Dave>> That's good. That's very, very good.
[GM]Dave>> Use your words.
Player>> STOPITSTOPITSTOPIT!
[GM]Dave>> I'm having trouble understanding you.
[GM]Dave>> Is your Mommy or Daddy there?
Player>> I'M 27!!
[GM]Dave>> Like I said: is your Mommy or Daddy there?
Player>> I HATE YOU, YOU BASTARD!
[GM]Dave>> That's a very big word.
[GM]Dave>> I'm proud of you.
Player>> GET ME ANOTHER GM!
Player>> I'm filing a complaint against you!
[GM]Dave>> Let me guess.
[GM]Dave>> For harassment.
Player>> YES!
[GM]Dave>> I can transfer you to the complaints manager.
Player>> YES! RIGHT NOW!
[GM]Dave>> No problem.
*warp*
[GM]Dave>> Given your "special" circumstances...
[GM]Dave>> I've contacted our "Alternate Ability" councillor.
Player>> What?!
[GM]Dave>> Sorry. Big words again.
[GM]Dave>> I called the "guy in charge of the retards".
Player>> I'M NOT RETARDED!
[GM]Dave>> It's nothing to be ashamed of.
Player>> Would you like to be called retarded?
[GM]Dave>> Oh, HELL NO!
[GM]Dave>> That's not even funny.
Player>> Then why do you think I'm retarded?
[GM]Dave>> Well you did ask to see the complaints manager.
Jormungand hits Player for 10,113 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.
[GM]Dave>> Seems awfully retarded to me.
Honestly, just because something annoying happens to you, it doesn't make it an emergency.
And when you make a GM call about it, your stupid annoyance becomes my stupid annoyance.
And then I'll give you a damned emergency.
posted by Goblin Smithy @ 5:46 AM
25 Comments:
Yay for Jormy!
and retarded people feeding our laughter.
Whisky.
Lots of whisky.
you forgot "*GLEE*"
... he totally deserved to be fed by Jormy.
[GM]Dave>> Let me check the logs.
*minutes pass*
[GM]Dave>> They were asking you to party.
Wow, some people. Just.... fucking wow. Here's a tear for you....
GM Call Description: [GM]Dave needs a raise.
XD
It reminds me of a time when I was seeking for an hour on NIN and no bites, and it turns out I forgot to go un-/anon. I only could laugh at myself. I should have said:
GM Call Description: I Screwed up, please feed me to Jormy
[GM]Dave>> I can transfer you to the complaints manager.
Player>> YES! RIGHT NOW!
[GM]Dave>> No problem.
I fucking love that part of the blogs. I eagerly await for them to get to that part >:-D
I also like the part at the end:
Player>> Then why do you think I'm retarded?
[GM]Dave>> Well you did ask to see the complaints manager.
Jormungand hits Player for 10,113 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.
[GM]Dave>> Seems awfully retarded to me.
Golden. Like, Triforce golden.
James,
You fail for so many reasons.
I'm not going to ban you for one simple reason: you just banned yourself.
Everyone on your server now knows what an absolute moron you are. I don't have to do anything to your account because the people who read your comments will know better than to actually invite you.
I will toss on a good old THzero, though, so should any HNMLS ever consider inviting you, they'll have reason to reconsider.
I mean other than your rampant stupidity.
Your posts are filled with inaccuracies and errors so deep that everyone reading your mindless garbage has already figured out that you're nothing more than a pseudo-intellectual wannabe.
Also, before you say things like "he's got too much time on his hands", you may want to not spend an entire day posting in the comments section of a blog.
And speaking of blogs, I took the time to peruse yours.
Dashboard Confessional called. They want their Emo back.
Damn, man, could you be more pathetic. "For every hello there's a thousand good byes." The only goodbyes are the people who check out your blog and then uninstall Firefox just to cleanse the stupidity from their computers.
Like I said: You fail.
[GM]Dave
What the hell is with Valefor and morons that can't separate their text into paragraphs?
I mean if you're going to be stupid, at least do so in a manner that doesn't make people's eyes bleed.
Congratulations, James, on finding someone actually dumber than you to come here and back you up. I honestly didn't think you could do it.
Next thing I know, your mom will be in here telling me how awesome you really are.
I don't even think his mom could say that with a straight face.
All right children.. (GMDave not included) thats enough.
You retards on Valefor(im now ashamed to admit i also am from Valefor) keep calling him out saying he out for attention, wtf do you think your doing?
Now, do what your mom always told you to do and ignore the stupid 'special' kids that wouldn't stop calling you names and shit.
They are NOT worth any more of our time, nor [GM]Dave's valuable time.
Of course I have.
The papers have been filed and now I'm just waiting for the ceremonial wine (read: whisky) to arrive.
Pretty soon, Davism will be in full swing.
OMG you're all fighting over the internet. I went through an entire handle of J.D. reading this fucking comments. Now I know how [GM]Dave feels.
Poor [GM]Dave. He writes about his experiences to share the pain. The desire to ram a pencil into your brain goes down when you get to ram a dragon into someone elses.
And does that release free him from the retards who cause the pain in the first place?
Apparently, it spawns more.
That's just so unfair.
I'd use words that were too large for you, so I'm going to make Squirt explain it. She's close to retarded, so you might bond. Let me give her a call...
Reeree says if you think [GM]Dave is funny then you who cares if he's real GM. It's like how you shouldn't ask your mommy and that guy with the funny hat she's always giving money to about the tooth fairy if you still get quarters under your pillow 'cause you might jinx it.
I love the Tooth Fairy!
And then she said that if you don't think [GM]Dave is funny then why would you come back here over like all those funny men keep coming back to your mom's house when you could go do something else like go outside or play Legos?
I love LEGOS!
Okay, bye.
Love,
Squirt! ^_^
Why James Fails - Vol. 2
James,
You must be much dumber than I first thought. And your little cronies can't be far behind.
*ahem*
First off, TH does not affect Armoury Crate drops, you moron. If it did, wouldn't every KS or BCNM strategy include a THF?
Your "proof" is nothing more than a confession of your own ignorance of game mechanics. It is sad that people, no matter how stupid, pay attention to you.
Failure #1 - Fails at basic logic
Failure #2 - Fails to understand game mechanics
Second, do you really think I would post my blogs from work? I made that post LAST NIGHT, retard.
I haven't been into work since. Thus, your proof is nothing more than an idiot running around taking screenshots and talking to himself.
Failure #3 - Failure to use even the most basic common sense
Third, people from your own server have already posted that they will no longer invite you. Thus, the need for me to even consider banning you is moot.
Failure #4 - Failure to accept the obvious
Fourth, as pretty much every other poster has pointed out, no one would even care if I were a fake. Nobody.
They're hear to read my writing and my take on the GM job. They are here for the content and the humor.
Failure #5 - Failure to understand the matter at hand.
Fifth, everyone has already figured out (and many have already posted) that the only reason you are here is because you are jealous.
You thought you were the big man and it turns out you are just plain dominated. Your piddly little in game successes pale in comparison and it eats you up inside.
And we all see it.
Go to Jeuno and shout your name and see what kind of response you get. Then shout my name.
That's all the proof you should need, bitch.
Failure #6 - Failure to accept what you have and stop hating those better than you.
In closing, I would like to say that this little exercise has been quite entertaining for me. It would have been more fun if you weren't making my arguments for me, but I have always enjoyed pointing out the stupidity of conceited people.
And, for the reasons listed above, I can concretely say that you fail. You fail at arguing, you fail at playing, you fail at being.
You fail at life.
Thank you,
[GM]Dave
Not gonna comment on the stupidity of some people today. I'm just too tired.
Great posts as usual [GM]Dave. You make me smile every single time i come here.
Dangit, that drinking game based on stupid comments would get me SO DRUNK today....
Wow, who knew how much attention a person could get for being retarded.
You beat two trees!
You know what would be easier that writing stories that people find entertaining? Being a critic.
Even if you are a lame critic, you can get your name shouted.
Sure, it's shouted in the context of "[name] is a gimp-ass retard" but they might even spell it right. When you can't suckle on your mother's teat anymore, because that's frowned upon after you're 27, then even negative attention is still attention, right?
So, if those people didn't get any responses from harassing [GM]Dave, what would they do to reach a climax?
Real or not,we all love GM[Dave]
:D
Whatever happened to reading it because it was funny?
James, who honestly cares if he's real or not, no matter if you prove that he is or not, people will still read the blog. It doesn't really matter wether you want to prove it because you want to get your name out there, people like to read the blog because it's funny.
And are you stupid? He already said all the GMs that do know about him just say he isn't real, and those that don't know him say he isn't real, because they think he's not real. They aren't going to tell you if he's real or not.
Keep it up [GM]Dave d(^.^d) love the blog~
Obviously a wannabe BOFH. Problem is, Dave, you're not even that original.
Hi, i'm just here to defend James and his friend. No, i'm not james, anyways, it's not funny to say such things and waste ur time reading about him, sure go and enjoy yourself, by the way, by saying that someone is a retard, means he really sucks at english. And anyways, the people that keep saying you fail at life! ya sure, you havn't meeted them yet. My brother gave me this adress, and i went in on it, and readed about the things James said. I can't really understand how you can defend [GM]Dave, you all know it's not for real, seriously. I think he's just a stupid fag never reached level 75 and kept bragging that he's a GM, i bet you heard a Gm's problem and decided to start a blogg about it, you can't say people fail at life, i mean wtf. Your working in a game for god sake. You're the one that fail at life. I bet most will defend [Newbie]Dave, and say that i fail at life etc. Sure say that, but it's not true. I have a wonderful life. By the way i'm from sweden, make up something about that, please. I mean you keep making up things, just make up something else about this post.
By the way Dave, you sir, fail at life. That ain't a lie anyways, sorry.
Gl with your thief or whatever class you're playing, james.
Be happy that you got so many comments, liar. Hope a girl rapes you, loser.
<.< xD T_T
This is beautiful. I don't know what the kid's whole story is, but he probably deserved worse anyway.
This is awsome love GM Dave
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