Monday, April 24, 2006

It's Not a Glitch

Alternate Title: "You're Just Retarded."

I hate when we add new quests.

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.


Every damned time we add new quests, it's like someone opens a stupidity flood gate. The useless, pointless, idiotic GM calls pour from the sky like rain.

Very low IQ rain.

I mean, is it that hard to just do a damned quest on your own?

You go to person A. They need/want/have something. They need/want you to do something with this thing.

Hilarity ensues.

Seriously. Each quest has specific steps that must be followed. You can't skip over steps and expect the game to just figure out what you meant to do.

We've all been there. You organize a huge group to run through an event. It takes hours to organize and prepare, and then you set off.

Everything is going fantastic. You have a little bit of trouble, but not much. And then you get there...

And some moron forgot to initiate the quest.

So, now you're in the middle of nowhere with a group or tired, angry people, and one idiot saying "I don't know what happened."

Now, imagine all that frustration and rage you might feel, and imagine you had to go through that with every GM call.

That's my life.

Note to self: kill self.

This morning was the last straw.

GM Call Description: Glitch in Corsair Flag Quest.

See, now that bothers me.

Why do people automatically assume it has to be a glitch?

I mean, a few hundred thousand other people managed to complete the quest just fine, but something bad happens and it has to be a problem with the quest.

Oh, yeah. That makes a lot of sense.

The only glitch in the quest is the moron who can't follow simple directions.

In the interest of customer service (read: for my own sick amusement), I warp right over to "help" this player out.

[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand your armor just isn't feminine enough.
Player>> No. I'm trying to unlock Corsair.
[GM]Dave>> That's what I said.
[GM]Dave>> You want girly armor.
[GM]Dave>> I got it.
Player>> Anyway, there's a glitch in the quest.
[GM]Dave>> The matrix has you.
Player>> What?
[GM]Dave>> Nothing.
[GM]Dave>> And how exactly do you know it's a glitch.
Player>> Well, I'm doing the quest and it won't work.
[GM]Dave>> Woah woah woah.
[GM]Dave>> Slow down with the technical jargon, Mr. Computer.
Player>> I'm on PS2 actually.
[GM]Dave>> I'm shocked.
[GM]Dave>> Really, I am.
Player>> So what do I do?
[GM]Dave>> Did you initiate the quest?
Player>> Yup.
Player>> I talked to the guy.
[GM]Dave>> And what did "the guy" say?
Player>> Something about a guy and a boat.
Player>> I think.
[GM]Dave>> Do you work for Brady?
Player>> No. Why?
[GM]Dave>> Just wondering.
[GM]Dave>> So what did you do after that?
Player>> I went and got a Lamia Fang Key.
Player>> And then someone told me to go to Talcca Cove.
[GM]Dave>> So some guy tells you to go and you just run.
[GM]Dave>> And this is your glitch.
Player>> Yeah, the job won't unlock.
Player>> The ??? won't give me a gun.
[GM]Dave>> Let me check this out.
[GM]Dave>> Hmmmm...
[GM]Dave>> Did you go to Attohwa Chasm?
Player>> Attohwa Chasm?
Player>> No one told me about that.
[GM]Dave>> Oh yeah.
[GM]Dave>> You totally have to go to Attohwa Chasm first.
Player>> Oh...
Player>> Can I go there at level 34?

Sometimes, they just make it too easy.

[GM]Dave>> Of course you can.
[GM]Dave>> I can warp you right over if you want.
Player>> Thx.

Son of a...

[GM]Dave>> No problem.


Player>> Now what?
[GM]Dave>> Well...
[GM]Dave>> Now you fight an NM.
Player>> By myself?
[GM]Dave>> Well, I'm certainly not going to help.
[GM]Dave>> That would be suicide.
Player>> Suicide?

Tiamat hits Player for 9,483 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Tiamat.
Player falls to level 33.

[GM]Dave>> Yup.
[GM]Dave>> Suicide.
[GM]Dave>> Good thing we got that glitch worked out.

In future, if a quest does not work properly, blame yourself and start over.

If that doesn't work, blame yourself and start over.

If that doesn't work, set your computer on fire and go play Monopoly.

The game is fine. The quest is fine.

You're the problem.


At 10:25 AM, Blogger Alamoth said...

Player>> I talked to the guy.
[GM]Dave>> And what did "the guy" say?
Player>> Something about a guy and a boat.
Player>> I think.
[GM]Dave>> Do you work for Brady?
Player>> No. Why?
[GM]Dave>> Just wondering.


At 11:45 AM, Blogger Meroduin said...

Hey, your stalker hasn't been by yet to recap your entire post with some blithering commentary of her own!

At 1:32 PM, Blogger Araknai said...

If my ass could be laughed off this blog would do it.

At 1:33 PM, Blogger Araknai said...

If my ass could be laughed off this blog would do it.

At 1:34 PM, Blogger Keilyn said...

*shakes head* When will people learn? If they want to call a GM, they could at least pretend to have read the quest instructions. Oh wait....that's right. Those people who read the instructions don't need that kind of help. lol

At 1:34 PM, Blogger Araknai said...

omg I suck; I doubled posted again. ><

At 2:00 PM, Blogger Caine said...

[GM]Dave>> I understand your armor just isn't feminine enough.

That's the funniest thing I have ever heard...

At 2:57 PM, Blogger lesa said...

your blog makes me laugh.

At 4:30 PM, Blogger Parcifal said...

Beatiful, last 3 are just awesome!
I love this blog SO much.

You rock.

At 4:42 PM, Blogger Jirizo Reborn said...

[GM]Dave>> I can warp you right over if you want.
Player>> Thx.

Son of a...

LMAO! Thats just funny... You must hate seeing this "Thx"

At 5:46 PM, Blogger Artos said...

But I dont want to be a pirate!

At 10:41 PM, Blogger Terria said...

omgosh, you didn't feed him to Jormy!! He's gonna be mad now;;

Least Tiamat got some lovings <3 lol.

At 6:11 AM, Blogger freezinglimbo said...

"Do you work for Brady?"

Winner for best single line insult ever.

At 9:16 AM, Blogger Piean said...

DUDE!!!!! don't ever stop... f'n great stuff i think i have read every single one. I think trying to hold me back and Tak 2 is two of the best blogs i have ever read.... Ever.

(I am sorry)(I am playing solo)

At 9:47 AM, Blogger Parkuss said...

You guys should be helping players, not being total *sses. I am not talking about giving them money, or armor. But getting them killed for no reason. Sure they should pay attention to the quest, but if they have a problem, is that not part of the reason you guys are here??

At 10:30 AM, Blogger [GM]Dave said...

I was starting to think I wasn't going to get to say this anymore.

Leland, you fail at life.

At 12:58 PM, Blogger Kittypenguin said...

Jourmy is full @@?

At 3:01 PM, Blogger Kimi, reporting in. said...

Heh heh, Dave, you remind me of someone very close to me. He hates people, yet he's a waiter. Can you imagine what he does to their food? Please, don't ask. Just imagine.

I can't call him an "ass" because he has legit reasons, just like you. He rarely ever does nice things for people because chances are, they'll just ask for more. Just like in your last entry. But everyone isn't like that, so I make a bet with him every night. I bet that the next person he's nice to will truly appreciate his kindness. If I win, I get a free dinner. If I sucks for me. No, really. We just do it for fun, it makes his job a bit more pleasent when we make a game out of it. So, why not try that, Dave? You'll feel a bit less bitter afterwards, even if you win the bet. XD

At 12:49 AM, Blogger pwnd85 said...

haha... I know how that one is :P lotsa fun.

funny blogs. although I dont actually play FFXI its deffinitly funny, as those type's of people exist in all MMO's.

At 11:56 PM, Blogger Sickle said...

Im starting a Dave cult.


Post a Comment

<< Home