[GM]s of the World UNITE!
This one goes out to my fellow GMs, people who just don't get enough respect.Remember: we're the only thing standing between the playerbase and utter chaos.
Also, guys, thanks for keeping my identity secret.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Could you imagine what Vana'diel would be like without GMs?
RMT would monopolize the game. The economy would be out of control. Chat logs would be clogged with mindless gibberish.
It's too terrible to even consider.
But, no. We're not appreciated. Players just bitch and whine and whine and bitch about every little thing we do.
And then they ask us to pose for screenshots.
Do you players have any idea how hard it is to be a GM? Do you?
Earlier today, I sat down with some of my GM friends while we were on a coffee (read: whisky) break. We were all telling funny stories about stupid players and laughing our asses off.
We even started a drinking game where we all had to do a shot everytime a GM call about gilsellers or botters popped up.
Three people died of alcohol poisoning.
While we were talking though, someone started talking about the things that annoy us GMs the most: the "this is how to do your job" idiots.
I'm sure we appreciate your pedantic little opinions on the GM job. I can't know for certain because usually when people start to tell me how to do my own job, they mysteriously end up dying from dragon-related injuries.
Go figure.
Listen. We don't come to McDonald's and tell you how to flip the damned fries, do we? I don't come to Walmart and slap the price gun out of your hand, do I?
So, why the hell do you try and tell me how to do my job?
Right after our "coffee" break, I got a random GM call and I'm just happy (read: drunk) enough to respond.
GM Call Description: Gilseller camping Archer's Knife.
He said gilseller.
*downs a shot*
[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer. Cheers!
Player>> Uhh... what?
[GM]Dave>> Nevermind.
[GM]Dave>> What can I do you for?
Player>> I'm camping for an Archer's Knife
Player>> And there's a gilseller here.
*downs a shot*
[GM]Dave>> A what?
Player>> A gilseller.
*downs a shot*
[GM]Dave>> Oh... a gilsheller.
*downs a shot*
[GM]Dave's blood alcohol skill raises by 0.1 points.
Player>> Yeah. He's been here for five days straight.
[GM]Dave>> How do you know?
Player>> Cause I've been here for five days straight.
[GM]Dave>> So you're a gilseller, then.
*downs a shot*
Note to self: Must stop drinking. Going to die.
Player>> Hell no!
Player>> I didn't say that.
[GM]Dave>> Yeah, you did.
Player>> No I didn't.
[GM]Dave>> You said he was a gilseller
[GM]Dave>> Just because he was there for 5 days.
Player>> Yeah.
[GM]Dave>> And then you said you were there for 5 days.
Player>> Yeah.
[GM]Dave>> And 2 plus 2 equals...
Player>> 4?
*makes a note in player account*
Attention: Player is apparently mildly retarded.
[GM]Dave>> Logic and math skills.
[GM]Dave>> You must beat the girls off with a stick.
Player>> Yeah. A stick +1. lol
*makes a note in player account*
Attention: Player is apparently
[GM]Dave>> Yeah.
[GM]Dave>> Funny.
[GM]Dave>> What the hell did you want again?
Player>> That gilseller. You need to do something.
[GM]Dave>> No, I don't.
Player>> You need to ban him.
[GM]Dave>> No, I really don't.
[GM]Dave>> See?
[GM]Dave>> This is me not banning him.
Player>> But it's your job.
And there we have it, the three words that will piss off every GM on our planet:
"It's your job."
Do you know what my job is? My job is to feed people to dragons. That's it.
If you think my job is to do whatever the hell you think is right, you are horribly misinformed (read: stupid).
I won't ban someone just because you want them banned.
I ban people just because I want them banned.
Don't tell me how to do my job. I know my job.
My job is dealing with morons who tell me how to do my job.
And how do I deal with morons?
[GM]Dave>> Listen, gilseller, I'm not banning him.
[GM]Dave>> Complain all you want.
Player>> I'm going to get you fired.
*makes a note in player account*
Attention: Player is apparently
[GM]Dave>> Would you like me to transfer you to the complaints manager?
*GLEE*
Player>> Yes. Right now.
*warp*
Player>> Uhhhh...
Player>> Where am I?
[GM]Dave>> Welcome to Things You Shouldn't Say 101.
*ROAR*
[GM]Dave>> Guess what his job is.
Jormungand hits Player for 8,499 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.
[GM]Dave>> Yay! You guessed!
[GM]Dave>> I mean died...
[GM]Dave>> Yay! You died!
I'm sure you're real smart. I'm sure you've even read a book once.
Maybe even without pictures.
But how about you not tell me how things are supposed to go? Let's pretend I know what I'm doing.
I'll let you know if I need help.
Or extra dragon food.
posted by Goblin Smithy @ 10:41 AM
7 Comments:
Gilsheller! You sound like the guys in FF-X. Dave you rock man.
[GM]Dave>> Yay! You guessed!
[GM]Dave>> I mean died...
[GM]Dave>> Yay! You died!
Squirt bursts out laughing beside [GM]Dave.
Muza,
You get Red Mages that actually soil themselves by answering your request (read:whine) for a refresh?
You can't prove your innocence to [GM]Dave. Your existence proves otherwise. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of [GM]Dave.
Even things you don't say will be used against you in the court of [GM]Dave.
I'm just a mule, and I know this.
Can I help you with anything else today?
Wow, I'm reading someone's blog and actually laughing about it!
Oh [GM]Dave, how I love you... in a very platonic way... *shifty eyes*
Muza,
You're a towel.
Dave, your posts are always funny. Gotta love the downing of liquor for each time someone says gilfarmer. Here you go bud, take a few shots on me. You seem to boot stupid players to Jorm, why not gil farmers? Yes, those gil farmers that we all know are gil farmers.
Anyways, keep up the good work ^.^m
You want to know how to prove your innocence? Here's a few tips:
1) Use proper grammar and sentence structure.
2) Scream in real life, but take your time composing your answer when you type. Read what you have typed before you press enter.
3) Take your time explaining yourself. Why rush?
4) Swearing at a GM or another player is a separate, bannable offense. Why should the GM bother to investigate the truth of the original call if you're going to hand him an offense he can ban you for? Follow the Shakespeare method for insulting someone if you have to; foul comparisons instead of foul words but better yet keep your opinions to yourself and stick to the FACTS.
Yelling at someone who is enforcing rules or supposed to be helping you never works. It works even less when you don't have body language or vocal intonations to help decipher what is really meant. Rules are rules, and FFXI is a game, not a country. You don't have rights, you get privileges, and those privileges are granted to you by Square and can be revoked at any time. Or in this case, fed to a dragon.
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