Sunday, April 23, 2006

[GM]Dave Turns Over A New Leaf

Alternate Title: "And Finds The Same Old Leaf."

It is difficult to always be evil. Not impossible. Just difficult.

But I love a challenge.

Today, however, I woke up in a very good mood. Very good.

So good, as a matter of fact, that I decided to actually do something good today. A random good deed before I begin my normal hectic schedule of dragon feedings.

I did a quick search of a random server and came across a low level player. A nice level 4 Hume just outside of Bastok. A quick account check showed he just started and was not a mule.


[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurer. I greet you well.


[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurer.


[GM]Dave>> Are you there?


[GM]Dave>> Sigh.
[GM]Dave>> Type /t Dave and then a message to talk to me.
Player>> and then a message to talk to me.
[GM]Dave>> That's good...
[GM]Dave>> Sort of.
Player>> Hi.
[GM]Dave>> It speaks.
[GM]Dave>> Someone call Ripley's.
Player>> What?
[GM]Dave>> Nothing.
[GM]Dave>> I just wanted to welcome you to our world.
Player>> Thx.

Okay, he just said "thx". Usually, this is enough for me to send him to the complaints department.

I mean, seriously, is it that hard to just type "thanks"? It's just three more damned letters.

And what the hell does "thx" mean exactly? He just said "thacks". What the hell is that?

He's new though, so I let that one slide.

[GM]Dave>> Don't mention it.
Player>> kewl

Dear sweet merciful lord. He's not even saving letters anymore.

Now, he's just phonetically butchering our language.

But, I'm going to be nice. Even if it kills him.

I mean me. Even if it kills me.

[GM]Dave>> So...
[GM]Dave>> How are you enjoying the game?
Player>> It's fun, but a little hard.
Player>> I'm saving up for a new sword.
[GM]Dave>> Well, I have some good news.
[GM]Dave>> I'm giving you 5,000 gil to help you get started.

See? I can be nice. I really can.

And it only burns slightly.

Player>> Wow! Thx!

Son of a...

[GM]Dave>> No problem.
[GM]Dave>> This should help you toward that new sword.

I'm actually feeling good about this. I gave him some gil and he's happy. I've done a good deed.

And noone got fed to a dragon.

Player>> Actually...
Player>> Could you make it 8,000 gil?
Player>> The sword is expensive.

And there it is.

I finally break down and do something nice. I don't do nice things.

Occasionally, I will do slightly less evil things. But that's it.

So, I go out of my way to help this guy out and what does he do? He asks for more.

[GM]Dave is not happy. And when [GM]Dave is not happy, bad things happen to people.

[GM]Dave>> No problem. 8,000 it is.
[GM]Dave>> Would you like some armor, as well?
Player>> Sure.
Player>> Thx.
[GM]Dave>> Okay. 8,000 gil and new armor.
[GM]Dave>> Anything else?
Player>> I'm not sure.
[GM]Dave>> Well, I could give you a chocobo pass...
[GM]Dave>> Or some mining gear...
[GM]Dave>> Or a pet dragon...

Wait for it.

Player>> A pet dragon?
Player>> I want a pet dragon.


[GM]Dave>> No problem, Adventurer.


Player>> Uh...
Player>> Where am I?
[GM]Dave>> We're getting your pet dragon.


Player>> What the hell was that?
[GM]Dave>> That was your new pet.
[GM]Dave>> I like the name "Fluffy".

Jormungand hits Player for 12,863 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> You forgot to say "thx".
[GM]Dave>> Can I help you with anything else today?

Moral of the story: Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Or you may end up looking a gift dragon in the digestive system.

Good advice there.


At 6:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awwwwwwwwwww!!!! :( Fed the noob to the dragon. Well... I hate when you help out noobs and they get all uppity -.- Well played, Dave-san

At 7:24 PM, Blogger BenoSmash said...

Started laughing from the start. Thx* [GM]Dave.

*Thanks :รพ

At 8:11 PM, Blogger Jennifer said...

lol, that was good!

At 8:27 PM, Blogger Keilyn said...

[GM]Dave a man after our own hearts. Oh how i'm filled with laughter and joy. That should show all those ungrateful,grammatically inept, greedy players.....that dragons like them. =D

At 10:18 PM, Blogger lesa said...


At 11:05 PM, Blogger Fircefairy said...

LMAO Yah I have run into this before with the *Help me I am new* thing!.....It seems that no matter what you DO for them (and please understand I DO a LOT for many players)It never ever seems to be enough!1 Guy asked me for a mil in gil>.>
*Hey you are rich! look at your armor! Can I have some gil? *
Nevermind its mostly rare/ex...but he is too new to realize this yet>.>

At 3:22 AM, Blogger Aerroenu said...

"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth."
Oh. My. Bloody. God. Yes.

I cry a little inside when this happens.

At 9:59 AM, Blogger Steve said...

Oh wow, amazing. I almost want to get back on FFXI just to watch the joyous things you do. :p

At 5:23 PM, Blogger Shiphrah said...

You bring such joy to my life. ^.^

God, I hate noobs... Whether they're level 5 or level 65... A noob is a noob is a noob.

...And they all make me want to go feed my poor Elvaan to Guivre.

At 5:14 PM, Blogger WhiteInferno said...

I honestly like helping people. If something like this happens, though, you don't just do that. You do something really mean. Even meaner then feeding to Jorgumand.


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