Saturday, April 22, 2006

Back to Business

Okay, that didn't happen.

It didn't.

Let's move on.

So, this morning I was doing my usual server maintenance (read: turning servers on and off at random), when I got a GM call from a player.

A player named Sefferoth.

GM Call Description: I'm too stupid to live. Feed me to a dragon.

Okay, so that's not exactly what it said. But with a name like that, he was practically asking for it.

Suddenly, I was struck by an idea, an epiphany. Suddenly, a marvelous, beautiful, terrible thing laid itself out before my mind.

Oh, this was going to be fun.

I did a quick server search, selected the appropriate players and warped them all to Mordion Gaol.


And there they stood, a legion of morons with Sephiroth rip off names. A legion of players with a base IQ just above that of a cheese sandwich.

[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurers.
[GM]Dave>> Apparently, you 're all too stupid to come up with your own name.
[GM]Dave>> We're not sure if this is due to naturally low IQ
[GM]Dave>> Or being dropped as a child.
[GM]Dave>> Results are pending.
[GM]Dave>> Does anyone have any questions?
Seppiroth>> Why are we all here?

Jormungand hits Seppiroth for 9,693 points of damage.
Seppiroth was defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> Any more questions?
[GM]Dave>> Anybody?
Sefirot>> You can't do this!

Jormungand hits Sefirot for 8,751 points of damage.
Sefirot was defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> Anybody else?
Seppheroth>> That wasn't a question.

Jormungand hits Seppheroth for 9,226 points of damage.
Seppheroth was defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> Neither was that.
[GM]Dave>> Any more questions?


[GM]Dave>> Good.
[GM]Dave>> Alright, you are all about to take part in a new event.
[GM]Dave>> One of you has been given an "S" Egg item.
[GM]Dave>> You have also all been set to PvP.
[GM]Dave>> Whoever has the "S" Egg at the end, gets to keep their name.
[GM]Dave>> Everyone else gets their character deleted.

I wonder how stupid these people really are.

[GM]Dave>> Are there any questions?
Sseferroth>> So all we do is find the egg?

Jormungand hits Sseferroth for 9,148 points of damage.
Sseferroth was defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> So... no questions, I assume.
[GM]Dave>> Good. Go.

After that, Mordion Gaol became complete anarchy. N00bs killing n00bs. Abbreviations and misspellings gave way to screams of pain.

I almost cried it was so beautiful.

I really should have given one of those idiots an "S" Egg.

So, I left them to their little event and warped to the next Mordion Gaol room.

[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurers.
[GM]Dave>> Apparently, you 're all too stupid to come up with your own name.
[GM]Dave>> Are there any questions?
Clowd>> Why are we all here?

Damn, I love this job some days.


At 1:54 PM, Blogger Jirizo Reborn said...

Sorry major typo ^^
Back on topic.
Yeah! Your back!.. That was quick btw..

And yeah, I hate unoriginals, hence my name.
But that idea was priceless my friend. Word could not descibe the sheer genius of it all.
Yet another funny blog.. Thanks.

At 2:29 PM, Blogger Kittypenguin said...

This is like... a never ending nightmare...
welcome back [GM]Dave =^^=

At 3:07 PM, Blogger Tianshii said...

/cry this is the best one yet!!!! /hug [GM]Dave

At 3:36 PM, Blogger The Mithra Sisters said...

yay, /cry
it just wouldn't have been a good day without reading one of your blogs ^^

I'm really happy you shook off the idiocy of others and returned your entertaining ways (read: N00bs + dragons = fun times)

welcome back

At 4:32 PM, Blogger catwho said...

Our Dynamis linkshell is called NoSephiroth for that very reason.

At 5:15 PM, Blogger Keilyn said...

YES!!!!!!!!! As an rp person myself.....oh yes. Sweet sweet dragon feeding.

At 5:24 PM, Blogger Rajj Oyen said...

Welcome back. This blog is the only thing getting me through my own hack-job. Thanks so much for the laughs.

Noob Dragon Bait,

At 5:33 PM, Blogger joyc said...

YAY! back to feeding dragons' business! =D

At 6:10 PM, Blogger Glitterngld said...

Ya I knew he was just givin us all bs. Oneday [GM]Dave is gonna bite you all in the butt. I dare you to send me to Jorgy I just dare you lol.
Server : Shiva
Player: Glitterngld

At 8:35 PM, Blogger Artos said...

[GM]Dave cannot be struck down by greedy ad-foold, for [GM]Dave is a god among men. There are no others. There is just [GM]Dave.

And his pet dragon.

At 1:10 AM, Blogger Aretha said...

you got me scared ^^ glad you're back <3

At 1:45 AM, Blogger Yukineko said...

I just had to create an account here to express my thanks. I'm so glad that I still get to read your posts every day. I love reading these... they make me hurt internally. It's also stress-relieving to know that someone else thinks these people (read: dragon bait) are idiots too. WB [GM]Dave :D

At 4:16 AM, Blogger Tsuki said...


This is damn true :/

At 5:28 AM, Blogger Kuponutz said...

Glad to see you're back. I was worried when I read you might quit.

See thing is...if you stopped writing I may have to feed myself to a dragon and where would the fun be in that?

At 7:37 AM, Blogger Fircefairy said...

Welcome back sweets! I am glad you did not let the ad executives stop you from doing what you love!

Not that I would relish being eaten by a Dragon(Tiamat,and Guivre do just fine Thank you)
I would however love to meet you in the game!^^ I am on Titan server and I am Fiercefairy.
I had to butcher my name for this Blog,seems someone else already was using it when I signed up>.>

At 9:44 AM, Blogger Fircefairy said...

This Is a Thread I dedicated to {GM} Dave ^^ Check it out if you want!

At 5:58 PM, Blogger Meroduin said...


At 3:08 AM, Blogger Aerroenu said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 3:10 AM, Blogger Aerroenu said...

Gladdy my level of creativity is higher than trying to make various versions of a pre-existing name. Yeah, I was one of the folks fascinated by "Sephiroth", but, really, the dude got slap by a gang of folks, then by spike-hair, and the world countered his "OMGtehUBAR" "Meteor" spell. Besides, what's so fun with being a Sephiroth clone, anyhow? They all died, remember? Where's the fun in that?

And it's like a bad case of "generic name branding". *lol*

At 5:41 AM, Blogger Arwenne said...

I'm so happy you're back! ^^

At 8:50 AM, Blogger Dire said...

Love your blog Dave, funniest ffxi-related thing I've seen, well, ever!

Something strange on this one though - Sefirot is actually a word from Kabbalah, Judaic Mysticism.

Now, I wouldn't expect 95% of the ffxi-playing populace to have the intelligence to select a name like that, there's a chance that it wasn't an attempt at a copy.

PS - If this comment has earned me a feeding to a dragon, feel free - I'm leaving the game for the next 4-6 months at the end of April, ironically on my birthday.

- Valkyrian

(if he did pick Sefirot on purpose, I sympathise - I have to explain constantly how Valkyrian is a male word from Norse mythos...this is what I get for minoring in literature/mythology lol).

At 1:00 PM, Blogger Ember Darc said...

You're a fucking bastard.

Can I bear your children? Please?

At 12:11 PM, Blogger Dale said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.


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