Thursday, March 04, 2010

And Then Susan Got Mad... - Vol. 6

So one of the things Susan's friends like to do occasionally is to get together and play party-style board games.



I've got nothing against party games as long as that party game involves me being in a party in a game I actually like.

I'll give you two guesses which one.

Or any game that involves stripping. Strip [insert game here] is the greatest game ever.

Despite my rather obvious dislike of:

a) people
b) social gatherings
c) social gatherings of people

my wife insists I go with her. She likes for us to do things together, outside the house and away from our computers.

No, I don't get it either.

Anyway, we're at her friends house playing a board game. It was some sort of bastardized Newlywed/Match Game bullshit where the men had to answer questions based on what they think their wife would say.

They should have called the game "RUN! IT'S A F&%@ING TRAP!"

Most of the game was going pretty well. I had managed to get answers that were reasonably close to what my wife said. I was actually starting to think that I would make it out unscathed.

Not so much.

Someone pulls a card and the question reads "Do you think your wife would get plastic surgery if you paid for it?"

NOTICE: The card does not say "SHOULD get".

"WOULD get..."

That's a big freaking difference.

I've heard Susan make offhand comments about plastic surgery. Nothing major. Just a little nip her or there. We'd just had a conversation a few days earlier about what she would change.

Her words. Not mine.

Also important.

I'm confident in my answer. I'm sure that is exactly how Susan would feel.

Then the first husband reads his answer.

"Of course not. My wife is perfect just the way she is."

He has, at this point, done two things:

1) traded in his testicles for a pretty new purse
2) totally screwed me over

The next guy says "I'd never want to change anything about her."



Now, They're getting closer to me and I know I have to read my answer.

"How could anyone make her more beautiful?"


Then, it's my turn. The whole table is looking at me. I reach for my card with the intent of lying through my teeth when Susan's friend reaches over and yanks my paper off the table.


That sound wasn't her taking the paper. That's the sound my testicles made when they jumped up inside my torso for protection.

Don't read it out loud.

Don't read it out loud.

And... She read it out loud.

And then, Susan got mad.

You know, I'm actually getting used to sleeping on the couch. It's really quite comfortable.


At 9:37 PM, Blogger dragonsvsvampires said...

lmao. You should know that a woman is never happy with herself... and even less happy with anyone who brings this up in a social gathering of people...

At 5:07 AM, Blogger Mercenary said...

Ah the male inability to lie or rather the female's friend inability to not fucking butt in.

At 3:34 PM, Blogger Leut said...

And the card read:

"I think she would have her tummy tucked, boobed enlarged, thighs lypo'd, chin tucked, and ...with a little prodding from me...she get that little mole right next to her bajinga removed. That freakin thing is disgusting. I think it growled at me one time when I was doing the 'ABC's' on her little fisherman in his boat. 'Look out it's Moby Dick!'"

At 4:05 PM, Blogger Kainase said...

Hahah, kudos to whoever thought of this theme--I'm getting a lot of amusement from this one... for some reason.


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