Thursday, February 11, 2010

Let's Get This Straight

He's not a pirate.

Seriously. He's not.

Not at all.

See, just before Christmas, a little game was released called New Super Mario Bros Wii. This was, without a doubt, the biggest Nintendo game of the year.

Second place went to Not Zelda and third was given to whatever the hell those crap games are in the bargain bin at Walmart.

Anyway, Australia is all like WTF, mate? Why don't we get games early like all of those other countries that aren't former prison settlements?

Nintendo in their ever wise thinking decided to release the game there early.

And then, to turn the entire thing into one big moot point, the game broke street date and was out even sooner. People could go out weeks before the game was to be released and just pick one up off the shelf.

Now, a pirate (either software pirate or actual pirate) would be smart enough that, if a copy should come into their possession, they wouldn't spread that shit around. Keep that shit on the down low at least until it's officially released.

They CERTAINLY would not make this knowledge publicly known.

That's what this one guy did.

See, he ran home, his new Mario game clutched in his sweaty little hands, and immediately went on the internet to brag about having a copy.

To his "friends".

Here's where we start seeing differences between this person and an actual pirate. An actual pirate would have taken his treasure and kept it a secret, devising complicated and convoluted systems to keep anyone from find it.

They did not post its location on the internet.

They certainly did not take pictures of the treasure along with a receipt showing exactly where the treasure came from.

They absolutely wouldn't take a picture of themselves holding the treasure.

Even if they did, THEY WOULDN'T PUT THEM ON THE INTERNET.

Okay... Things are still okay, though. I mean he hadn't done anything stupid up to this point.

Up to this point.

All he had to do was wait for the initial excitement die down and no one would have given him a second thought.

Instead, they goaded him into uploading a copy of the game to the internet.

Again, not how a pirate would handle the situation. A pirate would find the person trying to goad them and then stab them in the stomach. They would not make copies of the treasure available on a large global network.

Nintendo's crack team of investigators (read: one guy who googled "New Super Mario Bros Wii iso") managed to track down the master criminal and sued him to the tune of $1.5 million dollars.

Remember when Nintendo was the cute little company that made game consoles? Now, those guys will F&%@ you up.

My problem is with the terminology. Everyone is saying he's paying $1.5 million for his piracy.

No, no.

As I've established, he's not a pirate. Not at all.

He does not sail the high seas with a group men severely lacking in hygiene and vitamin C.

He's not a pirate.

He's a moron.

If you think about it that way, he's being charged $1.5 million dollars for stupidity.

That's a system I can get behind.

11 Comments:

At 10:10 PM, Blogger David said...

He deserves to be killed by a ninja.

 
At 3:45 AM, Blogger AzureShadow said...

Yay for fining people for stupidity!

And no, he deserves to be killed by a real pirate, because irony is win.

 
At 6:26 AM, Blogger Lenwe said...

http://www.smh.com.au/digital-life/games/nintendo-pirate-just-a-shy-gamer-dad-20100210-nrlr.html


Took pictures of himself, the receipt and uploaded a copy of the game... yep sounds like a shy person to me.

 
At 1:17 PM, Blogger Linoth said...

He's not being SUED for 1.5 million. He SETTLED for 1.5 million.

He's probably getting X thousand per media appearance, which is why you're seeing so much of him. Maybe after he's been on a dozen different television shows, he'll have "worked off his debt" and won't owe a cent.

This man is being offered as a pariah by Nintendo in an attempt to scare pirates witless.

 
At 1:24 PM, Blogger golden_knyte said...

...a pirate? a ninja?

pfft!

a pirate ninja pwns j00 all!!!!

 
At 2:18 PM, Blogger Leut said...

I feel stupid for even read the entire story. Thanks for that Dave.

...go jump in a sewage treatment pool... *mumbles*

 
At 6:14 PM, Blogger Darkskeleton said...

I've always found it kind of odd how huge the fines are for these kinds of things. Do they really expect anyone to be able to pay $1.5 million dollars in fines before they die? IMO if the government wants to make enforcement effective they should focus on catching more dem pirates by sending in the US navy.. er develop more effective ways to catch people for this kind of thing an actually act upon it. People ignore the laws because they know they probably won't get caught, not because they think stealing is worth a $1.5 million dollar fine. It wouldn't matter if it was $50 million a song or whatever.

 
At 10:14 PM, Blogger Bufuman said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 10:15 PM, Blogger Bufuman said...

Just imagine if the same punishment for stupidity applied in FFXI, Dave.

Jormungand uses "Subpoena".
Player loses all their gils and real life money.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.

 
At 4:23 AM, Blogger Daniel said...

@Bufuman

Awesome.

@Gm[Dave]

See Bufuman post. Can we do this?

 
At 11:05 AM, Blogger zerombr said...

Corsairs don't have this problem, I wholeheartedly agree.

 

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