Let's Get This StraightHe's not a pirate.
Seriously. He's not.
Not at all.
See, just before Christmas, a little game was released called New Super Mario Bros Wii. This was, without a doubt, the biggest Nintendo game of the year.
Second place went to Not Zelda and third was given to whatever the hell those crap games are in the bargain bin at Walmart.
Anyway, Australia is all like WTF, mate? Why don't we get games early like all of those other countries that aren't former prison settlements?
Nintendo in their ever wise thinking decided to release the game there early.
And then, to turn the entire thing into one big moot point, the game broke street date and was out even sooner. People could go out weeks before the game was to be released and just pick one up off the shelf.
Now, a pirate (either software pirate or actual pirate) would be smart enough that, if a copy should come into their possession, they wouldn't spread that shit around. Keep that shit on the down low at least until it's officially released.
They CERTAINLY would not make this knowledge publicly known.
That's what this one guy did.
See, he ran home, his new Mario game clutched in his sweaty little hands, and immediately went on the internet to brag about having a copy.
To his "friends".
Here's where we start seeing differences between this person and an actual pirate. An actual pirate would have taken his treasure and kept it a secret, devising complicated and convoluted systems to keep anyone from find it.
They did not post its location on the internet.
They certainly did not take pictures of the treasure along with a receipt showing exactly where the treasure came from.
They absolutely wouldn't take a picture of themselves holding the treasure.
Even if they did, THEY WOULDN'T PUT THEM ON THE INTERNET.
Okay... Things are still okay, though. I mean he hadn't done anything stupid up to this point.
Up to this point.
All he had to do was wait for the initial excitement die down and no one would have given him a second thought.
Instead, they goaded him into uploading a copy of the game to the internet.
Again, not how a pirate would handle the situation. A pirate would find the person trying to goad them and then stab them in the stomach. They would not make copies of the treasure available on a large global network.
Nintendo's crack team of investigators (read: one guy who googled "New Super Mario Bros Wii iso") managed to track down the master criminal and sued him to the tune of $1.5 million dollars.
Remember when Nintendo was the cute little company that made game consoles? Now, those guys will F&%@ you up.
My problem is with the terminology. Everyone is saying he's paying $1.5 million for his piracy.
As I've established, he's not a pirate. Not at all.
He does not sail the high seas with a group men severely lacking in hygiene and vitamin C.
He's not a pirate.
He's a moron.
If you think about it that way, he's being charged $1.5 million dollars for stupidity.
That's a system I can get behind.