Monday, July 27, 2009

Games I HATE - Vol. 7

Movie License Games

Yes, I know money is awesome.

Money is why most of us get up in the morning and it's definitely why any of us bother to work. It allows us to buy what we need and/or want and, though it can't buy love, it can rent it at incredibly affordable prices.

Yay, Capitalism!

But perhaps, PERHAPS, we could maybe, possibly not jump at every opportunity to make a quick buck.

Hey, there's a movie coming out that looks like it might be popular. It's coming out in a month or so, but I wonder if they're going to make a gam...

Really? At Walmart right now?

Yeah, but they obviously put a lot of work...

Slapped together? Seriously?

Well... if it's that bad, then it's probably cheap at leas...

$60?! Are you F&%@ING kidding?!

I could see the movie 3 times and still have enough to buy the DVD when it comes out. The special edition with the artbook and limited edition figurine.

Not that I collect figurines.

Stop looking at me like that. We're talking about bad games here.

There seems to be some weird disconnect between good movies and games based on those movies.

That disconnect, of course, referring to the fact that the game sucks so much ass.

This is not a one way street either. Any time they try to make a movie based on a great video game, it turns out terrible.

The best game-to-movie translation is the Tomb Raider series.

I want you to think about that.

And the worst part is these video game movies and movie video games usually make a metric F&%@ton of money.

That is a lot.

That means they're going to keep making these terrible, terrible games. They're going to keep churning out these affronts to humanity.

Worse, these affronts to gaming.

It's not that I hate them because they are terrible games.

I mean... I do hate them because they are terrible, terrible games. That's just not the only reason.

The biggest reason I hate these games is what they represent.

They represent everything that is wrong with gaming: fast development cycles, annoying cash grabs, quantity over quality...

I could go on and on.

These horrid games represent a deep disrespect on the behalf of developers for the very people they develop games for. They put a deadline and financial reward above creating a great product.

It cheapens the movie it is supposed to support and, worse, it cheapens gaming as a whole. We are left with these shoddy cast offs of better ideas.

Ironically, these big money, theatre-packing movies end up as straight-to-DVD games.

And we pay the price.

Literally and figuratively.

I hate these games out of principle. I hate these games out of my great respect for gamers and my belief that companies should make games to excite us, not just to sell to us.

Also, the controls usually suck.

I hate that.

25 Comments:

At 9:16 PM, Blogger Church said...

Tomb Raider the best game to movie translation? Really?

No Silent Hill? No Resident Evil? No Advent Children? I thought those movies were all decent at least.

While movie based games do, in general and virtually every case suck terribly, I've heard there may have been one or two that weren't ultra crap, but then.... then there are things like ET...

Why haven't we, gamers as a whole, refused to buy movie license games yet?

 
At 12:13 AM, Blogger King of Solomon said...

Watch Resident Evil again and say it's a good video game movie. That was an affront to the series it was based on.

Silent Hill would have been much, much worse if not for the fact that the writer wasn't allowed to butcher it.

Advent Children was also pretty terrible, as far as movies go. One of the better ones based on games, but still pretty terrible.

 
At 12:17 AM, Blogger Plastic Rat said...

Finally said, and said well.

It makes me want to cry when I look at the sales figures for most of the movie-> game sales out there.

It saddens me deeply that we have such a vast number of stupid people... and they all still seem to have money somehow. That... and statistically, most of those people bought another game based on a movie before... and yet they STILL bought this one?

Then again... if Transformers 2 can make oodles of cash, I really think we need to readdress what we think humans want in entertainment. It's starting to look like the majority of us could be amused for years by the movie equivalent of a whoopie cushion and a couple rolls of bubblewrap.

 
At 1:42 AM, Blogger Gambler_Justice said...

They actually made a really good anime adaption of the PS2 game Gungrave. The reason I think this worked was because the game was mostly about gameplay with little story, which allowed the makers of the anime a lot of freedom to make a decent, coherent story.

The problem with most game-to-movie or movie-to-game adaptions is that they follow the plot of the game/movie too much. There's a lot of scenes in movies which just aren't interesting in a game - and a lot of story elements that are interesting to note while playing, but aren't interesting at all when you're watching a movie.
And of course the fact that they don't make very much effort to make the adaptions good is part of the problem too.

 
At 2:05 AM, Blogger King of Solomon said...

You and I have not been watching the same video game movies, Gambler Justice, because when I look at them, generally speaking my beef is actually that they change too much, and I know I'm not alone in thinking that.

 
At 6:10 AM, Blogger Hylian said...

Silent Hill was a very well-done movie. It wasn't super uber-awesome, but it was definitely enjoyable. It was enjoyable to not only the people who played the games, but for the people who had no clue and just wanted to see a horror movie. The only thing that held it back was the whole "everybody picked on me and now I'm getting revenge" storyline that's just been overdone. Not even the games had that storyline...

Still, it made a decent movie.

Tomb Raider... um, Angelina Jolie. I'll leave my comment at that.

Advent Children in my opinion destroyed final fantasy VII. they throw 3 emo kids who have oedipus complexes and dress like women in tight leather suits and tell them to capture children and destroy the world. as if that wasn't bad enough, the moment we all waited for, the arrival of Sephiroth, was incredibly disappointing due to the fact that the designers couldn't resist putting lipstick on him and making him as "NOT-MANLY" and harmless-looking as possible. He was something to be feared and slightly revered in the game. the movie made him look like a transvestite asking Cloud if he wanted a good time in a Tokyo alleyway.

I never saw resident evil... but if it's anything like the games, it should be about as enjoyable as a tranformers movie. action, explosions, zombies... that's what i always gathered from the games... (as opposed to silent hill, which was more designed to scare the crap out of you with a truly chilling storyline and an absolutely wicked soundtrack).

 
At 6:12 AM, Blogger Husband said...

Mortal Kombat was the best game to movie ever :) some others were decent attempts but nothing touches this. Good film.

 
At 6:13 AM, Blogger Hylian said...

sorry for the double-post, i meant resident evil is probably a great action movie, but not really a good horror movie. like army of darkness without the ridiculousness...

 
At 7:15 AM, Blogger Chewie said...

Army of Darkness without the ridiculousness? That movie is all kinds of awesome. It would make a good sandbox game too. It would be fun to be Ash and kick some zombie ass. Heck all of Duke Nukem's lines are based no that movie.

 
At 7:41 AM, Blogger Michael said...

The LOTR Two Towers and Return of the King video games were actually pretty good. Exception that proves the rule though.

 
At 7:56 AM, Blogger Bri said...

>> "These horrid games represent a deep disrespect on the behalf of developers for the very people they develop games for"

I'm certain the developers themselves -- the people actually making the game -- hate it as much as gamers do. But at the end of the day they hate the unemployment line more, so they do what the suits tell them to.

 
At 10:28 AM, Blogger Ben said...

I'm guessing Star Wars games don't count. Granted some are a bit rubbish, but a lot of them are pretty good. Knights of the Old Republic, the X-wing series and the Dark Forces games (including the Jedi Knight ones) to name a few.

Then again it is Star Wars... probably doesn't qualify as a movie anymore.

 
At 10:39 AM, Blogger Chrysalis said...

omg the Gungrave anime blew o.O and I love Silent Hill, I found the Resident Evil movies fun, the Mortal Kombat ones were fun in their own way (not awesome movies, but fun ones) Tomb Raider was alright... and as someone whos played all those games but not FFVII, I enjoyed Advent Children but yeah Sephiroth was a let down, I kept hearing about him and went "really?? now this rufus guy.... yumm!" as far as making games from movies... screw that! they blow!!!

 
At 12:20 PM, Blogger Moroianu said...

I think you guys are going a tad too far on what Dave wanted to point out

He was refering those games that come in the same damn week as the movie their based on : transformers , harry potter 6, Eragon ( those who made that one should be kicked in the groin )

 
At 1:07 PM, Blogger Totema said...

The only time I've seen a bad movie produce a good game was X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Movie was not good at all, but game was quite epic slashing gory fun.

 
At 2:39 PM, Blogger Leut said...

I remember the first Movie to game I ever saw. The movie was Krull. The game was an arcade game at the mall. Then I remember the Atari 2600 game version on Krull.

I think Atari paved the way to these God awful game. Everyone remembers Atari's version of ET:The Extra Terrestrial. That game won the WTF Award for the decade. The Atari's Indiana Jones game was a close second.

It's absolutely amazing how people flock to these horrible games even today. I actually have to say that I admire the hell out of the producers of these games. The fact that they can pour a minimal amount of money and effort into a game that gives them a return of at least 40% is simply astounding in a business perspective.

 
At 4:59 PM, Blogger Bufuman said...

First of all, I can't believe no one mentioned the Mario Bros. movie. Yes, it was cheesy, but it wasn't half bad.

I also loved the Mortal Kombat movies, which is weird because I haven't played a single MK game since the original.

 
At 6:11 PM, Blogger Twinkling said...

Truth to be said, I'm usually avoiding games based on movies.

Ghostbusters the video game for ps3 is decent and recommended for ghostbuster fans.

But you're right about all this, and you wrote in a really funny and simple way.

I think these big cash outs for the developers to finish a game within deadline (personally, I really think a game is better getting out with the DVD then in the cinemas!) but these payouts are saving the companys from going under (though most of the movie game developers are the biggiest in the industry... ironic..)

 
At 10:15 AM, Blogger Toxophile said...

How is it that nobody has mentioned Goldeneye for the N64? Potentially the only great game based off a movie ever made?

 
At 12:33 PM, Blogger Animayhem said...

Good lord, they are making a Twilight MMORPG...
Well if I find that I have to play this (if friends play it and talk me into it.) I can see making a Native American werewolf to beat up some sparkling vampires, lol.

 
At 4:42 AM, Blogger Justin said...

The first Spider-Man The Movie video game for the PS2 was actually pretty good. To the person that brought up Final Fantasy VII Advent Children? The movie was flashy and pretty and coulda been done in 20 minutes or less. It was kinda their way for apologizing to us for FF Spirit's Within.

 
At 11:39 PM, Blogger Mewtroid said...

The Spiderman 2 video game, while not BRILLIANT by any means, was worth the 20 dollars I paid for it if only for the fun of webbing around New York with semi-realistic physics as opposed to the usual game treatment of Spidey's powers, which amounts to awkward flying.

 
At 5:23 AM, Blogger Tyler said...

Y'know, I really liked the first Transformers movie. So much so that I coincidentally did watch the movie in theatres 3 times and buy the special limited edition DVD.

When I got my Wii, my parents intelligently thought that the licensed Transformers game would be a great game to buy me. And while it was a great idea in theory, Transformers for the Wii is one of the worst games I've ever played! I'm pretty sure that's the only movie-licensed game I own, and I can tell you right now that I don't ever plan on owning another one.

 
At 12:02 AM, Blogger Hr8mph said...

Shame on you. Shame on YOU!

SHAME ON YOU!!!

For taking it out on Advent Children! It is a great movie, the best videogame based movie ever!

And Sephiroth??
Sure, he wasn't as intimidating as the original game had made him out to be, but when he finally appeared, it sent ripples down my spine!
It's true that SE keeps making up excuses for him being the way he was in the original (play crisis core and you'll see) but that's just the way it is. Ain't nothing we can do about it...
Just bear with it.. >:(

 
At 7:18 PM, Blogger akun50000 said...

I will agree that 90% of all movies-to-video games suck.

There are arguable points on what makes it into the 10% category and how good those are, but I will agree with the fundamental statement that most companies don't give two flying rat turds about whether or not the game is good, but rather if it'll get them money.

And really, that's the same attitude the majority of the movie industry has. <_<

 

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