Thursday, July 23, 2009

Games I HATE - Vol. 3

Superman Games

What is so hard about this really?

He's freaking Superman.

We've got games about people who can fly. We've got games about people who are super strong. We've got games about people who shoot lasers out of their eyes.

Hell, we've got superhero games with people who can fly, are super strong, and can shoot lasers out of their eyes.

This would seem to be a no-brainer.

I could go buy a brand new copy of City of Heroes right this minute and make a character exactly like Superman.

Exactly like him.

And the game would work. I could fly around a generic city and beat up generic villains and have generic adventures.

But it would work.

For some freaking reason, they can't make this work with an actual Superman game.


I'm a big Superman fan. I think it has a lot to do with us being so similar.

Powerful? Check.

Rugged good looks? Check.

Last surviving member of his species? Well, if those guys in R & D can get off their asses...

Wait... Forget I said anything.

Ever since my early days as a gamer, I have waited patiently for a good Superman game. I have watched consoles come and go, catridges give way to discs. And I have seen countless Superman games.

On a scale of one to ten, these games average somewhere between zero and crimes against humanity.

Superman 64.

Dear God, Superman 64.

Playing that game is still a punishment for murder in some countries.

Now, I'll grant you. Past consoles may not have been able to capture the full Superman experience. What with all the flying around and the super speed and the robots with the biting of the metal teeth.


But come on. Give me a flying game where I beat the shit out of some licensed villains.

I don't want to fly through rings.

I don't want the generic "fly around and disarm all the bombs" levels.


Ass kicking.

That's it.

Is that so much to freaking ask?

I mean Batman gets good games. He's got lots of them.

Yes, he's also got games that suck, but they're not even on the same level as the history of Superman games.

That's bullshit. Batman doesn't even have superpowers.

Ooooh, look out! He's got a belt and severe mother issues.

And he's got good games.

What the hell, guys?

Seriously, we need to get some guys on this. We need to get some developers and the DC guys in a room and then point guns at them until they make a game that doesn't make you want to die.

Yes, we will have to shoot some of them.

I'm okay with that.


At 10:02 PM, Blogger golden_knyte said...

Here! Here!

A case of Jack Daniels fro GM Dave!!!

At 11:57 PM, Blogger Meeka said...

Did you ever try Superman Returns? You'll want to just kill yourself right then and there.

At 12:01 AM, Blogger Leut said...

Why would I want to play a game as a gay alien who has no clue what the definition of disguise even is?

At 12:22 AM, Blogger Saifer said...

Is Superman Returns worst than Superman 64? I dont know bout returns, but, damn,superman 64... some 1 heal my soul...

At 1:50 AM, Blogger Animayhem said...

One would think that a Superman game would be easy to make, you throw in bad guys, people in trouble and some major villains, you set his stats way higher then 98% of the bots in the game and bang, your done. Yes, being more powerful then 98% of the stuff in the game isn't much fun for many people, but your playing Superman, not Averageman. Being able to take down bank robbers should be easy. Getting there in time should be a the hard part. Timing things would be the challenge of the game. Chatch the falling plane pose for pictures then off to stop the bank robbers, say something witty, then off to catch the meteor. There you have it, a game.

At 5:14 AM, Blogger matt said...

Superman Returns, in a certain aspect wasn't so bad.

The control of Big Blue was pretty good, and had an adequate use of his powers. I even liked the fact that you can't actually get KO'ed

it's the plot of the game that sucked

At 7:56 AM, Blogger Master said...

I can safely say I have never lowered myself to playing a game involving superman.

Dave should do his top 7 favorite games/series (excluding of course FF). Since we all know it would be number 1.

At 10:08 AM, Blogger Pimp Midget said...

A good Superman game would be great.

If they made it the same type of game as inFAMOUS and Prototype it would rape everything.

Those two games are proof enough that giving the player godly unfair powers can be fun as hell.

... though I don't think Superman kills random good people.

At 11:46 AM, Blogger Chewie said...

Superman returns was like the new spiderman games. It was open sand box with various villains that popped up. I beat it and didn't really feel an accomplishment. I think Supernintendo had a death of superman game that was kind of like the old xmen game in that it was 2d side scroller. That was pretty fun.

At 12:07 PM, Blogger Dyamalos said...

at Pimp Midget

What. you mean superman can't runaround eating random pedestrians to regain health?

As far as why it doesn't seem to work, perhaps a game where you are practically invulnerable unless you happen to come near a shiny glowing green rock might be a bit unbalanced...

But again, they did it it Prototype (just got to the end boss) And while that's more like spiderman meats superman meats outbreak it did work... wish the game was longer though...

At 12:54 PM, Blogger Salt said...

They need to make a GTA-like superman game IMO.

Gameplay is essentially being Superman/Clark Kent.

With run of the mill missions as Clark to pay the bills (he still has to eat to my knowledge) and maintain relationships that will help you later on.

And run of the mill missions as Superman, occasionally saving old ladies from muggers and KOing bank robbers, these grind mission will of course be easy (you are superman!) and will get you "trust" of the people.

Main story missions will feature supervillains, with you gathering information as Clark (this is where your hardwork in relationship management will pay off; maybe if you have enough money you can bribe some of the shadier characters, or use the said money to do them favors they need done) and fight them as Superman (which will no doubt involve collateral damage, which is where the trust you build with the people will coming handly).

At 7:49 PM, Blogger Adam said...

The problem with Superman games is that Superman is the epitome of the "goody-two-shoes". Bribe someone? NEVER! Let innocents be harmed? The shame! When you have someone who would rather have the ever living shit beaten out of them and then eventually be killed rather than let innocents come to harm it's hard to put a game around that.

At 2:23 AM, Blogger Draconix said...

I...remember...a Superman game for NES and also remember ONE good Batman game and that was for Sega.


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