Sunday, July 26, 2009

Games I HATE - Vol. 6

DDR Games

This game/post is probably going to require some sort of asterisk because I really don't hate the game at its most basic level. While I can't say I'm a big fan of the series, I can at least see why someone else might find it fun.

But here comes the asterisk...

I hate this freaking series because of the players.

I know. [GM]Dave hates people? Somebody call Ripley's.

DDR players take all the fun out of actually playing the game. They stand there, faces blank and legs flying haphazardly, watching arrows scroll up the screen and their humanity slowly drain away.

They're the human equivalent of fishing bots.

I have actually seen people at arcades watching these cold robots dance and turn away from the game almost afraid to even try playing it, fearing for their mortal souls.

As they should lest they end up another DDR automaton, a meat puppet dancing to obscure techno music.

I'm sure the game requires a great deal of talent. You probably need an incredible sense of rhythm and timing.

That still doesn't keep people from looking absolutely retarded when they play.

DDR is a fun game. It was meant to be a fun game.

Unfortunately, people do what people always do with shit like this. They take it too damned far.

A game becomes a distraction.

A distraction becomes a hobby.

A hobby becomes an obsession.

An obsession becomes you standing in your living room with your legs flailing like you were Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance memorizing arrow patterns until your eyes bleed.

The worst part is there's really no winning the game. There's nothing to show for your hours and hours of work other than legs the size of tree trunks.

Oh, oh. You got letter grades.

That'll impress people.

There's no career mode, no band. You didn't save a princess or defeat a bunch of other people. You didn't save the world from unfathomable evil or even solve a freaking puzzle. There was no strategy, no technique.

You just stepped on some arrows.

You don't even have some cool snazzy gear to show for it.

I mean, come on.

What's the point? What is the freaking point of this game?

Even Tetris, goddamned Tetris, had a point. At least you had to think and strategize even the smallest amount.

Imagine if you simply had to push down as soon as the block appeared.

That's DDR.

DDR is basically Simon set to bad music.

Red, Blue, Yellow, Red, Red, Green.

Fail.

15 Comments:

At 9:27 PM, Blogger Rabid Ferrets of DOOM!!!™ said...

I'm the equivalent of that type of person, but on Rock Band drums. Everybody hates me for it. T_T

 
At 9:35 PM, Blogger King of Solomon said...

Well, if you're overweight, you could probably use the game to get some cardio in or something. I don't know.

I'm sure there's probably some reason to want to play the game. I don't know, I don't play it.

 
At 10:01 PM, Blogger Rabid Ferrets of DOOM!!!™ said...

By the way, [GM]Dave, Blue Moon pwns Jack Daniels. (Yes it's not as strong but when you're 110 pounds, 1 shot of hard liquor gets you wasted)

 
At 10:24 PM, Blogger Sarah said...

Well.. it's incorrect to say there's no technique to it. During the faster and more difficult songs the arrows come at you pretty quickly and there's a technique to hitting them all without tripping over your own feet and face planting on the screen. I wouldn't say I was ever fat, but DDR has kept me relatively fit, and I only go to the arcade about once a week for a few hours. Maybe it seems pointless because there's no endgame. But at least it's getting some of us up off our asses, right? :)

 
At 12:42 AM, Blogger Anki said...

Uh-ohh...it's still early; the hate-mail will be flowing, I bet.

I have given a shot at the game a few times. Just for fun.

I am competitive by nature. I suck at this game.

I suck balls at this game.

I also think it is one HELL of a game, and with numerous advantages.

It actually DOES seem rewarding to play. In many ways. It offers increased difficulty, new content, and a meager way to score such.

Just the way games started. And should be.

And yet keeps kids pumped and distracted from the streets, and keeps them somewhat active in a modern way.

Some may argue better than your children being led to obesity while waiting for a "party" to get that "special" piece of armor.

 
At 6:07 AM, Blogger Donny Walnuts said...

Yeah, if you hate DDR... what do you think of games like Rock Band or Guitar hero???

<-- not a fan of DDR.

 
At 7:07 AM, Blogger Master said...

The game was fun when you are competing against someone.

... And you are intoxicated.

People falling flat on their face as they try to keep up, the falling, the vomiting, what a fun night.

Damned DDR.

 
At 8:42 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

I'm rather fond of them myself. It's a hell of a workout.

Protip: Don't buy the Wii version. They tried to incorporate the Wiimote into the dancing. It failed horribly, turning what was a fun experience into an incredible pain in the neck.

 
At 10:48 AM, Blogger Ulli said...

At one of my highschools, we had a teacher who was alright with students setting up games and stuff in her classrooms on fridays. Once, some guys brought those ddr pads and a xbox. It was insane. their legs were moving so fast it was like:
O_________________________O;;;;
Pretty much by the time everyone decided to go home. 3 guys were playing. 2 Japanese kids and this one white guy. Everyone else was watching and eating pretzels. XD

 
At 11:47 AM, Blogger Sven said...

DDR, while it may seem like an obsessive waste of time, is actually...

Oh, wait.

Still though, it's probably the best thing for a gamer to obsess over, because you get one HELL of a workout. I used to play a little bit back in the day, and despite sucking at it I got a lot of exercise.

And yes, Bufuman, the Wii version was TERRIBLE. You can, however, turn the wiimote option off, and that's what I did when I played it. The songs sucked though.

 
At 12:33 PM, Blogger Dyamalos said...

Most of the time I'd see guys holding onto the bar and moving their legs only. like robots.

But this one time, me and a friend were playing tekken or silent scope, and this white guy came into the arcade.

he was tall skinny, wore glasses and had a spongebob backpack on. (I'm talking about the ones that are shaped like him, with arms and such, not the normal backpacks that just have yellow plasterd all over it)

but then he got on DDR and started fliping over the bar, putting emotion into it.

We just stood there watching him for about 5 minutes before we had to leave.

 
At 8:13 AM, Blogger Rafoie said...

ITG (a ddr rip) is effective for cardio. I went from 215.5 lbs to 209lbs in 8 days using a pair of 5lbs ankle straps.

As its own game... it DOES lack. It has odd players, a messed up community, and pointless "mechanics". 90% of which are player defined.

But it beats a treadmill, price wise and "fun" wise (aka need to zone out or not).

 
At 7:17 PM, Blogger Music-chan said...

A lot of hard-core DDR types get quite a bit of weight loss out of it. XD

I've never been superbe at DDR but I do enjoy it. Exercise, music, bright colours. Perfect!

 
At 8:52 PM, Blogger Jaredu said...

I do wonder, if you've ever been to www.flashflashrevolution.com?

It's with the arrow-keys, and just as hard :(

I love me some DDR, but I use it mainly for exercise because I can't stand running xD

 
At 12:57 AM, Blogger Rwn said...

There was no strategy, no technique.

you've never actually played the game then...

there is an absurd amount of strategy and multiple techniques to this game.

i may or may not have placed in the top ten in my region... but still there are people who take this game way too seriously

 

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