Friday, July 24, 2009

Games I HATE - Vol. 4

Okay... I'm about to piss off a metric F&%@ton of people, so I'm going to say the name of a game and then you can feel free to not continue reading. You can feel entirely free to not have me tear apart a game you love.

Are you ready?

Katamari Damacy.

I'll see you tomorrow.

...

If you're still reading this, then you are either:

a) willing to hear my opinion

or

b) just scrolling down so you can start bitching in the comments

Honestly, you can explain whatever you want. You can go on and on about how unique and revolutionary this game is.

I hate this game.

Hate.

HAAAAAATE.

The basic premise of the game didn't seem that terrible. Roll a ball around and collect stuff. Fun.

It would have made a pretty good flash game. You know... Waste twenty minutes of your workday trying to roll some shit up.

Then they decided to put it out for the PS2.

Holy crap. Did you see how much space is on one of those PS2 discs? How the hell were they going to fill that up with a little flash game?

Hey, let's fill the rest of the disc with senseless, mindless poser Japanese bullshit.

Plot? Who needs a freaking plot?

Fine. Tack one on there. Something about remaking stars or something.

Whatever.

Let's get back to the important stuff. Does the game look like someone hit acid and then threw up on a Lite Brite?

People act like this game is the freaking Lord of the Rings of video games or something, as if it was some high art, ultra-deep, intellectual experience.

Oh.

Hell.

No.

You're rolling a ball around picking up trash and trees and cows and shit. There is nothing deep about this game.

This game is the opposite of deep.

It is high.

I mean that in every sense of the world because the only way this game is going to transcend into the spiritual is if you are as high as balls and are playing the game before heading to White Castle.

Was it interesting? Sure.

In the same way you'd find a car accident "interesting".

When you get down to it, it was a mildly amusing game with mildly catchy music.

That is freaking it.

I F&%@ING hate this game because everyone acts like it is so much greater than it actually is, like all the neon colors and crazy graphics make it somehow worth my time.

Strip all that superfluous shit away and what do you have?

Not freaking much.

God, that felt good to say.

24 Comments:

At 10:02 PM, Blogger bookwyrmpoet said...

I for one, agree with you [GM]Dave, and I think you are right about Katamari, the simple fact that so many people liked it made me not want to play it in the first place. well that, and I think the game gave me a seizure at one point, and that was just when I played the demo for it....

 
At 10:06 PM, Blogger SumocidalTaru said...

Thank God that i'm not the only one who feels the same way about this game. I never saw the point in rolling a giant ball of trash around.

 
At 10:34 PM, Blogger Leut said...

I saw the comercial for the game when it was introduced.

I laughed at its stupid graphics and gameplay.

I watched my nephew play it.

I rolled my eyes.

I even tried playing it.

I got bored in 2 minutes.

I tossed it in the trash and forbade my brother to ever buy another game without consulting me first.

His wife remained silent.

My nephew whined.

I gave my last menacing look at them all.

And now my nephew plays real games.

Viva L'Uncle (I got no idea what uncle is in spanish).

 
At 10:39 PM, Blogger Darkwatch said...

I HATE KATAMARI AND ITS OFFSPRING, i work for gamestop its the one game in all of the PS2s existence i didnt want to own one. who can enjoy rolling up a metric ton of crap. the only people who could possibly enjoy it are kids with ADD, and ADHD give them that game and all they will see is crap and more crap to rollup. i have an instance at my store where a kid wanted to play it and when we didnt, he went home and tried to roll/pick up everything in his house. his mom came in the next day and showed us pictures..... she wanted us to find the nearest store that had one so her house wasnt destroyed..... CRAZY A@@ LITTLE KIDS MAN

 
At 11:22 PM, Blogger Daniel said...

What game is this? Never heard of it...

 
At 11:30 PM, Blogger Fleed said...

The first game was alright. It was a novelty game with a good amount of charm that, when picked up and played with for about ten minutes or so at a time, was worth the $20 it was sold for. Nothing terribly engaging but let's be honest: if you don't get some sort of morbid satisfaction by running over people and entire buildings with your cosmic stickyball, laying waste to entire cities, then something is fundamentally wrong with you as a person.

Then the sequels came. Screw that noise.

 
At 11:38 PM, Blogger Rabid Ferrets of DOOM!!!™ said...

I'm sorry, but anyone who says that this game is deep or intellectual is a fucking moron. The game is fun. It was probably developed by people who are high.

Because it's fun, people feel the need to justify that fun as more than just fun. Just because it's not deep doesn't mean it can't be fun.

Also, WTF:http://www.joystiq.com/2009/07/25/ea-giving-away-booth-girls-as-comic-con-swag/

 
At 12:39 AM, Blogger Matthew said...

I agree with the above poster. The game is fun. The game is really, really fun. However, I take it for what it is. It's one big drug trip. I've never done any drug but alcohol and caffeine. Yet, even I can understand that is exactly what it is. No big message with it. The giant shrooms give it away. Just a giant drug trip.

 
At 12:52 AM, Blogger Dyamalos said...

The game was good as a gimmick...

The intro was random and confusing and will probably be the closest thing to an acid/shroom trip I will be on...

The theme was catchy (in the since that once it got stuck in your head you want to scream but all you can do is "Na na~~~ nanaananaARGH")

Did I have fun playing it, sure....

But, I don't know if it was the crapy controls, or the crappy camera but that shit gave me motion sickness after about half an hour. I would keep trying to go back later, but once the levels/objectives started expanding bigger than the one room you start in, it would soon make me dizzy in need of the toilet within ten minutes.

Now, I'm still glad I own a copy of it, just so I can say I have it. It was a unique game to give it any credit. But as far as I'm concerned, it's a display piece.

 
At 12:58 AM, Blogger silver-vixi said...

=.=;

The music.

I heard the music first, that was enough to stop me playing the game >.< - How do people listen to the entire OST? ><;

 
At 11:47 AM, Blogger Saifer said...

My friend downloaded a demo of this piece of nothing and when I was doing a quick play through all the demos and saw this, tried it, and I deleted it right away, he was like dude that game is awesome, then another friend of mine who played it on the ps2 came saying the same thing and they both started to exchange thoughts bout this... i am very dissapointed @ those 2 I call friends...

 
At 12:40 PM, Blogger E said...

It's a fun little game! I have the original, the sequels were just trying to make a quick buck.

You forgot the major upside to a game like this - sadistically annoying other people with it! C'mon, Dave, that should've been obvious!

Lastly, you forgot the most obvious flaw in the game - It's marketed as more of a kids game - WTF is up with the king's "package!" Looks like all the fucking "stars" are being smuggled in there.

 
At 12:56 PM, Blogger Ayumi Life said...

I am actually shocked this is the first time I heard anyone badmouth Katamari.

It is a fun, enjoyable game. Sure its simple and leaves you with several WTF moments in regards to what the developers were thinking.

Katamari falls into the the realm as Tetris or Madworld. Games that at the end of the day can be fun and addictive, if you let them, and keep you coming back so you can get that high score ever higher.

 
At 3:09 PM, Blogger Meilin said...

I love Katamari. It was a pointless, time consuming, catchy, colorful, unique little game.


I still respect you Dave, even if its just "Sort of King of the Universe" now. ; ; The King of All Cosmos is ashamed.

 
At 5:12 PM, Blogger Glen said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwhFH75OCDs

OMG i just watched video footage os this game, it looks terrible

what exactly is the objective? O.o

 
At 5:48 PM, Blogger Sean said...

Maybe it's because I never owned a playstation, but I don't even know what Katamari Damacy is...

 
At 8:18 PM, Blogger tyranastrasz said...

@Saifer:
You're disappointed that your friends like something you don't? That doesn't sound very friendly.

 
At 9:31 PM, Blogger King of Solomon said...

While I quite enjoy the Katamari Damacy game series, I see where you're coming from.

Also, people have called that game deep? Seriously? I've heard strange and fucked up, heard it compared to an acid trip, but deep? Never.

 
At 7:04 AM, Blogger Darlithia said...

"This game is the opposite of deep.

It is high."

Yes...yes Dave that IS exactly what this game is. Have you ever really looked at how awesomely flamboyantly gay the king is? Or just rolled around enjoying sucking up the people and the local animals in the katamari?

I think you need to get really drunk and revisit that game. You may be surprised at how you can get sucked into it yourself.

 
At 10:49 AM, Blogger golden_knyte said...

heard of it...thats about it. never played a demo, never owned the game. I just saw an article about it in Gamepro magazine.

I looked at the screenshots...and turned the page. Did the same deal with that psuedo japanese inspired rap game or whatever the hell its called.

If I want a trip like that I will go drink the bottle of expired tequila in my basement

 
At 11:51 AM, Blogger Music-chan said...

haha, I love Katamari but not because it's the 'best game ever', but it's because it's about the cheesiest game I have ever played. So for all the reasons you said, that's what makes it so good to me. It's STUPID. it's a DUMB GAME and I love it. XD

 
At 6:54 AM, Blogger Master said...

So is this marble madness or something? I'm with Daniel never heard of it.

 
At 8:54 PM, Blogger Chris said...

"I mean that in every sense of the world because the only way this game is going to transcend into the spiritual is if you are as high as balls and are playing the game before heading to White Castle."

I smoke weed, and I find this very stereotypical, as I've never been to a White Castle in my life; never even seen one.

I'd imagine, though, that if you were STONED AS FUCK, this game would be pretty fun, but I've never played it.

 
At 2:48 PM, Blogger Vicky said...

I was surprised at this one, but then I realised it was more about being pissed at the fanbase, at least those praising it to be DEEP and stuff.
Which it definately is not, it's just a silly, and in my opinion, fun game~

 

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