Thursday, July 16, 2009

You Must Be Joking

I will not sully this with a long, rambling description.

This is an actual conversation I had with a player today.


[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand there was a problem with Dynamis.
Player>> You're damned right there was.
[GM]Dave>> Oh... Kay.
[GM]Dave>> Could you describe the problem?
Player>> Of course I can, dammit.
[GM]Dave>> Listen... I appreciate the enthusiasm.
[GM]Dave>> Really do.
[GM]Dave>> But if you don't calm down, something very bad will happen.
[GM]Dave>> Very, very bad.
Player>> Umm... Sorry.
[GM]Dave>> Thought so.
[GM]Dave>> So what happened?
Player>> Okay.
Player>> So, about an hour ago, I was in Dynamis...
[GM]Dave>> I already knew that.
[GM]Dave>> It was the second thing I said to you.
Player>> Oh... Sorry.
Player>> We were in... Uhh...
Player>> Anyway, the armor I wanted dropped.
Player>> And someone else stole it.
[GM]Dave>> You mean he lotted at the last second to take the item?
Player>> No. That's not what happened.
Player>> He lotted when I did.
[GM]Dave>> So you're saying there was a glitch in the lotting system.
Player>> Actually, No.
Player>> Lotting went normally.
[GM]Dave>> But the other guy got the item?
Player>> Exactly.
[GM]Dave>> I'm not sure how that could happen.
[GM]Dave>> I'll have to review the logs.

I get some additional information and go to review the logs.

Five minutes later...

[GM]Dave>> He lotted higher than you.
Player>> Exactly.
Player>> Finally, you get it.
[GM]Dave>> But...
[GM]Dave>> But he lotted higher than you.
Player>> I know that.
Player>> Can I have my armor now?

He said that.

He actually said that.

[GM]Dave>> I don't think you understand.
[GM]Dave>> He lotted higher than you.
[GM]Dave>> so, he gets the armor.
Player>> But it's mine.
[GM]Dave>> How exactly is it "yours"?
Player>> I called dibs.
Player>> When it dropped, I said dibs.
Player>> So, it's mine.

Aneurysms are not enjoyable.

Just FYI.

[GM]Dave>> Dibs?
[GM]Dave>> You called... Dibs?
Player>> And he lotted anyway.
Player>> Damned retard.
[GM]Dave>> That was going to be my next line.
Player>> So, you agree with me, right?
[GM]Dave>> ... Sure.
[GM]Dave>> Let's go with that.
Player>> Can you ban him?
Player>> I really think you should ban him.
[GM]Dave>> Oh, totally.
[GM]Dave>> Lotting using the system as it was intended.
[GM]Dave>> That's just wrong is what it is is what it is.
Player>> Umm...
Player>> Are you being sarcastic?
[GM]Dave>> Nnoooooooooooo.
[GM]Dave>> You totally called dibs. That counts.
[GM]Dave>> Wait... Did he cancel it using "I'm rubber, you're glue"?
Player>> That's not really...
[GM]Dave>> Did he say "LALA CAN'T HEAR YOU"?
[GM]Dave>> Or did he perhaps activate an anti-dibs forcefield?
Player>> You're not taking me seriously.
[GM]Dave>> In my defense, that'd be pretty hard.
Player>> This is ridiculous.
[GM]Dave>> I thought that, but I didn't want to be rude.
[GM]Dave>> Moron.
Player>> This is so unfair.
[GM]Dave>> Look on the bright side...
[GM]Dave>> It could be worse.
Player>> How exactly could this get any worse?


Area: Mordion Gaol

[GM]Dave>> How about now?
[GM]Dave>> Is it worse now?
Player>> You know...
Player>> Forget it.
Player>> I don't really need that armor.
[GM]Dave>> That is about to be very true.
Player>> What do you...

Jormungand hits Player for 12,009 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> Sorry.
[GM]Dave>> He called dibs.

Every time, every single time, I start to think that people couldn't possibly surprise me with new levels of stupidity, someone takes the time to show me how wrong I was.

We can totally stop that now.

I'm good.

Please stop proving me wrong.


At 9:05 PM, Blogger Kenny said...

Man, I'm gonna have to remember that. When I'm sitting at a camp waiting for a mob to spawn, I'm gonna call Dibs, then no one else can claim said mob! It's pure genius in its simplicity!

At 9:23 PM, Blogger Rabid Ferrets of DOOM!!!™ said...

I'm just waiting for a conversation that involves the player just going "Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrr" the whole time.

At 9:25 PM, Blogger Leut said...

When Kenny calls dibs, I'm going to call Super Mega Dibs. Trumping rules.

At 10:16 PM, Blogger Jeff said...

I... I... I don't believe it. I know people are stupid. I KNOW people are stupid. Trust me I do. But this... THIS is ridiculous...

At 11:50 PM, Blogger Kenny said...

Dude, Leut, that's not cool.

At 1:02 AM, Blogger Leut said...

No no no.

Kenny, you are supposed to try and trump me with Super Mega Extreme Dibs. You aren't playing it right.


At 1:04 AM, Blogger Paul said...

Kenny, just call uber-dibs times infinity, he can't beat that. It's infinity multiplied by uber. It's simply un-trumpable.

At 1:16 AM, Blogger Mattoxic said...

There is no word in any language to describe that level of idiocy. Sweet Jesus, Dave You must have an iron will, or rather, a will of god damned diamond to be able to put up with that shit. I salute you!

At 1:42 AM, Blogger Leut said...

Paul. You gotta name the dib factor.

It doesn't count if you dont.

Say it like "Super Mega Infintesimal Dibs".

That, and I trump you with adding bacon.

I win.

Nothing beats Super Mega Infintesimal Dibs with Bacon. NUFFIN!

At 3:20 AM, Blogger dragonsvsvampires said...

I go for Supa mega dibs one more than Kenny or Leut can ever make when combined together with a cherry on top...

At 5:36 AM, Blogger Willow said...

It's okay Dave. Sounds like being a GM is sort of like being the leader of an end game linkshell sometimes.

Moron: "But I been in the linkshell longer than that other rdm. Why'd he lot against me?" Leader of LS: "Dude you been here 45 seconds longer. We pearled you the same night."
Moron: "So it's still longer. I have seniority. You should kick him for stealing my gear."

Oh oh oh, or even better than that one.
Moron:"I don't understand why you gave that guy Homam body for. He's not put in his time in this linkshell. I've been here 2 years longer than him and I don't have a single piece of Homam yet. You are showing favoritism and being a bitch."
Leader of ls: "Umm, you're a whm."
Moron: "So?"
Leader of ls: /dies from overdose of retardation.
Sack of ls: "Dude, whms can't wear Homam gear. That guy got it cause he's like our best freaking player that CAN wear it."
Retarded whm: "It's still showing favoritism. You guys suck and I'm gonna see what I can do about getting you all banned for cheating."

Yeah sorry if any of my linkshell members have been past abusers of your little GM call button over there. I've known some real retards in my time.

At 5:38 AM, Blogger Willow said...

On a side note Dave. May I borrow Jormy the next time they say something stupid like this? It will save you a GM call.

At 6:22 AM, Blogger matt said...

ahh classic GM Dave, way to deal out indiscriminant justice!

At 8:28 AM, Blogger Chewie said...

Is it sad that I got all giddy when I realized this was a Jormy post. Thank you stupid players because you create the best blogs.

At 10:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi... just dropping by!

At 11:35 AM, Blogger Ricardo said...

Hahaha hilarious!

This entry felt like an old school GM Dave story, keep up the good work man.

(if you can toss in goblin smithy again one day I'd love it)

At 12:12 PM, Blogger Donny Walnuts said...

LOVE this story.

Reminds me of my WoW days. Every little retard will bitch about every little thing. I'm surprised these things make it to the GM level, or that they even wait in the que to talk to a GM about it, you'd think they'd use that time to cool down. Ridiculous!

At 12:21 PM, Blogger Daemien said...

sounds to me like the guy was trying too hard to impress you by talking like you. although i think the irony is that the moment he got put into mordion gaol, he said "i don't think i need that armor..." yeah ya do... it might lessen the blow a bit after a dragon chomps your bowels out. or at the very least make a different clang sound...

i think there need to be servers designated for retards. i mean seriously. you get 5 strikes. after you've hit the 5th strike of giving someone an aneurysm for being so incredibly, ignorantly stupid, you get put on the server for morons. it's like hoarding up the bad players and putting them on an island. if you enact this idea, i'll give you full rights for the idea. just send me a thank you email... that's all i need... lol

At 3:15 PM, Blogger Kenny said...

Calling Dibs is like calling Shotgun. You just can't trump that shit unless you're the driver.

At 6:22 PM, Blogger RamblingDreamer said...

I find it incredibly funny that you called "dibs" in the last post, Dave. ;)

At 12:40 PM, Blogger Daniel said...

... People ruin my faith in... people...

A lot.

At 5:05 PM, Blogger Bufuman said...

By the way, people, I call dibs on the first post of Dave's next update. Anyone who comments before me next update is SO getting banned.

That said, I love the return to classic [GM]Dave, and would love to see more stupid players and consumption of said players by our beloved purple dragon.

At 10:14 PM, Blogger Leut said...

Had to wait a few days to pull this off...

I finally call Uber Super Mega Honkin' Frivilous Bootylicious Badonkadonk Unibrow Dibs with a porno chick on top.

I win.


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