Thursday, July 09, 2009

DIY in the hell would anyone do this?

Okay... I'm just going to warn you ahead of time: Today's post is about a news story that could be considered a little... extreme.

If you're squeamish, it might be a good idea not to read it.

Seriously, just pretend I made some funny comments about Mario Kart and come back in a couple days.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

*ahem*

I understand we are in the middle of an economic crisis. The entire world is suffering from this problem.

In order to survive, people have to make sacrifices, they have to do without certain luxuries.

Maybe you don't go out to eat as much.

Maybe you don't buy that new game that just came out.

One area where you probably shouldn't try and save money is when is comes to getting medical help.

ESPECIALLY surgery.

Oh, yeah. That's where we're going.

Apparently, in what can only be considered overzealous thriftiness, a man in the United Kingdom decided to save money by performing his own surgery.

Correction... His own circumcision surgery.

In case you're not familiar, that's the one where they remove the skin from around the tip of a man's junk.

He performed that procedure on himself.

Wow. Just... Just wow.

Oh, you haven't even heard the best part yet.

Because there are quite literally no limits to human stupidity, this Darwin award winner decided that the best tool for this job was a pair of nail clippers.

No, you didn't read that wrong.

Nail.

Motherf&%@ing.

Clippers.

Warning: Do NOT apply to genitals

What in the hell was this man thinking?

Was there some part of this guy's brain that thought this shit was going to turn out well?

Hell, maybe he just thought he needed a trim.

I realize that our current global economic turmoil is a very complex, hard to understand situation with thousands of mitigating factors and related indicators. As complex as it is, however, I think I've devised a fairly accurate means of determing the effect it has on your own life.

If, at any time, you think the best way to save money is by performing surgery on your own penis, YOU NEED TO RETHINK YOUR MOTHERF&%@ING INVESTMENTS.

Get another job.

Get two jobs.

Get EIGHT jobs.

Whatever.

You don't screw around with that shit.

Performing your own kidney transplant surgery? Go right the hell ahead.

That shit is easy.

But taking a set of nail clippers to the ol' polearm?

I don't think so.

The worst part is that the guy went through all that trouble, performing major surgery and he doesn't even get paid for it.

Well... I did hear that he gave himself a tip.

Bah dump psshhh.

14 Comments:

At 8:40 PM, Blogger Kahsha said...

LOL
omg

MacGyver he is not.

 
At 9:42 PM, Blogger David said...

Didn't that happen on House once?

Maybe he's suffering from Lupus

 
At 10:23 PM, Blogger Soren said...

There are just some things you don't do yourself... THAT, though, just tops the freakin' charts. Wow.

Are nail clippers even sharp enough to do the job? *shudder*

What is the world coming to...

 
At 12:50 AM, Blogger Ben said...

Best bit - The UK has the National Health Service. Circumcision isn't normally covered (Although if he felt the need, he may have actually needed it, and gotten it for *free*), but if you put the pressure on, you can swing it.

 
At 6:32 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

Man, that guy is an idiot. Who would do that to man's best friend? One-eyed Willy, flip the bird at that fool!

...thank you.

 
At 11:57 AM, Blogger Pimp Midget said...

lol what makes it even more stupid is that you dont pay for healthcare in the UK. I could SLIGHTLY understand this if it was the US, but why do this to yourself when you could have it done properly for free >_<

Idiot, absolute idiot.

 
At 2:20 PM, Blogger shallot said...

Ahahahahaha. I live in the UK, and I heard about this. I think the nail clippers they're talking about are actually a small, sharp pair of scissors, not that weird clippity contraption you've got pictured. Otherwise, ouch.

Wait, still ouch.

 
At 3:02 PM, Blogger Blueyez said...

....

Well at least if he botched it badly enough we won't have to worry about someone with that level of genius procreating...

Doesn't that at least make you sleep better at night?

What can I say, I'm an optimist <.<

 
At 4:32 PM, Blogger Animayhem said...

At least it wasn't a do-it-yourself vasectomy...
But still, WHY!?!?

 
At 12:03 AM, Blogger Hunter said...

Would have been better if it WAS a DIY vasectomy...get that shit out of my genepool.

 
At 12:57 AM, Blogger Leut said...

This was like driving down the road and getting in a major traffic jam because tehre has been a horrible accident up ahead.

You know when you get up there you will see something really bad. You know it. All the warning signs were there.

And you look. Then you wish you hadn't.

Warn all you want Dave. It's like an invitation for looking. "Doooo it. Loooook. You know you want to. Looooooook."

You bastard.

 
At 9:15 PM, Blogger Qwatz said...

this post made my penis hurt

 
At 2:13 PM, Blogger dragonsvsvampires said...

LMMFAO At the IDIOCY of some people.... And I completly agree... That man is NOT allowed to reproduce...

 
At 8:18 PM, Blogger Adam said...

You all declare that he isn't allowed to reproduce but the evidence does suggest it will happen. Repeatedly. Watch the movie "Idiocracy". It's not a comedy, it's a documentary from the future. And after you're done laughing you'll suddenly feel very, very sorry for humanity.

 

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