WHY IS NO ONE LISTENING?!Holy crapping hell! Why isn't anyone paying attention to me?
I'm not here ranting for my own amusement, people. I'm trying to save the world.
Or time travel.
Or nonsensical plots that revolve around everyone having father issues.
Just a few days ago, I wrote about people who are basically engineering the downfall of humanity. These people fail to heed the warnings that science fiction has made abundantly clear.
I thought that was it. I write about robots and my wacky observations, and that'd be the end of it.
Of course not.
It seems a different group of scientists is trying to create a mini-sun on Earth.
THAT'S THE FREAKING PLOT OF SPIDER-MAN 2!
How in the F&%@ING hell can anyone expect this to turn out well?
The opening of the movie revolves around a scientist trying to create a mini-sun on Earth as an alternative source of energy.
Things, as you would expect, do not go according to plan. There's a whole thing with explosions and the potential destruction of humanity.
Standard science stuff.
And, if that wasn't enough of a message, he tries it again at the end of the film.
And almost kills everyone AGAIN!
There is no reason whatsoever to believe that this could be a good idea.
None at all.
And yet, someone thought this would make for a great science fair project.
Why in the hell is the science community actively trying to not only destroy humanity, but also do it in an incredibly ironic fashion?
I don't mind the whole Large Hadron Collider thing because:
a) it seems very cool
b) it hasn't been the main plot point of a movie in which it acted as a potential destroyer of all mankind
At least... I'm pretty sure it hasn't. I haven't seen that Hannah Montana film yet.
Are you seriously trying to tell me no one on this research team has seen Spider-Man 2?
Maybe we need to start a new initiative where every time a scientist comes up with some wacky new experiment or technology, they have to run it past the internet so we can point out how retarded it is.
Or at least get them a Blockbuster card or something.
F&%@ it. Let's just cover all the shit that scientists should already know:
1) no robots
You will never ever create a helpful robot. It will either be useless or will eventually turn on humanity and try and kill us all.
2) check EVERYTHING
Maybe that thing that just set off your warning system wasn't a bird. Maybe it was a guy who just fell into your giant sand experiment and you're about to turn him into a nigh-unstoppable killing machine.
Go FREAKING check.
Hell, even if it was a bird, go check that, too. The last thing we need is some psychotic bird sand monster.
3) leave the ocean alone
Everything at the bottom of the ocean is trying to kill us.
Giant sentient spheres.
They're all going to kill us all.
It's at the bottom of the ocean for a good damned reason. Leave that shit alone.
4) no time travel
Let's just leave that one alone right now. Time travel has never helped anyone. Not even in the movies.
Basically, every movie related to time travel involves the main characters trying to clean up the mess they made by traveling through time in the first place.
The best thing that could happen is that they didn't go back in time at all.
Let's just cut out the middle man.
Any and all experiments related to reviving dead flesh just need to stop.
Why does anyone think this is a good idea?
Sure, you get your [insert family member] back, but now they're all psychotic and blood thirsty.
Not to mention partially decomposed.
Death is a sad, terrible thing, but it's a LOT better than getting your brains chewed on by your uncle who now has the worst case of body odor EVER.
I think that about covers it.
Before anyone bothers to mention it, I entirely realize that no one is actually going to pay attention to this. I know scientists are going to continue to engineer new and unusual ways to kill us all, but I still hope this post will serve one important purpose...
At least I'll get to say I told you so.