Even If I Did Know...I love the internet.
No matter what happens, no matter how small a piece of news, within minutes there are countless references to it online.
Hell, the big guys hadn't even finished their presentation before news coursed through the intarweb about Final Fantasy XIV. It was on Twitter, Facebook, and only about three thousand gaming sites in a matter of seconds.
And every variation of FFXIV.com was claimed seconds after that.
Actually... FFXIV.com was claimed in September of 2007. Either that guy plans WAY ahead or he has invented a time machine.
Frankly, if he's using a time machine to go back and register random game-related websites, he should probably work on his priorities.
Still, one can't help but admire the industrious, almost stalker-like ability of our beloved internet to collect information about any new game. You really can't help, but be impressed.
Now, you may be wondering why I'm mentioning this.
Well... There's two reasons:
a) the myriad of people making GM calls to ask questions about FFXIV
b) if I make another post about Project Natal, some people from the comment section are going to cut me
I'm not kidding around. Dozens upon dozens of players have been making GM calls to ask questions, and even MAKE SUGGESTIONS, about Final Fantasy XIV.
What is wrong with these people?
It's not that we don't appreciate community feedback. Indeed, players are encouraged to provide us with their thoughts and ideas.
We don't actually listen to any of them, but we appreciate them.
Sometimes we read them out loud using funny voices.
While we do appreciate them, though, do you really believe the GM call system is the most appropriate way to submit your feedback?
Perhaps you could use the feedback forms on the Playonline website.
Maybe you could write a letter.
Hey... Maybe you should use the GM call system that's intended for EMERGENCIES ONLY!
This isn't some freaking Mom and Pop bullshit MMORPG that we're running in a basement here. This is some serious business and we've got real shit to do.
There are people stuck behind tables as we speak.
I know that because I put them there.
I can't be answering asinine questions about whether or not male Mithras or female Galkas will be playable characters.
Yes, people have asked if they can play as some kind of female Galka.
No, I do not know why.
Apparently, they must enjoy portraying large, hairy women.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
But don't be interupting me at work to ask me about that shit. That's between you and those websites you pray no one ever finds out about.
You sick bastard.
Even if, EVEN IF, you were to catch me at a time when I was feeling "chatty" (ie. NEVER), how in the sweet hell am I supposed to answer your questions?
Do you think they discuss all of their plans with me?
It's not like Yoichi Wada drops by once a week to run through his ideas with us.
It's more like once every two weeks.
We have bagels. It's nice.
I don't know anything about Final Fantasy XIV that you probably don't already know. I certainly don't know anything you couldn't find at any of the bajillion FFXIV sites that popped up out of nowhere.
It's very flattering that you consider us such experts on everything Final Fantasy-related.
Very, very flattering.
Also, annoying as F&%@.
This morning, I was at my desk filling out some paperwork.
You're probably expecting me to make some reference to Jack Daniel's here, but I was actually filling out paperwork. My boss told me if I didn't get it done by lunch, I'd be drinking whisky on the unemployment line.
Since that would be much less funny, I decided to do me some paperwork.
I could always drink after lunch.
Anyway, I was trying to find a coversheet for my TPS report when I heard that fateful sound.
I swear that that sound will follow me to my grave. I will be on my deathbed, my liver swollen and dead, and that sound will be the sound the Grim Reaper makes when he finally comes for me.
Hopefully, he will not ask stupid questions or get stuck behind a table.
GM Call Description: Need help! Emergency!
I hate that word.
I SO freaking hate that word.
Did you know that the word "emergency" was once used only rarely and even then only to describe an incredibly serious situation?
I'm not surprised if you didn't know it because people today use the word "emergency" to describe a lack of potato chips.
I love me some potato chips, too, but that still doesn't qualify as an emergency.
Right away, I knew there's a problem. People who are in an actual emergency don't use the word "emergency".
I immediately knew that I would end up feeding this guy to Jormy.
You'd think I was psychic.
Or that that's how 98% of my GM calls end.
Still, I didn't have anything else to write about today, so I figured I'd at least get some good material out of the guy.
[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand you are in mortal danger.
[GM]Dave>> That's a fancy way of saying you're going to die.
Player>> No, that's not what I was calling for.
[GM]Dave>> That wasn't a question, sir.
[GM]Dave>> Trust me when I tell you that you are going to die.
Player>> Is this... Is this like a roleplaying thing?
[GM]Dave>> ... Sure.
[GM]Dave>> Why not?
Player>> Aren't you going to ask me why I made the GM call?
[GM]Dave>> I wait with bated breath.
Player>> I was just wondering how we transfer our characters.
[GM]Dave>> That's it?
[GM]Dave>> That's the emergency?
Player>> Well, it's very important.
[GM]Dave>> Then say it's important.
[GM]Dave>> Don't say it's an emergency.
Player>> Should I go make another GM call?
He really said this.
[GM]Dave>> You know what...
[GM]Dave>> Sure. Go make another GM call.
One minute later...
Oh, this was going to be good.
GM Call Description: Need help! Important!
Well, he could follow directions. I'll give him that.
[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand you're in mortal danger.
Player>> You must really like roleplaying.
[GM]Dave>> Yeah... Roleplaying.
[GM]Dave>> Can we get on with this?
Player>> Yeah, I had a question about character transfer.
[GM]Dave>> Okay, in order to transfer servers, you have to...
Player>> No, no, no.
Player>> Not transferring servers.
That's when I realized what he was asking.
That's also when I reaffirmed my hatred of all humanity.
[GM]Dave>> Say it.
[GM]Dave>> Just... Just say it.
Player>> How do I transfer my character...
[GM]Dave>> Here we go.
Player>> ... To FFXIV.
[GM]Dave>> And there we are.
[GM]Dave>> So, just to clarify...
[GM]Dave>> You're asking how to transfer your character.
[GM]Dave>> To a game that doesn't exist yet.
[GM]Dave>> And why would you be wondering this?
Player>> I just want to be ready.
[GM]Dave>> The game doesn't come out for at least A YEAR!
[GM]Dave>> How ready do you need to be?!
Player>> I just want to know ahead of time.
[GM]Dave>> AHEAD OF TIME?!
[GM]Dave>> ARE YOU BUSY FOR THE NEXT 12 MONTHS?!
Player>> Okay, okay.
Player>> Can you just tell me please?
[GM]Dave>> Fine. Whatever.
[GM]Dave>> Are you playing on PC or Xbox360?
[GM]Dave>> Do you have a spare thumb drive available?
Player>> Hold on...
Player>> Okay, I've got one.
[GM]Dave>> Put it in and hit Ctrl K.
Player>> Nothing happened.
[GM]Dave>> That's normal.
[GM]Dave>> We're making a back up of your character.
Player>> You can do that?
[GM]Dave>> If not, then I'm lying to you.
Player>> Oh, good.
[GM]Dave>> Let's move on.
Player>> What's next?
[GM]Dave>> One last thing.
[GM]Dave>> We have to format your character.
Player>> That sounds really complicated.
Player>> Will it damage my character?
[GM]Dave>> ... Probably not.
[GM]Dave>> Oh, we have to say that.
[GM]Dave>> It'll be fine.
Player>> Are you sure?
[GM]Dave>> Won't hurt me a bit.
Player>> Maybe this was a bad...
[GM]Dave>> Too late now.
Area: Mordion Gaol
Player>> What's going on?
Player>> Why am I in jail?
[GM]Dave>> All perfectly normal.
Player>> WHY'S THERE A BIG DRAGON HERE?!
[GM]Dave>> OH MY GOD!
[GM]Dave>> Your thumb drive must be CORRUPTED!
[GM]Dave>> It's too late!
[GM]Dave>> WE'RE DOOMED!
Player>> WE ARE?!
[GM]Dave>> Well, not me.
[GM]Dave>> Pretty much just you.
Jormungand hits Player for 13,067 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.
[GM]Dave>> Good news.
[GM]Dave>> I'm fine.
Your tell could not be received. The player must have logged out to weep quietly for 12 months when they'll find out they've been pre-emptively banned from FFXIV, as well.
Sucks to be him.
I realize we are all very excited about a new online Final Fantasy game.
I'm practically atwitter.
That does not, however, mean that we're going to have long, friendly chats about it. As you may have noticed, I'm not the long, friendly chat type of guy.
Should you choose to test this, you may find out that you have become the banned type of guy.
And the digested type of guy.
Do you really want to be that kind of guy? Really?
I didn't think so.