Wednesday, January 14, 2009

You've Got To Be Kidding

You probably know who PETA is. Just in case you don't, it stands for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.

This is not a bad thing. Despite my intense hatred towards the majority of people, I don't really have a problem with animals.

Animals is good people.

So, you'd think I wouldn't have a problem with PETA.

You'd be wrong.

See, as much as their intentions seem good, they fall into the same problem that plagues so many other groups.

They're retarded.

I understand the whole saving the animals thing.

That's okay.

Stopping animal cruelty.


Then they start with the whole vegetarian thing...

I don't think so.

If someone chooses to become a vegetarian, that's fine. It's their life and they can choose what they want to or don't want to eat.

But when someone starts telling me not to eat meat, that ain't right.

If I remove meat from my diet, I'd basically be eating potatoes and...

Well, potatoes.

So, their whole "don't eat meat" thing kind of pisses me off.

Still, that's not really retarded.

A little, but not really.

No, these guys have set a new record for epic levels of retardedness.

Are you ready?

They want to rename fish.

I'm not kidding. They want to rename fish.

Their basic argument is that fish have been given a bad rap and a fresh, new name will help people realize that they are beautiful creatures that should be left alone.

Guess what they want to name them.

Go ahead and try.


Whatever you guessed, it wasn't retarded enough.

They want to rename fish...

Sea kittens.

Yes, sea kittens.

I told you. Retarded.

I know PETA has done some pretty messed up shit before, but this is crazy even for them.

Maybe when they're not eating plants, they're smoking them.

Apparently, if fish had a cute name like Sea kittens, people would be less likely to eat them.

Yeah... Nomenclature is the problem.

We could totally solve all of life's problems. We just have to give everything new names.

Pictured: a Puppy McSnugglebunny

Have Cancer?

Not anymore. Now, you have funny bumps.

Don't you feel better about it?

Or AIDS... Yeah, that name is such a bring down.

We could call it "The Smilies!"

And you have to do jazz hands when you say it.

This is a great idea.

Oh... Wait...

No, it's not.

I don't know about you, but I would totally eat a Sea kitten.

I don't even like fish.

But if they change the name to Sea kittens, I'm going to eat all of them.

I will be at the damned beach with a fork and knife the next day.

Sea kittens. Yum.

I don't know about cute, but it sure makes them sound delicious.

Hell, I'll probably eat a dolphin while I'm at it.

Don't worry though. I'll call it a Sea iguana or something first.

That makes it totally different.

Honestly, I think I just have to stop reading the news. Every time I start to think I couldn't think less of humanity, someone comes along and says "Wanna bet?"

And then we all lose.

Screw it. Tomorrow, I'm going to the aquarium and I'm going to punch a fish in the face.

Wait... Sorry... That was the anger talking.

I'm going to punch a Sea kitten in the face.


At 8:00 PM, Blogger Drekal said...

That's nothing. Have you played Kentucky Fried Cruelty?

At 8:39 PM, Blogger MinorAgentofChaos said...

Rename fish?


PETA making their pet cats & dogs be *vegetarian* takes a special level of retarded cruelty.


or even better -- kill the cat & dog rather than have it as a pet:

At 8:43 PM, Blogger Hulyen said...

I remember seeing a 'game' that PETA released about how awful Cooking Mama is. Yeah...

At 9:22 PM, Blogger Kathleen said...

One word.


Greatest. Holiday. Ever.

At 9:31 PM, Blogger Grenade71822 said...

Well Dave worse comes to worse you start eating more potatoes and become irish with your drinking habits.

At 9:39 PM, Blogger Nick said...

Sea Kittens.... I really don't see that solving any problems.

In fact, I only see that as opening up the idea of eating regular kittens. If we get used to saying "Hey, I wanna go out and eat some Sea Kitten tonight," then it's only a matter of time before we're all baby cat consumers :D

I wonder if they taste good...

At 10:33 PM, Blogger Kenny said...

I'm with Dave. I don't like sea food, but if you start calling fish Sea Kittens, I'll be the first in line to eat them.

At 1:49 AM, Blogger Kevin said...

i gotta say, i dont really like eating fish either....but what are they going to call fishermen? kitten catchers? i think peta would have a harder time with that than fishermen, am i right?

At 2:16 AM, Blogger Lian said...

"People don't seem to like fish. They're slithery and slimy, and they have eyes on either side of their pointy little heads—which is weird, to say the least."
Yes, clearly these things are all caused by their name and not by the fact that they're, well, slithery and slimy creatures with eyes on the side of their pointy little heads...

"Whoever was in charge of creating a positive image for fish needs to go right back to working on the Britney Spears account and leave our scaly little friends alone. You've done enough damage, buddy."
I wonder if any christians are going to be insulted by that? Could be epic wank...

At 3:13 AM, Blogger Shadow of Chaos said...

... What?

I'm serious. I think my brain refuses to process this. So... renaming fish will change the fact that they're slimy?

And good with butter?

At 3:27 AM, Blogger J. Scarper said...

petty, but PETA's retardation has already made me so angry so many times I've lost the will to even think of what they do. They should just...burn in hell or something.

Or maybe just burn in Jormy's stomach. Hey, let's call them sea-somethings so that they can be eaten!

At 4:09 AM, Blogger TCG said...


Nice little mix of this topic and ffxi here:

At 4:10 AM, Blogger TCG said...

[IMG][/IMG] or try

Nice little mix of this topic and ffxi here:

At 4:30 AM, Blogger Hugo said...

Underwater Furries. Hooray.

At 4:56 AM, Blogger Izuzan said...

How about catching Deer durring hunting season in new york state and putting Blaze orange vests on them so hunters wouldent shoot them.

aside from the fact that 99% of hunters have scopes these days, im guessing most shots are taken within 100 yards, so telling the difference between a deer and hunter is quite easy.

apparently they had the highest number of deer kills that season. im not sure why really.........

At 5:35 AM, Blogger David said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 5:42 AM, Blogger Retromash said...

With the exception of a couple of lizards and a couple of fish, animals are edible.

99.8% of the plants on this planet are toxic or utterly non-nutritious.

And very few wild plants yield enough calories to suffice if you’re scavenging (unless you’re a trained hunter-gatherer, of course).

So, first task: Kill an animal. Second: Eat it. Bonus: Wear its skin.

As I see it, eating plants is cowardly. They can’t fight or run, you rip them from the ground, toss them into fridge colder and darker than any dungeon, then torture them to pieces and cook and or eat them.

Hunting animals puts them in a position where they can run, get lucky, or with quite a few, gore, bite or kick you to death in return.

Conversely, since cows will let you walk up and shoot them, and the 6th will stare at you as stupidly as the 1st, they are not demonstrating animal intelligence and are morally merely motile plants.

The same applies to turkeys and chickens.

At 6:55 AM, Blogger john said...

This one just made my day. Who wouldnt like Fries with a side of stir-fried sea kitten?!

At 7:30 AM, Blogger Penn said...

I'm a vegetarian and this makes no sense to me. Not all of us are nuts. Just the people who want to rename fish.

On a side not can we rename babies? I was thinking "people larva." Anyone?

At 7:37 AM, Blogger Mystify said...

Give a man a sea kitten, feed him for a day...
Teach a man to sea kitten, feed him for life...

Which isn't a long life because he's too busy laughing to eat.

No need to reply... gone sea kittening.

At 9:50 AM, Blogger Aen said...

Dave and Nick is right. Renaming Fish Sea Kittens will only increase consumption, and eventually create a market for fine infant feline dining.

I would totally eat one, yes, but not really for the culinary experience. I'd do it just to piss 'em off.

At 10:17 AM, Blogger RurouniZanza said...

Oh my God man, what the F%^&?

Not to sound discriminatory or anything, but is the president of PETA a woman?

Sea Kittens sounds like something a woman in charge would say... or a gay person.

Don't worry, you are all cool in my books. Just don't go naming Dinosaurs something cute like Pikachu.

At 1:00 PM, Blogger Imaginary of Hades said...

I am a member of PETA, and i am outraged! When did this group take our name! PETA stands for People Eating Tasty Animals!
Those bastards almost made me choke on my fish.

At 1:16 PM, Blogger Dorian Mode said...

Seems to establish a positive link between not eating meat and brain damage. I knew it!

At 2:34 PM, Blogger Psylex said...

'nuff said.

At 2:44 PM, Blogger Pim said...

Sea lions are NOT the kings of the ocean, so this new name doesn't even make sense, even if you try to take it seriously. Which can't be done to begin with.

Suppose this change does happen in some alternate universe in a different dimension (under a "yes we can" motto), can we rename PETA to GROP (Group Of Retarded People)?

At 2:52 PM, Blogger MinorAgentofChaos said...

As I see it, eating plants is cowardly. They can’t fight or run, you rip them from the ground, toss them into fridge colder and darker than any dungeon, then torture them to pieces and cook and or eat them.

All we are give peas a chance....

At 5:30 PM, Blogger Richard said...

Wait... Don't we have sea cows already? No one eats manatee burger, though.

I would LOVE to go somewhere & order 'Kit & Chips', though!

(Say it out loud, it's funnier!)

At 7:18 PM, Blogger Holly said...

I think this is my favourite post yet.
And I have a lot of favourite posts.

At 10:59 PM, Blogger Melody said...

...."Honey, I'm going sea kittening tomorrow. Don't expect me back. At all. ....Ever."

That is BEYOND retarded. XD

At 1:21 AM, Blogger Lokkin Achitame said...

Dave, please... stop titling your posts like this... the universe notices you know, it sees you taunting it, just begging it for more retardation.

Please, for the good of mankind, whatever your feelings are, title optimistically, the universe only reads titles.

At 6:04 AM, Blogger Zeriath said...

As I see it, eating plants is cowardly. They can’t fight or run, you rip them from the ground, toss them into fridge colder and darker than any dungeon, then torture them to pieces and cook and or eat them.

Would you prefer I put my carrot on remote controlled car with rockets on it? then cut it's head off? :P
by the way the number of plants that can kill you to eat is not THAT high...Just sayin'
ANYWAY WTF?! Sea kittens?!

At 11:21 AM, Blogger Sword said...

Yeahhhhh... Call fish something else after we have already established and called it fish for how many millennia... Sure let's just do that and screw with the markets and economy.

Other countries won't know wtf were talking about and fishing industries will have to spend millions maybe even billions on renaming their companies,logos, and so on for thier products.

At 11:21 AM, Blogger GreatMno said...

If your bet sea kitten has too many baby sea kitten kittens, how do you drown them in a sack? Throw them on the beach?

At 1:01 PM, Blogger Zeriath said...

If your bet sea kitten has too many baby sea kitten kittens, how do you drown them in a sack? Throw them on the beach?

Well clearly you should have your sea kitten spayed or neutered

At 5:28 PM, Blogger Ben said...

I absolutely detest PETA and all the bullshit it spouts on a daily basis. This only makes them worse. >_>

At 5:46 PM, Blogger Tristan Kain said...

Y'know, I want to have some sound equipment set up when the PETA tries to pitch this to Clover Leaf or to the captain of any fish processing boat.

I want to know just how far away you can hear the laughter...

But in all seriousness, I thought "fish" was an etymological classification right next to "mammal". I guess the next thing for them to do is replace "bird" with "air puppy" or some equally stupid thing to imply better treatment of chickens.

At 7:10 AM, Blogger Dimitri Smith said...

Has anyone even seen this yet?

It's from a local news station in Maryland, WBAL about the Pope getting google video.

At 7:55 AM, Blogger Beth said...

I eat sea kittens raw.

I'm totally turning that into a tshirt.

At 12:33 PM, Blogger Kyle said...

don't read the news.

At 1:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Carrot juice is murder (this is friggin hilarious)

At 6:49 PM, Blogger tamachan7137 said...

This is incredibly retarded, and I agree; even though I hate fish (as food), I might have to start eating them on the sole premise that I could one day ask a cute girl out to a nice place for a delicious sea kitten dinner, then gauge her facial expression.

I still don't know whats worse tho, this, or PETA actually trying to convince Ben & Jerry's to use breast milk in their ice cream...

Yeah, they did that.

At 8:47 PM, Blogger The Ogre (aka, Matt) said...

I want to go out, right now, and eat my FILL of "sea kittens." I already hate cats, and like to eat fish. This is mother fucking win-win for me!!

At 9:59 PM, Blogger Aredia said...

Don't cats eat fish?...


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