Tuesday, January 06, 2009


You know, I've always had a feeling I was a little OCD.

It was the little things.

I don't walk on cracks.

I need to keep the volume on a multiple of five.

I alphabetize my porn collection.

But I was never really sure about it.

The funny thing about OCD is you never really know for sure. Maybe you're just interesting or eccentric.

Maybe you're friggin' crazy.

Given my history, you can guess where I was leaning.

Then I found FFXI.

Oh, what a glorious OCD dreamland FFXI is. You start balancing a bunch of interconnected stats trying to max out your damage potential and you might as well start scribbling in notebooks about how you need to turn the lights off seventeen times before you leave the room.

Every FFXI player has probably spent WAY more time than is actually necessary trying to find the perfect gear set up.

That is where I started to suspect my OCD.

Still though... I wasn't sure.

Maybe I just liked kicking ass.

I do so enjoy the ass kicking.

So, I lived on, laboring under the constant suspicion of my obsessive compulsions.


Then we bought a new TV.

Dear God.

I've spent the last twenty four hours changing each and every setting to maximize picture quality.

I don't mean change one setting and then move on.

Oh, no.

I had to change them in carefully constructed patterns to see how each setting would interact with the others.

Wait... The contrast looked way different at 74 than it did at 73.

But it looked better in the cinema display.

Then, after I changed all of those settings, I had to try out different cables.

All of them.

I used every wire in the house.

I think I actually used a strip of copper wire I found in the basement.

Then, of course, I had to check all of the settings with each cable.

By my calculations, I should achieve the perfect television set up very soon.

Three years tops.


I need help.


At 8:42 PM, Blogger David said...

At least 6 setting (Contrast, Tint, Brightness, etc) with 100 choices per setting.

That gives you one trillion different set-ups.

Then there are probably about 7-10 different theater options.

Allotting you one second to decide on the settings, you will be done sometime in July.... 221,984 years from now.

At 8:44 PM, Blogger Sean said...

Three years? That's nothing. I spent over a decade working on optimizing the graphics settings on my computer. At least, I think it was a decade. The power was out, so I can't be sure.

Unrelated note: Do you have any idea how freaking hard it is to tweak graphics settings when your computer is off?

At 9:25 PM, Blogger Mazakii said...

I still do that too. Not walking on cracks. It's kind of like a game.

At 9:41 PM, Blogger Fulluphigh said...

I only walk on one color tile at places with multicolored tiles.

But it's not OCD, it's because the other tiles are lava.

At 12:21 AM, Blogger quinn said...

im not ocd, i just know if i dont touch the stove 7 times before i leave the house the world will explode. i thought everyone knew that it was a fact.

At 12:22 AM, Blogger Ricardo said...

Wanna know something scary?

Although lacking in spelling, your punctuation was perfect when you posted that drunk uh... post. Hahaha.

At 12:35 AM, Blogger Dice said...

God, I'm tired of the guys who cant help but post comments in similar writing style as the author, trying to be as funny as him, in his own style, even.

Come up with your own shit, for crying out loud!

At 2:00 AM, Blogger J. Scarper said...

Hey Dice, maybe you have OCD. I mean, why the hell does it bother you? Dave's influential. Go bark up another tree.

At 2:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maximizing picture quality on an HDTV is easy.

It's really quite simple.

See all those controls and settings that day "dyanmic" or "enhancement"?

Turn all that shit off. It's that simple.

Turn off everything that alters the picture in any way and just display the image exactly as it's broadcast with no "edge enhancement" "dynamic contrast" "color enhancement" or anything else and you have maximized your picture quality.

At 8:40 AM, Blogger Leanne said...

I have to eat foods one color at a time. M&Ms, skittles, fruit loops, lucky charms, mixed vegetables.
My husband won't buy fruity pebbles, he said it would hurt me.

At 1:17 PM, Blogger strovayn said...

I have to keep the volume on my TV either a multiple of 5, or a multiple of 5 plus 2. (ie, 5, 7, 10, 12, 15, 17, etc.)

Seriously. >.> I'm constantly reminded by my girlfriend how funny my OCD is to her.

At 6:00 PM, Blogger Daniel said...

You're not OCD. You don't post on the same day every week.

Or on specific days who's number have some astrological significance.

I have to eat M&Ms in the smallest color first. I purposely don't open the package all the way for this reason.

I also unwrap presents so that the paper comes off as one piece.

At 10:21 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

You know what's REALLY irritating if you have OCD? Trying to work the settings on a rather old big screen TV to a level where they DON'T look like concentrated shit. It took me weeks to get to a setting where I could actually watch a skit on Tales of Symphonia and be able to tell where the hairlines of Colette, Genis, and Raine ended and their faces began. Curse you, you light-haired pale-faced people!

At 7:21 AM, Blogger Tyler said...

I think I'm a little (read: very) obsessive-compulsive. I even go as far as to make sure that I chew on both sides of my mouth and that both sides of my body have to feel the same at all times. Cut off my right arm? Better cut off the other one too or it's gonna suck for me!


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