Monday, December 29, 2008


So, Susan and I were walking through a mall yesterday.

Something about returning the pile of crap our relatives bought us and buying games with the money.

Damn, I love that woman.

As we were walking through the mall, I spotted one of those Stacker games where you stack colored blocks up to the top to win big prizes outside of an arcade.

One of the prizes was Wii Fit.

I, of course, assumed it was a watse of time and money, but my love of games overcame my sensibilities and I threw down a dollar.


Still, after playing it, I thought I should give it a second shot. Using my keen gamer reflexes and a new found understanding of the game mechanic, I was bound to win.

Dollar two.


At this point, I no longer care about the prize. Now, it's me versus the game.

I'll see you in hell, Stacker game.

Dollar three.


... Wait...

Did I say win?

I won?

Holy crap.


On a side note, if you saw a crazy guy jumping up and down near a stacker machine and high fiving everyone in sight, that was me.

I managed to regain my composure before I started jamming on random buttons.

I pressed the Select Prize button until the Wii Fit was lit up.

Since I was selecting my prize, it seemed like the logical thing to do.

I hit the big red button and MY Wii Fit starts to move.

And move.

And move.

Then it fell...

And got stuck.

No, I'm not joking.

My brand new, three dollar Wii Fit was jammed in between the front glass and the back wall.


[GM]Dave does not handle adversity well.

I was just getting ready to give the machine a gentle nudge (read: flying spin kick), when some arcade employee came out.

Employee>> Oh, that sucks.

Apparently, he graduated from Moron University with a double major in "extreme understatement" and "ways to severely piss me off".

[GM]Dave>> Yes.
[GM]Dave>> Yes, it does.
[GM]Dave>> And what are we going to do about this?
Employee>> Gee...
Employee>> I don't know.
[GM]Dave>> Question...
[GM]Dave>> Would you describe your head as being hard?
Employee>> ... I guess so.
Employee>> Why?
[GM]Dave>> It would save me time going to get a rock.
Employee>> I don't understand.
[GM]Dave>> I'm not surprised.
[GM]Dave>> Okay... Let's think about this.
[GM]Dave>> How do they get the games in there?
Employee>> Through the glass door.
[GM]Dave>> Good, good.
[GM]Dave>> We're getting somewhere.
Employee>> But I don't have the key.
[GM]Dave>> Why would you?
[GM]Dave>> That'd make you even remotely helpful.
[GM]Dave>> Where is the key?
Employee>> My boss has it.
[GM]Dave>> Let me guess...
[GM]Dave>> It's your boss's day off.
Employee>> Yeah, it is.
Employee>> How did you know that?
[GM]Dave>> Wild freakin' guess.
Employee>> I suppose we could call him.
[GM]Dave>> Let's do that.
[GM]Dave>> I have several things I'd like to say.

The boss informed me that he wouldn't be in until the next day.

I informed the boss that a belligerent drunk man would be standing in front of his arcade and screaming at customers.

The boss informed me that he was on his way.

I spent the next hour standing directly in front of the machine ready to defend my prize to the death.

Preferably not my death.

The boss finally arrived and retrieved my Wii Fit from its precarious position. He handed it to me and I cradled it lovingly in my arms.

As I turned to walk away, the boss said...

Boss>> You're WELCOME.

It's a good thing he's a fast runner. I'd hate to break my new balance board over his head.

Though, it might have been worth the three dollars...


At 8:15 PM, Blogger Kahsha said...


Have fun with it and get back in shape for Susan.

At 8:44 PM, Blogger Retromash said...

What do you mean, "get back in shape"?

Round is a shape.

At 10:27 PM, Blogger David said...


I've seen those things and thought it really wouldn't be too bad being a gamer with decent reflexes. But I've never been tempted by any of the prizes I've seen....

At 10:33 PM, Blogger Kahsha said...

It's hard to hula hoop with an open bottle of Jack (or a stiff White Russian).

No, I don't have prior experience in said matters.

Shut up

At 11:54 PM, Blogger FerrariF50 said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 11:55 PM, Blogger FerrariF50 said...

No kidding? I just won on that game on Saturday at the mall. But instead of a Wii Fit we had; crap movies, pre paid phones, camera from American Idol(not joking), and some dice in a plastic I went with the crap movie, Shrek The 3rd...but it was an achievement for me. I'd spent a lot of time on other machines in different places and didn't win anything of use. Major prize ftw. And got a 20 dollar movie for 50 cents haha.

At 6:45 AM, Blogger DeviousMonkey said...

That's pretty funny!
Oddly enough, the exact same thing happened with me. I spent two weekends with my friends at a Bowling Arcade trying to get an Xbox 360. When we were about to leave, my girlfriend gave me her last dollar to try one more time and it turned out to be a winner.
I freaked out and carefully chose the 360 and it got wedged at the very bottom. Then it told me to choose another prize, so I chose the DS Lite, gave it to my girlfriend, and then told an employee that my prize got stuck. Two for one! Beat the system!
They shut it down and I had to come back first thing in the morning to get it.

At 9:08 AM, Blogger Kyle said...

I have tried on numerous occasions to beat that stacker game. I get to the very last piece every time, but I never get it.

Well done you.

At 3:27 PM, Blogger GreatMno said...

I've always wanted to give that game a shot, but I never have. All of the ways I have seen have had decent prizes too.

At 6:08 PM, Blogger Magical Meerkat said...

People actually WIN that Stacker game?! I thought that was just a myth!
Well, congrats Dave, I hope you end up enjoying the Wii Fit more than smashing in stupid managers' faces! :D

At 8:01 PM, Blogger TJ said...

I wish I was as skilled as you Dave. I went with some friends to Islands of Adventure (or was it Universal Studios?) last year or the year before and there was a stacker machine that had a DS Lite as the main prize. Before I knew it I had blown 30$ on that thing (and I still hadnt won). It was like drugs.

At 7:38 AM, Blogger Cleopatra Wickerbine said...


Or as happy as it can get....

Another 365 days of dealing with idiots around the world.



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