Why? WHY WHY WHY?A while ago I mentioned a story about a Second Life player cheating on his wife.
In case you don't remember, let me paraphrase:
Guy marries girl
Guy is size of small South American country
Guy plays Second Life
Guy cheats on wife with girl online
[GM]Dave's head explodes
Are we all on board now?
Now, this was a stupid story.
A very stupid story.
Honestly, I'm not even sure how it made the news in the first place.
Fat guy looking for girls online? That's not news.
Hell, even Chris Hansen isn't writing stories about that shit anymore.
That's where guys like that go to find girls. The internet is basically a fat guy online meat market.
See, when you look like that, face-to-face meetings are not your strong suit.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying it's wrong to be big like that. There are plenty of people out there that are big, but are just plain awesome people.
I've got nothing against fat people.
Please don't eat me.
It's just that that first meeting rests so much on that moment when they set eyes on you. Sure, people will tell you that it's all about personality or sense of humor, but you have to talk to them first.
That's where the internet comes in.
You get that opportunity to impress the other person without worrying about your physical appearance. You can show them your personality or sense of humor and give them a chance to like you.
Before they find out what you look like.
I'm pretty sure this was the reason the internet was invented.
Well, that and porn.
Okay, so you're probably asking yourself why, if this isn't news, am I talking about it again.
That's a good question.
I wish I had a good answer.
Unfortunately, the only answer I have is to push the story further into the realms of absolute retardedness.
They're making a movie out of it.
No, no. I'm not kidding. They're actually turning this story into a movie.
Here's my question:
FOR THE LOVE OF JACK DANIEL'S, WHY?!
How in the hell are they going to turn this stupidity into two hours of compelling cinema?
They couldn't even turn it into two minutes of compelling news.
This is one of those stories that makes you go "huh" before you check your e-mail and completely forget about it.
Who in their right mind would want to make this into a movie?
And who the hell would go and see it?
Then again, that f&%@ing chihuahua movie made money.
That doesn't make the story any better. It just means that people are as retarded as Hollywood.
I really wish I was making this up. I really hate to destroy what little faith in humanity the holiday season has given you.
Here's a bunny to make you feel better.
He's so cute, you almost forget how friggin' retarded our entire civilization is.