Sunday, January 04, 2009

Why? WHY WHY WHY?

A while ago I mentioned a story about a Second Life player cheating on his wife.

In case you don't remember, let me paraphrase:

Guy marries girl
Guy is size of small South American country
Guy plays Second Life
Guy cheats on wife with girl online
[GM]Dave's head explodes

Are we all on board now?

Good.

Now, this was a stupid story.

A very stupid story.

Honestly, I'm not even sure how it made the news in the first place.

Fat guy looking for girls online? That's not news.

Hell, even Chris Hansen isn't writing stories about that shit anymore.

That's where guys like that go to find girls. The internet is basically a fat guy online meat market.

See, when you look like that, face-to-face meetings are not your strong suit.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying it's wrong to be big like that. There are plenty of people out there that are big, but are just plain awesome people.

I've got nothing against fat people.

Please don't eat me.

Kidding, kidding.

It's just that that first meeting rests so much on that moment when they set eyes on you. Sure, people will tell you that it's all about personality or sense of humor, but you have to talk to them first.

That's where the internet comes in.

You get that opportunity to impress the other person without worrying about your physical appearance. You can show them your personality or sense of humor and give them a chance to like you.

Before they find out what you look like.

I'm pretty sure this was the reason the internet was invented.

Well, that and porn.

Obviously.

Okay, so you're probably asking yourself why, if this isn't news, am I talking about it again.

That's a good question.

I wish I had a good answer.

Unfortunately, the only answer I have is to push the story further into the realms of absolute retardedness.

...

They're making a movie out of it.

No, no. I'm not kidding. They're actually turning this story into a movie.

Here's my question:

WHY?!

FOR THE LOVE OF JACK DANIEL'S, WHY?!

WHY?!

WHYWHYWHY?!

How in the hell are they going to turn this stupidity into two hours of compelling cinema?

They couldn't even turn it into two minutes of compelling news.

This is one of those stories that makes you go "huh" before you check your e-mail and completely forget about it.

Who in their right mind would want to make this into a movie?

And who the hell would go and see it?

Seriously.

Then again, that f&%@ing chihuahua movie made money.

That doesn't make the story any better. It just means that people are as retarded as Hollywood.

I really wish I was making this up. I really hate to destroy what little faith in humanity the holiday season has given you.

Here's a bunny to make you feel better.

Not pictured: Caerbannog

Awwww.

He's so cute, you almost forget how friggin' retarded our entire civilization is.

Almost.

23 Comments:

At 7:53 PM, Blogger Insomnia said...

I took a screen writing class before and we had a special guest, a producer from Hollywood

someone asked him, "Why does Hollywood release so many stupid movies these days" (this was a week after Speed Racer and bunch of other shitty movies came out)

his reply:
"Because people actually go watch these stupid movies"

 
At 8:49 PM, Blogger Mazakii said...

There's an internet generation story that was made into a movie. It was kinda interesting.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Densha_Otoko

 
At 9:01 PM, Blogger Tristan Kain said...

...what the...

...what the #$^@#$&%^&@%^$^#$%&%...

Chalk this one up to further definitive proof that Hollywood has the collective intelligence of a boll weevil.

 
At 9:31 PM, Blogger golden_knyte said...

is the director uwe boll? this movie looks like its right up his alley

 
At 12:01 AM, Blogger Kenny said...

It can't be Uwe Boll. The German government closed the loophole that was allowing him to get funding for all of his shitty movies. Besides, didn't they already make this into a movie and call it Sleepless in Seattle?

 
At 6:12 AM, Blogger Cidolfas said...

Awwww!

 
At 6:28 AM, Blogger Ali said...

The bunny definitely helps.

Soft cuddly bunnies will save the world!

(kidding, obviously... it'll require the doombunny)

 
At 7:21 AM, Blogger Desiranna said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 7:23 AM, Blogger Desiranna said...

The bunny scares me. It's the Rabbit of Caerbannog! I don't want to die. (read the bunny caption)

 
At 7:24 AM, Blogger Desiranna said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 7:33 AM, Blogger Aen said...

I can chalk this all up to a symptom of the recession.

Hollywood has recently greenlighted the remaking of several classic movies, including Robocop and Logan's Run.

Hollywood just ain't taking risks. Somehow, Hollywood thinks this material is compelling enough to make into a goddamn movie.

Hey, I'm agreeing with you Dave. However, I add: Hollywood is not only retarded they're greedy.

 
At 9:07 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

...

*opens mouth*

...

*closes mouth, shakes head, and walks away*

 
At 10:06 AM, Blogger Fayune said...

I can't imagine a lot of people actually wanting to watch a movie about this...

Really cute bunny, I love him. <3

 
At 11:05 AM, Blogger Jakk Frost said...

Actually, Hollywood isn't retarded, they're using good business sense. Just like Insomnia said the hollywood producer said, "people actually go watch these stupid movies."

The majority of Hollywood movies are made to appeal to the lowest common denominator, because the more people go to see any given movie, (and this is a key point, be sure to take notes, it might be on the exam) the more money Hollywood makes.

So who's more retarded, the people who make the movie and rake in the cash, or the people who fork out the cash to actually go and see the movie?

 
At 1:52 PM, Blogger Hulyen said...

Bunny! *feels much better*

 
At 2:57 PM, Blogger Draconix said...

Dave, I found something you might enjoy.

Judge
http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=230287522&albumId=233969

Dragoon
http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=230287522&albumId=246162

Staff

http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=230287522&albumId=1538384

These are pictures of FF12 and FF11 related stuff that people have created as well as other games.

 
At 2:59 PM, Blogger Louve said...

Your story, whether meant to be, or not, was amusing and ohhhh so true in so many ways.

Fat, social inadequate, or bored, married people are the reason (I always thought) for people signing on looking for action. It's the perfect place to fantasize.

Of late, if you look around though, its a real life dating arena, in places. And that puts me out of another league so I've just about giving chatting up. Unless it is going to second life to ride rides, float in space, or do whatever some imaginative person dreamed up to amuse you there, that I can find.

Maybe you're posting about it again because you're a psycho analyzer like me. You say you don't like people though. I find them fascinating. Not all likeable, but not all dislikeable either. But always educational and amusing, for me.

And why might someone go to see a movie about internet socialization? *g* Maybe to get pointers? Or maybe to see if they're in the norm. Who knows.

Good luck figuring it out. :)

 
At 3:21 PM, Blogger Draconix said...

Side Note: Was thinking of Dragoon in FFXI but after looking at the armor its Dragoon from Legends of Dragoon for PS2

 
At 3:28 PM, Blogger MinorAgentofChaos said...

"Because people actually go watch these stupid movies"

Like the Mythbusters say, they'll stop doing the show when people stop doing stupid sh*t.



...wait...wait...Dave putting out a CUTE BUNNY on his blog?

Is this really Susan writing, or what?

 
At 3:42 PM, Blogger Sean said...

Did you read the comment below the bunny?

 
At 7:42 PM, Blogger Kahsha said...

That was one damn cute bunny!

 
At 9:05 PM, Blogger C said...

Thank you for the bunny. I made the mistake of reading this post when I already had a headache and the stupidity only made it worse, but the bunny was very helpful. I imagined myself feeding it pot leaves.

 
At 4:06 PM, Blogger Lissuh said...

I bet the sequel will be how his ex-wife found a new boyfriend on WoW soon after their divorce.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home