Theme Week - [GM]Dave's Childhood Vol. 6Man, this has been a long week.
Who knew digging through your deepest, darkest memories would be so exhausting?
And this is just the stuff I haven't been able to erase through excessive drinking.
Still, as much work as this has been, I must say I've enjoyed the trip down memory lane. It's kind of fun remembering all the trouble I got into.
And on we go...
I already told you how I got my first NES.
What I didn't tell you about is what happened afterwards.
Oh, don't get excited. It was nothing bad.
Given the method in which I obtained my ill-gotten system, I was a little out of luck when it came to getting more games. I was pretty much stuck with the old Super Mario Bros./Duckhunt game that came with it.
You'd think I would have gotten bored eventually.
You'd be wrong.
I played the hell out of that game.
And as much fun as Mario was, you can only spend so much time running around stomping on turtles before it gets a little repetitive.
Run, run, run, jump. Run, run, run, turtle. Run, run, run, flag.
Sure, I played it again and again and again, but it wasn't really Mario I focused my energy on.
It was Duckhunt.
I'm not sure what it is about being a young boy, but anything that says "Here's a gun. Shoot the shit out of stuff." is alright with us.
Those ducks didn't stand a chance. I spent so much time practicing, it was a little scary.
Sure, the first few games involved my pressing the zapper up against the screen and shooting them point blank, but still.
After a few months, I had honed my skills to a science.
All I needed was a man in black fleeing across a desert.
If you didn't understand that reference, shame on you.
Once I tired of shooting ducks, I moved on to the clay pidgeon shooting range.
I would put the zapper in my holster (read: pocket) and wait until the pidgeons were just about to fly out of range.
Then I would blow them to pieces.
I was good.
Then, at the height of my training, I challenged my father.
I almost laughed as he held the gun for the first time. He looked so awkward holding it.
Ten minutes later, he set the zapper down and walked away.
He'd beaten me.
Standing there, defeated, I set my mind on one goal: beating my father.
I made it my mission to destroy him.
Destroy him at Nintendo.
What? I was young?
If I had anything better to do, I would have been doing it.
I spent weeks working. My hands became trained weapons.
Okay, I'm being melodramatic. My hands were pretty fast.
When I felt I was ready, I challenged him again.
And got my ass handed to me again.
Half way through our game, he said he had to use the bathroom. Then, he walked away.
He really left me with no choice.
When he came back from the bathroom, he found me smiling.
No, no. This story doesn't involve a pellet gun.
Though, that would have been AWESOME.
But I was ready for him.
He grabbed the zapper and prepared for another round of shooting ducks out of the air.
Then his duck had a seizure.
Seriously, the duck was flying all over the place. He was jittering like a three year old on speed.
Dad couldn't even get close.
When my turn came, the duck returned back to his normal, steady flight patterns.
It was too easy.
Dad took the zapper out of my hand for his turn.
And the duck freaked out again.
Dad>> What the heck?!
Dad>> What is going on with my duck?
Dave>> I don't know what you mean.
Dad>> He's having a fit or something.
Dad>> LOOK AT HIM!!!
Dad>> He didn't do that for you.
Dave>> Maybe it's a glitch or something.
Dad>> HE DID IT AGAIN!
Dad>> WHAT THE HELL?!
Then he tried to shoot that dog.
In my Dad's defense, that dog is an asshole.
After a few games, my Dad threw the zapper down in disgust and stomped out of the room saying something about an epileptic duck and that friggin' dog.
It's funny... He wasn't whistling.
That made me smile.
In the end, I learned two very important things:
1) if you put your mind to it, you can overcome any obstacle
2) the NES control pad actually controls the duck