Theme Week - [GM]Dave's Childhood Vol. 5[GM]Dave's First Date
I can't believe I'm about to tell you this story.
As sad as it is, I didn't ask a girl out for my first date. She asked me.
See, I was in that crucial phase between where girls are full of cooties and where girls are all you think about.
Honestly, the whole thing was rather surreal.
This may sound bad, but I didn't really like the girl. I'm not saying I disliked her or anything, but I'd never really been interested in her.
One of those friend of a friend deals.
I'm pretty sure all the guys who are reading this and were once that age know exactly what I'm talking about.
Given that I wasn't particularly interested in her and that I was still some time away from being obsessed with the entire female gender, I probably would have said no.
Then she mentioned going to the movies.
This made me pause. Even though the whole date thing didn't seem that appealing, perhaps it would be a good movie.
I told her I would let her know the next day.
I went home and told my mom the story. She thought it would be a great idea and told me to call her right away.
Since I was still leaning toward saying no, I decided to ask mom if she knew what the movie was about.
Mom>> Oh, I heard about that one.
Mom>> It's about a bunch of killers chasing a family.
Mom>> Really gross.
She basically could have said "Oh, hey! This movie is made of awesome!"
The next day, I found the girl and told her I wanted to go.
This all sounds pretty mundane, right?
See, you're forgetting the part where my mother is an evil, evil, EVIL woman.
Turns out the movie that was all about "killers chasing a family" was actually
I'm going to put her in a home someday.
Not even a nice one. I'm going to watch Sixty Minutes until they do one of those specials about terrible nursing homes.
She's going in that one.
So, I show up to the movie already incredibly pissed off.
That's when I see her.
And her friend.
Wait, wait. That was a joke.
Remember, I was still too young to understand the sheer awesome of this happening.
I immediately ask her what's going on.
Her>> This is a double date.
No, I didn't misunderstand the situation and forget to bring someone. She thought it was perfectly normal to bring a second girl along with her and call it a double date.
Apparently, her definition of double date also includes talking to her friend the whole time and giggling while I sat there and watched a movie about Richard Pryor moving.
That's two hours of my life, I'll never get back.
This couldn't possibly get any stranger.
Then, when it was all over and we were waiting for our parents to pick us up, they kissed me.
Both of them.
Then ran away.
See, this... This is why we don't understand women.
Shit like this.
I mean, what the F&%#?
So, I'm standing alone, in a parking lot at night, having spent two hours watching a terrible movie, and then somehow managed to get my entire brain screwed with by not one, but two girls.
On an unrelated note, is therapy expensive?