Thursday, October 16, 2008

Theme Week - [GM]Dave's Childhood Vol. 5

[GM]Dave's First Date

I can't believe I'm about to tell you this story.


As sad as it is, I didn't ask a girl out for my first date. She asked me.

See, I was in that crucial phase between where girls are full of cooties and where girls are all you think about.

Honestly, the whole thing was rather surreal.

This may sound bad, but I didn't really like the girl. I'm not saying I disliked her or anything, but I'd never really been interested in her.

One of those friend of a friend deals.

I'm pretty sure all the guys who are reading this and were once that age know exactly what I'm talking about.

Given that I wasn't particularly interested in her and that I was still some time away from being obsessed with the entire female gender, I probably would have said no.

Then she mentioned going to the movies.

This made me pause. Even though the whole date thing didn't seem that appealing, perhaps it would be a good movie.

I told her I would let her know the next day.

I went home and told my mom the story. She thought it would be a great idea and told me to call her right away.

Since I was still leaning toward saying no, I decided to ask mom if she knew what the movie was about.

Mom>> Oh, I heard about that one.
Mom>> It's about a bunch of killers chasing a family.
Mom>> Really gross.

She basically could have said "Oh, hey! This movie is made of awesome!"

The next day, I found the girl and told her I wanted to go.

This all sounds pretty mundane, right?

See, you're forgetting the part where my mother is an evil, evil, EVIL woman.

Turns out the movie that was all about "killers chasing a family" was actually


I'm going to put her in a home someday.

Not even a nice one. I'm going to watch Sixty Minutes until they do one of those specials about terrible nursing homes.

She's going in that one.

So, I show up to the movie already incredibly pissed off.

That's when I see her.

And her friend.

Dear Penthouse...

Wait, wait. That was a joke.

Remember, I was still too young to understand the sheer awesome of this happening.

I immediately ask her what's going on.

Her>> Oh...
Her>> This is a double date.

No, I didn't misunderstand the situation and forget to bring someone. She thought it was perfectly normal to bring a second girl along with her and call it a double date.

Apparently, her definition of double date also includes talking to her friend the whole time and giggling while I sat there and watched a movie about Richard Pryor moving.

That's two hours of my life, I'll never get back.

This couldn't possibly get any stranger.

Then, when it was all over and we were waiting for our parents to pick us up, they kissed me.

Both of them.

Then ran away.

See, this... This is why we don't understand women.

Shit like this.

I mean, what the F&%#?

So, I'm standing alone, in a parking lot at night, having spent two hours watching a terrible movie, and then somehow managed to get my entire brain screwed with by not one, but two girls.


On an unrelated note, is therapy expensive?


At 7:55 PM, Blogger Psylex said...

I'm suddenly jealous.

Anyone who could sit through that movie and not claw their eyes out is much more of a man than me.

At 8:42 PM, Blogger Matthew said...

hot, reminds me of the time i had a..... never mind ^.^ all hail the davetater of daventia!

At 9:47 PM, Blogger quinn said...

i am sorry about the movie....but that is about 100x better then my first date.

and am i the only one who kept parents out of anything even at all related with dating?

At 11:43 PM, Blogger Xolotl said...

Atleast you didn't get forced into watching hairspray with your lady and 2 other girls <_<. AND buy the tickets....

Dignity FTL ._.

At 4:19 AM, Blogger Wavrik said...

Although Xoltotl definately lost his dignity in his story, that's kinda weird Dave. No one expected that <.>

At 4:22 AM, Blogger Faal said...

Am I the only one thinking Dave + special guest double date friend Jormungand would be cock-rockingly brilliant?

At 6:29 AM, Blogger Tyler said...

Your first date was with a girl you didn't really "like", mine was with a girl that I really didn't "like". One of those cases where you just don't want to be rude and your mom thinks it's a good idea. I'm pretty sure it was right after that when I decided to go into my "teenage rebellion" phase.

At 7:48 AM, Blogger The Ogre (aka, Matt) said...

Way, way better then my first date. (Really, who ever heard of a girl that doesn't like flowers?!?)

At 8:21 AM, Blogger Kyle said...

2 chicks man...

Eh, at least they invented the internet so you could tell the story later.

At 10:01 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

At least you got a girl that was normal (well, as normal as anything in the female gender ever gets, anyway). I'm pretty sure the first girl that was ever interested in me had down syndrome. It's not pleasant having one of them following you around places.

At 1:21 PM, Blogger Leut said...

You know if that date had happened when you were 16 you would have been able to sleep a family of 4 (or a group of 26 migrant workers) in your tent.

You got the younger interpretation of every man's greatest fantasy....

At 2:47 PM, Blogger Robin said...

Damn stud!

At 3:08 PM, Blogger Josh said...

Your complaining about that? WTH is your definition of good? Or where they ugly girls.

At 8:37 PM, Blogger J. Scarper said...

I already feel like I need therapy myself.

Dammit, Dave. I hope your New World Order (after you rise up and crush your oppressors) is devoid of girls.

It's only fair.

At 8:30 AM, Blogger semele said...

Therapy's not as expensive as you'd think.

--> is a therapist

At 10:28 AM, Blogger Nummies said...


Im a nerd. So here it goes.

Im assuming the state at which you still think girls have cooties but your starting to like them is somewhere between 12-15?

This came out in 1988.
2009-1988 = 21 +13 = 34.

I'd say dave is about in his early 30's


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