What... The... F&%#?It's not that I don't understand merchandise aimed at the gamer community.
We make pretty easy targets.
All you have to do is take some mildly interesting product, give it a barely plausible video game connection, and slap a price tag on it.
We will buy it.
Hell, you can make two versions. As long as one of them has a hologram or something, we'll pay extra.
I personally own several bottles of FFXII potion.
This potion really doesn't do anything.
It's just a drink.
They know that.
I know that.
And yet, I still bought it.
I'd drink it, but those are collector bottles.
I know that because I paid extra.
But the whole process wasn't insulting. It was perfectly obvious that everyone involved understood the situation.
This is insulting.
See, collector's items are supposed to feed your love for a certain franchise.
They're not supposed to feed people who are too stupid to order pizza.
What is the entire point of this product?
It's a "performance snack."
Do those words really belong in the same sentence?
Maybe it's just a joke. I mean they'd never claim that this product would have any actual effect...
Gamer Grub is a great tasting snack that boosts your core gaming systems—such as visual input, cognitive processing, signal transmission and muscle reflexes. Scientifically formulated with essential nutrients and vitamins, Gamer Grub provides a healthy, great tasting snack mix that supports fast reaction times for maximum gaming performance. Eat well and prosper.
I swear to God, that's a real quote from their site.
It's under the link marked "Science."
I put the quotes there, but only because it seemed like an insult to science if I didn't.
Does it really take a "scientist" to figure out that food increases your ability to perform actions?
Isn't that the exact purpose of food?
And what basis did they use for thinking this product would be well accepted?
They gave out free samples.
Who the hell wouldn't take a free sample?
It's free food. You give anyone free food and they're going to tell you it's good.
I always tell the sample lady at the supermarket that I'm going to buy whatever it is she's selling. Then I take my free sample, eat it, and walk the hell away.
This should probably not fill her with a sense of purpose.
Listen... I realize that gamers make up a large and very attractive market. We are connected and we have a lot of disposable cash.
And we're just waiting to buy whatever you throw at us.
We're an easy sell.
Do you know what we're not?
We're not retarded.
This is the exact kind of product that seems perfect for gamers to someone who knows nothing about gamers.
We don't fall for this type of shit.
Honestly, I'm very insulted. I'm insulted on behalf of the entire gaming community.
If you want to sell us a product, do some actual market research. Design an honest product that will help us perform better in a measurable, quantifiable way that is both creative and interesting.
Or slap a hologram on there.