Bannable Offenses

OWNED!

You know it's not right.

A little kid falls off his bike.

An old lady falls down some stairs.

A skater smashes his junk on a rail.

It's terrible. It's painful. It's wrong.

And yet...

You laugh.

You just can't help it. You laugh and laugh and then you laugh some more.

That's normal. We all do it. We all enjoy watching someone else get owned. It doesn't even matter who it is. Funny is funny.

No, this is not a post about Susan getting owned. That has never and will never happen.

She is also not holding a gun to my head right now.

*coughcallthepolicecough*

Part of us just enjoys the pure satisfaction of seeing someone get totally beat down by fate.

Part of us just enjoys the pure satisfaction of knowing it wasn't us.

That's always nice.

But as much fun as it is to watch random children and senior citizens get hurt (don't judge me), the best ownage is always when someone really deserves it.

And who do you think deserves it most?

No, not the gil buyers.

No, not the gil sellers.

You people always go for the easy answers.

No, the people who deserve it the most are the showoffs.

Nothing can make you believe in karma faster than watching a showoff get his ass kicked.

Unfortunately, we do tend to get our share of showoffs in FFXI.

While karma does tend to come back and get these guys in the end, that often takes a loooooong time.

I have little patience.

So, I usually take the initiative and deliver karma's message in a more timely fashion.

This often involves dragon-related violence.

Sometimes though, some beautiful, unexpected times, karma beats me to the punch.

Now, you're probably wondering how a showoff could get owned in FFXI.

*ding*

GM Call Description: Auction house glitch.

Isn't that lovely timing?

I checked the player's account and was surprised to find I actually knew him. We weren't friends, but I'd seen him shouting in Whitegate a few times.

Showing off.

Needless to say, I was not expecting this call to go well.

For one of us.

[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand you don't know how the Auction House works.
Player>> No, I know how it works.
Player>> There's a problem with it.
[GM]Dave>> Let's see...
[GM]Dave>> The Auction House performs a bajillion transactions a day.
[GM]Dave>> It does all of those without problem.
[GM]Dave>> But it breaks... for you.
Player>> Exactly.
[GM]Dave>> I apologize.
[GM]Dave>> Apparently, my sarcasm isn't coming through.
[GM]Dave>> Let me paraphrase.
[GM]Dave>> I think you're retarded.
Player>> YOU CAN'T SAY THAT!
[GM]Dave>> Well, technically, I typed it.
[GM]Dave>> Can I type that?
[GM]Dave>> Let me check.
[GM]Dave>> I think you're retarded.
[GM]Dave>> Looks fine to me.
Player>> I can't believe this.
[GM]Dave>> I know.
[GM]Dave>> I was skeptical there for a second.
[GM]Dave>> My R key is a little worn out.
Player>> That's not what I meant.
[GM]Dave>> I almost had to find a synonym for retarded.
Player>> Stop that!
[GM]Dave>> Had the thesaurus out and everything.
Player>> WOULD YOU JUST LISTEN?
[GM]Dave>> Me? Listen?
[GM]Dave>> I suppose I could try something new.
Player>> Look at the AH history for the Kraken Club.
Player>> You'll see the problem.
[GM]Dave>> Fine...
[GM]Dave>> This had better be good.

So, I take a quick look at the AH history.

I scroll to Kraken Club.

And then I started to laugh.

A lot.

Player ---> Player 1 gil
Player ---> Player 1 gil
Player ---> Player 1 gil
Player ---> Player 1 gil
Player ---> Player 1 gil
Player ---> Player 1 gil
Player ---> Player 1 gil
Player ---> Player 1 gil
Player ---> Player 1 gil
Player ---> Not Player 10 gil

He sold a Kraken Club for 10 gil.

Apparently, he was trying to show off his Kraken Club by filling the AH price history when someone came along and bought it.

For those of you unfamiliar with FFXI and, by extension, the Kraken Club, let me explain this to you. This would be like selling a porsche for roughly $20.

This is funny for two reasons:

a) he just got owned

b) he called me for help getting unowned

If you don't know why 'b' is funny, then welcome to the blog.

[GM]Dave>> Oh my goodness, sir.
[GM]Dave>> I greatly apologize.
[GM]Dave>> There is a problem with the AH.
Player>> Thank you.
Player>> It's about damned time.
[GM]Dave>> Let me rectify this problem immediately.
[GM]Dave>> I just need to warp the other player here.

*warp*

NotPlayer>> What's going on?
NotPlayer>> What am I doing here?
Player>> HA!
Player>> You'll see!
[GM]Dave>> Please let me handle this, sir.
[GM]Dave>> Did you recently purchase a Kraken Club?
NotPlayer>> Yeah...
[GM]Dave>> For 10 gil.
NotPlayer>> Sigh...
NotPlayer>> Yeah.
[GM]Dave>> This player filed a GM call because there was a mistake.
NotPlayer>> I thought it might have been.
[GM]Dave>> Apparently, you overpaid by 9 gil.
NotPlayer>> What?
Player>> WHAT?!
[GM]Dave>> Here's your gil.
[GM]Dave>> I apologize for the trouble.
NotPlayer>> ... No problem.
Player>> ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
[GM]Dave>> I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
Player>> THANK GOD!
[GM]Dave>> You can have the full 10 gil back.
[GM]Dave>> For your trouble.

And then his head exploded.

I honestly considered just feeding the show off to Jormy and being done with it.

Instead, I decided it would be more fitting to let him keep his account. He'll never see a Kraken Club again without dying a little inside.

Karma's a bitch.

posted by Goblin Smithy @ 6:57 PM